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"You said you weren't going to do this again."
"I know. I promised you."
"Then what the fuck happened last night?"
" I kept drinking, we kept talking, but Niko kept putting his arm around you."
"He was with his fucking GIRLFRIEND, Adam. Are you out of your mind?"
"I don't remember. It's like a fog. All I remember is someone handing me another drink then looking over and seeing him whispering in your ear. Whispering something I couldn't understand. And you let him. You looked at me, looked at him, and you let him whisper in your ear."
"For Christ's sake, Adam, I don't even remember what he said. He wasn't whispering, he was just talking so I could hear over the shitty canned music that was blaring."
"I didn't like it."
"So you shove him and grab me because you didn't LIKE it? You made me so mad I hit you, Adam. I NEVER hit people. What kind of shit is that? I'm not some little whore who picks up guys in bars or fucks old friends who whisper in my ear. I'm not someone who hits people. You went too far and look what it got us, you sleeping in a cell and headlines around the world saying you're an abuser. Me sleeping on a mat in another cell freezing my ass off. Not only that, it's like they think I couldn't beat the crap out of you if I put my mind to it."
Adam's hanging head drooped even further, then he looked up at Sauli. "I could totally take you in a fair fight."
Sauli laughed. "What an ass you are. Bigger is not always better, you know." Then he laughed again. "At least taller is not always better."
Adam reached for him. "Can we just get past this?"
"I'm really pissed, you know. My parents probably know by now and wonder what the hell we were doing. I've never been in jail before. Have YOU been in jail before?"
"No."
"Well, nice way to start Christmas. Ho, ho, ho. So what do I tell my parents?"
"Should I just go home?"
"Home where? Home like LA? Are you fucking crazy? What kind of a field day would the press have with that!"
"But your dad isn't going to want me in your house now. They made it sound like I was punching you and beating everyone in sight. Even that pretty girl, what was her name?"
"Sofia."
"Yes, Sofia. And she was so nice to me. And what about Niko? Is he going to want to kick my ass, too?"
Sauli laughed. "He may think about it, but he knows I love you so he won't."
"You still love me."
"Of course, I do. Why do you even have to ask that. Did you think you'd get rid of me that easily?"
"I hoped not."
"But there WILL be consequences, you know. Severe consequences. Do you remember what you said last time with that Anthony guy?"
"That I'd never be a caveman jerk again. That I understood you could take care of yourself."
"So?"
"I was drunk. I was so tired from all that flying. I just wanted to go to the hotel and crawl back into bed with you, just be warm, just get some sleep."
"Why didn't you tell me that? We could have left earlier. We didn't need to be the ones to close the place down."
"But you were having so much fun with your friend."
"You mean my friendS?"
"Yes. But now I've made them hate me."
"They don't hate you. Actually, it was Niko who picked me up from the slammer today. He told me I shouldn't be so mad at you."
"Did he whisper it in your ear?" Adam smiled tentatively.
"Don't press your luck, wise guy."
"So are you still mad at me?"
"I was never mad at you, well, maybe a little, Baby, just so worried that you were in that cell all by yourself and you couldn't understand what people were asking you. I wasn't there to protect you." And Sauli moved to put an arm around his lover's shoulder. "I love you so much. I don't want us being stupid to harm what you've worked so hard to get."
"What I've worked so hard to get is you. As long as I have you, everything else will fall into place. I think my fans will know I didn't try to beat you up. I hope they know I'm not quite THAT big a jerk. Have you read any of the newspaper coverage?"
"No."
"Me either. It will probably be terrible. But the police lady was really nice. I heard her on the phone telling someone it wasn't that big a deal and it wasn't as bad as it sounded. She didn't know who I was, I was glad of that, then her daughter called and told her."
"Was she impressed?"
"Not particularly. That made me like her more. She even asked if everyone treated me well, but I had to tell her I didn't even remember. That made her laugh and she patted me on the head like I was 5 years old. It was kind of nice, actually.
"So, here we are. I'm freezing in this car. Let's go to the hotel, wash the jail stink off ourselves, and get a few hours sleep"
"But I'm hungry. And I really think we need to go back and apologize to the people at the club. This is YOUR city and it is so embarrassing, but waiting isn't going to make it any better. How about if we shower, drive to the club, give our apologies, eat, THEN get some sleep?"
"Remember what I said about consequences?"
"Yes," Adam squirmed a little.
"Well, big shot, I will set the schedule. It's early, too early for anyone to be at the club. We'll go to the room, shower, I'll fuck you into the mattress, we'll sleep for an hour or two, THEN we will go to the club. We can get a burger while we're there."
"Seriously? You want to fuck ME into the mattress?"
"It's either that or beat the shit out of you to show you I can."
"Okay, I guess we can follow your schedule, but I'm totally starved."
"Crackers and cheese in the room first, how about that?"
"And you're serious about the fucking part? I wouldn't want you to make promises you can't keep."
Sauli laughed. "I may fuck you THEN beat the shit out of you just for my own entertainment if you don't stop the comedy. I'm exhausted, horny, dirty, hungry, and stressed about calling home. Just do as I ask and you might survive with just a few bruises."
"Bruises can be good. Did you have to share the drunk tank with a guy named Bruno?"
"What?"
"Never mind. I guess it's an American kind of joke."
"Fine, let's go. And when we're done at the hotel, you'd better text your fans. They're probably going out of their minds worrying about you. Why they put up with you, I'll never know."
"Because they're the best fucking fans ever. They don't even mind sharing me with you."
Sauli kissed Adam hard on the mouth. "We are a couple of lucky guys, aren't we?"
Later:
SauliKoskinen.net
"Love isn't easy, but it is eternal."
Adam Lambert
@adamlambert
Jetlag+vodka=irrational confusion. jail+guilt+press=lesson learned. Sauli+Adam=hangover burgers=laughing about it.