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Grace had been in a medically induced coma for 2 weeks when Judd finally snapped. The doctors kept assuring him that she’d be fine, that her body just needed time to heal. How much damn time? Wasn’t two whole weeks long enough?!?
Judd hadn’t left her bedside since his discharge. Well technically his early discharge - he’d signed his ass out of that awful room away from Grace the second he got the chance - ignoring the doctors, nurses and their friends protests. He’d stormed his way to Grace’s room with determination and sat in the chair by her bed ever since. Judd had ignored all of Tommy and Owen’s attempts to have him go home and rest - he had some serious injuries of his own that needed to heal - instead slipping into a catatonic state. He hadn’t slept in days and was a dead weight on his feet. His bloodshot eyes remained firmly on Grace all day long. He only ever stepped away to duck into the bathroom across the hall.
This was an opportunity that Tommy and Owen had taken. They’d locked him out of the room, refusing to let him back in to see Grace until he went home to rest. They’d called through the door he was pounding on, telling him that it was essential he rest and heal up himself. They played the guilt card - ‘Grace wouldn’t want you to stop looking after yourself Judd’. Judd had eventually relented and left, Tommy and Owen letting out a sigh of content that he was finally going to rest.
Oh how wrong they were. Really they should have known better.
It took about two hours for Tommy to have her epiphany. She went to sit in the chair Judd had vacated only to discover his house keys down the back of the cushion. If he was at home resting, how were his keys here?. Tommy quickly texted the 126 group chat:
“please tell me someone has eyes on Judd”
When met with a string of negative responses, Tommy started to panic. She tried calling Judd’s own mobile only to remember it was still submerged in the lake. Shit! She had to find him! The man was not in a state to be left unsupervised and it was her fault he currently was. Hell she’d just wanted him to get a little bit of rest, to let his insane amount of stitches and bruising heal even slightly. She was just trying to do right by her friend by protecting Grace’s most prised possession in her absence. She couldn’t fail Grace, not like this- Tommy was going to find Judd and drag his ass back.
Tommy ran out of the room, calling over her shoulder for Charles to stay with Grace. She rung her brain for any indication of where he might go. Where did Judd go when he was upset? Think Tommy think, Grace would know this. Tommy tried the Ryder home, the station, the bar he’d met Grace in, the park and so many other places. Nothing, No Judd Ryder. Eventually it came to her - The bridge he’d driven off of
Oh God no! He wouldn’t, would he?
Tommy floored it to the bridge shocked when her suspicions were confirmed. There was Judd, sitting on the broken ledge, his back to the road. Tommy couldn’t even let out a sigh of relief at finding him - too caught up in the fact that he wasn’t okay. He was far from it.
Tommy got out of her car and slowly walked over not wanting to startle him. Thankfully it was late at night and there was nobody else about - that would make the conversation they had to have easier. Not that it would ever be easy-
Judson Ryder was leaning himself over the edge of a bridge for Christ’s sake, Tommy would never loose that image for as long as she lived.
Judd had clearly heard her approach for he called over his shoulder:
“Go away T. Please”
Tommy couldn’t help the sob that escaped her lips at his voice- it sounded so frail and small, so unlike the booming voice she was used to.
“I’m not going anywhere Judd. Not without you”
“I’m not coming back with you Tommy. (Red Flag, Judd never called her Tommy). Please go back to Grace, she’ll need you when she wakes up”
“and she won’t need you? Judd don’t make me do this, don’t make me break her heart the way this will”
Judd let out a desolate laugh as he responded:
”won’t matter anyway. That Doctor’s talking Bull. Grace isn’t coming back. She’s gone T and this is my chance to join her”
He looked towards the water with glee, the way a child looked at presents under a Christmas tree. ‘What if I’m too late, what if I can’t talk him down’ ran through Tommy’s jumbled mind.
“Judd you know that’s not true. I know it’s rough, that you miss her deeply but she is coming back to us. She is in that hospital fighting to get back- back to You!”
“You don’t know, you don’t know how I feel. You will never understand this! I put her in that bed! This, this is the least I deserve! She would be fine, married to some perfect guy with a few kids by now if she hadn’t settled for me! The fuck-up!”
“Judd you are not a fuck-up. You never were”
“ah tell that to my father, my brothers, every teacher I ever had”
“you’re not a fuck-up to me, to the 126. You’ve never been one to Grace”
This was good progress, Tommy had him talking. If only she could just get through to him, get him to take a step back to safety.
“Grace couldn’t think anyone was a fuck-up. The woman is a saint! What does she even see in me?”
“She sees a hero Judd. (Judd openly scoffed at this. Okay maybe that hadn’t been the correct word choice) she sees a man who’s faced a world that wasn’t kind to him with kindness. A man who wants to help anyone and everyone. Someone with one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever seen. She sees an amazing husband, a good son, a loyal friend and co-worker, a loving uncle”.
Tommy hadn’t wanted to play the girls as a bargaining chip but maybe that would get through to him. They adored their uncle Judd and she knew the feeling was mutual.
“How do you think they’d feel right now Judd? If they saw their favourite uncle, the man who plays games with them and lets them stay up too late and consume way too much sugar, so distraught that he was standing on the edge of a bridge! Don’t hurt their little hearts Judd, don’t take away their innocence”
Judd took a tiny step back at that, turning around and facing Tommy for the first time all night. Tommy’s own step faltered at the devastation on the man’s face. This wasn’t the Judd she knew and loved, this wasn’t the face of one of her oldest friends. He looked robotic, his eyes void of any and all emotions.
“I can’t go on T (Green flag, she was getting through. Thank the lord) Grace is more than my wife, she’s my oxygen T. The reason I wake up every morning. I need her!”
“And you’ve not lost her. Come back to the hospital with me Judd. Come see her”
“I can’t go back there T and I can’t go home- I could never go home without her. I don’t trust myself to be alone - I can’t promise you I won’t come back here the second you let me out of your sight”
By now Judd was far enough away from the ledge for Tommy to pull him towards her. He was safe.
“I have a solution Judd and I don’t know how you’ll like it. But it’s the best I’ve got”
“I’m all ears” (Tommy couldn’t help but smile at the phrase. She’d heard Grace tell Judd that so many times over the years)
“There’s a mental care facility not far from here Judd. I want to check you in, get you constant supervision. You need help Judd, a lot more than I can offer. I’ll stay by Grace’s side until she wakes up, she’ll never be alone, and I’ll come and collect you once she’s awake.”
Tommy waited with baited breath as he mulled it over. Eventually he nodded slightly, tears still running down his cheeks. Judd reached into his shirt and pulled off his chain (the one Tommy had never seen him without) and took it off. He held it out to Tommy and asked softly:
“put this on her for me? I want her to have a piece of me with her in the hospital”
“of course Judd, I’ll make sure she gets it”
“promise me something else T?”
“Anything Juddy”
”promise me you won’t tell her about this? It would crush her T to know what almost happened here tonight, what still could happen. Promise me if she wakes up and I’m not okay you’ll let her believe I died in the crash? That I died not as a coward but as a man”
Tommy was in shock- she couldn’t promise that, there was just too much to work through there. Judd needed psychiatric help even more than she’d realised. Tommy let out a quiet and dishonest:
“promise”
They both knew she was lying but neither acknowledged it. They returned to the car and Tommy drove Judd straight to the facility. She left him there and returned to the hospital.
Tommy walked into Grace’s room to find Charles asleep by her bed. Tommy leant down and attached the chain around Grace’s neck before whispering:
“He’ll be okay Grace”
to the silent room, even-though she wasn’t sure he ever would be again. All she got in response was a small flicker on the monitor. Tommy fell into a restless slumber alongside Charles. Life continued as such with Tommy and the 126 waiting for Grace to return. The 126 were unaware of Judd’s location or mental state - Tommy had merely told them he needed time and that he was safe. She couldn’t betray his trust by telling them what memory flashed before her eyes every-time they closed. She couldn’t break the hearts of the people that loved him anymore than life already had.
Life threw Tommy one hell of a curveball a week later when Grace awoke. Grace had been unconscious for a month when she finally rose. She was doing surprisingly well, her vitals were stable and her cuts and bruises fading. The first question out of the woman’s mouth had almost pushed Tommy to the bridge herself, none the less:
“where’s Judd T?”
Tommy had forced herself to lie through her front teeth, too weak to tell Grace the truth that only she knew :
“At home resting. I forced him into a nap and a shower”.
Grace had laughed lightly, her eyes glowing as she made a comment about not wanting him to be stinky when she got to kiss him. All was well and Grace was obvious (the team wasn’t and had been constantly asking Tommy where the hell Judd was. They couldn’t comprehend why he hadn’t rushed back at the news Grace was awake) until it came time to dress Grace for discharge. This was when Grace noticed Judd’s chain. Grace knew he never took it off, knew what it meant to him. She couldn’t help the tears streaming down her cheeks as she called to Tommy:
“I want the truth T. No bull. Where is my husband? And don’t you lie, I know I have his chain on for a reason”
“Grace come sit down. You’ll want to be sitting for this”
“T tell me he’s still alive! T tell me please?!?”
“He’s alive Gracie...he couldn’t cope Gracie. You being in a coma broke him. He had a lot of guilt and pain and i found him about to jump off the same bridge the truck drove off of. (Grace let out a tearful gasp as she muttered “my poor baby” to herself) I stopped him Grace but he wasn’t stable enough to work through all of the pain on his own. Being here was too hard on him so I checked him into a psychiatrist facility. He’s under 48 hour supervision Grace - his doctors say he’s doing better but he’s still healing”
“Thank you T. For stopping him going off that bridge. That can’t have been easy and I will never be able to thank you enough for that”
“No thanks necessary Grace”
“can I see him T? Even if he’s not ready to be checked out. Can I visit him? I think I need to see him with my own eyes”
“I can arrange that. I did promise him the night I checked him in that I’d let him see you once you were awake”
The following day Tommy drove Grace to see Judd. Grace had agreed that the 126 didn’t need to know his whereabouts. They walked into the facility and were led to a room void of any personal effects. Sitting on the bed was Judd - skinnier than Grace had ever seen him, his hair unkempt and his face unshaven. Judd let out a loud gasp at the sight of her, tears instantly springing to his eyes as he tried to convince himself she was real. Grace was in a similar state as she wrapped him into her arms and clung on for dear life. The two sobbed holding each other and basking in the news that the other was alive.
Life wasn’t fixed- far from it- but with each other for partners, Judd and Grace could pull through anything.