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Natasha Romanoff has never been an affectionate person. Even in childhood - before the Red Room - she gave nothing but scowls, shoves and shouts of protest to intimacy and affection. Her natural need to keep people away made it easier for her to become a legend of the Red Room, the KGB, S.H.I.E.L.D. and every organisation she’s ever worked for; she by far one of the best assassins and spies to ever exist. No one could ever really tell what she was feeling, what she truly wanted, what thoughts were running through that mind of hers.
Bruce had gotten the closest, but his rejection of her due to his own self-pity and self-destructive nature pushed her even further away from him and anyone that followed. Being a part of the Avengers had loosened her up a little - she calls it weakness but they call it friendship - but she’s still not the most open. Natasha is still uncomfortable with intimacy, friendships, relationships. Everything, everyone, in her life had been temporary, so accepting this team that insists on calling itself a family is hard. You made it easier for her.
When you joined the team, it was a massive upgrade from working as a simple agent going on (mainly) data collection missions and the occasional fight every now and then. You’d proved yourself time and time again to Fury who couldn’t deny your wide skillset. He reassigned you to join the Avengers team, living with them, training with them, going on missions with them when needed. You earned your spot.
At first, you thought Natasha just didn’t like you that much.
Steve welcomed you with open arms, making sure you felt as comfortable as possible in your new home. He involved you in all activities, inviting you to ‘family bonding nights’ as he liked to call them - it was always either a movie night, game night, or drinking night, but most of the time it ended with drinking anyway - and he had been a massive help in training you, taking you a step further in your abilities, always pushing you to your limits.
Clint tried playing pranks on you but failed miserably. As a trained agent you could hear him failed at sneaking around you, tumbling around in the vents, footsteps creaking around the corridors. You switched it up and pranked him by filling his bathroom with balloons one night; he woke up and stumbled to go pee, opening the door just to have what seemed like hundreds of balloons fall out. His screams as he stepped on and popped a few woke up half the compound. You gained his approval and respect with a wide smile, loud laugh and tight hug.
You gained Tony’s friendship when he walked in on you in his work space going through his systems. You simply stated the facial recognition mechanism for your room was broken so you were just fixing it quickly. Your easy understanding of his tech was enough for a cat-like grin to sneak its way onto his face and you’ve been working on a new project with him practically every week since.
Bruce was fairly easy as he’s always been a naturally sweet guy, very contradictory to his other self. You two bonded when he was explaining one of his theories to the team. Half of them had zoned out, but you were pretty alert and interested, so much so that you butt in to kindly correct an equation he had written wrong. The whole room went silent and Tony’s snort was contagious enough to have everyone laughing - you think you saw the hints of a smile on Natasha’s face but perhaps you were imagining it.
Thor liked you because you were ‘a fair lady’, to use his words, flirting with you at every opportunity possible. Sam flirted even more which you didn’t think was possible until one night you came late to movie night to find no seats. He was the first to speak up, telling you his lap was available. Natasha grumbled and left after that comment, telling you to take her seat instead as she insisted the movie was a waste of time anyway. Needless to say, you didn’t sit but decided to follow her to her room after grabbing a bowl of popcorn and a couple bags of M&Ms.
“Did I forget something?” She said as you knocked on her door and she opened it only slightly, head peaking through the gap.
“Nope. It’s just…It’s family bonding night. You shouldn’t be alone.” Your eyes were soft but without pity, just…care? Natasha couldn’t really pinpoint what it was, but something possessed her to slowly opened the door and let you in. Her room was plain, white, nothing really comforting or homely about it. It didn’t look like a person was really living there. She told you she doesn’t spend much time in there anyway, always being on missions or in training - she missed out telling you about her lack of sleep and abundance of nightmares.
Natasha stood by her closed door with her hands by her side, tense as she watched you walk around her room to grab the remote from the hanging shelf under the TV. It was still covered in plastic, untouched. You strolled over to her bed and plopped down, leaning until your back was against her headboard. Natasha watched you humming to a song in your head as you put the snacks down and shuffled the pillows around until you were comfortable enough. You finally looked up at her with a warm smile and patted the other side of the bed.
“What’d you wanna watch?” You asked, turning the TV on and finding the Netflix app on the menu. Natasha slowly stepped forward, still hesitant, still on edge protecting herself from whatever threat you could possibly pose.
“I don’t watch TV.” She claimed with tight lips and you raised your brow at her, knowing she’s lying.
“That’s a lie.” She crossed her arms over her chest at that, closing herself off instantly, but you just smirked at her playfully.
“What makes you think that?” Her voice lacked emotion, only looking for facts and stats, so that’s what you gave her.
“You use your laptop, not the TV. You made a Star Wars reference during a mission once.” Natasha stayed silent and you internally cheered at the twitch of her lips, like she wanted to smile but held herself back. The redhead walked around the bed to sit on the small couch by the window. You figured you’d have to work yourself up to her, so you scrolled through different genres, watching her carefully as she kept her eyes on the screen. Her brow twitched slightly when you reached ‘horror’ so you clicked on it despite how much you hate scary movies. It twitched again when you landed on ‘The Conjuring’, seeing that it said ‘watch again’. Bingo. You pressed play and braced yourself. Just a few minutes in and her eyes were no longer on the screen but on you. You were twitching and jumping every now and again, knees pressed up against your chest, lips pressed into a pout. Natasha clenched her jaw before making her way back around the bed and sitting next to you, practically on the edge as far away from you as possible.
“Snacks.” She stated simply when you looked at her with a confused look. An hour later and she still hadn’t eaten a single thing.
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From then on, you started having two bonding nights: Friday nights with the team and Saturday nights with Natasha. You started off with horror movies until she decided she had tortured you enough, letting you choose what to watch. You watched ‘Murder Mystery’, laughing every minute at how stupid it was, but also intrigued as you tried to figure out who committed the murder. The next week Natasha had played ‘Knives Out’, and the following Saturday she put on ‘Murder on the Orient Express’. Not for her, but for you - she spent most of the time watching your face all scrunched up and pouty, eyes flickering between all your features, stuck on your eyes and lips.
It all changed when your hand slipped one night to her side of the bed, miscalculating how far the packet of sweets was. Your fingers brushed against her surprisingly warm skin and you gasped and retreated your hand quickly. But Natasha silently leaned over and gently pulled it back to the space between the two of you, simply placing her hand in yours. You didn’t dare move, though you wanted to. You wanted to hold tight, intertwining your fingers with hers, but whatever is building between the two of you has to go at her pace.
The next morning, you sat around the kitchen island laughing along with Tony about the time Sam flew right into a wall when he got distracted by a bird chasing him. Bruce and Steve were having their own conversation on the couch behind you, something about new training exercises. That’s when Natasha walked in and everyone paid her no attention as she usually just grabs something from the fridge and strolls back to her room. But this time she picked out some fruit, took her sweet time in cutting them up and throwing them into a bowl before the sound of the stool next to you screeched along the floor. Everyone turned to look to her as the redhead sat down with the bowl on the table in front of her, biting down on a strawberry slice before mumbling out a “Morning, Y/N” so quietly only this group of trained, enhanced individuals could hear her.
“I’m sorry, did you just sit he-” Tony spoke up, clearly not reading the situation enough to know he has to stay silent and not make a big deal out of this, or she’ll run off. That’s not what you wanted.
“Shut up, metal boy.” You interrupted him and he let out a dramatic gasp. Natasha’s head moved slightly beside you, a small and brief smile on her face.
“Okay, you did not just call me that.” Tony exclaimed, pointing his finger at you accusingly.
“Okay, but I did.” He scoffed and you heard Steve and Bruce laugh behind you.
“She did.” Bruce added.
“I prefer tin man.” Steve said teasingly, causing everyone to burst into laughter again - even Natasha let out a breath which what you assumed was the beginnings of a laugh that she swallowed.
“Thin ice, guys. Thin ice.” Tony grumbles and goes back to his unhealthy stack of pancakes soaked in syrup. Natasha didn’t throw you down that day during training.
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When you came back from a mission gone wrong two weeks later, Natasha was by your side in medical, hand in yours, holding rather than placing. You woke up to her warmth in your palm, her thumb stroking back and forth. Her movements stopped when you woke up as she felt the pulse in your palm change. You opened your eyes, squinting at the harsh light and she immediately told F.R.I.D.A.Y. to turn them down.
“How long have I been out?” You rasped out, your voice cracking a little. Natasha cleared her throat before shuffling her chair forward, closer to you.
“Only a couple hours.” She said with her voice less guarded than usual. Your memories flashed back to you. The comms were faulty and cracking up, so much so that you couldn’t hear Tony’s warning of the influx of HYDRA agents. You’d been shot, a simple graze, but it was the enhanced being they had that knocked you out cold. You fought him off as best as you could, catching him off guard a couple times, but a powerful punch to the side of the head with his metal arm isn’t something a normal human being can handle.
“Movie?” You asked with a cheeky smile but she just frowned and narrowed her eyes at you. It’s the most emotion you’d seen on her face so far, and it’s still vague and guarded so you couldn’t really understand it yet.
“I’ll bring a TV in here.” She let go of your hand and walked towards the door with purpose.
“Natasha, no.” You laughed out loud, breaking out into a cough immediately. She was by your side at the speed of a cheetah, holding onto your hand again, another hand on your cheek. Your breath caught up in your throat at her sudden closeness, the spark of electricity you felt from her fingertips on your skin so close to your lips. She scanned you with her eyes, looking over your features, your body, everywhere that could be hurting you before finally settling on your eyes. Worry. That’s what it was. She was worried. “Hey…I’m okay. I’m barely even hurt.” You whispered sweetly, voice laced with honey and she couldn’t help leaning in a little closer, unconsciously drawn to you. Her eyes light up a little, a brighter shade of green.
“You could have died.” She whispered back, frown still on those lips that you’d rather be kissing. You wanted to feel those lips smiling against yours.
“Everyone dies eventually.” She swallowed in response to your words. It’s your turn to scan her this time, watching the subtle way she was biting the inside of her cheek, the small stressed crease of her forehead as her brows slightly pull together.
“I know. But I’d rather you…” She stopped herself before finishing what she was going to say, leaning back instinctively, but you raise a hand up to her cheek, just ghosting over it, scared to cross any lines. She let you touch her though, even leaning into your fingertips - barely, but enough for you to notice.
“Stay?” You finished off and her lips quivered for a brief second before she nodded.
“Stay.”
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That’s when you realised Natasha’s love language was physical touch. She realised how much she cared for you after you got hurt and there was no middle ground anymore; she’d either not touch you at all or be touching you all the time. Everyone noticed pretty quickly considering she was trailing behind you the entire time you were cooking in the kitchen the following Friday. She used excuses like ‘she can’t reach the cabinet’ which everyone thought was a joke considering you’re taller than she is, but it was a mistake on her part, one that had her staggering and blushing so very lightly that only you could notice it with her standing right beside you.
That same night, it escalated even more when it was time for another movie night since the previous Friday you played Monopoly - needless to say, Stark won. Everyone took their seats across the living space, Natasha still in her room getting dressed after she’d just had a shower. Small chatter filled the room as you all waited, Steve scrolling through Netflix trying to find something to watch, occasionally asking ‘yay or nay’ when he found something that grabbed his attention. He settled on a random action movie when Natasha strolled in. They left a seat beside Bruce on the couch, but she barely glanced in that direction. Instead, she walked over to you sitting in the loveseat and gently sat beside you, shifting to get comfortable until her legs were draped over your lap. Silence filled the room once again, every single person turning to stare with their mouths hung open, jaws practically hitting the floor. Natasha barely noticed with her eyes stuck on your fingers that she held, playing with them gently measuring their lengths with her fingertips.
“Did I miss something?” Sam hesitantly spoke up first and that was the cue for everyone else to burst into words of protest or shock or joy, everyone making their own assumptions. Natasha rolled her eyes at them, unfazed until Tony’s loud voice overpowered the rest.
“Are you two dating?” She froze at that, taking a few seconds to try and think of what to do or say to that, but it was too much. She retrieved her hand and jumped off like you were burning her, practically sprinting out of the room and slamming her own door shut when she reached those safe confinements. You sighed and stood up to follow her.
“You’re all assholes.” You told them off with a disappointed look. Only Bruce, Thor and Clint cowered at that, turning their heads away from you sheepishly. Steve had the same disappointed look targeted at Tony and Sam. “Nat?” You knocked and called for her when you reached her room, ear pressed to the door to listen for movements. It’s silent. “Ignore them. They’re just messing around, okay? We can watch a movie without them if you’d like.” You called out again but she still doesn’t respond. They scared her off. This is exactly what you didn’t want. You let out another sigh and stepped back. “I’ll be in my room if you change your mind. I told F.R.I.D.A.Y. to give you access a few weeks ago.” You walked away after that, retreating to your room.
You spent the next few hours reading until your eyes started getting heavy. You turned the light off and dropped your book on your nightstand, getting ready for bed and finally resting your head on your pillow. Just when you felt yourself beginning to fall asleep to images of Natasha’s smile, you heard the ‘access granted’ sound and you know the only person who could be coming in is Natasha. You waited a minute or two, feigning sleep, until you finally felt the bed dip. She climbed in, shuffled towards you until she was leaning on one arm watching you. She knows you’re not asleep by your uneven breathing patterns.
“Are we?” She whispered, leaning close to you, so close you could feel her breath on your cheeks. You cracked open an eye, giving her a small grin before opening both of your eyes. She softened when she saw them.
“Are we what?” You asked, confused to what she was referring to. Your eyes are drawn to her bottom lip as she drags her teeth across it.
“What Tony said.” She whispered even more quiet. Your eyes snapped back up to hers so fast her head leaned back a little. You could feel her hardening again so you were quick to answer.
“If that’s what you want.” You said softly and she hummed. You waited for a few seconds before she nodded and leaned back to lay down. A minute later and she shuffled again, moving until her arm was wrapped around your torso and her head resting on your chest. She barely slept that night, only listening to your heart beating evenly as you slept and dreamt of her.
The minute you woke up, her gentle lips brushed against yours experimentally until she whimpered softly and kissed you again, and again, and again with more certainty. When you both walked out of your room for breakfast, she fixed you a bowl of cereal and planted another long kiss on your lips in front of everybody, making sure she glared at Thor and Sam after she pulled away from you.
“Told you.” Clint grinned, happily taking the $100 bill Tony slammed into his open palm. Natasha pranked him by twisting his arm and you spent an hour explaining how that wasn’t really a prank but theft. She left and came back 30 minutes later with a $100 bracelet and told you to return it if it was theft. Three years later and you still haven’t taken it off.