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Parvati woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily as she glanced around, taking a moment to place where she was. She was in their flat, not the battle. She was fine, she was fine… she needed to move, to get some water something to break the cycle. So she stood up and made her way towards the bathroom, freezing when she heard her bed shift.
“Hey… what are you doing, darling? It’s three in the morning.” Lavender asked, her voice coming out low and scratchy. Parvati turned around to see her wife rubbing her eyes, looking confused and her heart began to slow a bit. Seeing her here, alive, in their bed was enough to quell almost all of her fears. Almost. Lavender raised an eyebrow and held open her arms, silently signaling Parvati to come over, to which she complied. She sat down beside her and tucked her face into Lavender’s neck, taking a shaky breath as she inhaled her scent, grounding herself and reminded herself that it wasn’t real.
“I had a nightmare.” Parvati sighed, and Lavender tsked and pressed a kiss to the top of her head before she spoke.
“Oh, Vati… what happened?” She asked, and Parvati took a deep breath and cleared her throat. She didn’t want to relive it, relive the screams, how it felt to have her now wife bleed out in her arms.
“Well, for one you died. They didn’t get to you in time and you bled out and it was terrifying because it was like I was being forced to watch it, to hold you, without being able to stop it. And when I woke up I got scared and thought for a moment that maybe I lost you.” Parvati explained, and Lavender chewed on her lip as she nodded, cupping Parvati's cheek with such care that it nearly made her cry. She was always so careful when Parvati got like this, like she was scared of breaking her.
“I’m right here. No one’s taking me anywhere.” She promised, and Parvati pulled in a shaky breath as she hugged Lavender hard, inhaling her scent, trying to calm down.
“I’m so sorry.” Parvati gasped, feeling tears in the corners of her eyes. Of course, of
course
the normal guilt had to set in now that Lavender was helping her. She wasn’t sure if it was survivors guilt, after all they’d both survived, but it was
something
and she hated it. Lavender looked confused as she wiped the tears from under her wife’s eyes.
“Why?” She asked softly, pulling Parvati to her chest as she pressed gentle kisses anywhere she could reach. Her forehead. Her lips. Her nose. Anywhere.
“I wish it’d been me. You don’t deserve to be living with that pain and that fear all the time-.” Lavender pulled back and shook her head, giving Parvati a firm look. She knew that’d been stupid to say out loud.
“Hey. Absolutely not. Stop it. Don’t wish this on you, okay? Yes, it's not easy to deal with but when it comes down to it I would never ask for it to not happen to me were it to happen to you.” Lavender said, and Parvati sighed, leaning up and wiping her eyes with the heels of her hands. She’d be fine if she could just splash cold water on her face or something. Something to confuse her brain a bit.
“You shouldn’t have to deal with me like this-.” She started, and before she could finish, Parvati reached out and grabbed her hand in both of hers, pressing a kiss to the back of it.
“Vati. When I said till death do us part I meant it. We’re survivors of a war, there are gonna be nightmares and rough nights, it’s completely normal. It’s also completely normal to let your wife help you through these feelings.” Lavender reminded her, and Parvati shrugged. That didn’t mean that she
had
to let her help. She was capable of handling this all on her own.
“I always get these dreams when it's close to full moon.” She explained, and Lavender grimaced and nodded.
“You’ve always been rather imaginative… Which I suppose must be a blessing and a curse.” She sighed, and Parvati shrugged, leaning over to press a kiss to Lavender’s waiting lips before she spoke.
“Oh, this is nothing compared to the actual night. When you’re not here, and our bed is so cold and empty and I have to lie awake, hoping you’re okay.” Parvati sighed, thinking back to their first full moon together, how she was terrified of losing the love of her life that night. Sure, plenty had passed since then, but never enough that the fear faded fully.
“Look at me.” Lavender whispered, and Parvati glanced up
“Hm?” This earned her a quick kiss to the lisp before she tucked back down against Lavender’s chest.
“I’m fine, love. I don’t like it, obviously but… I’m managing, okay?” Lavender murmured against the top of her head, clearly trying to sound as reassuring as possible, and it was sort of working. Parvati felt her heart rate slowing down as she looked up into her wife’s eyes.
“Promise?” She asked, and she watched as the corners of Lavender’s eyes crinkled with her smile as she stroked across Parvati’s cheekbone.
“You’d be the first to know.” Lavender promised, and for a moment Parvati smiled before letting out a heavy sigh.
“I’m just… I’m so glad you lived, every single day I feel relieved that I get to wake up beside you, and I think that's why my brain sometimes twists it around and makes me dream of that shit.”
“Well next time, wake me up. Okay?” Lavender asked, and Parvati shrugged. She didn’t want Lavender losing sleep over her, especially not this close to the full moon. She needed all the rest she could get.
“You looked peaceful.” Parvati said, and Lavender was quick to shake her head as she leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“Don’t care. You are more important to me than a good night's sleep.” Lavender insisted, and Parvati sighed and chewed on the inside of her cheek. She wanted to say no, to insist that she was fine , but she knew Lavender wouldn’t listen to that. They knew each other too well for that.
“... Okay. Next time I will.” Parvati promised, and that seemed to be enough for Lavender to relax. She laid back down on the bed, pulling Parvati with her and holding her against her chest.
“Good. Now, let's go back to sleep. We both have work in the morning and Merlin knows that neither of us can do that on five hours of sleep.” Lavender said with a chuckle, kissing her once more before her eyes fluttered shut. Oh, how pretty she looked when she slept, Parvati thought.
“Right. Lav?” She whispered, and Lavender raised an eyebrow, eyes still closed.
“Yeah?” She asked quietly, and Parvati sighed and kissed the side of her neck lightly.
“I love you.” Parvati said, and she watched the smile spread across her face as she nodded, pulling Parvati close once again.
“I love you too, Vati.” She sighed, and Parvati felt her eyelids get heavy as she drifted off, held safe, hoping to dream of better days.