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"Not far now." Hecate paused as the street became steeper, trying to allow for Ada's shorter legs. They had never walked together before and it was taking time to find a rhythm that suited both their strides.
It felt absurdly nerve-racking, introducing Ada to her cousin.
Indigo was the most important person in Hecate's life, while Ada… Ada's significance was somehow growing with every week that passed. She had been so wistfully enthusiastic about Indigo's baby daughter over coffee the day before that Hecate found herself extending an invitation to join her weekly visit to her cousin's home.
She couldn't quite fathom why Ada was so interested. Hecate usually attempted to time her solo visits for when Azura might be sleeping so that she could have Indigo all to herself again and do her best to pretend nothing had changed. Even then, Indigo showed a baffling tendency to discuss nappies and slings, or how breastfeeding was destroying her nipples, rather than bringing up any more rational topic of conversation. Hecate hoped very much that they would not be talking about nipples in front of Ada.
"How long did Indigo live with you before Azura came along?" asked Ada, breaking into her thoughts.
"Almost five years. Ever since she came back to this part of the country. But we lived together for quite a lot of our childhood as well."
"Oh? I had that impression but I wasn't quite sure."
"Indigo's mother wasn't always able to care for her, so my parents took over for a few years. I suppose it was like having a sister."
"It's lovely that you still get on so well," Ada said quietly. Hecate reproached herself for bringing up the topic of sisters. She was grateful to reach Indigo's house before the conversation could become awkward.
"There. The one with the red door."
They could hear Azura howling before they reached the front gate.
"Oh dear," Ada murmured. "Someone doesn't sound very happy."
"I'd better use my key," said Hecate uneasily. "Indigo won't hear if we knock."
Indigo was sitting on the sofa, wearing her rainbow striped dressing gown hanging open over pyjamas, and trying to burp Azura, whose yells were subsiding into hiccups. One side of Azura's face was unnaturally flushed, and Indigo had deep shadows under her eyes. She stared as they walked in. "Hecate? What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you, of course. I brought Ada," she added pointedly, gazing with horror at the chaos of Indigo's living room.
Indigo looked from one to the other in bewilderment. "Today is Sunday?"
"Yes, dear," Ada said gently, handing her a muslin just in time as Azura spat up some milk. "We've clearly come at a bad time. Would you prefer us to leave, or stay and give you a hand?"
"I don't know. I'm so sorry. I just lost track… We've been up three nights in a row with her first tooth coming through."
Ada gave a sympathetic nod. "Teething can be such a nightmare. Is she feverish with it?"
As Indigo began to relax, Hecate, deeply disconcerted by not finding things as she had expected, marvelled at the way Ada always seemed to know what to say to put people at ease.
Azura began to grizzle again and Indigo rocked her distractedly.
"She really needs a change of scene. I was going to try and take her for a walk." She glanced down at her pyjamas and pulled a face.
"I could do that if you like," Ada offered. "Take her out of your hair for a bit. If you'd trust me with her? Of course I understand if you don't feel comfortable."
Indigo glanced at Hecate for reassurance. Hecate nodded. She might not have known Ada Cackle long, but it was long enough to feel that she could be trusted with anybody's life. "That would be really kind of you, if you're sure," said Indigo. She checked her watch. "Thank god, it's time for some more magic teething gel. That should perk her up for a bit. ...Oh, and the changing bag is already under the pushchair in case you need it. I've just put her in a fresh nappy but you never know."
Hecate grimaced. "You can't expect Ada to-"
"I don't mind at all," Ada said. "If a baby needs changing she needs changing."
"Surely not in public?" Hecate asked, scandalised.
Indigo snorted with laughter. "It's not like I'm asking you to do it."
"That's settled then," said Ada, glancing between them. "I'll take Azura out for a bit of fresh air. And Hecate-"
"-Hecate will stay here and clean up," Hecate broke in. She took Indigo by the shoulders. "Giving you time to have a nap, or a bath, or whatever you need most."
"Don't fall asleep in the bath though," Ada cautioned with a wink. "Could one of you get the door for me?"
With Ada and Azura gone, Hecate turned back to her cousin, unsure what to say.
Indigo gave a tired laugh. "Don't look at me like that. I'm ok. This is just one of the bad weeks."
Hecate frowned. "It's been this bad before? I've never seen-"
"I didn't want you to see it like this. I normally tidy up before you come round."
"But Indy-"
Indigo looked uncomfortable. "You don't like mess."
Hecate closed her eyes for a moment. What would Ada say in this situation?
"I'd hope you would always feel able to tell me if you were struggling," she tried. "I know I'm… I can be quick to judge. But I would always want to help you."
"I didn't want you to start thinking Azura ruined my life. Because she hasn't. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. You're not exactly her biggest fan, Hecate. I didn't want to say anything that might make it harder for you to accept her."
Hecate twisted her fingers together, feeling caught out. She had believed she was doing reasonably well at masking the extent of her discomfort around the baby. "It's not that I dislike her. I just don't understand babies. I don't know anything about them."
"Neither did I," said Indigo quietly. "I had to learn really fast."
Hecate looked at the floor and didn't say anything.
Indigo sighed, pushing her hair out of her eyes. "… I knew it wouldn't be easy doing this on my own. I just never realised quite how hard it might get. No wonder my mum used to go off the rails sometimes. She was basically still a kid herself when I was born."
"You won't go off the rails," Hecate said fiercely. "I won't let you."
"I know you wouldn't." Indigo patted her arm. "But that's not what's going on here, I promise. I'm knackered, that's all."
"Go and get some rest then," said Hecate, putting as much warmth into her voice as she could. "I'll see to everything down here."
~*~
The daylight had almost drained from the sky by the time Ada returned. She opened the door just as Hecate had put the finishing touches to the kitchen and finally allowed herself to sit down.
"Hello! My goodness, you've been hard at work."
"How did you get on?" Hecate enquired, hoping Azura had not been too much trouble.
"I took her to the park. We had a bit of a scene when she wasn't allowed to pet a duck but otherwise we got along beautifully, didn't we Azura? We had a lot of fun on the swings."
Azura gave Ada a gummy smile and dribbled onto her coat. Ada wiped it up in a businesslike fashion. She whisked off Azura's striped woollen hat before unexpectedly holding her out to Hecate.
"Take her for a moment, could you, while I fold the buggy and find a vase for these flowers?"
Hecate's hands reached out of their own accord and pulled the baby into her lap, but she was awash with anxiety. She had held a sleeping Azura a few times to please Indigo but she had never touched her when awake, nervous about making her cry.
Azura seemed perfectly calm however, and Hecate supposed she ought to finish taking off her outdoor clothes. She unzipped Azura's bright flowered coat and carefully pulled off her mittens. As she did so, Azura's little fingers reached and curled around Hecate's thumb. The baby gazed up at her through huge dark eyes and squealed with delight. And just like that, Hecate was smitten. Her world slipped and shifted, and rearranged itself so that the tiny human on her lap was almost at the very centre.
Hecate's face softened into a smile and she touched a fingertip to the dimple in Azura's cheek.
"You're so lovely," she whispered. "I see that now." Azura reached up to mirror Hecate's action, fingers brushing Hecate's face.
"Your hands are cold," Hecate said, anxious again. She breathed warmth into Azura's fingers, wrapping them in her own. Azura beamed and wriggled.
Smiling back, Hecate returned her attention to the coat, trying to work out how to extricate the child without bending her arms in the wrong direction. She looked up.
"Ada, how do I… Are you alright?"
Ada was leaning against the kitchen door frame with the oddest expression on her face. She blinked and stepped towards them. "... Yes, I'm fine. Slide it down over her shoulders, then her arms will... That's it. Well done." She rested her hand briefly on Hecate's shoulder. "Give the coat here, I'll put it away."
Hecate's stomach swirled at the praise, the contact and the knowledge that Ada had witnessed her small epiphany. She knew that Well done was referring to more than just taking off Azura's coat.
"Keep talking to her," Ada said, coming back into the room. "She likes it."
"Isn't she too young to understand?"
"The words, yes, for now. But it's the only way she's going to learn them. And she's not too young to understand that somebody wants to spend time with her."
Hecate found she rather liked the idea of introducing a child to language. She took hold of Azura's hand again.
"Azura, these are your fingers," she said, feeling a little foolish but determined to embrace her new role as teacher. "This is your thumb, and here's your wrist…" Azura giggled and stuck out her tongue.
"Don't do that," said Hecate with mock severity, "It's very rude. Didn't your mother ever teach you that?"
"Her mother's been a bit busy lately." Indigo came in from the hall and leaned over the back of Hecate's chair, wrapping her arms around them both. She planted a kiss on Hecate's temple. "I was thinking I'd leave the etiquette lessons to you. …Would you like that, Azura? Aunty Hecate teaching you proper manners?"
Hecate pursed her lips. "Technically I'm her first cousin once removed."
"If you say so. Bit of a mouthful though. Hey, you bought me flowers!"
"I did!" Ada said. "I thought they were pretty. Although I must confess I'm not quite sure what they are."
"Amaryllis," Hecate supplied automatically.
Ada beamed. "I knew you'd be able to tell me." She turned to Indigo. "There are some mince pies for you in the kitchen as well, if you need an energy boost."
"Mince pies already?" asked Hecate, horrified.
"It's the middle of December," Ada said mildly.
Hecate tutted and rolled her eyes, making Indigo laugh.
"Hecate won't admit to feeling festive until she's walking home from Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve."
"It's not Christmas until then," Hecate insisted. It's Advent." She saw Ada and Indigo share a smile, and gave an audible sigh, pretending to be more irritated than she really was.
"Indigo, you don't seem to have a lot of other food in," Ada said, changing the subject. "Do you need any shopping done?"
Indigo shook her head. "Now you've put me straight on which day it is, I know there's a grocery delivery coming tomorrow. I was just going to order a pizza tonight. Do you want to stay and join me?"
Hecate had wondered, once or twice, what it might be like asking Ada to have dinner with her. She had not considered it might involve eating takeaway pizza together on Indigo's sofa, with baby Azura propped between them, doing her best to grab every slice that went past. Unorthodox as it was, Hecate was surprised to find it an improvement on her vague imaginings. Ada had found some candles, and Indigo switched on her Christmas tree lights so that the room glowed like a jewel in the night. Conversation came and went, and for the first time since Indigo had moved out, the silences were not awkward. Lulled by the atmosphere, and the sleepy weight of the baby's head against her arm, Hecate even contemplated accepting a mince pie. Standards were standards though, and one seismic shift was enough for one day. Besides, she would never have lived it down.
~*~
"Thanks so much, both of you," Indigo called as they left, Azura nestling on her hip and giving an enthusiastic wave. They both turned and waved back.
"See you soon," Ada called, and they set off back down the hill.
Hecate cleared her throat. "Ada, I'm sorry today wasn't-"
Ada waved away her apology. "It was lovely."
"You really didn't mind?"
"It was the nicest day I've had in ages."
On reflection, Hecate agreed, although she wasn't quite ready to say so.
It wasn't until they reached their front door that she realised they had been walking perfectly in step all the way home.