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Eren's love feels like a knife right in his chest. It burns, and burns, and burns even more, brighter each day. It's like the twin flames behind his forest green eyes, never dying down, always just hiding in his irises.
It hurts, in a way so painfully beautiful that Jean sometimes finds himself breathless, speechless with how strongly the boy feels.
He does everything as if his veins were filled with pure fire, and it's so, so hard to keep up with it.
They're terrible to each other, constantly hurting and breaking and putting one another back in place, with some kind of broken tape that doesn't even stick to their skin anymore.
During the war, and after it, when everyday they see their lives flash before their eyes. Every time Eren is there, and whenever he's not; there's always a hole shaped just like him in the middle of Jean's chest, big and bright and painful like the boy. They kiss like they fight, with so much love and hate and raw feeling.
When Jean sees the flames die out behind Eren's eyes for the first time, his chest aches. More than when the colossal broke the walls, more than when they found out about the truth. Maybe more than when Marco died.
He keeps nagging him, trying to hurt him, and takes pride in himself when he's able to make eren react and fume and punch him back.
They're seventeen, and the weight of the world is on the shoulders of his lover.
The time when he actually realizes he lost Eren, they're eighteen. Eren is leaving without a word, without a kiss, without a note. There's nothing but the burning bruise he left just under his ribs.
It hurts, Jean keeps poking at it, tries to sew together the hole in his chest with hatred, and it doesn't work. He knows it won't, but he still fills that void with anger and hate and maybe a little bit of shy hope.
When he sees Eren again, they're nineteen, and he knows that's not his Eren.
There's no way, absolutely no way the man standing in front of him is the same boy that made him feel alive, feel like his life was worth more than a single penny.
It feels like watching his worst nightmare come true, and it hurts so much he doesn't know what to do with himself anymore.
When they get to Paradis, and Eren is in his cell, and everyone is sleeping, he slips into the dark and looks at him.
Eren stares back, and Jean feels so much hatred it scares him. He yells at him until his throat feels sore, begs him to come back with tears in his eyes, and nothing happens.
Not a word, not a punch, not a kiss.
Jean feels like his soul has been ripped in half once more.
When Eren dies, the world turns grey. The fight felt like a burst of pain and colors and action, and at the end, there is nothing. The world is still and quiet.
What was the point? Was there a point?
Jean doesn't know, but his chest aches and aches with a known pain he's felt for too long.
He closes his eyes, and behind his eyelids, they're still kids, so carefree and angry at the world.
The smile pains him more than everything else, his tears burn on his skin; and finally, he's free.