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Neither of us wanted this. So why are we doing this?
Validation.
Him and I, so different, yet so similar.
Both born into one of the three most powerful Jujutsu clan from the womb of the filthy; both blessed with the hereditary abilities that should've belonged to a more worthy, pure-blooded sibling. both abused and stripped of all the love and care that even the most loveless human would've had.
Both equally desperate for the approval of the elders who looks to us like we are lower than even dirt that we would go so far as to sell our souls to the devil, all in a desperate attempt to protect the ones we cannot.
When I first received the letter from home, I knew something was not right. Even if I was next in line to inherit the title of head of the clan, I was still a filthy bastard who they only kept around because I had inherited the Zenin clan's Ten Shadows technique, and they had never missed a chance to remind me so. So when the letter arrived, inviting me to attend a formal dinner at the Zenin residence, I had to slap myself twice then rush to Maki to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. Maki had had the same disbelieving expression on her face when she took the letter from my hands, which all but confirmed that this letter was, in fact, the real deal.
The letter had detailed a time and place, but not a reason. That reason, I found horrifyingly halfway through sipping on my sake, was an arranged marriage to bond the Zenin clan to the Kamo clan, with me taking on the star role of their sacrificial bride puppet. I could only sit stiffly in silence afterwards and only moved when I had to return to the school.
I didn't fight it-- no, I couldn't, for this was the fate that they have decided, and so it shall be the only fate I have.
I cried to sleep that night, and the nights after that.
It was obvious that my mood was less than ideal for the rest of the week. Maki could only do so much to comfort me, so did everyone else. The misery eventually subsided, but with it came the burning rage.
I was angry. Angry at the zenin clan, for being so fucking heartless to me who had committed nothing but the greatest sin of existing; angry at my mother for birthing me, my father for conceiving me, myself for continuing to live; angry at the whole fucking world because this isn't fucking fair. And amongst all that, my anger for the Kamo clan burned just as bright. And unluckily for them, it just so happens that the Kamo boy set to wed and bed me will be arriving in my school grounds in 3 weeks time for the Sister School Goodwill Event.
And as the fire burned brightly within my every fiber, a sickening thought breezed through the crevices of my mind, one I hadn't been quick enough to bury.
I won't have to marry him if he's dead, right?
I knew it wasn't fair for me to hold my resentment towards him, but when has fairness ever been on the table?
The day of the Exchange Event had arrived. We had gathered by the front of the building, waiting to welcome the students of Kyoto. Despite the time that had passed, my fury has yet to subside, and the anticipation for the arrival of the boy who will be my husband had done nothing but fuel it. I stood by my sister's side-- well, half-sister, but that had never mattered to us--, my back straight and my gaze set into its usual half-glare. Despite my somewhat confident stance, my fingers trembled horribly by my side. I busied them by tugging on the hem of my uniform sleeves. Maki must've noticed, though, for she placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder before retreating it back. I nodded, taking one last deep breath, and turned to the group now marching towards us.
He was not difficult to spot. His big, almost traditional-styled uniform stood out like a sore thumb. He was tall, even taller than maki, and had bandaged hair styled to frame the sides of his face. Although his eyes seemed to be closed shut, I could still feel his intense gaze on me, observing my every move. I returned his scrutinizing gaze with my own glare, hiding my trembling fingers behind the fabric of my skirt. We stayed that way for a long moment, neither of us breaking our gazes even as the rest of the school staffs began their pleasantries, until my once-dead classmate sprung out of a box and I was forced to avert my attention away from him so I could properly gape at Yuuji.
When we were allowed to return to our respective meeting rooms to discuss strategies, I thought that would be the last we'd have to see of each other until the event itself, but the mischievous tone present in Gojo Satoru's voice as he called out my name tells me that that would not be the case. turning to face my eccentric teacher, I squinted my eyes at him but replied nonetheless, "You called for me, Gojo-sensei?"
"Hai! You see, the adults will be having a meeting for a while, So I'm putting you on escort duty! Please lead the Kyoto students to their meeting room," he says, a wide grin present on his face. He knew exactly what he was doing. This dramatic son of a bitch! Ff it wasn't for his infinity and the fact that he was both the most powerful sorcerer and my teacher, I would've murdered him right then and there. I gritted my teeth, but nodded. I faced the Kyoto students-- all of whom were holding different degrees of judgement in their eyes-- and bowed politely.
"This way." I held my hand out beside me and began to walk to the direction I pointed. I was only a step ahead of them as we trudged through the path, but it seemed that they had forgotten that since they were now muttering loudly about me to the back of my head.
"That's your sister, right?" I heard the high-pitched voice of a girl ask to who I assume is Mai. I resisted the urge to turn as Mai replied with her own derogatory remark about me. 'Half-sister,' she'd emphasized, and went on to tell her classmates about how I was even only born because my whore of a mother had seduced our father and trapped him in her bed. I balled my hands into fists and felt my nails dig into my skin, but made no move to acknowledge their conversation. "She's not very cute," the same pitchy voice said and Mai howled in laughter.
To my surprise, it was a deep, rough voice was that cuts into them. It took me only a second to guess who it was. "Watch your tongue, Mai," Kamo said, "She may be a bastard, but she's far more powerful than you'll ever dream to be." They were cruel words, but so were Mai's. I couldn't fight the smirk that crawled onto my lips at Mai's audible scowl. It was almost enough to put out my desire to see him dead. Almost.
As soon as my amusement faded, however, I was left with my own scowl forming at the prospect of my newly wounded pride. I didn't need his help. I told him as much when we'd arrived at the meeting room, mumbling it as I walked past him to avoid being heard by the other students. He only regarded me coolly for a while, his brows subtly raised in a way that made me unable to decide on whether it was an act derived from curiosity or mockery. I'd walked away before he could think of a reply.
The next time we met, he was trying to kill Yuuji.
And I was trying to kill him.
When we first figured out the oddity in the Kyoto student's attack pattern and came to the conclusion of Yuuji's possible run-in with danger, my mind had immediately drifted to the tall blood-manipulator and the fire had flared uncontrollably. Yuuji had only just returned, and recalling back to the sickening grief I felt when I thought he was dead was enough to get me set on mutilating anyone who even came close to the pink-haired boy. And as Kamo Noritoshi is about to find out, there are no exceptions.
That's why I'm now standing face to face with him, my demon dogs ready at my side. My once clean uniform is already caked in mud and sweat, and I've lost track of time. We'd been chasing each other through the woods for god knows how long, battling relentlessly. We're both panting heavily, but neither of us was ready to give in just yet.
Shiro lunges first, and he dodges. He's fast, I think, but that isn't nearly enough to throw me off. I see him throw a shard of metal blade-- likely laced with his blood-- onto Shiro, but Shiro skirts by his side and by the time he'd turned around to follow, Kuro was already halfway through a leap, teeth bared menacingly. Before long, Shiro follows suit, and both dogs bare their claws at him as they inch closer towards him.
But Kamo is quick, and despite the sudden appearance of the black dog behind him, he still hasn't let his guard down. In one swift movement, he curves his blade and redirects it back to the dogs. But right as it is about to slice through their sides, They melt back into the shadows, and in their place is a silhouette.
He seems to not have expected to see me then because his blade only continues to slice through the air, and I do not waste any time to thrust my leg towards him in a hefty kick. He dodges just in the nick of time, but I can tell his footing isn't quite right. I knew it wouldn't be long before he regains his composure, so I'll need to take him down before that happens.
I continue to throw punches and kicks without so much as a second in between, and for a moment I think I've got him because I see his toes lift off the ground slightly as he tries to regain his balance, but just as the hope shoots through, his feet sweeps at my ankles and I land on my back onto the ground.
He's got me pinned to the earth, both arms at my side, held at the wrists by his much larger palms. His thighs are pressing down on my own in an effort to keep me down. Panic shoots through to me as I remember the funny things men do to women in these type of situations, but his big stature does not budge no matter how much I struggle. His face is impassive, but he does not look angry. The same cannot be said for me.
"You're good," he says and there was a hint of surprise barely hidden in his tone. I grit my teeth.
"You were pulling your punches," I spat, humiliated. the thought only serve to piss me off more. Did he think I was too weak to handle him? I may not be as strong as Megumi, but I can hold my ground. I can fight him.
"So were you," he points out. My eye twitches at the realization.
"I didn't want to waste my shikigamis on you." That is only half a lie.
"Then I suppose I didn't want to waste my blood on you," he reasons back before getting up and away from me. I hadn't realized how close we actually were until he's pulled back and I feel the back of my neck heat up.
He doesn't let go of my wrist even after he pulls me off the ground. I don't resist; I figured there's no point. He looks like he's about to say something. He opens his mouth but closes it back without uttering a word. He does this several more times, and for a moment I think he resembles a fish out of water. I swallow my laughter.
Finally, he settles on his words. "Why?"
I scrunched my brows, and crane my neck to look at his face properly. he towers over me as he moves closer. "What?"
"Why are you being so... repulsive?"
This time, I let the laughter burst out, but there's barely any humor to accompany it. when I compose myself, I answer honestly, "I don't want to marry you."
He doesn't seem surprised by my answer. "Neither do i."
Unlike him, I am taken aback. not by his words-- I expected that, of course-- but by the raw emotion lingering in his tone, one so barely noticeable I almost missed it. A gentle note, heavy and laced with a numb weight. In a moment of clarity, I realized we'd both given up.
Neither of us wanted this. so why are we doing this?
"But we have to," I echo, and my chest feels knotted. I look to the ground and he follows suit. His grip on my wrist loosens but he does not let go.
It was like I'd been hit by a wave, and now all that is left of the burning rage that I once felt bright and overpowering is a heavy smoke; hazy and disorienting, but also serving an odd sense of clarity and relief. His next question only seems to double the wave.
"Who?" It was only one word, and yet, it feels like we've each opened a door to the other's mind and are now looking in carelessly, drinking in all their thoughts and feelings.
"My father," I say quietly, "they'd shamed him for being with my mother and conceiving me, but he wouldn't give up on us. And when they found out I had the technique, they kept him around and stomped him to the ground. and I couldn't..." I trail off, but I've said enough.
I look up to him then. He meets my eyes, and reads the unspoken question from them. "My mother," he reveals sharply. He doesn't explain any further and I don't ask.
A sudden wave of guilt hit me. Now that my anger for him has quieted down, I feel ashamed for my selfishness. I knew it wasn't fair, and now I realize that fairness has always been present. Perhaps not for me, but I am no better than my elders if I subject another to the same.
I meant to apologize for my actions, but what comes out from my mouth instead is "So, we're really doing this, then?"
He opens his mouth to answer, but before he could, Megumi crashes into him, sending him tumbling on the ground. When he looks up, he looks to where I stood behind Megumi's protective arm, letting our eyes meet for a moment before he looks back to my dark haired classmate.
Then, chaos ensues.
The next time I see him, we are both badly wounded and heavily bandaged. He was placed in the empty room next to Megumi's, and I'd made the impulsive decision to barge into his room after visiting an equally battered Megumi. Almost immediately after I pulled open the door to the room (after knocking a few times, of course) I feel regret bile up in my throat. I force myself to swallow. He is already looking at me, his bandaged head lightly tilted as he leans on the headboard. I take a step towards him.
"How... are you?" I manage, and the moment the words escape my lips I feel myself drown in embarrassment. It gets harder to hide the longer he doesn't answer. Finally, he nods. I take that as his way of saying 'fine', though I am not nearly blind enough to believe that.
Suddenly I blank. I don't know what I'm doing here in the first place, and every second that goes by only serves to build on my pile of regret. Reflexively, I fidget with the ends of the bandage covering my arm. He follows my movement and eyes my injury.
"And you?" the questions manages to snap me out of my trance. I eye him in barely hidden surprise, but answer nonetheless.
"Could be worse," i say, and before the awkward silence could settle back down, I surprise myself when the question escapes me compulsively, "Do you want to eat pizza with me?"
Judging by the quick raise of his eyebrows, I wasn't the only one who is surprised.
What the fuck was that?
I feel my cheeks burn. God, this really can't get any worse, can it? I avoid his eyes, ready to take in the full force of his rejection, because of course he'll reject, what the fuck was that anywa-
"Sure."
My breath feels like it's been knocked out of my lungs, but I compose myself and manage to tell him that I'll be back in a minute before all but dashing out of the room. The moment I stumble into the kitchen, I lean onto the pantry to support my buckling knees as my face burn.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
Half an hour later, i am seated by his bedside, chewing on my slice of the classic margherita pizza while he does the same to his. We don't talk much, but the air no longer felt thick with awkward tension and has rather mellowed out into a contented silence. If I wasn't drowning in my own thick pool of guilt, I'd even say that it was comfortable.
In my rush, I'd only gotten my hands on one of the pizza boxes left in the kitchen, and Kamo has an unsurprisingly large appetite, so it did not take us long to finish our meal. When I've finished eating the final piece of crust from my last pizza, I suck in a breath.
"I'm sorry." He stopped mid-chew at my sudden statement. "For earlier. You know, the whole 'trying to kill you' thing."
He swallows his bite, before giving back, "No, we'd already resolved that earlier. There isn't anything to forgive."
"It's okay for you to hate me, you know. I totally would," I scoff out, picking at my fingernails.
"Why would I hate you? That'd only make me more miserable."
I raise my eyebrows. "How so?"
"It'd suck to wife a woman I hate."
I did not mean to flinch, but he'd brought it up so casually that I couldn't help but feel my ears burn.
He beat me to speaking before I could retort, "And yes, I suppose we are doing this."
I exhaled. oddly enough, I neither felt like falling into a depressive state nor picking up a pillow to smolder him with. Rather, I felt an odd sense of relief. Maybe relief isn't exactly the right word to describe it, but it felt as though the crushing weight that was once pressing down on my chest has been lifted. No, not lifted-- shared. It was still there, but now it no longer felt like I had to bear this alone. I couldn't help the slight twitch on my lips as I echo, "I guess we are."
He pauses and I turn my head to look at him. He seems to hesitate before he decides on speaking again, "I hope you don't mind being wedded to me. I know we don't have much of a choice, but it would be best if we got along. Will you be alright with that?"
I nodded slowly. "Yes, I will give my all to make sure of that." Although his expression doesn't budge from its blank expression, I sense a relief go through him. I look to the windows beyond his side with a sigh, "Besides, I don't think we'll struggle too much. We've got the same goals, don't we? It only makes sense that we'll both work our hardest to reach that."
His head move to look the same way, watching yellowing trees sway to an unseen breeze through the screen. "That is correct."
His hands brush mine on the sheets, and for the first time in a while, I smile my most genuine smile. It was a tired little thing, holding all the unspoken frustrations and reluctant acceptance that we cannot allow to hold any relevance. I turn my head to catch his gaze and tried not to choke when I whisper, "For your mother."
He smiles back to me, and although it was small, I feel that it is as raw as my own. "And your father."
Our pinkies are now entwined atop the crinkled white sheets; it sounded like a promise.
Neither of us wanted this, but we know now that it matters not what we wanted, only what we needed to do.
Neither of us wanted this, but we sure as hell are doing this.
END