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“The youngest Commander in the history of the Survey Corps!” Jean exclaimed to the small group of Military Police members chatting with him and Armin. He wrapped an arm loosely around the blonde’s waist, pulling him a little closer.
The gala they were at was in full swing, entering the latter half of the evening when everyone was buzzing with alcohol. Everyone, including Jean.
The MPs muttered, seeming impressed, and Jean leaned over to plant a kiss on Armin’s cheek, earning himself a subtle elbow in the ribs. No one reacted at this, either too drunk to care, or too dumb to think anything of it.
Jean and Armin had been together for nearly two years now. Just shy of this milestone, they weren’t ones for keeping their relationship a secret, so Jean didn’t think Armin would mind a little kiss to the cheek.
“If you’ll excuse me for a moment,” Armin said politely, tearing himself from Jean’s grip.
He might have been a bit drunk, but Jean wasn’t stupid. Ignoring the look from one of the MPs they had been talking to, Jean followed Armin out of the grand ballroom where the gala was being held, out into the hallway.
It was obvious Armin knew he was being followed, the sound of Jean’s boots clicking on the floor was hard to ignore, as was his name being shouted out.
“Armin! Where are you going?”
When he finally caught up to him, he reached out to grab Armin by the shoulder. This stopped him dead in his tracks, but he rolled out of Jean’s grip.
“Are you alright?”
Armin didn’t turn when he spoke. “Need some fresh air.”
“It’s getting late. I’m sure no one would mind of we slipped out and headed over to the hotel.”
“I want to get back to the base.”
“What? It’s late. We’re supposed to be staying the night.”
“Don’t want to. I’ll call a carriage. Sober up and meet me outside in fifteen minutes. Can’t have you puking on the ride back.”
With that, Armin resumed his walk down the hall, turning the corner and going out of Jean’s sight. Maybe he was a little stupid, because he couldn’t quite put a finger on what was causing Armin’s unusually clipped and terse way of speaking.
…
Back at the barracks, Jean followed Armin to his room as he stormed down the hallway. He wasn’t exactly sure he should be following him, evident in his angry footsteps and the way he refused to look at Jean during the whole carriage ride back. In this time, after sobering up like ordered, Jean started to get a feel for the situation they were in. Again, he wasn’t stupid.
Jean stood by the door with his arms crossed over his chest once they got inside, watching Armin angrily pace around. Now that they were in private, Armin seemed to be having a hard time hiding his emotions.
He pulled off his formal military jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his button-down shirt. Undoing his bolo tie with jerky motions and no precision, he then held it in a clasped fist, leaning against his desk on his hands, letting out a sigh. He looked surprisingly rugged, the way his jaw clenched, and his hair hung loose off his face. Despite the tenseness of the situation, Jean felt his crotch stir a bit. He blamed it on the alcohol that remained in his system.
“I told you we couldn’t act like that at those big Capital events.”
“Oh, come on Armin,” Jean grumbled, throwing his hands in the air. “I don’t see what the issue is. We’ve been together for two years now; people know.”
Armin didn’t look at him, but Jean could see him squeeze his eyes shut and let out another exasperated sigh. Jean didn’t change his stance when Armin finally turned to face him, hands on his hips. His big blue eyes were shockingly narrowed, a look ghosted in them that Jean wasn’t used to.
“I’m your commanding officer now, Jean.”
Jean’s eyes narrowed. “And?”
This word made Armin’s nose twitch and his shoulders tense even more.
“Don’t make me say it. You know exactly what I mean.”
The two of them had been practically equals since the day they met. Sure, Armin’s friendship with Eren made him more valuable at times, along with his skills in strategizing, but they relied on each other a lot. Jean and Armin had always worked well together. When he inherited the Colossal, the power imbalance shifted, but only slightly. Still, Jean had viewed them as equals, and treated Armin as such.
Armin found it rather refreshing. So many others treated him like a weakling or just another war toy, but Jean just saw him as his fellow comrade. Eventually, he saw him as his lover and partner. Now, with this new Commander title, something had shifted once again.
“No, I wanna hear you say it. I want to hear you tell me that you think you’re better than all of this now.” Jean gestured between them. Armin frowned.
“What are you even saying?”
“Are you embarrassed?” Jean posed a question rather than answering the one he was just asked.
“What?”
“Are you embarrassed? Embarrassed to be seen with me.”
Jean could practically see the heat rise to Armin’s ears. He gritted his teeth and his eyes went dark.
“Of course I’m not embarrassed. Are you joking, Jean?”
“No, I’m not joking. I get it, you’re Commander now. You can’t be seen with a lowly soldier, because god forbid anyone finds out we’ve been together for two years now.”
“This isn’t about that, Jean. It’s about being professional. I don’t go to those parties to have fun and get drunk. I got for business and to meet with my superiors. I’m ten years younger than all of them. If they think I’m just some dumb kid running around the Capital with his boyfriend, do you know what type of rumors they’ll spread about me? Do you think anyone will take me seriously? I know you can be quite the stubborn idiot sometimes, Jean, but this is a new low. You’ve outdone yourself this time.”
Jean snorted, rolling his eyes and adjusting his footing, still not moving from where he stood.
“I want an apology,” Armin demanded.
Even though they were standing a few feet apart, Jean was struck by how short Armin was compared to him. He looked up at him, scowl on his face and hands now curled into fists at his sides. Jean wasn’t the slightest bit threatened by him, and being the stubborn bastard that he was, he didn’t think he had any reason to apologize to Armin.
The staring contest continued for another few moments until it became apparent that Jean had nothing to say.
“If you’re not going to apologize, get out of my room.”
“Armin, come on.”
“Get out,” he said, pointing a long, skinny finger at the door. “Now.”
Jean almost faltered when he sensed the tiniest bit of a tremble to Armin’s voice, but stood his ground when he saw how angry his face still looked. Armin’s eyes were still narrowed, and his mouth set into a deep scowl.
“Fine,” he said, as if having the final word he would make him feel better about the whole situation. Maybe, deep down, part of him knew he was being stubborn just like Armin had said.
They didn’t talk again until two nights later. Neither had been actively avoiding the other, but their days were filled with training and meetings. Armin was extra busy, still in the throes of the early stages of being Commander.
The only time they saw each other was in the baths, where Armin gave Jean a curt nod before stripping to wash himself up that morning. While he shaved, Jean pretended not to watch him bathe through the mirror.
At night, Armin ate dinner in his office. There was no reason for anyone to assume they had had any type of fight, just that he was busy with his new duties.
On the first night after their spat, Jean caught Captain Levi shooting him a look from across the room. It shook him down a bit, but Jean was able to chalk it up to his typical natural sneer. Maybe he was too stubborn to recognize it at the time, but there was definitely more in the look than that.
By the time they next spoke, Jean barely even remembered what he was mad about.
Jean rapped his knuckles on Armin’s office door late at night, knowing he must be in there after he checked his bedroom, to no avail.
“Come in.”
He peeked around the door. Armin was looking down at some papers, scrawling with a pen. His nose was buried so deep in his work that all Jean saw was the top of his golden head.
“Hey.”
Armin looked up at him, made an odd expression, and looked back down.
“Oh, it’s you,” he mumbled.
Jean walked in and closed the door behind him.
“Are you busy?”
Armin sighed and lifted his arms, as if to show the pile of papers scattered across his desk.
“Do you want to take a break? It’s late, you know.”
There was silence, just the sound of a writing utensil on paper, quick and frustrated.
“I’m still mad at you,” he muttered, scribbling something on a letter before filing it away in a folder.
Jean sighed and flopped down in the chair across from his desk, stretching out his long legs and crossing his arms.
They were both silent. The only sound filling the room was that of Armin’s pen moving quickly across his papers.
“I don’t want us to be a secret again, Armin,” Jean finally said. “That was fun back then, but now, I don’t know. It feels wrong.”
“That wasn’t the point.” Armin still didn’t look up, but his voice sounded strained. He licked the tip of his pen and dipped it back into the inkwell before continuing. “I don’t want to keep us a secret either. And we won’t. It’s just, that was my first big social event as Commander and I asked you not to make anything obvious, just for the sake of not having to explain myself quite yet. For some reason, you didn’t take that seriously.”
“I’m proud of you and I want to show you off to the world. It’s not that often that I get to do that. I felt like you didn’t even want to be seen with me.”
Armin finally looked up. His eyes were glassy.
“You know it would have been customary for me to bring Captain Levi with me, right? Because he’s my second-in-command. I asked to bring you, specifically. Lucky for me, the Captain seems to have some secret soft spot for romance, and he told me to go ahead and bring you instead and for us to enjoy ourselves.”
Jean felt a pit of guilt start to grow in his stomach.
“I’m so new at all of this, Jean. I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing. All I do know, is that I always want you there by my side, whether we got the chance to show that off to the world or not. To me, just having you there with me was a statement in itself. You make me feel supported and safe. Jean, I wouldn’t be in this position if it weren’t for you.”
Jean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. The guilt in his stomach spread up into his chest and throat. He swallowed the knot that had been forming there. He really was a stubborn idiot.
“Well, now I feel like a real ass,” he admitted, offering a weak smile. His heart melted when he looked at Armin’s face. He hated seeing him upset, and hated even more when he was the reason for it. “I’m sorry, Armin. Really.”
Armin smiled back, genuine relief washing over his face. “I would never be embarrassed to be seen with you. Just trust me next time, Jean.”
They sat there for a moment, looking at one another, before Armin glanced back down at his desk.
“I really have to get this paperwork done tonight so I can send it out in the morning. Why don’t you come by my room in a couple hours if you’re still up.”
Jean stood and leaned over the desk, pressing a kiss to the top of Armin’s head. He pulled back and brushed his hair from his face.
“I’ll be there.”
They made slow and gentle love that night, Jean being sure to show Armin how much he meant to him and how apologetic he was.
…
It wasn’t for another couple of months that Armin asked Jean to attend the Capital with him again. He had gone plenty of times for business, Captain Levi accompanying him each time, but Jean never took offense to this. Armin assured him that he didn’t hold any grudges from their earlier trip together, but rather he didn’t want to drag Jean along for his boring meetings.
But this time, there was another gala.
Captain Levi saw them off early in the morning. After a quick briefing with Armin, he stood outside, watching them toss their luggage in the back of the carriage, his arms crossed over his chest.
“Don’t have too much fun,” he said in his monotone voice. For a moment, Jean thought he detected a hint of amusement in his tone. “And don’t get into any trouble.”
Armin prepped Jean during the carriage ride, telling him about all the important people he would be seeing that night. He nodded along, listening intently.
…
The gala was held at the same ballroom as last time. The ceilings were high and ornate, as were the walls and the furnishings. It was definitely one of the nicer buildings in the Capital.
During the party, Jean watched Armin navigate questions and accusations about being a twenty-year-old Commander. It was obvious that some of the more experienced military members certainly doubted what a young boy from the Survey Corps could do for Paradis.
Each time someone said something with a questioning glint in their eyes, Jean was tempted to jump to his Commander’s defense. But each time, Armin handled the questions with ease like the skilled strategist he was.
Jean listened to Armin rattle off all the things they were working on – the ones he could talk about, that is – like how he had gotten recruitment up in recent months and new battle formations that would minimize casualties and maximize results. He expressed how interest in the Survey Corps had been renewed in recent years, and how many youths wanted to become soldiers when they heard about all of the heroic work done by the young Scouts of the 104th.
Every time he flung himself into one of these ramblings about what he had been doing with his time as Commander, people shut up and looked at him with a bit more seriousness. It was likely that half of them didn’t understand the least bit of the military logistics Armin explained, so they resigned to shut up and listen to the young leader. Jean was impressed, but not surprised, to see how much Armin seemed to impress others as well.
Throughout the night, Jean was sure not to show any outward affection towards Armin. He didn’t want a repeat of last time. Still, he hung at his side, not wanting to miss the faces of those who heard about Armin and his accomplishments as Commander.
He strayed off at one point to find the bathroom and grabbed them both a glass of rich red wine on his way back.
Armin stood talking to a man that Jean recognized as Nile Dok, Commander of the Military Police. Jean squeezed through the crowd, sidling up next to Armin to hand him the drink. He looked at him with a smile, thanking him and placing a gentle hand on his bicep, giving him a squeeze.
“Commander, this is Squad Leader Jean Kirstein, one of the Corps’ finest. I’m sure you two have met before.” Armin spoke with a sort of dignified professionalism he must have reserved for these events. Part of Jean wondered if Levi had been advising him to talk to other higher ups like that, rather than his typical timid way of speaking. He sounded confident, sure of himself, and Jean felt his stomach get warm at the way he said his name in this voice.
Jean accepted the hand Nile held out, shaking it.
“I think I’ve seen you around. Actually think I met you a while back. You were on Levi’s Squad, correct?”
“Yes sir. Back when Armin and I were fifteen.”
“Ah, I do remember. You were tall and gangly back then. Filled out a bit since then, huh?” His voice held the slur of tipsiness. Jean frowned a bit until he heard Armin chuckling beside him. He felt an arm go around his waist and looked down. Sure enough, Armin was cozying up to him, sipping at his wine.
“Yep, that was Jean.” His voice had gone soft again. “Tall and gangly with that awkward haircut.”
Jean smirked and Nile and his date laughed.
“I think I remember you having quite the awkward haircut yourself,” Jean teased, earning another giggle from Armin.
They talked for a bit longer about politics and strategy, Jean piping in whenever he had something to contribute.
Suddenly, the music became noticeably slower, more relaxed than the jovial string music playing throughout the night. This tune sounded of a lilting harp and long, slow vibrato from violins and cellos. Nile’s date, who turned out to be his wife and a little drunk herself, tugged on his sleeve.
“Come on, Nile. You promised me a dance tonight.”
He grumbled something but let her tug him off to the dance floor. Jean watched them go, then felt a hand on his arm. He looked down at Armin, smiling up at him. His cheeks were flushed with the presence of alcohol in his system. Jean was sure his own face looked the same way, unless the heat he felt creeping down his stomach and onto his ears was caused by the smiling blonde looking up at him, blue eyes glimmering.
Armin motioned to the dancing crowd of partygoers with a tilt of his head. When Jean didn’t react, just stared, Armin spoke.
“Dance with me,” he said quietly, just loud enough to hear over the lull of the gala.
“Really?”
He didn’t respond, just tugged on Jean’s arm, leading him towards the dance floor.
Armin put both of his hands on Jean’s shoulders, but Jean reached up to take one of them, his other hand resting on the small of Armin’s back. They were standing quite close, just swaying, Armin’s face just inches below Jean’s.
Jean looked around at the other couples, some dancing with a little more experience than them and their juvenile swaying.
“I’m not a very good dancer,” Jean whispered, a smirk on his lips. Armin smiled cheekily back at him.
“Me neither,” he chuckled.
They tried to copy some of the steps they saw around them, but just ended up stepping on each other’s feet and bumping into a couple next to them when Jean attempted to dip Armin. Rather than get embarrassed, they both laughed openly and reverted back to simply rocking back and forth.
Armin let his hand travel from Jean’s shoulder to cup him behind the neck.
“Thank you for coming with me tonight,” he whispered, his thumb stroking the hair at Jean’s nape. He searched Jean’s eyes, only one look passing through them: love.
“I would go anywhere with you.” Jean was aware his words sounded cheesy, and could have blamed the alcohol for that, but he had no reason to.
After a few more moments of their blissful stare, to Jean’s surprise, Armin leaned up to press a featherlight kiss on his lips. Jean felt his cheeks get hot at the idea that Armin was beyond caring what anyone thought, before leaning down to kiss him a little harder, and a little longer.