Work Text:
Grey clouds blocked out the sun, the curtains in the bedroom pulled shut. Rolling to his side of the bed, there was an empty spot, a spot where he should be.
The sun was gone and so was your sunshine, your sweet love, your best friend, someone you hadn’t seen in months simply because he didn’t want to see you.
You weren’t ready to face the fact that you could have lost him over something he didn’t do. Guilt hit you and you pushed the feeling away, you were ready to see him but he wasn’t ready to see you.
“Who are you here to see ?”
“Spencer Reid”
The officer took your ID and scanned the list for your name. “Sorry, you’re not on here”
“What ?” you had heard him but you were still confused. “What do you mean I‘m not there ? I’m his partner”
“Sometimes the inmates take people off their list”
The officer looked behind you at the forming line. “Please move, figure this out somewhere else. There are people waiting”
Looking over your shoulder, there were a few people behind you. An older couple, a woman and a small child, and a man at the end of the line. You stepped away from the counter, fishing your phone out of your pocket.
Waiting for the phone to ring, her voice filled your ear. “Hello ?” she answered, “JJ?” she knew something was off from the way you called out to her.
“Are you there?” she asked softly.
“Why aren’t I on the list ?”
“He doesn’t want to see you”
“I don’t care. I deserve to see him.”
JJ sighed, there were a few moments of silence before she spoke up again. “I’ll talk to him when I go tomorrow. I promise” she reassured you. “Thanks” was all you mumbled before hanging up the phone.
The floor was cold, all the warmth seemed to leave the apartment with him. It was constantly dark and cold, nothing you did changed that. The frame on the nightstand caught your eyes, a picture of the two of you in the hospital after one of his multiple work injuries. He sat on the hospital bed and you were standing beside him. His head rested on your side with your arm over his shoulder.
The frame strung a nerve clearly, it’s just that you didn’t notice until you felt the tear roll down your face. Flipping the frame downwards so you couldn’t see the picture, you went ahead with your routine.
Get up, sulk, get ready, work, come home to an empty apartment.
Over and over and over again.
Your heart hurt every time you thought of Spencer, you couldn’t help it. It hurt that he didn’t want to see you even though you wanted to see him. You just had to move on, move on from the pain but not from him.
You could never move on from him.
The phone rang, Penelope’s name flashed across the screen. She had been checking up on you a lot more after she heard about the list fiasco, they all had.
“Hi Penelope” you cleared your throat, you could feel her happiness through the phone. “My angel y/n! how are you today ?” she asked sweetly, you couldn’t help but smile. “I’m okay for now, how are you ?”
“I’m good! I have to go right now but I’ll come by for dinner tonight!” Something felt off to you. It wasn’t abnormal for Penelope to stop by or even spend the night with you but she seemed cheery, unusually cheery today.
“Sounds like a plan, is everything okay ?”
“Oh yeah, I’m fine sugar” it sounded like something clicked on her end or unlocked. “I have to go, I love you!” she said before hanging up. The sound of an automated voice came from her end, announcing something you didn’t catch before she hung up.
“I love you” the words rung in your head, except it wasn’t Penelope’s voice you were hearing, it was Spencer’s.
The sand squished under your feet as you walked down the shoreline with Spencer. His face had a scowl on it as he looked down at your feet. “What’s wrong Spence ?” you asked him, noticing the expression on his face.
“Does that not bother you ?” he questioned, his eyes still on your sand-covered feet.
“The sand ?” you asked, he nodded.
“Did you know that sand is usually made of silica?” he looked over at you,
“I didn’t, do tell me more doctor” you smiled at the man.
“It's actually silicon dioxide, which is a compound that makes up most of the earth’s crust. It also makes up mineral quartz and has many uses like making ceramics, concrete and countertops” his eyes shifted back down at the sand, kicking some with his shoe
“I love your facts Dr. Reid”
“And I love you” he blurted out.
Your mouth opened slightly, letting out a small “oh”
“I didn-” “I love you too Spencer”
The same feeling of hurt returned. He filled your thoughts 24/7, his voice, his face, his smile, his hands, everything made you think about him. You pushed the feelings away once again and got ready for work. Dragging yourself to the kitchen, his mug sat on the counter, right where he left it three months ago. Of course you had dumped the stale coffee and washed it, but you returned it to that exact spot. You cleaned and returned it to that spot.
That was the last thing he left laying around before he got arrested. You couldn’t bring yourself to move it.
Sighing, the kitchen was empty, there was nothing to eat. Giving up on your sad apartment, you headed out for the day.
–
Penelope stood in front of the green barred door, her heel tapped against the concrete as she waited for them. Only two of them were allowed in and although she worked for the FBI, she didn’t have clearance like Luke and JJ did.
The officer pulled the door open and Spencer walked through, JJ and Luke not far behind him. Penelope’s arms opened and he made his way over to her, pulling her into a long awaited hug.
“I missed you so much” she whispered to him, her arms wrapped around her friend. “I missed you too” he held her for a few moments longer before letting go.
The four of them headed to the SUV, Penelope filling Spencer in on everything he missed the last three months. “Sergio is good, he’s at my apartment right now.” she told him while showing him pictures.
Spencer smiled at her, he appreciated everything they had done for him while he was in there, but his mind kept drifting back to the one person he had yet to see.
“They came to see you Spence” JJ said to him, there was a feeling of tightness in his stomach.
“I don’t- I can’t let them see me like this” Spencer’s head hung low, he couldn’t look at JJ. He knew what she was going to say but he couldn’t bear to hear it.
“Why?” she asked, “y/n called and said that their name wasn’t on the list. Why’d you take it off?”
Spencer looked up at her. They both knew why he had taken your name off, he never wanted you to see him like this. He could barely bring himself to say your name right now.
He met you after a low point in his life, you were his saving grace. Letting you see him like this was the last thing he ever wanted. As he went to answer JJ, the alarm went off. JJ promised to be back the next day to talk to him.
Spencer looked over the window as Luke drove down the road. Penelope’s touch brought him back from his thoughts. “They’re okay. I spoke to y/n this morning”
“Do they know ?” Spencer asked her, his eyes still fixated on the road. Penelope shook her head. “They should be at work right now. Do you want to go home or go back to the BAU?”
“Home” Spencer whispered.
The word felt foreign. Home was somewhere he dreamt of while he was in prison, never did he think he’d be able to see his home again, to see you again. The drive was quiet, the song of the rain hitting the vehicle was all he heard.
Spencer stood outside the apartment building, Penelope stood beside him. She pulled out a bunch of keys from her purse and handed them to him, “do you want me to come up with you ?” Spencer shook his head. “Thank you” he hugged her once more, he walked towards the door looking back at his friends once more before heading inside.
The walk up was quiet, it was the middle of the day. He bumped into his neighbour who was about to take his dog out on a walk. He asked Spencer where he had been the last few months, Spencer just told him he was away on a work assignment.
The lock clicked and he pushed the door open. The scent of your perfume and coffee filled his senses. That was a smell he’d never get tired of. He looked around, taking in the space. Although it was his place, he had gotten used to a 6x6 cell and this would take some readjustment. He slipped off his shoes and walked across the floor, his feet padded across the hardwood floor rather than the sound of clicking on concrete he had gotten used too.
Spencer’s head peered into the kitchen, there was a pot of coffee on the counter. His hand pressed against the side of the pot, it was cold but he didn’t mind. He opened the cupboard to look for his mug but it wasn’t there, he looked down to see it on the counter, the sight of the mug brought a smile to his face.
“Do you have to go ?” you asked him, your knees curled up to your chest as you sat on the chair by the table.
“Yes I do, you know I do” Spencer smiled at you, taking a sip of his coffee.
“What am I going to do while you’re gone? maybe I’ll adopt a puppy to keep me company” you tease him, he rolled his eyes.
This was the first time since you had moved in that Spencer was leaving you at home by yourself for a case. “Read a book my darling, but no puppies in here” he set his mug down on the counter before making his way over to you.
He leaned down slightly, his hands cupping your face. Smiling up at him, Spencer leaned down and placed a small kiss against your lips. Your hands reached up his face, holding him close to you as he began to step away.
“Mhm no” you mumbled against his lips, getting up as he moved back from the chair. The two of you were still holding each other and you were still kissing but you didn’t want to let go.
“It’s only 3 days” he mumbled, his lips on yours still.
“Spencer” you whined, he moved back towards the door and you followed him. Your arms rested over his shoulder and his hands were on your waist. “I love you” he kissed you once more,
“I love you too”
Returning to the living room with the mug in his hand, he made his way over to the window. He pulled the curtains open in an attempt to let some light in but was met with grey, cloudy skies instead. Spencer never minded the clouds, he wasn’t a big fan of the sun nor the cold, but the rain was perfect. This was his favourite type of weather, it was not cold out but it wasn’t hot either, there was a warm breeze out. Everything came to a stand still when it was like this.
–
The grocery bags dragged up the stairs as you fumbled through your pocket for the keys. The sound of the record player coming from the apartment, you stopped in front of the door. Taking a moment to assess your options before opening the door.
Best case, you had turned it on this morning and forgot to take the pin off the vinyl. Worst case, someone broke into the apartment and is waiting to kill you.
What did you have to lose ?
The lock clicked as you turned the key, you pushed the door open and pulled the bags in with you. All the lights were off, the record player had a vinyl on it and there was a person standing by the window. The person had their back to you, they looked like a silhouette in the dull light coming from the window.
Stepping further into the apartment, you could see the person a bit better. They wore a white shirt and grey slacks. They had a head full of brown curls, the same brown curls your love has.
But, it couldn’t be him. Could it ?
“Spencer ?” you called out, a few feet away from the person by the window. They turned towards you.
“Spencer.” you let a breath of relief, Spencer smiled at you. “Miss me ?” he asked, you shook your head. “Always.” you smiled, Spencer gave you a small smile. He picked up the bags you left by the door and walked to the kitchen, you followed him. He began putting away the groceries, “I got it” you took the cereal box from him, “it’s okay. Can I please ?” he looked at you, you handed the box back to him.
You watched as he put them away. “I’m gonna change, I’ll be back” you let him in the kitchen and headed to the bedroom. The frame was faced down, you lifted it and put it back in its place. You changed and headed back, you needed to talk to him.
“Spence?” you sat on the couch, he made his way over and sat beside you. “Can we talk ?” you asked, he nodded. “We can do whatever you want” he said, you sighed.
“Why didn’t you let me come see you ? I know it was hard at first but Spencer, seriously ? I love you, I wanted to be- I should have been there for you.” You let out your feelings, you both knew this conversation was coming. It didn’t matter if he got out yesterday or 20 years from now, it was going to happen.
“I couldn’t let you see me like that y/n.”
“Like what?”
“Rock bottom. You never need to see me like that, you understand ?” Spencer reached out and rested his hands on yours, you held his.
“Spencer, that’s why I’m here, to help you. Rock bottom or not, I’m always gonna be here because I want to be, you understand ?” putting the emphasis on the last two words. Spencer just nodded.
Spencer leaned into the side of the couch, you could see the sleepiness on his face. You opened your arms, he leaned forward and made himself comfortable on you. He sat between your legs, his head resting on your chest, his back against you. Spencer let out a hum as you ran your fingers through his hair.
“I’m sorry” he mumbled.
You leaned down and pressed a kiss on his forehead. “It’s okay baby. You’re home and that’s all that matters.”