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——
People often misunderstand Renjun and his relationships. He cannot say it’s something he’s not used to, but he still gets irked seeing people whisper when they’re looking at him, hearing them say not so nice things about him (that’s downplaying it), calling him a cheater.
But luckily, at the end of the day, he’d go home to the people that matter, and be in their own little world of love and with no judgment.
He goes home to Jaehyun and Johnny on the couch, watching some documentary about penguins. The moment he sees them, he kicks his shoes off and plops right in the middle, sighing in comfort as they kiss his cheeks. Johnny brushes his hair with his fingers, and Renjun can’t help but purr in satisfaction.
“Rough day today?” Jaehyun asks.
“ Terrible day,” Renjun corrects, groaning when he shifted his body to a more comfortable position.
“Is it okay to ask what happened, or would you rather forget about it?” Johnny massages the crease between his brows.
Renjun peers from under his lashes and sighs. “Same old, same old. People asking me about sex, telling me I'm a cheater. At this point, I should be used to it, you know? It’s nothing new, but...ah, let’s forget about it. Where are Jeno and Lucas and Sungchan?”
Jaehyun frowns, “You shouldn’t be used to it, we have every right to feel offended, get pissed off because people have no business meddling with our personal lives.”
“Jae, relax,” Johnny squeezed his hand.
Pursing his lips, Jaehyun sighs, squeezing Johnny’s hand back. “Sorry.”
“I’ll order us some pizza and bubble tea and we can light some scented candles while watching Ghibli films,” Johnny offers. “Lucas and Jeno are out on a date, said they’ll be back in three hours.”
“And Sungchan has a class right now, but he’ll be back in two.” Jaehyun says. "So for now, it's just us three."
“Too bad,” Renjun managed a smile. “No pizza for them.”
—
Sungchan arrives right on the dot, finding Renjun cocooned in a dark gray weighted blanket. Kiki's Delivery Service is playing on the television, and while Jaehyun is asleep on Renjun's left, Johnny and Renjun are both awake, eyes trained on the television.
"Hey, Sungchan," Johnny greets him, sporting his usual older brotherly smile before gesturing to the pizza boxes. "Couple of slices left, so help yourself. There's cider in the fridge."
"Welcome back, Sungchannie," Renjun smiles, brushing his fingers through Jaehyun's scalp. It's no wonder the second oldest is asleep.
"Thanks, Johnny hyung. I'll take a shower first then I'll eat them," Sungchan replies. He winks at Renjun, giving him a flying kiss, which the other pretended to dodge, while Johnny laughed at their antics.
He takes a long shower, changing into comfortable sweatpants and muscle shirt before heading back to the living room, where he found Johnny coaxing Jaehyun to wake up and transfer to his own room.
Taking the vacant seat next to Renjun, his boyfriend immediately snuggles closer, basking in the comfort of the blanket, and despite not feeling cold, he also snuggled under the cover.
Johnny was finally successful in waking up Jaehyun, who shoots Sungchan a tired wave before yawning, letting Johnny assist him back to his room. As Sungchan and Renjun were left alone halfway through another movie Sungchan is unfamiliar with this time, he takes his time staring at Renjun's face, memorizing every single detail.
"Why are you staring at me like that?" Renjun asks without looking at him.
"Nothing, bao ge ," he smiles when Renjun pretends to cringe at the nickname.
"You keep calling me bao ge. It doesn't even exist in the Chinese dictionary."
"Because you're my baby, so baobei . But you're also older than me, gege. It's the shortened form."
"Still doesn't make sense," Renjun rolls his eyes, albeit with a smile.
Seeing this, Sungchan takes the opportunity to cling to him, hugging him closer and kissing his cheek. "Well, another reason is because you have soft cheeks. Scratch that, softest and fluffiest cheeks. Like steamed buns! Hence, the bao. "
No matter how much Renjun pretends to hate the explanation of the origin of Sungchan's nickname for him, he actually loves it, and he knows that Sungchan is aware of it as well.
As if to prove his point, Sungchan kisses his cheek again, laughing when Renjun pinches his thigh. "See? Softest and fluffiest. Like marshmallow. Like bao."
Just when Renjun was about to reply, the front door opens and in comes Yukhei, followed by Jeno. "Hey, you guys ordered pizza? We brought pizza too!"
Seeing the setting of their living room, Yukhei immediately sets the boxes on the centre table, eyes full of worry. "Did something happen today?"
Sungchan internally sighs. He knows what the weighted blanket meant, but he has no idea how to breach the topic, instead focusing on making Renjun smile.
"Just a bad day," Renjun offers a small smile, sighing in comfort when Jeno reaches forward to kiss his forehead after Yukhei did the same.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Jeno offers, and Renjun shakes his head.
"It's just the usual," he answers vaguely, but they all understood. "But I'm feeling better now, the pizza and the movies helped. Of course, knowing the truth did too."
Knowing better than to push him for more, Sungchan squeezes his hand. "You know we love you, right?"
"And we don't care about other people's opinions," Yukhei adds.
"I know," Renjun nods. "I promise I'm feeling better than I did earlier. And I love you guys too. Sungchan and Yukhei and Jeno and Johnny and Jaehyun. I love you collectively, and I love you as individuals."
"And we love you, each one of us," Jeno says. "We can't help that other people are shitty. Gosh, I hope they all stub their pinky toes and they can't let out that sneeze and I hope that one sneeze bothers them for hours."
The four managed a hushed laughter, and Renjun feels comforted. He knows he belongs here, right with them.
——
If Renjun were to describe his boyfriends’ kisses, he would have a whole essay about it, spanning a minimum of ten pages with font style Cambria, size 12, justified, with 1.5 line spacing, cited APA style. But to summarize it, it would be like this:
Johnny kisses softly at first. He likes to build up the kiss, so to speak. Like a drizzle turning into a typhoon eventually. It's the type of kiss one would imagine under the rain, with or without an umbrella. Johnny would lean down and smile at him before pressing their lips together, kissing him repeatedly until Renjun would remember to breathe. Johnny would always taste like coffee, strongest in the morning for his 8am class, and in the afternoon after his basketball practice. Sometimes, he tastes like sweet beer and cheap wine, whiskey or rum on the occasional.
Johnny is the type to kiss Renjun’s forehead as they’re about to sleep or when he wakes up first, peeking into the room to make sure Renjun hasn’t kicked off the blanket just yet. Johnny has the most beautiful pair of lips he’s ever seen (and kissed!), Renjun would say. They’re plump and soft with the perfect cupid’s bow, and sometimes, when Johnny’s lost in thought, Renjun would find him nibbling on them mindlessly, and Renjun would find himself wanting to do the same.
Jaehyun, on the other hand, tastes like peach and mint, almost an odd combination, but works well together. Jaehyun developed the habit of carrying the two flavored chapsticks wherever he goes, lest he suffer from a split lip especially during the cold months.
Jaehyun’s kisses are like fire, quite literally. He’s always on a higher temperature compared to Renjun, and Renjun liked to joke that Jaehyun is his very own personal heater, especially since he gets cold easily.
Jaehyun kisses like he has all the time in the world, slowly but full of love. Sometimes, Renjun won’t notice how much time has passed since they started kissing, and would only remember to do the tasks he has to do after being distracted for so long by Jaehyun’s lips.
When Johnny and Jaehyun started dating, Renjun realized how much he loves watching them kiss. He loves Johnny or Jaehyun taking control of the pace, absolutely mesmerized with the way their faces are flushed pink and red after pausing to catch their breaths. And when they see Renjun watching them, they’d beckon him closer, and kiss him breathless for as long as his lungs could function without air, that when Renjun closes his eyes, Johnny would taste very much like Jaehyun, and Jaehyun would taste like Johnny.
It was Yukhei whom Renjun started dating first. They were in the same association of foreign exchange students in the university, and were coincidentally roommates. They became each other’s anchor to keep themselves grounded, but also the air beneath each other’s wings to help them fly.
It was Renjun who confessed first, while eating some Chinese takeout from their favorite place, getting the words out of his system while Yukhei’s lips were smeared with the salty sauce from the sauteed carrots and baby corn and bok choy.
That had been Renjun’s first kiss—tasting very much of oyster sauce and garlic and ginger with just the barest hint of hesitation, but he wouldn't change a thing about it.
A lot has changed since then. Now, Yukhei’s kisses are full of passion, and he uses his tongue well. Yukhei is the type to hoist him up, keeping his hands under his thighs, maybe pull him on his lap for a kiss while playing with his nape. Yukhei was the one who taught Renjun all about kissing and more, and Renjun admittedly loves his lips, albeit tasting faintly like nicotine.
Renjun likens him to a phoenix after its rebirth from the ashes.
Unlike Jaehyun, Yukhei kisses like he’s always running out of time—long, passionate, always going for ‘ just one more’ which would take another quarter hour or more, and their lips would end up red and sore, Renjun’s sometimes bleeding because Yukhei loves biting. And Yukhei has a plumper upper lip that Renjun loves biting just the same.
Jeno, sweet, sweet Jeno whom Renjun fell in love with through Yukhei’s words. From Yukhei’s lips came the story of the sweet boy with the sweetest eye smile, who confessed to Yukhei a year after he and Renjun started dating. While Yukhei turned him down and told the other that he has a boyfriend, Renjun’s heart ached for the boy. He and Renjun became close friends, and the more time they spent together, Renjun realized that it was possible to love two people romantically.
There had been a lot of insecurities and what ifs before they asked him to be in a relationship with them, but at present time, Renjun is nothing short of amazed how well Jeno fits Yukhei and himself.
Jeno's kisses are like wildfire—strong, blazing, almost uncontrollable. Similar to Johnny, it starts with a small spark, but it quickly grows, and Renjun finds himself engulfed in flames. And he's the flame Renjun would willingly stay with, because he knows he won't get burned.
Jeno is like a cat and a puppy in human form, kisses often playful, and Renjun admittedly loves it when Jeno's thin lips stretch into a smile when they kiss.
Jeno is the type to demand good luck kisses before his game starts, the type to kiss him and Yukhei while they're in the bleachers after scoring a goal, uncaring if everyone can see. He likes to pull Renjun for a kiss in the middle of a busy street when he feels like it, disregarding every pair of eyes on them. He's also the type to sneak a kiss every now and then inside the cinema, that Renjun would forget about the movie at all.
And when Jeno and Yukhei kiss, Renjun forgets to breathe. Because despite being with them the longest, there's still the intimacy that Yukhei and Jeno share, different from what they have with Renjun, and different from what Renjun has with Jeno, and what he has with Yukhei. They kiss so beautifully, usually on Yukhei's bed, and Yukhei tilts Jeno's head the slightest to capture his lips.
Sungchan, whom Renjun has just started dating seven months ago, is the absolute sweetest. Despite never being one for public display of affection, he never fails to hold and kiss Renjun's hand while they're walking, giving him his beanie when Renjun forgets his.
Sungchan kisses with hesitation and determination, Renjun would say. In the confines of their place, or maybe in that café near their uni where they usually have their dates. Perhaps in the library, where Renjun's finishing his paper and Sungchan has no more classes.
Sungchan's kisses are like static, almost unexpected, save for the few times you know it will happen, but simply exists.
His kisses are the type to give Renjun goosebumps, but in a good way. His honey eyes stare at Renjun with love and warmth before molding their lips together, and just like static, it makes the hairs on the older's arms and nape stand up, especially when Sungchan's arms tighten around his waist. Any more and Renjun would be electrocuted, but neither will let go.
And when they need to catch their breath, Sungchan will rest his forehead against Renjun's shoulder, almost unable to look at his boyfriend, ears and face comparable to the fake red poinsettia garland they never bothered taking down from the shelf.
Jeno's right, they can't help that people are shitty, and Renjun has no control over their beliefs, especially close minded ones. But at the end of the day, Renjun sleeps knowing that he is loved.
And Renjun's heart swells at the fact that they have all the love that they deserve, because he knows Yukhei, Jeno, Johnny, Jaehyun, and Sungchan are full of love to give, whether as his boyfriends or as individuals, and he considers himself lucky to be loved by them.