Work Text:
𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 – 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒘𝒆 𝒎𝒆𝒕.
***
It’s been a week by now since Yuji returned to jujutsu high, and he really thought that he’d be happier to be back.
The past two months had been really hard on him and even though Gojo made sure to keep him company, he looked forward to going back to his friends – he missed them. The connection they had, the three of them, was unlike any connection he felt with anyone before – of course, he had friends before, he was always the social kind, the approachable kind, the friendly kind, even though he was kind of the solitary extrovert, but he never had friends like them. Maybe it was weird to think of their relationship that way – he only knew them for about two weeks after all, a lot less than the classmates he used to go to kindergarten with, but he realized that friendship isn’t forged by time but by experiences. They saved each other’s lives, couldn’t get out of each other’s sight for two long weeks that almost felt like years, shared the same bed watching some movie Nobara had chosen and after all, hated, made fun of Gojo behind his back even when they knew he could hear them – and so he realized that even though he always liked people, even though he was always popular enough to be invited to parties, even though he never had any difficulty talking to people, he never felt truly surrounded until he met them.
So, he should be happy that he’s back – that he found them again, but Nobara was still mad at him for making them believe he was dead for two months (though it’s not like anyone gave him that choice) and worst that Nobara’s anger, he had to deal with Megumi’s silent treatment. A few words were exchanged, not more than a few – meaningful, though.
“𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝘩𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑑, 𝑟𝑖𝑔𝘩𝑡?”
“𝑖𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑖𝑒 𝑎𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛, 𝐼’𝑙𝑙 𝑘𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢.”
That was basically the only two sentences fushiguro addressed him since he got back, if we don’t count the hellos and the goodnights and the thank yous after he passed him the plate at the kitchen table. The tension was unbearable, the silence was unbearable and everyone around them could feel it – because Yuji didn’t know how to start talking, and that wasn’t something that happened to him often, even the second years that had only met him a few days ago noticed how he froze every time Fushiguro was around, silent, always silent.
“Oh, come on, stop it with the puppy eyes and go talk to him.”
Gojo told him that this morning, sick of seeing yuji staring at his raven-haired classmate from a distance when he should be by his side.
***
It wasn’t until later in the night that Yuji finally took Gojo’s advice, as he surprised Megumi outside, sitting on a low wall while stargazing, a dark purple hood from a sweater Yuji had seen before covering his hair.
“Isn’t that my hoodie?”
He said as he jumped to sit beside him, only a few feet away.
“Uh… yeah.” Megumi said, not taking his eyes off the sky to look at him. “You forgot it in Ijichi’s car, I thought you wouldn’t need it anymore, so I kept it instead of throwing it away. It’s comfortable. You can have it back, now, I guess.”
He wasn’t really lying – he did find the hoodie in Ijichi’s car and it was, in fact, comfortable, but it wasn’t the only reason he kept it, it wasn’t the reason he kept wearing it, every night, since Yuji’s “death”. He couldn’t understand why at first – why a simple hoodie ended up meaning so much to him, why he became so attached to it, why Yuji’s death affected him so much even though he only knew him for two weeks.
Yuji was something new too, for Megumi, he never felt the need to fight for someone the way he fought for Yuji without the ounce of an hesitation, from the first night he met him. Maybe Yuji’s death hurt him so much because he realized it was the outcome of his own mistakes, that after all, he was the only one to blame – none of this would have happened, if he had never hindered the path of Yuji's fate, if he had let him die that first night he met him, or even better, if he had prevented him from interfering, from eating Sukuna’s finger, from accompanying him to the school. He blamed himself too much, and that hoodie, a part from being all he had left from Itadori Yuji, the pink-haired boy with a bright smile that saved his life and made him feel so many new things in such a short amount of time, was also the object of his own guilt, that he got used to feeling, that he accepted, telling himself that he would never, ever, let his personal feelings take over him during a mission again.
But Yuji was alive, after all. he was here, right next to him – he could feel his presence, he could smell his scent, he could hear his breath, and if he dared, he could even touch him. But the guilt was still there, and even though Yuji was back, for now, he knew that it was just for a while – that he was always going to lose him in the end, and that the second time would probably hurt even more than the first, and that it was all his fault.
Every time he looks at him, he remembers that he’s the one who gave him a death sentence. So, he just decided to keep him away, to avoid him, so it would hurt less when the execution day comes.
But he should have known that Yuji wasn’t going to let him stay away much longer.
“Keep it, it looks better on you anyway.” Itadori said, and then the night became silent again, for a few seconds, maybe minutes, before itadori sighed and finally asked. “Are you mad at me, or something? Look, I get it, and I’m sorry but I really didn’t have a choice – Gojo-sensei thought it would be better, that it would give me more time to prepare, I wanted him to tell you and Kugisaki, but he was afraid the info would leak or something. I couldn’t stop thinking about coming back here, about seeing you two again, it’s the only thing that kept me going after… after what happened. All I wanted was to see you guys again and watch some stupid movie in my room with you but now Kugisaki’s mad at me and you… I don’t even know what you think and it’s… it’s really not cool, Fushiguro. The silence, it sucks. And I know you’re not the type to talk much but… this is different, we need to talk about this.”
Megumi felt his heart ache as he was listening to him, as he was still looking up at the stars, searching for an answer, for the words to say – he was never good at communicating, keeping his feelings and his thoughts to himself always seemed easier, but he didn’t want yuji to think he was mad at him, because he wasn’t.
“Kugisaki will come around, she just needs time but what you two have, your friendship, it’s stronger than that. You know she’s the one who told Inumaki-senpai to cook blueberry pancakes this morning because she knows it’s your favourite, right? She just needs to pretend she’s mad for a little bit longer.”
So, there he was – avoiding, again, comforting Yuji about Kugisaki but not telling him anything about what he feels, about why he acts that way. At least Yuji smiled, he knows because he turned to look at him for a second – thinking to himself that his smile was way more beautiful than the sky.
“Will you? come around?” yuji asked, playing with his fingers, slightly nervous about this whole situation, and Fushiguro sighed, because he knows he can’t escape any longer.
“I’m not mad at you, Itadori. I don’t think I could ever be mad at you.”
“You look mad at me.”
“I’m not. I’m mad at myself.”
He finally said – well, whispered, more to himself than to Yuji. But still, Yuji heard. “Oh”, was all he said, as he started thinking about the meaning of these words – about the meaning of every words Fushiguro had told him ever since they met.
“That night, you said you never regretted saving me. Do you still feel that way?”
He asked, it was so hesitant that for a moment, he doubted that he even asked – maybe he had only asked in his own head, but Fushiguro turned to look at him and their eyes met for the first in what felt, for both of them, an eternity.
“I think… I think that, when I look at you, I don’t think I could ever regret saving you, because you’re here and you’re alive and… you told me to live a long life, but you’re the one that deserves that. I don’t really care about living a long life, my fate was written ever since my birth – I know how I’m going to die, and I know it’s by the hand of a curse and not growing old with someone I love, I’ve always known that, and I… I have accepted that. But then I look at you and I think, that’s not your fate. That’s not how you should die. And I think this is why I saved you in the first place, and that this is why I could never regret it but… You still died by the hands of Sukuna and there was nothing I could do about it. And you will still die a non-natural way and… I brought that on you. The whole reason you ate Sukuna’s finger was to save me, and it’s all my fault, and I just… I just can’t. I don’t know how to deal with this.”
The last few words came out as a whisper, as he avoided Yuji’s gaze – it was easier to look at the stars than to affront the person he just spilled all of his feelings at.
Yuji couldn’t exactly find the words to say, he listened to every word Megumi had to say, trying to understand how it must have felt for him. Quickly, he wiped the couple of tears that fell down his cheeks before Megumi notices, and moved a bit closer to him, taking Megumi’s hand in his – it was the only thing he could think of doing.
“I’m sorry.” He said as their fingers intertwined. “I know… I know there’s probably nothing I can say to make you feel different, but you shouldn’t hate yourself for the choices that I’ve made. I don’t regret any of it, and I would do it over and over again if that means saving you, as well as other people. I know you’re not ready to see me die, but I’m glad I, at least, got to choose how I die. But… Fushiguro, I’m not dead yet. I’m here, for a little longer and… I don’t know, maybe we’ll find a way, maybe it doesn’t have to come to this… I don’t really want to die, I don’t think I’ve lived enough to die. If it comes to this, then I’m okay with it, I made that choice but… I still have hope that we can be together without Sukuna being a threat to any of us. I just… I feel like Gojo will somehow find a way, you know? Like he did for that second year, Yuuta right? Now, it’s just hope and I know that, but… no matter if I die or not, I just want it to be with you.”
“I’ll stay with you, then. No matter what.”
They both stayed silent for a while after this, still holding each other’s hand – they felt at peace here, under the stars, and they would have stayed here for hours if not for the fatigue they became to feel – it was late, and the heavy conversation made them really tired.
“It’s getting late, we should go back to our rooms.” Megumi finally said after a while, letting go of Yuji’s hand to get off the low wall. Yuji followed him and they went back to their dorms, both stopping at their doors to have one last look at the other, before wishing each other goodnight, though the morning wasn’t too far away.