Work Text:
Song list:
Boy and Bird (to the tune of 'Guys and Dolls')
Eternal Duel (to the tune of 'American Boy')
Reaper Girl (to the tune of 'Uptown Girl')
Won't You Fight Me (to the tune of 'Don't You Want Me')
TakaMori (to the tune of 'That's Amore')
TakaMoridiot (to the tune of 'American Idiot')
No Escape (The Ina Calli-da Song) (to the tune of 'Escape (The Piña Colada Song)')
Ina Calli-da (to the tune of 'Piña Colada')
Takodachis (to the tune of 'Baka Mitai')
I'm Just a Shark (to the tune of 'Samurai Heart (Some Like It Hot)')
That's Why I Gave Up On KFP (to the tune of 'That's Why I Gave Up On Music')
TakaMori (to the tune of 'Hallelujah')
I Can See Clearly Now (to the tune of 'I Can See Clearly Now')
Overture:
Ame, Gura and Ina: Boy and Bird (To the tune of 'Guys and Dolls')
Ame:
What's happening in Holoserver?
I'll tell you what's happening in Holoserver
Story about a rabbit who got so bowled over by the moon
She temporarily gave up on pranks and murder
That's what's happening in Holoserver
Gura:
What's on the Asacoco?
I'll tell you what's on the Asacoco
Story about a knight who loved an elf so much
She left her kingdom and went absolutely loco
That's what's on the Asacoco
Ame:
What's happening all over?
I'll tell you what's happening all over
Kureiji Ollie proposed to every girl in Hololive
Because she doesn't know how to stop being a rover
Ina & Gura:
That's what's happening all over
Love is the thing that has licked 'em (Ame: well, and Ollie, Ollie probably-)
And it looks like Calli's just another victim
Ame:
When you see ya boy
Sing along to 'Ahoy'
You can bet that she's doing it for some bird
Gura:
When the reaper's kid
Flips her whole flippin' lid,
I will take any bid, Kiara's exposing the feelings she hid
Ina:
When you see a gent
Booking the house of pent
And it turns out to cost three million yen,
All:
Calli, dad, it's so funny,
And it's better than even money
That ya boy's only doing it for some bird
Act 1:
Calli: Eternal Duel (to the tune of 'American Boy')
Hey it's ya boy out on the prowl
Yeah dead beats we 'bout to get down (get down)
Ten kills with my scythe tonight
The last one even put up a fight
Took that phoenix down
But she'll revive so I'm Australia-bound
Tsundere reaper in the streets
But in the sheets I get soo sweet
I came out hunting a shitbird today
I sometimes get misty-eyed, but it's not heartache,
It's a classic story, TakaMori
Fighting our eternal duel
I said 'Hey shitbird, it's really really great to see ya'
I just got this five-foot-seven new blade for my scythe
Like the way she's freaking, my adrenaline is peaking
Don't like that she's not trying to run but the chase is only half the fun
And I'm not about to go MIA
You know that Calli never fails when she's on the trail
First let's try for capture, I'll take you to my master
Death-sensei is eternal too, eternal too
I came out hunting a shitbird today
I sometimes get misty-eyed but it's not heartache
It's a classic story, Takamori
Fighting our eternal duel
Kiara: Reaper Girl (to the tune of 'Uptown Girl')
Reaper Girl
She's been living in her underworld
And just because she knows I cannot die
And all that seems to do is make her sigh
I'm gonna try for a reaper girl,
She's been moving in a deathly swirl
Doesn't she ever tire of swinging scythes?
Deep down she must be sick of taking lives
That includes mine
She doesn't know what she wants from her ti-i-ime
I'll wake her up and she'll make up her mi-i-ind
It's not that I like it rough
Just because
I'm in love
With a reaper girl
You know I'm dazzled by the scythe she twirls
I'm gonna let her hear my mating noise
A 'Kikkeriki' will scare off all the boys
She'll have no choice
Reaper girl
You know our love will cause a stir
And years later when the age grows thin
There'll be no need to fight our duel again
That's how I'll win
And when she's streaming she's drinking her wi-i-ne
That's when she slips and admits that she's mi-i-ne
It's not that I like it rough…
Calli and Kiara: Won't You Fight Me (to the tune of 'Don't You Want Me')
Calli:
You were working at the counter in a KFP branch
When I found you
I drew my scythe and readied for our epic duel
Same as we always do
Now we've been idols for a month in your wild scheme
You wanted us to try something new
But don't forget my life's calling is taking you down
And I'll do it, too
Won't
Won't you fight me
You've got those icky feelings
What you say just leaves me reeling
Won't
Won't you fight me
I can't stop you healing
That's my heart that you try stealing
It's much too late to try
There's one thing on my mind
Don't make me feel this way or we will both be sorry
I'll kill you Kusotori
I'll kill you shitty bird~
I'll kill you Kusotori
I'll kill you shitty bird~
Kiara:
I was working at the counter in a KFP branch
That much is true
But I can't describe the rush whenever I see your face
What else could I do
This month we've been together is the best of my life
Oh I love you
Don't you ever tire of eternity alone
The epochs you've lived through?
Please
Please don't kill me
I don't want to wait aeons
For us to have our next reunion
Please
Please don't kill me
Instead let's be together
We could have all of forever
It's not to late to try
To change your way of life
Please listen to your heart or we will both be sorry
Don't kill me Calliope
Don't kill me, reaper girl~
Don't kill me Calliope
Don't kill me, reaper girl~
Ame & Gura: TakaMori (to the tune of 'That's Amore')
When you swing with your scythe but the bird's still alive, TakaMori
When you slay her with rhymes she comes back every time, TakaMori
She'll sing Kikkeriki, Kikkeriki kik- and you'll say 'Kicky Ricky'
But when you laugh ha-ha-ha-ha-hee ha-ha-ha-ha-hee the dynamic gets tricky
When you agree on snacks it throws off your attack, TakaMori
When you synchronise boings and you find it annoying, you're in love
But when it's time for her streams who's in chat just to scream? It's ya boy, hey
'Scuse-a-me, but you see, in the depths of Hades, TakaMori
(repeat)
Act 2:
Calli: TakaMoridiot (to the tune of 'American Idiot')
I'm sick of being a TakaMoridiot
Might swing my scythe and change something immediate
Stop chasing after that shitty phoenix
And leave her alone down in Australia
Welcome to a new kind of pairing
Something to get all the kids staring
So they'll forget about that bird
A virtual romance to follow
Like a flashy new pill to swallow
There'll be so much to tako bout
Look at all these tentacles, Gucci,
Wanna squeeze her hair bits, so fruity,
And if things go well I might get smoochy,
Maybe even go wild and get- I'm not singing that, I know there's nothing else that rhymes there but NO, STOP MAKING IT WEIRD
Welcome to a new kind of pairing
Something to get all the kids staring
So they'll forget about that bird
A virtual romance to follow
Like a flashy new pill to swallow
There'll be so much to tako bout
Calli: No Escape (the Ina Calli-da song) (to the tune of 'Escape (The Piña Colada Song)')
I was tired of my pairing
This joke has gone on too long
And I ran out of sick rhymes
To make fun of it in song
So while ol' shitbird was sleeping
I looked around on the web
And like some wild inspiration
There was an advert that said:
If you like Ina Calli-das
And going gently insane
Join my cult of the old ones
Where we can't say their names
Come make offerings at midnight
In the caves on the cape
That's the lure that you're feeling
And you cannot escape
I gave up right then on Kiara
I didn't even feel sad
Don't forget I'm a reaper
And human feelings are things I've never had
So I clicked on the advert
And let the pop-up right in
And then I filled out the web form
With these words from within
Tell me 'bout Ina Calli-das
I want you to explain
The allure of the old ones
Without saying their names
Yes I can meet you at the next new moon
And I can bring my own cape
To some dark coastal village
Where I can make my escape
I went out there with dark hopes
To that terrible place
I saw her smile in an instant
Unreal light framed her face
Then I knew I was chosen
And I said 'I was called'
And with her tentacles reaching
She promised 'I'll tell you all
About Ina Calli-das
And the cell of my brain
Tomes of ancient knowledge
And the roar of the main'
Then we made offerings at midnight
In the caves at the cape
And I selected her victims
Let none of them escape
Ina & Calli: Ina Calli-da (to the tune of 'Piña Colada')
Ina:
Allure of ancient beings is my power inside
And now I feel it rising with the tide
Can't help but reach out to you with tentacles that sting
Wanna hear sinister choirs draw breath and sing
Calli:
If the stars will align with your dark lord's design
We'll plunge to the deeps, no fear of our demise
Defy the petty reason that holds sway upon the land
Oh tonight (swallowed up) out of sight (rising up)
An old one enters reality
Ina:
Curl in my embrace in this infinite space
I'll wrap you up here away from feelings that you fear
With your reaping of souls, is it my heart you stole?
I start to feel the rush of all that makes you dangerous
Enchanted by your scythe, my first time feeling alive
Just the two (of us now) no-one else (hears a sound)
And so, the night unfolds
Calli:
High priestess, please tell me all of the ancient lore
Why is it these words I now adore?
Looking back on all the nights that I spent wrestling with myself
Kusotori was a nightmare for my health
Ina:
Don't falter and let ichor pour away into the drain
Lest all the fear you feel remain unchanged
I will tear the veil apart, too late to back out now
Now this doom (moonless night), death's perfume (wrong or right)
Let us breathe it together you and I
Calli:
Never call me your dad, come and please drive me mad
Your prayer is like my scythe, irresistibly sharp
And now reason subsides from this body of mine
As you wrap me tighter, intertwined in your coils
Let the ritual end, and let eternity bend
Only us (beyond time) howling now (ancient rhyme)
The night continues on
Ina:
It's time to prove yourself to me, come dispel all of my doubts
Make me believe that I don't need to live without
Both:
Now the taboos of the human world lie shattered at our feet
I want this (howling cry) to resound (man's defeat)
Drown all that is wholesome in our love
Curled up and embracing this infinite space
And holding you near leaves me without thought for fear
Beyond reaping of souls is the world that we stole
Addicted to the rush of all that makes us dangerous
Enchanted in the night, our first time feeling alive
Just the two (of us now) no one else (still around)
And so, the night unfolds
And as time finally breaks, then at last we'll awake
And we'll dance (and we'll twirl) you and I (just two girls)
Who came to end the world
Ina: Takodachis (to the tune of 'Baka Mitai')
Tako mitai, I explored childishly,
Alluring dreams of ancient behemoths,
It's not a lie, unlike your smile for me,
I will laugh wildly but only for my power
Isles of yore, beyond words and sea,
Where you fled your heart, trying to follow me,
What the heck, what are you doing here?
It's not me to whom you can't say goodbye
Amesame sail their ship on their adventures
While I learned the pain of be-Ina-lone
All the cheap wine can't save the truth of your heart
As I let you fade, I'll remember my takodachis
Tako mitai, a dumbo octopus
Is all I am without my dark faith
I perform a woman's strength for you
In this evening air, swollen and menacing
I'm alone again, as I've been for all time
Though the world has changed beyond reckoning
What the heck, how did it come to this?
When we prayed as one, I thought I'd won
Honestly, though it hurts, I will take my knocks
Lower my head, and cast away my halo
It serves me right, to live without relief
That's a human thing, like a reaper's love, and I've been a fool
Amesame sail their ship on their adventures
While I learned the pain of be-Ina-lone
All the cheap wine can't save the truth of your heart
As I let you fade, I'll remember my takodachis
Honestly, though it hurts, I will take my knocks
Lower my head, and cast away my halo
It serves me right, to live without relief
That's a human thing, like a reaper's love, and I've been a fool
Act 3:
Gura: I'm Just a Shark (to the tune of 'Samurai Heart (Some like it Hot)'
Your head is full of sky and clouds, I know that you're not listening at all
You're looking for another sign, with your back to the post
And you won't tell me that you don't understand anything I'm trying to tell you
I'm listening but you don't even care I'm standing here
You don't even feel the crowd you're alone in
From your heart you're yearning to fly
To her you'll always be a caught birdie
Your loneliness will only rise
Hey, hey, tell me the truth, what are you asking for?
Reaching for a heartless heart now, she will not answer
Hey, hey, I cannot force you to be somebody else
You love her, she kills you, you come back, it thrills you, why are you like this?
Hey, hey, I'm just a shark
I've watched you live this day by day and I can see nothing will change
This thing has come from the humans and I'll never fit in
Crowds are like waves and I stumble, try to follow the circles that you're walking in
But before long I feel I can't walk any more
In water so still it looks like a mirror
Your loneliness reflects onto me
Now I can't help you it's so frustrating
Your world that cannot be
Hey, hey, tell me the truth, what are you asking for?
Reaching for a heartless heart now, she will not answer
Hey, hey, I cannot force you to be somebody else
I don't get it, shut my trap, keep my thoughts but the voice inside me says
Hey, hey, you're alone now, you're kidding your own self
Don't throw your heart away, on this ill-fitting dream
Hey, hey, there's no reason that you should feel this way
Even I can't bear to see all your flames damped down to match-light
Hey, hey, tell me the truth, what are you asking for?
Reaching for a heartless heart now, she will not answer
Hey, hey, I cannot force you to be somebody else
You love her, she kills you, you come back, it thrills you, why are you like this
Hey, hey I'm just a shark
Hey, hey I'm just a shark
Kiara: That's Why I Gave Up On KFP (to the tune of 'That's Why I Gave Up On Music')
[author's note: I kept this song almost entirely as it was and in the original Japanese because it already almost perfectly fits this point in the story. I only changed a handful of things, hopefully I got the Japanese right - please let me know if not - so I've presented it here in romaji, then translation, then kanji]
romaji:
kangaetatte wakaranai shi
aozora no shita, kimi o matta
kaze ga fuita shougo, hirusagari o nukedasu souzou
nee, kore kara dounaru n'darou ne
susumekata osowaranai n'da yo
kimi no me o mita nani mo iezu boku wa aruita
kangaetatte wakaranai shi
seishun nante tsumaranai shi
yameta hazu no ryouri, tamago o waru kuse ga nukenai
nee, shourai nani shite'ru darou ne
FAST FOOD wa shite'nai to ii ne
komaranaide yo
kokoro no naka ni toriniku o yaite mo
doushite mo kienakatta imasara nandakara
naa, mou omoidasu na
machigatte'ru n'da yo
wakatte'nai yo, antara ningen mo
hontou mo ai mo sekai mo kurushisa mo jinsei mo dou demo ii yo
tadashii ka dou ka shiritai no date bouei honnou da
kangaeta n'da anta no sei da
kangaetatte wakaranai ga, hontou ni toshioitakunai n'da
itsuka shindara tte omou dake de mune ga karappo ni naru n'da
shourai nani shite'ru darou tte
otona ni nattara wakatta yo
nani mo shite'nai sa
shiawase na kao shita hito ga nikui no wa dou warikittara ii n'da
mitasarenai atama no oku no bakemono mitai na rettoukan
machigatte'nai yo
naa, nandakanda antara ningen da
ai mo sukui mo yasashisa mo konkyo ga nai nante kimi ga warui yo
aisai bento nanka ga itai no date bouei honnou da
dou demo ii ka anta no sei da
kangaetatte wakaranai shi
ikite'ru dake demo kurushii shi
ryouri to ka moukaranai shi
okazu to ka tekitou demo ii yo
dou demo ii n'da
machigatte'nai daro
machigatte'nai yo na
machigatte'ru n'da yo wakatte'ru n'da
antara ningen mo
hontou ai mo sukui mo yasashisa mo jinsei mo dou demo ii n'da
tadashii kotae ga ienai no date bouei honnou da
dou demo ii ya anta no sei da
boku date shinnen ga atta
ima ja gomi mitai na omoi da
nando demo kimi o kaita
ureru koto koso ga dou demo yokatta n'da
hontou da hontou nanda mukashi wa sou datta
dakara boku wa KFP o yameta
English translation:
I've thought about it, but I still don't understand
Under the blue sky, I waited for you
On that breeze afternoon, my imagination escaped the confines of the day
Hey, where do I go from here?
No one has told me how to proceed
I looked into your eyes and without a word I walked away
I've thought about it, but I still don't understand
Youth is so boring
I tried to give up cooking, but I can't break the habit of breaking eggs
Hey, what will I do in the future?
It shouldn't be fast food, right?
Don't worry
Even if I cooked chicken in my heart
No matter what I did, it wouldn't disappear, even now, so
Hey, I still remember
I'm mistaken
I don't understand, I don't care
About all you humans or the truth or love or the world or pain or life
Wanting to know what's right or wrong is just a self-preservation instinct
It's your fault that I thought that
I've thought about it, but I still don't understand
Why I truly don't want to get older
Just thinking 'Someday I'm going to die' makes my chest feel hollow
'What will I do in the future?'
When I grew up I understood
That I'm not going to do anything at all
How do I explain why I hate people who put on happy faces?
It's an inferiority complex haunting my unsatisfied mind like a ghost
I'm not mistaken
Hey, with all your differences, you all are human
When you don't have love or salvation or kindness or a foundation, it feels bad
Feeling pain at something like a lover's bento is a self-preservation instinct
Do I really not care? It's your fault
I've thought about it, but I still don't understand
Why just living is painful
Why you can't make a living from something like cooking
I don't care if the side dishes or whatever are lazily done
I don't care about anything
I'm probably not mistaken
I'm sure I'm not mistaken
I'm mistaken, I understand
I don't care about all you humans or the truth or love or salvation or kindness or life
Not being about to give the right answer is a self-preservation instinct
I don't care, it's your fault
Even I had faith in something once
Now the feeling is nothing but garbage
I wrote to you so many times
I didn't care about whether I'd be rich and famous
It's true, it's really true, that's how it was back then
That's why I gave up on KFP
kanji
考えたってわからないし
青空の下、君を待った
風が吹いた正午、昼下がりを抜け出す想像
ねぇ、これからどうなるんだろうね
進め方教わらないんだよ
君の目を見た 何も言えず僕は歩いた
考えたってわからないし
青春なんてつまらないし
辞めた筈の料理、卵を割る癖が抜けない
ねぇ、将来何してるだろうね
ファーストフードはしてないといいね
困らないでよ
心の中に鶏肉を焼いても
どうしても消えなかった 今更なんだから
なぁ、もう思い出すな
間違ってるんだよ
わかってないよ、あんたら人間も
本当も愛も世界も苦しさも人生もどうでもいいよ
正しいかどうか知りたいのだって防衛本能\だ
考えたんだ あんたのせいだ
考えたってわからないが、本当に年老いたくないんだ
いつか死んだらって思うだけで胸が空っぽになるんだ
将来何してるだろうって
大人になったらわかったよ
何もしてないさ
幸せな顔した人が憎いのはどう割り切ったらいいんだ
満たされない頭の奥の化け物みたいな劣等感
間違ってないよ
なぁ、何だかんだあんたら人間だ
愛も救いも優しさも根拠がないなんて気味が悪いよ
愛妻弁当なんかが痛いのだって防衛本能\だ
どうでもいいか あんたのせいだ
考えたってわからないし
生きてるだけでも苦しいし
料理とか儲からないし
おかずとか適当でもいいよ
どうでもいいんだ
間違ってないだろ
間違ってないよな
間違ってるんだよ わかってるんだ
あんたら人間も
本当も愛も救いも優しさも人生もどうでもいいんだ
正しい答えが言えないのだって防衛本能\だ
どうでもいいや あんたのせいだ
僕だって信念があった
今じゃ塵みたいな想いだ
何度でも君を書いた
売れることこそがどうでもよかったんだ
本当だ 本当なんだ 昔はそうだった
だから僕はKFPを辞めた
All: TakaMori (to the tune of 'Hallelujah')
Ame & Gura:
I've heard there was a shitty bird,
Who won't stay dead, it's so absurd,
But you don't really care for TakaMori
Three times she's back, the fourth the fifth,
Will be enough to make you sick,
Ya baffled boy is cursing Kusotori
Kusotori, Kusotori…
Ina:
You came on strong when I needed proof,
But in ancient books I read the truth,
We're really not what you were seeking, are we?
And though your scythe gleamed in the night,
In the end it was fancy's flight
To try sailing a ship called CallInari
CallInari, CallInari…
Kiara:
You said you needed time to turn
I waited, but I only learned
To burn and fly away when things get sticky
It's too late now to make amends,
I'll spread my wings and face my end,
With a final anguished cry of 'Kikkeriki'
Kikkeriki, kikkeriki…
Calli:
I worked so hard, and did so much,
I wore myself out as a crutch,
But all I did without you seemed to bore me,
So even though it's really lame,
I'll leap into the phoenix flames,
With nothing for my shield but TakaMori
Takamori, Takamori
Epilogue:
Ina: I Can See Clearly Now (to the tune of 'I Can See Clearly Now')
I can see clearly now the flames have gone
I can see takodachis come to play
Gone are my dark thoughts of ending time
It's gonna be a deep (deep) dark (dark) sea-slimy day
Think I can make it now the pain has gone
All of my human feelings have disappeared
I'll go back to the shrine that I've been praying to
It's gonna be a deep (deep) dark (dark) sea-slimy day
Look all around, nothing but takos
Look straight ahead, nothing but takos
I can see clearly now…