Work Text:
Your heart leaped with joy as your phone started buzzing beside you on your desk. Only one person would be calling you at such an obscure time and seeing your boyfriend’s name and picture pop-up as confirmation made your heart melt.
Hitting ‘accept,’ you happily greeted him, "Hi, honey."
You couldn’t contain the smile on your face as you waiting for his answer. You two hadn’t talked for a bit after he went off, only giving you a brief rundown of his plans. He was a bit frantic, a bit worried about his actions, but you assured him you knew what he had to do. Not being much of a hero yourself, all you could do was support him and promise to be there when he gets back, arms opened, ready to comfort him.
"Hi, doll," Bucky responded but his tone absolutely did not meet your energy. He sounded a bit out of it, almost distant, as his words dragged out in a sigh. At first you thought maybe he had just gotten tossed around in a fight but there was something in his voice you had to inquire about.
"How’s everything going?" You asked, cautiously, as you leaned back in your desk chair. The late-night work you were doing was becoming abandoned as your attention turned to your boyfriend.
Bucky paused, the line practically going dead. You worried he had hung up, maybe thought better than to tell you what was going on, but you could still hear his uneven breaths. They were haunting and rigid. You started to get more worried as the seconds of silence went on.
Afraid he was going to drop the call, you wanted to change the subject when Bucky finally spoke up. "We teamed up with Zemo."
Your phone nearly slipped out of your hands. Sitting up abruptly, you did your best to contain your shocked tone. "Wow, um, alright," you nodded, even though he couldn’t see you. "How- How is that going?" The last thing Bucky had explained was going to see him in prison and now somehow, some god-damn way, the man was outside. The man who had done all that to your boyfriend. Had controlled and weaponized him. The terror, the fear, everything Bucky would tell you came rushing back-
"Doll," Bucky mumbled, cutting off your thoughts. You gulped at his weak, sad tone. "You still love me, right?"
Your brows furrowed. "I love you so much, Buck," you said, meaning every single word entirely. After a deep breath, you then asked, "What’s wrong?"
"If you see any videos tonight, please don’t watch them-,"
"Videos?" You gasped, "Bucky, what is going on?" Your jaw clenched as you sat on the edge of your seat, desperate for answers. You weren’t about to disobey him but he was also giving you nothing.
That silence came back but you forced yourself to wait patiently. No dial tone came, just the same haunting breaths on the other end of the line.
He spoke abruptly, nearly catching you off guard. "We needed to speak to an informant so…" Bucky coughed, sounding like he was covering any worry. You still waited, silent. "I had to take on the role of the Winter Soldier, that Winter Soldier, again."
"I- What?" You asked. What the hell did that mean? "What do you mean took on the role? What- Bucky, what did you do?"
"No, no, babe, it’s fine," His voice was frantic, making something twist in your heart out of sadness. "I- I had to just pretend but it was back in that headspace, that role, and… And it was a lot, doll. I felt like a soldier again, following commands, and I didn’t- I mean I’m fine, everything’s fine. I know it wasn’t real but I- I just needed to talk to you. It got overwhelming and…" Bucky took another deep breath. You sniffled, holding back some tears as you listened to the worry, the tragedy, in his voice. "I just needed to hear your voice. Remember who I am now. What I have waiting for me."
You couldn’t help the little sob that escaped you. You didn’t exactly think it was the end of the world but it was… alarming. Necessary, it seemed, but alarming, and you didn’t know how to really help. Part of you wanted to beg him to come home but that just wasn’t reasonable. You knew the stakes very well.
Bucky started mumbling your name trying to calm you down but you cut him off. "Bucky, you know that’s not you anymore. You’re no one’s soldier, you’re no one’s asset, okay? You’re a good man who just wants to make things right." You took a deep breath as the waterworks flowed. "It wasn’t real, honey. You did what you had to do for the great good. As cheesy as that may sound, it’s true. And I think the fact you’re worried about it means you’ve come a long way."
A shaky breath came through on the phone. You both seemed to be such messes on different sides of the world. All you desperately wanted was to take him in your arms, reassure him everything was fine, feel his touch and give him that comfort. But he was doing what he had to as a hero and you knew it didn’t come without its challenges.
"Thank you, doll," Bucky mumbled. "I really needed to hear all that."
You mustered a weak smile through your teary expression. "You’re doing good, honey, I promise. You’ve worked so hard and I’m immensely proud of you."
You could practically hear the smile finally forming on Bucky’s lips as he gave you another thank you.
"Now, if I may ask," you sighed, "what is this about videos?"
Bucky groaned. "Some witnesses had those genius phones or whatever."
"You mean smartphones?"
"Whatever," He scoffed. "I think they took videos of the fight."
You shook your head, moving the phone to your other ear for comfort, and leaned back in your chair. "Your therapist is not going to like that."
"Please don’t remind me."
You couldn’t help but give a little chuckle at his response. "Are you doing okay, now?"
Bucky hummed. "I think so," he said. "Sorry for bombarding you with all that. I got a little panicky when I realized…"
The trailing off made your heart break just a little bit more. In your time of knowing him, when he wasn’t speaking his mind could be wandering, filling with worries and horrors you just wanted nothing more than to magically cast away. But the best you could manage was to actually be there. To listen to it all, fully on the roller coaster ride.
"Hey, honey," you said, trying to pull him away from his thoughts. "I promise, you’re okay. You were doing your job and it might not have been ideal but that wasn’t you. You don’t even know that person anymore."
"You’re right," he sighed. "God, how are you always right?"
You giggled, wiping away some stray tears. "I’m just so smart."
Bucky gave a weak laugh. It wasn’t much but you’d take it. "That’s for sure," he agreed.
He sounded like he was about to say something else when a voice called in the background. Bucky let out an annoyed sigh then said, "I have to go, doll, but I can call you tomorrow."
"Okay, honey," you said, sniffling slightly. "Please be safe."
"Always," he mumbled, his voice cracking just a bit, but he seemed to quickly compose himself. "I love you."
"I love you, too, Buck," you sighed. "Come back to me in one piece."
"Doll, please, you cannot say that to your boyfriend who has a detachable arm."
You gasped, "Bucky, you know what I mean-,"
He cut you off with another weak laugh. You were slightly relieved his humor hadn’t totally abandoned him in his panic. You wish you could see the same for yourself but Bucky always knew how to break the mood.
"Of course, I do," he sighed. "Just like teasing you."
"You’re insufferable."
He scoffed. "You love me." You could practically see him shaking his head with that stupid but loving teasing grin playing at his lips, trying to overcome those sad eyes.
You chuckled as your heart absolutely warmed at the mental pictures of your boyfriend. There was no denying you were madly in love with him. All of him. Brain, body, heart, soul. The entire package. "Of course I do."