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"Sometimes... I wish I wasn't aromantic," Jungkook whispered into the darkness of the room, his eyes trained onto the ceiling - almost as if he couldn't dare to look at Taehyung when the words left his mouth.
Taehyung turned his head, having been staring out of the window and at the moon. Jungkook's face was barely visible, but it was illuminated enough that Taehyung was reminded of just how beautiful their roommate really was. The room had been silent for the past few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts which was pretty much how their Saturday nights went - they started out loud and vibrant with takeout food and video games before everything dwindled down to this calmness. "Why?"
"I want..." Jungkook furrowed his brows, trying to put his thoughts into actual words. "I want to be in a romantic relationship so bad, but I feel like I can't."
"But you can," Taehyung replied softly. They were very aware of how Jungkook being aromantic was influencing the younger's view of the world. When they had met Jungkook had only been questioning, held back from his internalised aphobia. Taehyung would like to think that he had helped Jungkook come to terms with his label just by talking to him about being asexual themselves. Still, there were some things that Jungkook couldn't get out of his head. "Why wouldn't you?"
Jungkook huffed to himself. "Because I don't feel romantic attraction? How can I ever do anything romantic without actually feeling the attraction behind it?"
Taehyung sighed and sat up so he could turn on the little lamp next to him. They raised their eyebrows at Jungkook. "There's a lot of things that society has primarily labelled as romantic that aren't inherently romantic. Like... hand holding." Taehyung reached out, offering their hand to Jungkook, waiting patiently until the younger grasped it with his own. They interlocked their fingers and squeezed. "Hand holding is romantic right? And still, we're doing it. Now we could still label this as a romantic action if we want it to have a romantic meaning. But we don't have to. Aromantic people can be in any type of relationship. Even in a romantic one. You not feeling romantic attraction to me doesn't stop this from feeling right or good. Right?" Taehyung squeezed Jungkook's hand again, as the younger was intently staring at their intertwined fingers.
Taehyung and Jungkook's relationship was... complicated. To Taehyung less so, it really was quite easy for him, but he figured other people might think it was complicated. They had been roommates for a year, and Taehyung had realised pretty quickly that they had romantic feelings for Jungkook, but had held back from confessing since they knew Jungkook was still struggling to come to terms with his label. Then a few weeks ago, Taehyung had told Jungkook about his feelings, making it clear that he was in no way expecting Jungkook to reciprocate these feelings, and wasn't trying to force him into any kind of relationship. Ever since then they had noticed Jungkook leaning into them more and more, shyly asking for affection but still clearly holding back. It was clear now that he was doing so because he wasn't sure what exactly he was "allowed" to do as an aromantic - which was complete and utter bullshit if you asked Taehyung, but it was completely understandable for Jungkook to need time to wrap his head around everything.
"Yeah, it feels... right," Jungkook mumbled, his eyes not leaving their hands. Taehyung nodded.
Baby steps, they thought to themselves.
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"Hey, do you feel like being asexual is somehow connected to your gender?" Jungkook asked as Taehyung walked into the living room, having just come home from a shift at the animal shelter.
Taehyung paused, furrowing their brows in thought. "I mean, kind of, yeah? Masculinity is always connected with being very sexual, so that's what made me feel disconnected from manhood in the first place."
"You should check out acegender, then," Jungkook said, turning off his laptop and putting it away. Recently they had had a conversation about their genders and how Taehyung wasn't so sure anymore if the demiboy label fit them. Jungkook himself hadn't found any fitting label at all yet, which was why he spent a lot of time on the internet looking through different websites.
"I will, thank you." With an exhausted sigh, Taehyung sat down on the sofa, leaning back into the cushions. Even with closed eyes, he could feel Jungkook hovering next to him. They opened one eye to find Jungkook looking at them as if he was in a dilemma with himself. "Whatever you're contemplating, I'm fine with it."
Slowly, Jungkook climbed into their lap, wrapping his arms around Taehyung's neck. His knees were pressed tightly to their hips, but it wasn't really uncomfortable. Taehyung let out a quiet hum and ran one of his hands over Jungkook's back. With a shy smile, Jungkook ducked his head and hid it in Taehyung's neck.
"This is nice," Taehyung said quietly, their head leaning against Jungkook's. "You know, most people and society would say this was romantic. Is that okay with you?"
He could hear Jungkook exhale loudly. "Yeah." The younger squirmed on their lap, trying to make himself a little more comfortable. "Is it okay for you?"
"Of course, yeah," they replied quickly. "You know, I love any form of physical affection."
Jungkook hummed. "How was your day?"
"Good." Taehyung moved one hand to the back of Jungkook's neck, rubbing the skin gently. "The last of our beagle puppies finally got adopted. I'll miss the little rascal but I'm so glad he moved into his forever home."
"Aw, you mean Newt?" Jungkook giggled softly into Taehyung's ear. "Honestly if he had stayed at the shelter much longer, I would've adopted him myself."
Taehyung softly pinched Jungkook's hip. "But you want a big dog, right?"
Jungkook nodded. "Someday, yeah."
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Taehyung glanced at Jungkook who was sleeping in the passenger seat, leaned back against the headrest. They hadn't given their roommate much context as to why they were forcing him to get up before the sun was shining and instead had just promised that he could continue to sleep in the car.
This had all been a very spontaneous idea, really. He had spent an afternoon brainstorming with Jimin, trying to think of all of the romantic things he could think of. Taehyung hadn't meant to make a game out of showing Jungkook that his labels weren't restricting him from anything - and truly, it wasn't really a game, just a goal maybe. So watching the sunrise had been one of those things on his list.
"I'm not quite sure how I feel about this," Jungkook mumbled as Taehyung spread out the blanket in front of the car. They had brought them to what they believed to be the highest spot in the city (that wasn't a building) so that they could watch the sun rise over the city - or something like it. "Couldn't we have watched a sunset instead?"
"You see the sunset all the time," Taehyung pointed out with a laugh and got the thermos that they had filled with green tea - because they both hated coffee - out of their bag. Cautiously, he poured the tea into the two cups he had brought along. "This way, this is a special moment between just the two of us."
Jungkook blew some air into his cup as soon as he had it in his hands. "That's... romantic."
"It is." Taehyung hummed and reached one hand out to squeeze the back of Jungkook's neck. "Or at least you could say it is."
For a minute Jungkook stayed quiet and only sipped his tea before he turned to look at Taehyung. "Is this like a date then? Or a roommate thing?"
"It's whatever you want it to be."
"No, but I'm asking you." Jungkook pulled his eyebrows together, his lips forming into a slight pout.
He looked so adorable, it took Taehyung a second to even think of a reply. "I- Well, I would love to be on a date with you, but I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."
"Romance has never made me feel uncomfortable," Jungkook replied with a sigh. "I've always loved the romance in books and movies. Now, I just feel like- Like I'm doing something forbidden. Romance is for those who can fully enjoy it and I'm- I'm on the outside. So I feel bad for liking this. I feel bad for not feeling uncomfortable."
Taehyung nodded slowly, trying to think of a reply. "I'm not quite sure how to help you with that."
Jungkook let out a dry laugh. "I don't think you can." He looked down at his cup of tea and Taehyung could feel their heart breaking a little. "I really like you but I know I don't like you the way you like me and- it hurts. It hurts because you deserve someone who loves you back, like romantically."
"I think you're letting your internalised aphobia get the best of you." Taehyung shot Jungkook a soft smile and scooted over so that they could wrap an arm around his shoulder. "I really don't have a problem with the fact that you like me differently if it means we'll end up on the same page. You know there are many roads that lead to Rome or something." They both giggled at Taehyung trying to remember the correct saying. "You know what I mean. What I'm trying to say is... I like you. I've known you’re aromantic ever since I started liking you, so this isn't a surprise. It's something I like about you, honestly. It's part of who you are."
The younger ducked his head, his cheeks looking a little flushed. "Thank you," he whispered, before forcing himself to look back at Taehyung. "I really like you. I can't quite distinguish different forms of attraction but I think- I just know I really like you. And I am grateful for you understanding my struggles and helping me and... I know we're like not at a point where- but I just want you to know that I would also never cross any of your boundaries when it comes to you being asexual. I mean I would never cross any of your boundaries in any way, but... yeah."
"Thanks." Taehyung grinned, pressing a kiss to Jungkook's temple. "We'll go at our own pace, yeah?" Jungkook nodded and leaned into Taehyung's embrace, finally watching the sun rising in peace.
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There was a soft rustle as Jungkook turned on the mattress, facing Taehyung. They were having one of their movie nights, this time in Jungkook's bed - Taehyung would probably end up being too tired to go to their own room, which was fine with both of them. Taehyung had won their rock, paper, scissors game which meant they were watching his comfort show Criminal Minds.
"Hey," Jungkook whispered, making Taehyung turn their head to look at him. "Will you kiss me?"
Taehyung, who had been internally trying to remember who the unsub was in the episode they were currently watching, took a second to react. "Huh?"
"I know we're taking it slow because I'm still unsure of my boundaries, but I think I'd really like it if you kissed me," Jungkook explained, his voice still quiet as to not disturb the atmosphere.
"Like, right now?" Taehyung asked in confusion. Jungkook only shrugged and nodded at the same time, making Taehyung smile. "Okay, come here." Taehyung turned so that they were lying on their side and reached out to put a hand on Jungkook's hip.
Jungkook impatiently scooted forward, almost bumping his head against Taehyung's. Laughing softly, Taehyung pulled him closer by his hips and leaned in to press their lips together. The younger couldn't help but let out a happy sigh and grabbed onto Taehyung's shirt. He hadn't been in any relationships in the past and only kissed a couple of people, before freaking out about the fact that he hadn't ever felt any kind of romantic feelings for them. This was so much better than any of his prior experiences. Maybe it was because he wasn't expecting to feel anything romantic, maybe because Taehyung was so special to him.
Somehow Jungkook ended up laying on top of Taehyung as they were kissing. He felt like he couldn't get enough, diving back in every time he had pulled away to take a deep breath. Taehyung couldn't help but notice his eagerness, giggling against his lips and running their hand through Jungkook's hair.
"Please breathe," Taehyung mumbled in amusement, kissing along Jungkook's jaw and neck, trying to give him the opportunity to inhale air properly. "There's no need to rush."
The younger hummed and pressed himself even closer to Taehyung if that was even possible. "Mkay."
Taehyung pulled a little away and cupped Jungkook's face, making him look at them. "You don't need to ask me for kisses, you know? Just go ahead and kiss me, I don't mind it. And... don't feel bad about it if you can help it. Most people would count this as something romantic and you said you - nothing in the definition of aromantic says that you can't enjoy kisses. Pretty sure that's like sensual attraction. And youmph-" They didn't end up finishing their sentence when Jungkook slotted their lips together again.
"I understand," he mumbled against their lips. "Thank you, but less talking and more kissing, please."
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"Two questions," Jungkook said as he was stealing a handful of fries from Taehyung's plate. The elder had asked them whether they wanted to share the fries, but Jungkook had said he didn't want to - like he always did, even though they always ended up sharing anyway. "First of all, do you think I feel alterous affection towards you?"
Taehyung wiped their lips clean with their thumb, licking off the excess salt. "Which one is that again?"
"I think some people call it queerplatonic attraction as well? It's described to be somewhere in between platonic and romantic attraction," Jungkook explained and took a sip from Taehyung's drink.
"Well, I can't tell you what you feel," Taehyung replied, shaking his head as he took the glass out of Jungkook's hands. At this point they weren't quite sure why they were in love with this food and drink stealing brat (that was a complete lie, they had a list full of reasons). "If you feel like that fits, then yeah, possible."
Jungkook hummed and nodded. From all of the attractions that he had researched, alterous seemed the most fitting to his feelings for Taehyung so maybe he'd just go with that from now on. "The second question is - okay, so I think I might have finally found a gender that I can really identify with. Have you ever heard of the, uh, galactian alignment system?"
The elder gently nudged Jungkook's feet that were kicking at their shins. "I'm not sure, but I'm guessing it has something to do with space?"
"Yeah, basically you use that system to describe your gender instead of using binary terms. So instead of saying male-aligned, it's solarian because usually the sun is associated with masculine energy." Jungkook grabbed one of his mozzarella sticks, and held it out for Taehyung to eat, before taking one for himself. "You know how I feel both male and neutral, aligned and I never managed to really find a label that actually felt good. So male-aligned is solarian and neutral-aligned is stellarian, you know like the stars. And in combination, you get the label novarian. Which is me. I think. I don't know, when I read it for the first time, it felt like something I could finally get behind."
Taehyung smiled, wiped their hands clean with a napkin, and reached out to take one of Jungkook's hands in theirs. "That sounds absolutely amazing. I'm happy for you. Your labels are really coming together nicely, huh?"
Jungkook giggled softly and squeezed Taehyung's hand. "Yeah. I can't believe I was alloromantic and cis for so long."
"Look at you now." Taehuyng lifted their joint hands to press a kiss to the back of Jungkook's hand. "Aromantic, gay, novarian. Going on romantic dates with the love of your life."
Jungkook laughed, feeling his cheeks heat up. Taehyung might be joking when they called themselves the love of Jungkook's life but the more time they spend together, as well as whatever they were, the more the younger realised that maybe that was what Taehyung was to him. The love of his life.
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“You are so cute,” Jungkook mumbled as he squished the labradoodle’s face. “Ugh, I could just eat you up. I wish I could just adopt you.”
“You know, you could,” Taehyung replied from where he was finishing up his shift. Since they had planned to go see a movie tonight, Jungkook had decided to just pick Taehyung up from his shift at the animal shelter - plus he got to see cute dogs which was always great. “Nikki is really great, she’s honestly one of the best behaved dogs we have here. She’s also not a puppy anymore so you don’t have to like potty train her.”
Jungkook paused, causing Nikki to nudge his hands with her snout. “Would you be okay with that? I mean we do live together.”
“Are you kidding? Of course.” Taehyung grinned brightly and walked up to the two of them. “I’ve been thinking of adopting one of these guys since the day I started working here, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted that. I mean, we would probably end up taking care of her together, right?”
Jungkook nodded. “Yeah, definitely.” He looked back at Nikki who was still begging for more pets. “Plus that’s another thing to add to our romance checklist, huh? Dog parenting?”
Taehyung giggled and hugged Jungkook from behind. “Oh, yeah, that’s just peak romance.”
It took a few days until they got everything ready and actually ended up taking Nikki home. Jungkook felt the giddiest he had felt in a long time. Both he and Taehyung had had dogs back at home with their parents, so they weren't clueless but it was still different - it definitely felt like dog parenting.
"Welcome home, Nikki." Jungkook giggled when they walked into the door with her for the first time. They kept her on the leash at first, letting her sniff at the furniture. "What do you think? You like it here?"
Taehyung watched the two of them with a fond smile. "You're so cute."
Jungkook turned to look at them. "Me or her?"
"Both but mainly you." He walked up to where Jungkook was squatting in front of Nikki and draped himself over his back. "I love you."
The younger could feel his chest fill up with warmth. This wasn't the first time Taehyung had told him that they loved him but it still felt just as good. He tipped his head back, leaning it against Taehyung's. "I love you too."
Nikki huffed quietly as she started sniffing them, her tail wagging so hard that her whole body was wiggling with the force of it. Giggling, the two of them reached out to scratch her which only made her more excited. Jungkook had no doubts about adopting her in the past few days, had known she'd fit beautifully in their life, and really, it felt like she had been a missing puzzle piece that clicked into place.
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"Ya, Nikki!" Jungkook yelled with a laugh when the Labradoodle wouldn't stop running around the dog park. "We meant to leave like five minutes ago."
Taehyung giggled from where they were hugging Jungkook from behind. "You know she won't come if you don't actually call for her. They're called commands for a reason." The younger only huffed and turned his head so he could steal a kiss from Taehyung's lips. Sue him if he actually enjoyed it when they spent time at the dog park. Watching Nikki play with other dogs was somehow healing and relaxing. "What are we gonna make for dinner tonight?"
"Uh." Jungkook shrugged. "Can't we just make some jjapaguri? I don't feel like cooking much."
"Of course." Taehyung pressed another kiss to his lips. "Whatever you want."
"Aish, you guys are such a cute couple." Jungkook almost jumped having forgotten that they were standing next to Yumi, an elderly lady that they had semi-befriended since her dog Monty loved to play with Nikki. She sent them a soft smile.
They both smiled back at her. "Thank you," Taehyung replied. "We try our best."
Sometime later when they were finally on their way home, Jungkook was still thinking about the comment Yumi had made about them being a couple. He had never really thought about what they looked like to others, too busy with just being himself around Taehyung. "Hyung, are we boyfriends?"
Taehyung stopped swinging their joint hands and looked at Jungkook. "If you want us to be, sure. I'm happy with whatever label."
"I mean we seem to look like boyfriends," the younger mumbled, frowning slightly in thought. "I feel like it might be too complicated to explain that we're like boyfriends but aren't. Some people would probably judge us and say we're not like a proper relationship, right? Because there's either being boyfriends or not."
Taehyung scoffed. "You know those are just stupid aphobes, though. We don't need to give a shit about what they think."
"Yeah." For a second, Jungkook stayed silent, mulling over what he really wanted. “I don’t think I’m quite comfortable with calling you my boyfriend. Because as much as our relationship might seem like a romantic one… it’s not really? I know you have romantic feelings for me but that doesn’t make everything romantic, I feel like it cancels each other out. Does that make sense?”
“Absolutely.” Taehyung nodded and squeezed Jungkook’s hand in theirs. “What would you be comfortable with?”
“Well, there’s queerplatonic relationships but that’s not what we have.” He bit his lip, trying to remember all of the different types of relationships he had read about in the past. “There’s something called ‘appromour’ that’s somewhere between queerplatonic and romantic, but I’m not sure… I don’t know if we can use that label because you’re alloromantic. For us I think… a soft romo relationship might fit as a label? Because you feel romantically and I don’t, which makes it a low level romantic relationship. Right?”
Taehyung hummed and wrapped an arm around Jungkook’s waist. “Sounds great. How should I refer to you then? My partner? Or is there something for soft romo relationships?”
“I’m not sure.” Jungkook let out a sigh. “Can I think about it?”
The elder pressed a kiss to Jungkook’s temple. “Of course, take your time. I’ll love whatever you decide on. I’m happy to just be with you.”
Jungkook giggled. "Yeah, me too."
"Being aromantic isn't bad at all now, is it?" Teasingly, Taehyung winked at Jungkook, who couldn't help but laugh.
No, it really wasn't.