Chapter Text
"Leave me alone, Severus." She said dryly, trying her best to not look at the boy in the eye.
It had been two months since the incident. Almost everyday afterwards, Lily found herself running from Snape's begs of forgiveness. She was never going to forgive herself (or him for that matter) for thinking she could change him. She had been told plenty of times that Severus had called other muggle-borns that word. She felt sick remembering how she did nothing. Well to be fair, she had tried to convince him against it but it was clearly in vane. He was long gone down that nasty road.
"Lily, you know I'm deeply sorry... it just... slipped out" Severus reasoned, causing Lily to roll her eyes in annoyance. She kept moving from side to side, attempting to walk around him, but he kept doing the same, cornering her into forgiveness. "Come on, are you going to run off and join those gits?"
Lily immediately knew who he had meant.
"It's none of your business, Severus. I'm just trying to walk to my destination without your constant harassment, is that so hard to understand? "
"They aren't any better than I am, Lily." The boy continued, insistent on not letting the girl go.
"They didn't call me what you called me, or did they?" She snapped, finally standing still and glaring at him. The boy looked surprised by the aggressiveness in her tone.
"They only defended you because Potter has it bad for you" At this comment, Lily decided it had been more than enough. He clearly wanted a fight, why not give it to him and let him know what she thought?
"As a matter of fact, it wasn't because Potter has it 'bad for me'. It was because they knew it was cruel of you to call me that." She spat. "Especially because I was supposed to be your best friend and I was trying to help you! I've seen them, you know? I've seen them defend second years from you and your friends. So, unless Potter also has it 'bad' for a second year, I'm pretty sure they did it out of good intentions."
"You can't truly believe that." Snape muttered in disbelief.
"I saw it with my own eyes, Severus! Are you calling me a liar too?" She was yelling now, it felt good to let it out. Until he grabbed her by both her arms rather forcefully, desperately wanting to get her to listen.
"You know I didn't mean what I said the other day! You are just trying to make me suffer!" He raised his voice as well, making Lily small. «Of course he is making himself the victim», she thought. She wanted to run from him, but she knew better and held her ground, glaring at the greasy-haired boy. Before she could open her mouth to shout back, an arm slid around her shoulders. It was warm, unlike Snape's hands, it was relaxed on her. Without even turning around, she instantly knew whose it was.
"Need any help, Evans?" Said James, cooly, looking at Snape from head to toe. The other three marauders all surrounded Lily. Severus let go of her arms, knowing he wouldn't win a battle against five - the marauders and lily - and glared at James. Lily kept looking at Snape, not even glancing at James.
"I don't need help, but thank you, Potter." Lily said, her tone was a little ruder than intended, but James didn't mind, of course. He never did.
"Of course you don't, darling. Still, would you mind if we take you away from what looks to be a very pleasant conversation?" he joked. He was looking at Snape straight in the eye, but talking as if he weren't there.
"I wouldn't mind at all, boys, the conversation was over long ago." She threw one last nasty look at Severus and let herself be led by the four boys who rescued her, James's arm still resting on her shoulders.
Her relationship with the marauders got better ever since the incident. She figured it'd be better to be on good terms with them since Mary and Marlene hung out with them so often. Besides, she was already very close to Remus, who happened to be like a package deal that included the other three. The universe always seemed to push her closer and closer to the marauders. After a while, she started to let her guard down a little bit, contradicting everything Severus had told her, and realized they were actually not-so-bad people, even Potter. Especially Potter.
"Greasy prat that Snivellus" Sirius muttered under his breath. "What was he talking to you about anyway?"
"He was asking me to forgive him." Lily said, she caught James rolling his eyes.
"Now, why would you do that? He should have taken the hint by now." James's tone of annoyance was new to Lily, he was normally very calm in her presence.
"It's not even a hint anymore, Prongs." Remus said. "By now it's like every painting at Hogwarts yelled at him at the same time 'don't talk to Evans' and he just ignores them." Sirius's eyes lit up after processing Remus's sarcastic comment, willingly ignoring the sarcasm. He, unlike Lily, immediately read his mind. "We are not doing that as a prank."
"It would be hysterical though..." Peter commented. "Imagine Sniv..." He flashed a nervous glance at Lily. "Er... I mean... Snape's face when he can only hear that around the castle."
"He would probably remain hiding until it gets fixed." Remus added.
"One Snivellus-free day, Moony! Now isn't that the perfect day we've all wanted since we got to school?" Sirius said, they all laughed at the comment, except for Remus, who just rolled his eyes at Sirius.
"Where were you headed to, Evans? You know, before being rudely interrupted by that git?" James asked, letting his arm slide off Lily's shoulders and turning to her.
"Oh, I was going to the library but I'm afraid that if I go Severus will be waiting there for me." She explained, all the boys looked at each other and nodded. «How do they read each other so well?» Lily questioned.
"No problem, love, we'll be your escorts" Sirius said linking arms with Lily and leading her to the library, the other three boys matching their pace.
Even with the marauders' company, she didn't feel at ease. Maybe this time she would get away with it, but she couldn't be escorted by the four boys (or Mary and Marlene) at all times. The time would come when she'll have to confront Severus for once and for all. She kept reading the same page of her book over and over, without registering a word on it. She kept thinking on what she could say to him when said confrontation ocurred, carefully choosing her words as to not hypothetically hurt him. After everything, she didn't find herself ready to hurt him, even if he didn't hesitate to do the same.
After a while in the library, Peter and Sirius got very fidgety, their patience quickly starting to decay. Peter said he was going to the quidditch pitch and see the Ravenclaws training; Sirius said he had to go check something in the dorm and walked off. Lily felt guilty for their obvious displays of boredom for keeping her company, but it had been their idea. After a couple of minutes, Remus left as well, saying he wanted to walk around the castle for a bit. He had become remarkably moody the last few months, coincidentally around the time her incident with Severus had ocurred.
The three boys' absence left her with only one escort: James Potter. She wondered if they had done this on purpose or if it had been purely coincidental. Either way, Severus would be repelled by James's mere presence, so she didn't ask. Suddenly, she noticed that James's eyes had been on her, probably for a while now. She met his eyes with a questioning look, wanting him to explain the strangely concerned look he was giving her.
"You haven't passed that page since we got here." He noted. He was right, she hadn't.
"Just a little distracted, that's all." Lily explained and turned back to her book.
"I think you are actually very focused, just not on the book but whatever it is you are thinking about" He said, Lily looked up at him. He had that knowing look that would have usually annoyed her but now it was just different, it was gentle. "Are you okay, Evans?"
Lily hesitated, she was going to lie and say 'yes, I'm fine' but for some reason, she didn't. For some inexplicable reason, she couldn't bring herself to dismiss the question.
"I don't know" James remained silent to let her keep talking, so she did. "Severus has been my best friend for so long now and... I knew that he had done, or said, the same thing to other muggle-borns, but I thought that as long as he didn't do it to me... there was still a chance I could change his ways, you know?" James nodded.
"I know, but now you know better, don't you?" He gave her a soft smile, that for some reason made her look away. "You can't go through life trying to change people that don't care to be changed."
"Yeah well... it's just... " She paused, calculating her words. She had no idea why she was talking about this with James Potter of all people. She had even less of an idea as to why it felt so natural to do so. "I would look at Sirius and question... how did you possibly do it?" James's smile faded into a light frown, in sign of confusion.
"Do... what?"
"Oh you know..." She glanced at James, who clearly did not know. "changed his views, got him on the right path. How come you could do it and not me?"
"We didn't have to change his views, he had always known what is right." James said firmly, with a light look of pride in his eyes.
"Oh... well, that's nice... I just assumed since there are always so many rumours surrounding... his heritage" James raised his eyebrow in curiosity.
"What kind of rumours?" He asked, Lily didn't seem to notice that she was on dangerous grounds.
"The fact that his parents taught him the same things Snape believes, you know? That he got disowned on purpose just to piss them off-"
"He what?" James interrupted her, he was furious. Lily was sure that if they hadn't been in the library, he would be screaming by now. "You think that everything that has happened to him was on purpose?"
"Oh come on, James, don't you think he could just calm down in the rebelliousness for once? To actually try to get his family to be reasonable." Lily tried to reason with him. "I mean he doesn't agree with his family but he did it all wrong-"
"Evans, you should know better than anyone that people like that don't have a reasonable bone in their body." Lily, opened her mouth to retort but James kept talking. "Yes, his parents taught him all that nasty stuff but he always knew better. He always stood against it..." He ruffled his hair, clearly exasperated. "I can't believe you, of all people, actually thinks those rumors are true!"
"Aren't they? Maybe they are slightly out of context but..." Lily looked at him in disbelief, she had never seen James angry, especially this angry. "James, you know he could be a little more discreet and make his life a little easier. Maybe stop defying his parents so much and they'd have a wider perspective on everything-"
"Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but it just isn't that simple, Evans. " James spat, he started standing up and gathering his things, if they raised their voices a tiny bit more Madam Pince would kick them out. "But apparently, even after Snivellus betrayed you, you'd still rather believe in him than in us." He glared at her, which he had never done until now. Lily wanted to say that it wasn't true but it kind of was. She couldn't help but remain at arms length from the marauders (except Remus), she was used to it. "You must have only become friends with us because you ran out of options, didn't you?" He finished talking and simply looked at her, furious. Lily wanted to say something, she needed to, but she couldn't come up with anything. He stomped out of the library.
Lily sat there, feeling confused and hurt. Not only because of what he said but because she had never expected that from James. He was always patient with her, regardless of how many times she rejected him or insulted him. She had passed a limit that not even James Potter would forgive.
The three marauders were sitting in the common room. Remus was reading a book, while Sirius, decided to play wizard's chess with Peter, much to Peter's enjoyment. It was a rather peaceful evening until James stormed in, clearly angry. They turned around startled, it was uncommon to see James in this state, especially after hanging out with Lily. They knew that James was always one to handle his anger properly. He looked at his three best friends for a second, and continued walking towards his dorm.
"So, how was paradise with Evans?" Sirius joked, loud enough for James to listen from the top of the stairs. James snorted.
"Anything but paradise. Bloody nightmare. Can't believe I ever fancied her" The three marauders were left stunned as they saw their best friend stomp his way to their dorm.
"Fancied?" Remus noted the past tense. The other two looked at him, just as confused.
Lily entered right at that second, surprised by the three questioning looks welcoming her from the fireplace. "Hiya" she said awkwardly and quickly walked to a corner of the common room, opening the book she had been reading at the library. Peter and Sirius looked at Remus, basically demanding that he went and talked to her. He understood his mission and made his way to Lily.
"Er... Lily?" He said sitting beside her. "What happened?"
"With what?" Lily asked, feigning cluelessness but knowing very well what Remus meant. He just looked at her, waiting for an answer. She conceded. "We fought, that's all."
"You fought with James? But that's basically impossible..." Remus joked, making Lily's guilt rise. "What about?"
"I just told him about... a few rumors... regarding Sirius." Remus's eyes widened, he expected anything but that.
"Well, that clearly did it" He sat back, putting two-and-two together. "Was it out of spite or—?"
"What? No! I would never do that out of spite! I didn't know it was that sensitive of a subject, that's all." Remus nodded.
"You clearly don't pay enough attention to how much James adores his friends." Remus said, half-joking to lighten the mood, but it was true. Lily was never aware of how defensive James could get regarding the other marauders. Lupin excused himself and walked back to Peter and Sirius, who were looking at him expectantly, sitting besides Peter and whispering. The girl sat back in the chair and uselessly tried to focus on her reading. Her mind constantly wandering elsewhere.
"Where's Potter?" Marlene asked as they sat at the Great Hall to eat their breakfast. There were three out of four of the marauders at the table. Mary, Marlene and Lily were now sitting with them.
"He's in bed still." Sirius said, Mary and Marlene's eyes widened in surprise.
"James Potter? Sleeping in on a Saturday? He has been cured! It's a miracle!" Mary joked as she sat on Sirius's lap and gave him a quick kiss.
"Yeah well, he has been in a bit of a mood since yesterday..." Remus explained, trying very hard to avoid the sight of Sirius and Mary together, Lily realized that she had seen him avoiding Sirius a lot lately.
"Oh yeah? How so?" Marlene asked, also avoiding the sight of the couple sitting next to her.
"Er..." Sirius discreetly looked at Lily for a second. At least he wasn't angry at her for what she had said about him, or maybe Remus was careful enough not to tell him. Then, Sirius looked at the doors of the Great Hall. "Speak of the devil!"
"Mornin', everyone" James said dryly as he sat down, immediately getting a piece of toast into his mouth.
The two girls looked at him with curiosity and the three boys with worry. Everyone remained silent until he, as soon as he finished the piece of toast, stood up and left. Lily felt awful. She had never expected to hurt him so much, or even make him so angry. James had never given her much reason to be unkind to him, it had only become a reflex of hers because of her loyalty to Severus. However, she had to stop being so blindly loyal to someone who betrayed her trust so easily. She hated how happy Snape would be if he heard of the state James was in. She decided she had to do something she wasn't a fan of: Say she's sorry.
"That was tense" Mary said to lighten the mood, but everyone simply nodded. Lily slowly stood up and walked off, following James outside of the Great Hall, feeling everyone at the table look at her in surprise.
"James!" He heard but kept walking, they were now in the middle of an empty hallway. "James!" She caught up to him and got to grab his wrist, getting him to stop walking.
"What?" He asked annoyed, the question more rhetorical than genuine, he evaded looking at her, his eyes shifting from the walls, to the floor and to the ceiling instead.
"I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have said that about Sirius, it was unfair. I don't know what he is going through and it isn't for fair to assume. Especially when my sources are so unreliable." She spoke as she tried to catch his eye but he wouldn't let her. Lily took a deep breath and kept going. "Look... you aren't wrong in the fact that you lot weren't my first choice to be friends with... but I'm so glad that you were the choice that I ended up with." She paused, she noticed a shift in the look in his eyes, somehow softening. "That sounded a lot better in my head, I'm sorry."
James let a puff of air out of his nose an looked at the floor. Lily hoped that he was hiding a smile.
"What I mean is that I clearly have a bad history of choosing my friends, so I'm glad that the universe took matters into its own hands for me." Lily explained herself. James finally looked at her, yet she couldn't exactly understand his expression. "Just don't be mad at me... because if anyone is getting mad in our friendship, it's going to be me from now on." Thankfully, James gave in and laughed at the comment.
"On what agreement, Evans?" He raised his eyebrow daring her. He had that smug smile on his face again. Lily was relieved. Thank God Potter isn't one to hold grudges.
"No agreement. This is a totalitarian decision." Only now did she realize that her hand was still holding his wrist. She let him go and folded her arms, with a dignified attitude. "Besides, you have perfected the ability of annoying me into anger"
"Well, I can't possibly deny that." He joked. Acting as if a second ago he hadn't been annoyed by her presence, he started walking beside her and cooly rested his arm around her shoulders. "At least you have admitted that we are friends now and not mortal enemies, as you'd often like to believe"
"Piss off, Potter" She pushed him playfully, fighting back a smile. "I think of you more as an acquantaince if anything."
James was about to retort when Mary and Sirius appeared in the hall, they were talking and stopped in their tracks at the sight of James and Lily laughing. "Well, isn't this a surprise? Didn't you two hate each other just a minute ago?" Sirius said, with a smirk on his face.
"Don't think I recall. Do you, Evans?" James said, calmly turning his face to get a good look at Lily, who was shaking her head.
"He must be thinking of someone else" She joked as well, as they walked past them and walked off to... Lily had no idea where.
Apparently, James didn't know where they were going either. They were just walking (surprisingly) pleasantly around the school grounds. James had let go of Lily by now and they were just walking side by side, insulting each other back and forth. They were near the comon room when James got quiet.
"Er... Lily?" His voice was serious, he stopped walking to turn and look at her in the eyes.
"Yeah?" Lily replied, a worried look on her face.
"You know that I fancied you, right?" Lily blushed slightly, anxiously thinking of ways to shut down whatever proposal James was about to make. «What a way to ruin the moment, Potter» she thought.
"Er... yeah... it's not like you have hidden it very well, have you?" James laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.
"I just wanted to make it clear that I don't anymore... that's all." He gave her a small smile and went back to walking, Lily followed.
Why would he say that? Why did he feel the need to be so 'clear' about it? And most of all, why was she slightly disappointed? Lily figured it just felt nice to have that sort of unconditional attention, but maybe it wasn't nice after all, just rather selfish. Besides, it's not like she fancied him, it was incredibly vain of her to expect that crush to last forever just because of the attention. «Although, it did last a remarkably long time» Lily joked to herself. After a minute of awkward silence, James spoke again.
"Is it that hard to hear that someone isn't madly in love with you?" He joked, Lily lightly pushed him again and laughed with him. "It's not like you don't have a long lilne of blokes hoping for a chance"
"Piss off, Potter" she said, a smile plastered across both their faces.
"Ran out of insults, I see?" James teased, she rolled her eyes in response.
"Oh please, with you lot? that's an impossible achievement!" She noticed they were standing in front of the Fat Lady. "It's honestly so easy for me to mock you that I feel a little bad" she added, with an overly-acted pouty face.
"How sweet of you, Evans"
"I know. I'm something else, aren't I?"
"In a bad way, that is." Lily rolled her eyes but James knew for a fact she was enjoying every second of this.
"Thank God, Remus is a prefect and not you. Patrolling would be a nightmare." She lied before saying the password to the Fat Lady, who immediately let them in.
They couldn't help but smile like mad when they finally walked in and found all of their friends staring at them, curious. They made their way to the group. Both James and Lily were aware that this was the acual beginning of their friendship.