Archive of Our Own

A flashing neon red was displayed on the small alarm clock on Toko’s dark wood night stand, taunting her once again as she repeatedly turned her head slowly and checked what it had said in both a deplorable misery and languishing disbelief. The clock read the dreadful time, an atrocious 3:29 a.m. was blinking in the eye-stinging night light. Well, eye stinging for this hour, or maybe it was the excruciating sleep deprivation that was prickling her eyes in dull pain that slowly built up with each passing second, with each tick of the clock, with each and every time Toko turned her head, praying the clock would magically turn back time so she would feel less frustrated with herself.

Agonizing nights like these were common for Toko. Hell, she would go as far to say that they were second nature to her at this point, more often than not dealing with them rather than getting proper sleep. It’s happened so many times, far too many times than she would like to admit. At this point, Toko had grown numb by being surrounded in daunting darkness and the dead silence of night that often kept her company along with the small anxious voice that reminded her consistently of her own stupidity. And she wouldn’t bat an eye when the golden and pinkish dazzling rays of sunlight would creep onto the horizon, mocking Toko as another reminder of how she failed to get even a wink of sleep.

What was she even supposed to feel anymore? Maybe she was rattled the first or second time she had stayed up far past the hours her body had begged her to have gone to sleep, trying to out of guilt of being more bothersome around the others but only failing miserably and being tortured by the beautiful sunrise. But this has happened nearly every single day for the past two months now, it’s gotten old real fast.

Toko used to love the sunrise, love the fresh smell of dew on the grass in the early morning, love the grinding of fresh coffee in the house that she would quietly make for both her and Jill. It would give her so many ideas for what to write, it would make her appreciate life for even just a second. She used to love so much about the morning. But now? Now, she was tired of it, both literally and figuratively.

She was tired of everything really. Often Toko was too lethargic to properly care, too delirious to properly word things to ask for help, too anxious to properly think things through. Jill would often at times have to take over cause it got to the point that Toko would pass out due to the sheer exhaustion. Chronically Toko only got 1 to 3 hours of sleep, maybe 4 or 5 if she was pushing her luck. She continuously felt nothing and everything all at once, nights filled with such dread and exhaustion will do that to anyone. 

No matter how many times people say they are fine, or how many times they plaster a faux smile to relieve their friends’ worry, or how many times they joke that they aren’t tired, that the sleep doesn’t affect them; it will always catch up. And boy was the burn out kicking Toko’s ass right now.

Honestly though, it was her own fault this time, and Toko was well aware of it. The incriminating evidence still layed down, spread out all across her room. From every nook and cranny, she saw some sort of trace of it. Whether it was under the dark and dusty unforeseen regions of her bed, or crushed on top of her desk amidst the hundreds of scattered papers with scribbled story ideas or sentence starters on them. The devil's drink was all around, the reminiscences left in the image of empty cans and cracked styrofoam cups.

Caffeine. It was all Toko could see in her room, so much so that she was astounded that she hadn’t overdosed on it.

It was no shocker to anyone who at least acknowledged Toko’s existence that Toko had loved caffeine, relying on it as a use of energy when those treacherous sleepless nights pushed her around. It was basically salvation to her, something that saved her days and allowed her to moderately function, at least decently enough to continue to rely on the drink.

Looking back now, Toko regrets it so much. She still regrets it every time she grabs a monster or makes a second cup of coffee because she knows how it will end, but she just submits to it. It was as if she sold her soul to the stimulant.

Caffeine, oh why do you have to be so tempting? Poor Toko never had the will nor strength to resist its power over her. She knew it would only get worse.

Caffeine, the most commonly used drug. A stimulant, one that raises the nervous activity in the body; ergo awakening Toko and energizing her for a time. Although smaller and less dangerous than other substances, she became addicted and her tolerance built up. And as everyone knows, too much of anything, good or bad, will end up being detrimental.

Well not sure about you, but drinking six servings of caffeinated beverages a day seems a bit unsettling, crossing that line of too much.

Toko couldn’t help it, she just could not stop. She needed to finish the last chapter of her work in progress story tonight because of her own personal deadline, and Toko knew she wouldn’t forgive herself if she didn’t make the deadline. It might seem silly, but her punctuality and passion for writing is all Toko currently has going for her. It’s all that is allowing Toko to push through the days, to not give into the anxious thoughts creeping through her mind waiting to attack her at her most vulnerable, waiting to bring her down until she is suffocating in doubt and exhaustion.

Toko Fukawa didn’t want to finish her chapter tonight. No, she needed to. And this fragile and pernicious mindset is what had motivated Toko to chug the last three monsters she had hidden in her room, unbeknownst to Kyoko and Hina who will probably scold her out of love and worry in the morning when they find out she didn’t get any rest last night. Again.

She made her own grave, and now Toko must lie in it. While her body and mind are both exhausted, the caffeine is still buzzing inside her, refusing to let her properly rest for even a minute. It was a wretched curse that the energy drinks had put on her. What is worse, she always falls for it, hoping that things will be different for just one night, that she won’t fuck up her health anymore. But no, she fucked it up and now she can’t sleep because of it. Simple as that.

Why was Toko like this? Why was she so anxious and demanding with her own standards for herself that she rathered destroy her own mental and physical health and worry every single fucking person around her, the people she loves and who she has to face daily with shame, instead of taking care of herself. For just once in her life, could she just have some sense of balance and stability?

Knowing Toko’s current history, that’s apparently too much to ask. If there is a god or such a thing as fate, Toko hopes it fucks itself.

It’s unlikely, and thoughts like these probably will only get her more screwed over by whatever force that does control this world, if there is one. But like hell Toko cares now. It is far too late and she is far too annoyed to give a shit about what anyone thinks. Honestly, she wouldn’t even hesitate to fist fight god at this very moment if it meant getting at least five mere minutes of sleep.

Would she win? Definitely not with these weak noodle arms of hers. But she still would sure as hell would try.

Ugh, what is she even thinking at this point? That is a literal death wish. Is this what sleep deprivation does to people? Give them a death wish so that they can sleep forever? Toko hopes not. 

She needed a distraction. Anything really to escape the hands of her own despicable mind, and preferably something that doesn’t involve staring at a ceiling for an hour questioning why the fuck she is still awake, along with all of Toko’s failures and really any poor life choice she has ever made.

A snack! That should help. Toko could go for a bite right now….. but that would require getting up. Something Toko didn’t have the effort or mentality to do right now……

Fuck it, Toko doesn’t care that her legs might collapse on her half way down the hall. If she stares at this plain ceiling one for one more effen minute, she might just go insane.

Glancing one last time before the clock changed to read 3:47 a.m., Toko frustratingly grumbled before stumbling out of bed and making her way out the door and down the hall. Toko felt the chilling cold of the late night tiled floor against her bare feet as she quietly walked through the house, not even sparing a glance at the pictures on the walls or the furniture around her that was now all covered in gloomy gray from shadows of the night. She had grown accustomed to the small, late-night journey to the kitchen.

It was silent, it was dark, it was as if time were still. Night always felt as if Toko were trapped in her own mind, a much darker and lonelier experience of the world. She both found comfort and discomfort in it, immersing herself in the silence.

This time, however, she was not surrounded in her expected silent surroundings but rather she heard a soft, jagged, crackling noise reverberated from the kitchen. Toko felt her nerves swirl in her stomach as she tried to imagine who could possibly be up at this hour. Well, besides her stupid, sleep deprived ass obviously.

Quietly and with great caution, Toko made her way to the kitchen and peaked over the wall to see who it was. Her eyes then settled on short, somewhat wavy from bed head, hickory brown hair that sprawled down gently scratching the person’s neck, contrasting with the beautiful porcelain skin that shined. The person’s shoulders were only covered by two minuscule spaghetti straps from the plain green pajama top the person was wearing and the small yet noticeable wrinkles of the shirt that emphasized how the person just woke up. Yet they looked effortlessly beautiful. Such stunning natural beauty. It was familiar, especially the short bob Toko had adored and longed to stroke for months now as it laid loosely, free and wild in small waves that have not been brushed straight yet. Oh, how Toko wished she could comb her fingers through the wild mane that laid before her.

Toko’s breath hitched when she recognized who it was. Didn't matter it’s it was as dark as an abyss in the room, Toko would recognize those heavenly mesmerizing olive eyes and pearl white smile at any time of day. 

It was the temptress, her temptress. Komaru Naegi, the one and only beauty that had stolen Toko’s heart with just one small grin. What was she doing up so late? And by god, how is she still so gorgeous at nearly four in the fucking morning? It was absurd! Yet not the type of abnormality Toko was going to complain about.

No, she was too bewitched by the small curve of Komaru’s lips as they grin slowly grew wider and wider while Komaru hummed softly to herself. She was so captivating to Toko her small adorable freckles that were kisses from the sun, her flawless skin that was a blessing from the universe, the little bite of her lip she had to cutely keep herself quiet to respect those who were asleep. Everything about Komaru was adored by Toko, studied and appreciated for the effortless beauty Komaru carried with her.

That very same effortless beauty had never failed to make Toko’s heart explode every single time Toko’s eyes casted upon Komaru. She was always left speechless by Komaru.

Komaru didn’t have to try to be perfect or pretend to be happy like Toko did because Komaru had something Toko would always admire, something Toko desperately wished she had: confidence. Even in the midst of night when everyone else is asleep, Toko still is insecure, not confident enough to face her own self. But Komaru, on the other hand, couldn’t be farther from this weak image. Komaru Naegi was strong, holding enough strength to even hum happily at this very moment while making a snack at 4 a.m.

Humming, such a blissful action, one Toko hasn’t done in so long that she honestly can’t remember, and that upsetted her a bit. She wished she could be like Komaru, confident, beautiful, not having to stare at a ceiling for four hours before she can fall asleep. Toko knew it was impossible, but it was still a nice thought.

She didn’t want to disturb Komaru, god knows Toko doesn’t have the mentality nor confidence to go up to Komaru right now and start a discussion. However, Toko wasn’t quite ready to go back to her room yet. Whether it was her fear of being alone with her mind or her desire to be near Komaru that made her stay, she wasn’t sure. Nor did she really care. All Toko wanted to do was just stay, so she did. Quietly listening to Komaru, Toko leaned against the wall, watching Komaru in admiration as she hummed a familiar song that Toko couldn’t remember the name of at the time while making what seemed to be a sandwich.

Toko continued to watch Komaru with longing hidden in her eyes, finding both a sense of peace and yearning as her eyes focused on Komaru’s smile, ears graced by her soft, gentle yet surreally beautiful voice. Everything was so calming, so soothing.

At least it was until Komaru turned her head to check the time, instantly spotting Toko as their eyes met.

Shock first displayed in Komaru’s olive eyes as she took a step back, banging into the counter softly and moving her hand to grab hold of it, steadying herself while she came to terms with her surroundings. After a few seconds, the shock slowly turned into a cute curiosity as Komaru gently tilted her head, raising an eyebrow in slight amusement as she stared back at Toko.

Toko owed Komaru an explanation, she knew that. Yet when Toko tried to open her mouth, she could not find the energy to bring herself to do so. Instead she just stared back in silence, growing anxious by the second as she focused on her breathing and the tension that hung above their heads. Her heart raced a bit as felt Komaru’s stare on her. 

Good god, what is Toko supposed to do here?

“Jesus Toko, you scared the living crap out of me.” Komaru sighed but wore a teasing smile. “Y'know you can come into the kitchen or sit down on the island if you like. I'm not going to bite you… well unless you want me to.”

Toko rolled her eyes at Komaru’s flirty joke, yet smiled at the offer before hesitantly entering and sitting on top of the island. She watched Komaru carefully for her reaction, trying to spot any signs of regret or annoyance. There were none, however. Her expression only held a mix of joy and amusement as she turned to Toko.

“What are you doing up so late?” Toko finally managed to blurt out the question at the back of her mind. 

It wasn’t like Komaru to be up so late. Maybe one or two in the morning if she was really energetic, but not four in the morning. Being up at this hour was a genuine concern. If anyone knew that, it was Toko. So to see Komaru here genuinely concerned Toko.

“Oh, well funny story,” Komaru chuckled nervously.

“So you see Toko, I had this dream where Junko was a hot dog and we all threatened to eat her as revenge. We ran around a graveyard for a few hours before she tripped and fell into a grave and the bear grave master buried her, but then she turned around while I was laughing and sliced me so I woke up,” Komaru explained casually moving her arms around throughout the story to emphasize certain points. “When I woke up, I then realized the whole chasing a hot dog thing made me hungry so I thought I would get a quick snack to eat?”

Toko had to bite her lip to stifle a laugh after hearing Komaru’s mundane dream. God, she loves Komaru so much but she can be quite the impromptu epitome of chaos.

Toko wouldn’t have her any other way.

Toko wore a small smile before glancing her eyes quickly up and down to check Komaru out. “So what I am hearing is that you woke up hungry?” She asked.

“Yeah, I got the midnight munchie munchies.” Komaru shrugged lightly with a lighthearted grin.

“Midnight munchie munchies?” Toko questioned in a teasing tone, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

“Toko, I don’t care if it is like four in the fucking morning, tease me about my sleepy speech again and I will not hesitate to nom nom on your kneecaps.”

“Nom nom? What are you, a child?”

“Hey!”

“Kidding, kidding… Actually, I think your sleepy speech is kinda cute, Omaru... That is, for a boring, average girl with a brother complex,” Toko cooed teasingly, her kittenish grin growing by the second.

“B-Brother complex?” Komaru gasped, eliciting a chuckle out of Toko. “That’s it, get over here and prepare for your kneecaps to be nom nommed on.”

Toko burst into a short fit of giggles while Komaru leaned back against the counter with a goofy grin, proud of herself for making Toko laugh.

“I don’t know why you are laughing Toko, I’m dead serious. Your kneecaps belong to me now,” Komaru teased with an impish gleam in her eyes.

“Oh, do they now?”

“Yes they do, and I’m hungry now. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom,” Komaru jested before jokingly licking her lips and staring at Toko.

Toko couldn’t help but let out a loud, choked laugh at that. She wasn’t sure why she found the stupid joke so funny, whether it was sleep deprivation or the fact that Komaru’s mischievous smirk tended to make anything ten times more amusing. Nonetheless, Toko ended up having to cover her mouth with her hand to avoid waking the other ultimates up.

“I thought you were out here to eat a snack?” Toko finally retorted playfully after calming herself down.

“Who says you’re not the snack? You look pretty tasty to me.”

Toko felt a small blush rise to her face at Komaru’s cheeky wording. However, she knew better than to get her hopes up when it came to Komaru’s flirtatiousness. It was all just fun and games for her, not some genuine advancement like Toko dreamed of. But still, that didn’t stop her heart from racing each time some casually flirty comments escaped Komaru’s lips. It was an anomaly for Toko to feel like this, yet Komaru always knew what to push to get a certain reaction out of Toko.

It’s why Toko adored her so much.

“That doesn’t sound like a quick snack, dummy.” Toko rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, hoping to come across as unfazed to Komaru’s words.

Komaru just mischievously grinned in response. She knew Toko far too well to fall for her mask. 

Playfully, Komaru gasped. “You doubt my skills Toko? I could so eat you in a quic—“

“Komaru!” Toko exclaimed in both shock and embarrassment, almost falling backwards from how shocked she was, but thankfully caught her own balance at the last second.

“Not so loud, people are sleeping!” Komaru reminded her, holding her index fingers to her lip and quietly shushing Toko. 

Although her words were scolding, Komaru’s eyes still held amusement throughout the whole ordeal, watching each expression Toko made carefully with some sort of pride and desire.

Komaru couldn’t help but adore Toko’s expression. Whether bashful or flustered, she couldn’t help but find Toko absolutely adorable.

 “You’re the one saying stuff like that and you expect me to stay quiet?” Toko blurted out, whisper-shouting at Komaru from pure embarrassment.

“So what I’m hearing is I make you scream?”

“Good god…seriously, do you want me to whack you?”

“No, but I thought I was being smooth there.”

“If you wanted to be as smooth as sandpaper, then congrats, you succeeded.”

“Whaaa— Aw man. Guess I’m not a lady killer then.”

Toko has no idea how Komaru has the confidence to say these things with a straight face…. well, at least as straight of a face one can make in a house filled with queer dumbass teenagers who make lesbian jokes on a gayly basis.

While Toko had sighed in faux exasperation at Komaru’s antics, Komaru laughed a joyously beautiful laugh that had graced Toko’s ears, soon numbing Toko of any embarrassment or nervousness she felt before.

“Alright, alright, I’m done messing with you,” Komaru promised. “Just don’t tease about my sleepy speech and I won’t tease you.”

“Deal.”

The two women stared at each other in silence for a second before bursting into another fit of terribly muffled giggles. Although dark in the night, the room was filled with the light of joy from the admiration the two held for one another.

This lightheartedness eased Toko, making her feel as though she made the right choice to get out of bed for once. The frustration and dread she felt mere minutes ago had already been long forgotten, out of her mind the second she laid her eyes on Komaru.

It was marvelous, truly just marvelous how Komaru had this effect on her. Toko felt as if she was dancing barefoot on cloud nine, standing proud in the sky as if she were the queen of the world. That’s how Komaru made her feel. Even when she is sleep deprived and on the verge of a breakdown, Komaru knew how to swoop in and take Toko off her feet. Komaru knew how to make Toko feel safe, to make her feel like her life made sense, that her life had purpose. And that purpose was to be there, right by Komaru’s side. Whether it is as a friend or, hopefully, something more.

It all made Toko tingle a bit inside in sweet bliss.

“So, Toko?” Komaru prompted with a little hum after calming down from her prior laughter. Her lips tugged up slightly, clearly she was failing to hold back her typical goofy smirk that left Toko feeling a plethora of wondrous things.

“Yes Komaru?”

“Well seeing as I answered your question, I think it’s only fair that I asked the same.”

Uh oh.

“What on earth are you doing up this late?” Komaru asked, somewhat curious, somewhat concerned.

Well, fuck. What is Toko supposed to say here? ‘Yeah, I chugged three energy drinks impulsively because I am a masochist and like to torture myself and me and sleep are currently at war with each other.’ Yeah, that’ll totally go over well.

“Um, well you see Omaru,” Toko paused, beginning to fidget with the sleeves of her peacock blue pajama shirt. “I came out here to get a snack too.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie, Toko honestly did come out to get a snack. She just so happened to be leaving out the fact that she hasn’t been able to rest whatsoever and had been staring at a ceiling for two hours in a failed attempt to sleep. Yet it’s not like Komaru had to sweat the details. Sometimes less is more. Yeah, totally.

Who is Toko kidding, not even her delirious ass would agree with that. She’s lucky if Komaru doesn’t question her any further or call her out for her awkward lie.

“Okay, but did you at least get any sleep before now?” Komaru asked.

Of fucking course, Toko has no luck because that means actually having something go right for her in life.

“Uhhhhhhhh—“

“Toko?” Komaru’s brows furrowed as she began to realize the unfavorable answer to her own question.

“Komaru?” Toko nervously inquired back, averting her eyes from Komaru’s direction. She gently gripped and slightly tugged her sleeve in hopes to calm the bustling nerves inside of her.

“Toko.”

“I— I plead the fifth.” 

“Toki, do not avoid this question!”

Toko stayed silent and furrowed her brows in sudden confusion.

“Toki?” She questioned Komaru with a confused daze.

“I don't actually use the nickname much for you,” Komaru confessed sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck. “But I figured it would be nice to use randomly when I want to emphasize that I do care about you a lot.”

“A-aw, that’s very sweet, but Komaru, I-I am not sure if Toki fits me.” Toko explained to her with a small smile, feeling warm inside by the fact that Komaru was using a nickname for her.

“Oh, well okay then. Toko, answer my fucking question! Did you, or did you not, get any sleep tonight?”

“......I-I would rather you eat my kneecaps than answer that question.”

Komaru let out a long exasperated sigh at Toko’s response, well aware of the truth at this point. Her disappointment pained Toko, yet Toko knew she well deserved it.

“So you didn’t sleep then?” Komaru asked with worry clear in her eyes. 

“Maybe? W-Why do you care anyways? Huh. Do you want to make fun of me or something? ‘Oh she is depressed and icky, she probably doesn’t sleep.’ Was that what you wanted to say?” 

“Toko, baby no.”

“....I’m sorry.”

Komaru merely sighed.

“Please Toko, just tell me the truth.” Komaru pleaded, her lips pursed as she waited for a response from Toko.

Looking at Komaru, Toko knew she couldn’t lie to her. Maybe if it was somebody else Toko would have been fine with lying, but not Komaru. Toko respected her too much to deceive her.

After a sigh of reluctance, Toko finally spoke.

“Okay, fine... I didn’t sleep. There, you happy now?” She admitted while digging her nails into her sleeve.

“Oh Toko, oh no….” Komaru softly whined as her worries were confirmed. “Toko, that’s not good for you.”

Toko continued to avoid Komaru’s stare, looking anywhere around the room that didn’t force her to face Komaru.

She hunched her back and grew smaller and smaller at each of Komaru’s words, filled with anguish at the sound of Komaru’s concerned voice. At that moment, Toko wanted to shrink until she was no longer visible, or have a hole open up and swallow her. Anything was better than this, sitting here, trapped and forced to listen to Komaru worry over her. This was a greater torture than the fate that awaited her back in her bed.

“I know it’s s-stupid, so extremely stupid of me Komaru, I know I need sleep and I know I’m an idiot for not getting it. But p-please,” Toko paused for a second to bite her lip, praying for it to stop quivering. She then looked up at Komaru with a remorseful stare and weakly continued, “Please don’t nag me. Please don’t say what I know you’re going to say. I already know it’s stupid and am beating myself up over it, but that didn’t stop me. I know it’s idiotic. I know I’m a dumbass, I already told myself that. Just… I—… I don’t think I could bear to hear that come from you too.”

Toko clutched her stomach with one arm, her body beginning to feel a burst of pain inside of it from the growing tensions of nerves and anxiety that erupted from that moment. Toko felt her palms go clammy, and gently squeezed the soft fabric of her shirt in hopes to numb one of the treacherous sensations that she was focused on.

Her eyes stayed fixed on Komaru, and a small gasp escaped her mouth when she saw Komaru move from her place against the counter and began to walk towards Toko. Toko’s heart began to race as her mind tried to prepare herself for whatever disappointed or enraged statement Komaru had ready for her.

Komaru silently reached her, staring down in an expression that could only be described as honest worry. It was simply a small pout and  wide eyes that seemed as if they were staring into Toko’s soul. Toko instantly stiffened under Komaru’s gaze, fearing what was to come next.

Yet instead of critical words and an annoyed tone, Toko was greeted with warm arms that gently held her, pulling her in close until she was propped up against Komaru’s chest. Slowly breathing, Toko looked up and into Komaru’s eyes with great shock, her mouth agape yet no words seemed to come out. Again, Komaru had left her speechless with the ceaseless care she had held for Toko.

Komaru’s eyes didn’t hold the answers Toko expected. There was no disappointment or malice, rather there was this mind boggling consideration and affection. It was a look that made Toko’s head spin as she still tried to grasp what was going on.

“O—Omaru?” Toko managed to stutter out, completely taken aback by the action.

“I’m so sorry Toko, you don’t deserve that,” Komaru breathlessly whispered in her ear. She then held Toko a bit closer and a little bit tighter, afraid that if she had let go of Toko that she would break into a million pieces.

Toko’s heart ached at this action. Although well-intentioned, the worry only made Toko want to kick herself more. She blamed herself for burdening Komaru. She worried Komaru because of her blatant stupidity, and it’s her fault that she was in this situation now. It was atrocious, absolutely atrocious what Toko had done.

Yet what made it worse of all was that Toko liked what Komaru was doing. She liked the gentle affection, the way Komaru focused on her and her alone. The way Komaru’s attention and care was all aimed at her made a small part of Toko happy. She was happy that Komaru cared for her, and therefore she was happy that she made Komaru worried. It was a selfish thing to enjoy, to crave, to yearn and dream of from Komaru; but that didn’t stop Toko from wanting it, from wanting more from Komaru.

God she is a fool, how could she take advantage of Komaru’s kindness like that? The question repeatedly rang in Toko’s head, growing louder and louder by the second for each moment she stayed in Komaru’s arms, greedily basking in the warm embrace that Komaru had so graciously given her.

It was all just too much.

“You shouldn’t be,” Toko finally muttered as she tried to shift her way out of Komaru’s embrace.

Sullenly, Komaru allowed her too. She didn’t want to force her care onto Toko, Komaru wasn’t into being that type of person. However, that didn’t stop her from arguing back at Toko with more care than a mother holds for her child.

“Don’t say that Toko. Did you even hear yourself right now? You’re hurting, and we had no idea… I had no idea how badly it was. That isn’t something to scoff over and push others back from. You deserve to be cared for, to have some sort of support,” Komaru said. “So please, I promise I won’t push you to let me comfort you, but I’m begging you to not push this aside Toko. I’m here if you need me, and I’m here because I want to be. So if not for you, then please care about this for me. I don’t like seeing the people I love in pain.”

And after hearing only one argument, Toko was at a loss of words. She was stunned, stuck in a stage of cognitive dissonance. She was touched by Komaru’s consideration but felt guilty for burdening her. She didn’t know how to feel or what she wanted to at that moment, but hearing Komaru say those things, hearing Komaru call her a person she loves , made Toko want to at least try and fight against the thoughts that had been terrorizing her every night. It made Toko have hope that she could genuinely let someone in for once in her life with no regrets. So that’s what she did.

“Okay, I won’t talk like that anymore, I promise.” Toko whispered in a shaky voice, so moved by Komaru’s care that she felt like crying. 

“Thank you Toko,” Komaru gave her a tired, yet grateful half smile. That alone made Toko feel one hundred percent sure that she had made the right choice. “Is there anything I can do to help you right now? Do you want to talk? Or maybe I can make you a snack to eat?”

“Can we— can you— I—“ Toko stuttered, not knowing how to request the thing she wants. She took a deep breath in to control herself. “Sorry, this is probably going to sound stupid—”

“If it helps you out, then it’s not stupid Toko.”

Those words on their own already had relaxed Toko and reassured her enough. However, when Komaru reached for Toko’s hand and held it gently, Toko felt all the pent up tension from her body leave as she melted under Komaru’s touch.

“Right, right. Sorry.” Toko then bit her lip and shyly looked at Komaru. “Do you think we can maybe move to the couch and talk, and maybe… can we cuddle?”

Toko anxiously watched Komaru’s expression, expecting some sort of disturbed or disgusted look upon her request. However, she was greeted with a big, warm, pearly white teeth smile from Komaru.

“Of course Toko, I’ll happily cuddle you until you are smiling and counting all the sheep you can,” Komaru said before letting go of Toko’s hand.

The action made Toko sad, but she said nothing. Not like she really had a chance to respond as seconds after Komaru had released Toko's hand, Komaru moved her hands to pick up and carry Toko bridal style across the kitchen room and out to the couch. The action caught Toko by surprise, even getting a gasp out of her.

“Komaru, what are you doing?” Toko whisper-shouted as she clung onto Komaru in fear of being dropped.

Komaru chuckled at Toko’s small panic, finding it absolutely adorable.

“Well Toko, I plan on comforting you with affection, and as a Naegi I don’t plan on half-assing anything any time soon. So I decided your feet shall not touch the ground, not at least until you are smiling and asleep,” Komaru declared with a prideful smirk.

“I can walk perfectly fine on my own!”

“Hmmm… nope, I’m carrying you and spoiling you like a princess until you fall asleep.”

“Dear lord, you are going to kill me.”

“I would never! Kill Junko? In a heartbeat, no doubt about that.”

“It be hard to stab that big tits whore.”

“Yes, but I would do it. Kill you however? I’d rather someone attempt to murder me again.”

“Please don’t get murdered Komaru, you are my emotional support friend… and only friend at that.” 

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Komaru smiled before gently putting Toko down on the couch. Afterwards, she flopped down onto it herself, causing Toko to bounce a bit. “See, now was that so bad?”

“Yes.” Toko teased with a small smile.

This caused Komaru to furrow her eyebrows as she playfully shoved Toko’s side, glaring at her in fake anger. “Lies.” 

That elicited a small, soft chuckle out of Toko. Honestly all the lighthearted jokes and banter was cheering her up, and she knew that was Komaru’s plan. It warmed Toko’s heart just knowing how far Komaru would go to help her.

“Thank you Komaru. This means a lot to me, especially since I didn’t see myself laughing tonight,” Toko said, turning her side to look at Komaru lovingly.

“Of course Toko!” Komaru grinned victoriously, proud she had already managed to raise Toko’s spirit. 

Komaru then slid her arm around Toko’s waist and pulled her in close, giving her a small embrace just like Komaru had promised. The affection made both girls melt a bit as they blissfully took in one another.

“So anyways,” Komaru started, waiting until she heard the little hum from Toko to know that she was listening. “Let’s talk, Toko. What’s bothering you so much?”

“Huh?” Toko said quizzically, tilting her head slightly to get a better look at Komaru in hopes of getting an answer from her.

“Well if you can’t sleep at this hour, you probably have a reason for that, don’t you?” 

“Well, yeah.”

“What is it then?” Komaru asked.

Toko bit her lip at the thought. “It’s dumb.”

“Toko.”

“It genuinely is this time!” Toko exclaimed defensively, forgetting what time it was, before sighing. “I just, well I did something really stupid.”

“Listen Toko, as your current emotional support cuddler and your favorite friend-“

“Wait, who says you’re my favorite?”

Komaru raised an eyebrow in amusement, giving Toko a cocky grin that made Toko’s heart beat just a little bit faster.

“We all know it’s true Toko. Who else would it be?” Komaru asked jokingly.

“...yeah, okay, that’s fair.”

Komaru chuckled at Toko’s open agreement.

“Toko Fukawa, you are adorably clueless.”

“Oh, pipe down Komaru.” Toko huffed, combing back her loose strands of hair with a free hand. However, there was no doubt a small smile on her face.

“Anyways, as your special support human person tonight, I am here to listen to you, and support you, and cuddle you for however long you may need me to without any judgment whatsoever. You can tell me you murdered three men at the back of a McDonalds and I would treat it as a basic conversation about the weather. So I promise, you can tell me anything right now and I won’t think any less of you.”

“Komaru…” Toko mumbled amazed, finding the offer very touching.

“Besides, I doubt you could actually do something dumb,” Komaru reassured her.

“You doubt my idiocy?”

Komaru rolled her eyes at this. “Toko Fukawa, you are the smartest person I know. What could you do that is possibly dumb?”

“I chugged three energy drinks at 1 a.m. so that I would stay awake long enough to finish writing my chapter.”

“Three?!”

“Yeah, all in the time span of four minutes.”

“......Okay, I take it back. That is stupid,” Komaru said, confused on whether to be impressed or concerned with Toko’s confession.

“See!”

“Okay, but now why did you go and do that? You’re smart, you know that the caffeine would keep you up late. So why?”

“I-I had a writing deadline,” Toko explained nervously.

“Wait, I don’t get that, do you have a new writing job that I don’t know about?”

“No, writing is just a hobby for now, I’ve been taking a break to focus on personal writing since the incident.”

“Okay, then why couldn’t you have waited until next morning?” Komaru asked, utterly perplexed by the concept and yearning for answers so that she could properly support Toko.

Toko sighed, knowing exactly what she had to say next. She was anxious, and she was mortified. However, Toko knew she couldn’t hold back the truth from Komaru any longer, not when Komaru was so understanding, doing literally all that she could to comfort Toko. So with a deep breath in, Toko pushed down her anxiety and prepared herself for what she was about to say.

Well, here goes nothing.

“Honestly? I would have beaten myself up over not finishing it, and that really scares me. If I didn’t write it, I would have guilt-tripped myself for failing my own deadline. I know I can only write chapters in the night, and to wait so long to finish it is excruciating, so my mind refused to let me rest. The deadline would be all I could think about and I would be too frustrated and anxious to even sleep. So either way I was screwed, so I figured I might as well chug the energy drinks and let the caffeine do its job so I can at least get something productive done.” Toko fiddled with her thumbs, anxiety swirling viciously inside of her each second of her confession. “I just… I don’t know, I have these shitty high standards for myself, and if I don’t make them, it feels like it’s the end of the world. I know it’s irrational, but that’s just how I feel.”

Komaru stayed silent, trying to comprehend what Toko just said and think carefully as to what to say in this situation. She didn’t want to upset Toko, the last thing Komaru wanted was for Toko to think Komaru thought little of her. Her silence, however, was enough to mislead Toko to that conclusion.

“....see, I told you it was stupid.” Toko sighed, pushing her knees up and hugging them to her chest. Toko then laid her head down so that she hid her face from Komaru, too ashamed to look at her.

This instantly set off alarms in Komaru’s head. She quickly jumped to say something, anything really, as long as it didn’t hurt Toko any more.

“No, no, no, no! That’s not stupid, I’m just stupid!” Komaru blurted out, only to dread the second-half of what she just said.

“....Komaru? Did you just call yourself stupid?” Toko asked.

“...Maybe? Kinda, sorta yes? I panicked seeing you upset cause I really don’t think it’s stupid but I don’t want to say something stupid in response and make you feel shittier,” Komaru explained while awkwardly twirling a strand of hair around a finger of her free hand. “But I guess I failed at that, huh?”

Toko froze for a second, marvelled by Komaru’s intentions. She didn’t get Komaru’s kindness, Toko didn’t think she deserved it. However Komaru was still sitting here besides her, caring so much. She shouldn’t overlook that.

Softly, Toko elbowed Komaru, causing Komaru to turn to her with a perplexed look. Toko merely smiled at Komaru, telling her everything was going to be alright.

“Y’know, I think we are both a bit stupid,” Toko playfully started as Komaru carefully listened, hanging onto every word Toko said. “But I also know that you are amazing Komaru, and you could never make me feel shittier. I do that all on my own.”

“Toko—“

“I’m not done.”

“But Toko—“

“Komaru, it’s rude to interrupt. Did your parents never teach you that?”

“I was imprisoned for a year and my parents were possibly murdered by a despair-obsessed, traumatized child, remember?” Komaru rolled her eyes.

“Fair point…. side note, I hated that so much.”

“Same. But Toko, I hate when you talk bad about yourself more.”

“Just please, let me finish Komaru?” Toko asked with big, wide puppy dog eyes that made Komaru’s heart clench.

“Okay.” Komaru nodded reluctantly, eyes filled with worry as she stared at Toko. She fiddled with the hem of her sweat pants while she anxiously awaited Toko to finish. 

“Look Komaru, what you are doing here now makes me feel better. You being here, just existing, has brought me so much joy in life, and I don’t want you to think any less of what you have done for me… I know right now is not the ideal time to be saying these things. I’m tired, and grumpy, and I am focused on self depreciation. I know those things aren’t fun to be around, but you are here and you are trying to comfort me.” Toko smiled softly to herself as she leaned her head against Komaru’s shoulder. “So I don’t care what time of day it is or what mood I am in, I want you to know that I always appreciate you. You’re one of the few things that are keeping me going tonight.”

Toko’s voice quavered as she tried to get across her appreciation. God, she hoped she got her appreciation across to Komaru. Toko was tired, and awkward, and not the best with spoken words; but she genuinely would try anything if it meant helping Komaru out. After all, Komaru would do the same for her. She already was doing the same for Toko at this very moment.

Silence laid between the two girls, which caused Toko to grow in tremendous worry. A little voice in the back of her head gained power as it began to scream preposterous things that Toko knew couldn’t be true, yet she couldn’t help but believe in fear and self-doubt.

Komaru hated her now, surely that was the answer. Toko said too much, she was too clingy or too much of a mess for even Komaru. Komaru’s patience had grown thin from how pathetic Toko had become. A burden and a loser, that’s how Toko would describe herself at that very moment. Now who would possibly want to be around someone like that?

These thoughts aggrandized each second Toko was left waiting in silence for Komaru to respond, only being able to look at Komaru’s perplexed face until Komaru finally snapped and left her alone.

It was foolish. It was irrational. It was something Toko Fukawa couldn't help believe on that night. Whether it was because of her bloody insecurities or the concerning lack of sleep, she would not know. But she felt scared, scared that she would lose someone again for trying to be honest. For trying to connect with them. Soon, she knew Komaru, too, would fall from her grasp and Toko would be left to only watch her leave.

Komaru, however, broke her silent stillness with a small, knowing smile and soft eyes that looked as if they were about to cry. She then turned a bit and pulled Toko into a warm, full embrace. Komaru leaned down and snuggled her head against Toko’s, whispering softly something inaudible in Toko’s ear.

“Hm? W-What was that?” Toko stuttered, her cheeks burned a dark red that she prayed Komaru hadn’t seen in the dark.

Komaru lightheartedly chuckled, nuzzling against Toko once more. A bit of a warmth bustled throughout Toko from the adoring action as she felt her mind to numb and limbs turn weak under Komaru. Soon, she was sinking into Komaru’s cuddles in peace. The softness in Toko’s expression as she did so had caused Komaru’s lips to quirk up. 

Adorable, utterly adorable. That’s what Toko was.

“You jerk, I was supposed to be comforting you. I wasn’t supposed to be having all these weird feelings,” Komaru teased lovingly. 

“I— I’m sorry?” Toko stuttered in confusion, a bit unsure of what to say here and still distracted by Komaru’s cuddles.

“Don’t be. I’m really grateful you said that, I was honestly scared that you would hate me if I said the wrong thing.”

“Hate you?”

“Yeah, I know it’s a bit silly—”

“No! I just,” Toko paused for a second, nervously chuckling. “I thought you would hate me for saying something stupid…”

“Why would I ever hate you Toko?”

“Why would I ever hate you?”

“That’s… honestly a fair point.” Komaru muttered aloud as her brows furrowed in realization. She then looked at Toko and bit back a grin.

Seconds later they were both laughing at their own stupidity. Komaru was the first to have barked a laugh, finding their anxieties idiotically hilarious. Toko tried shushing her as it was very early in the morning, but ultimately failed to do so and ended up joining in on the laughter instead. 

After a few seconds, Komaru finally calmed down and moved a hand to cup Toko’s cheek. Gently, she lifted Toko’s face so that they were making eye contact, and she softly caressed Toko’s cheek with her thumb, soothing Toko down enough to stop laughing.

“Okay, how about this? Let’s promise each other that we won’t hate each other after tonight so neither of us have these dumb thoughts anymore?” Komaru suggested with a jubilant half-smile, yet Toko wasn’t paying attention. Her eyes were closed, blissfully immersing herself into Komaru as she further leaned into Komaru’s touch.

“Mmm.” Toko softly moaned, completely oblivious to Komaru’s question. The adorable scene had caused Komaru to bite back another laugh.

“Toko?” Komaru asked sweetly, raising an eyebrow in a knowing amusement.

“Yes?”

“My question?”

Toko opened her eyes, blinking a few times as she registered what Komaru just said. “Wait, you said something?” She asked.

Komaru couldn’t help but let out a quiet snicker at this.

“Pffft. Okay, well I see you like it when I do this.” Komaru teasingly cooed, wearing a cocky grin as she referenced to stroking Toko’s cheek.

Toko felt her heart explode as realization as to what was going on hit her.

“I— shut up!” Toko huffed. She tried to shake her way out of Komaru’s grasp, only to fail miserably as Komaru pulled her in even closer, snuggling her carefully.

“Aw, don’t be like that Toko. You know I’m right. Besides, it’s not only adorable, but if I remember correctly, you were the one who requested these cuddles.”

“I have regrets.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yeah, I know, but still,” Toko whined a bit as she playfully pouted, giving into the cuddles, much to Komaru’s joy.

“Toko Fukawa, you are adorable.”

“O-Omaru! Stop~”

“Hmmm… nope.” Komaru said, popping the ‘p’ before she playfully stuck out her tongue.

“You’re the worst.”

“You know you love me,” Komaru winked teasingly.

Oh, no doubt about that. Toko loved Komaru more than Komaru knew. If only she knew, Toko might have had at least one good thing to look forward to each day of her life. 

A las, that confession is an issue for another night.

“Yeah, yeah, moving on,” Toko jokingly huffed, shooing the topic off with her hand. “What were you saying anyways?”

Komaru grinned from ear-to-ear at the question, letting go of Toko to lean back and flash her beautiful smile. Toko was upset that Komaru had let go, but it was not long lasting as Komaru immediately after intertwined her hands with Toko. A sense of relief and warmth came back to Toko, entranced by how much power Komaru had over her in just one simple touch.

“Well Toko, I was asking if we could put those annoying doubtful thoughts behind us and just acknowledge that we both care about each other too much to let some questions at four in the mother effen morning tear us apart.” Komaru tilted her head, leaning a bit closer to Toko. Their faces were only a few inches away at this point, Toko could feel Komaru’s breath against her lip. “Don't you agree Toko?”

Their proximity made Toko feel woozy, overwhelmed with this nervous yet fluffy feeling. Her heart was beating faster and her face was warm enough that Komaru could probably feel the emission of heat. In that moment, Toko couldn’t help but look down at Komaru’s ravishing lips that had been tempting Toko all night.

Good god, if Toko was chained down by the exhaustion in her limbs from the lack of sleep, she might have just jumped on this very chance to kiss Komaru.

“Y—yeah. Um, I would never— I could never hate you even if you tried Komaru,” Toko’s awkwardly confessed, not once did she break eye contact with Komaru.

“Well, that’s good. Could I….” Komaru bit her bottom lip as she thought over whether or not she should ask her question.

“Could you what?”

“Could I ask you a personal question then? It’s okay if not, or if you agree and then hear the question and decide you are comfortable answering it, I’m just curious.”

“Sure, ask away.”

Komaru paused for a second, thinking over her words very carefully. She mulled them over for a few seconds before finally blurting out, “What are you writing?” 

“What?” Toko asked, taken aback by shock from the way Komaru asked the question.

“You said you stayed up late writing something,” Komaru looked down at their intertwined hands, gently squeezing them before looking back up at Toko earnestly. “So I was wondering what you were writing about?”

“Oh.”

Oh. Mother fucking oh. Is that seriously the best worded response Toko had to Komaru’s question? Apparently so. And here Toko is supposed to be the ultimate writing prodigy. Words are supposed to be her thing! Again, she is going to blame this error on either the lack of sleep or the fact that she is a bumbling bi ass disaster around Komaru Naegi…

Probably both. Both are proper excuses.

This monotone response, however, spoke bounds to Komaru as she automatically assumed she had overstepped on Toko’s comfort level.

“I’m sorry, I know you like to keep your writing to yourself. This was stupid, just forget I ever asked.” Komaru gave Toko a pained smile before letting go of their hands.

Oh, fuck no! Toko isn’t letting this happen again!

Out of the sheer stupidity and impulsive boldness she had gained from the lack of sleep, Toko grabbed Komaru’s hands and re-intertwined her fingers. She then looked up and stared at a dumbfounded Komaru Naegi.

“I…. I don’t mind,” Toko reassured her, trying to think of the right words. “I’m not the best with sharing things or talking about things, I’m much better at writing and then keeping what I wrote privately locked away forever. But I don’t mind telling you Komaru, I trust you.”

“Toko, that’s so sweet,” Komaru awed, giggling in both joy and relief.

“Y-Yeah, it’s whatever. Don’t go being all weird about it.” 

“No promises!” She laughed lightheartedly.

“Uh, Komaru, if you don’t mind me asking, why do you want to know what I’m writing?” Toko asked, mind boggled by the idea of someone wanting to actually hear her ramble about one of her hyperfixations.

“Well, if it kept you up this late, I bet it would have to be good.”

Toko rolled her eyes at that statement. “Mmm… doubt that, but okay.”

“Oh please Toko, you are the best writer I know.”

“I’m the only writer you know.”

“That’s what you think.”

“You know other writers?” Toko asked skeptically.

“You’re not my only friend Toko,” Komaru cheekily commented before giving Toko’s hand a light squeeze and a small grin. “You’re just my favorite friend.”

“Oh.” Toko blushed at the endearment in Komaru’s words.

God, why can’t Toko just disintegrate the butterflies in her stomach that randomly start to flutter around Komaru? Life would be so much easier then.

“Besides,” Komaru started, snapping Toko out of her thoughts. “You’re really cute when you ramble Toko.”

“I—“ Toko began to stutter, but nothing else came out of her mouth.

Oh sweet fucking— ughhhh! Why does she have to be so sweet and cute? Toko is literally about to have a heart attack because of how bi she is for Komaru. Dear god, how is Toko supposed to handle this cute girl?

Komaru couldn’t help but find this speechless and bi panic absolutely adorable.

“Also,” Komaru started again, “maybe you’ll tire yourself out by talking about your story a bit? Socializing can be a bit exhausting.”

Ah, so that’s Komaru’s real reasoning.

Toko should’ve known, now she just feels stupid for getting her hopes up. Nonetheless, that meant Komaru still cared, so small victory?

“Seriously? I-I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, Omaru.” Toko awkwardly tried to explain, still skeptical after staring at a motherfucking ceiling for two hours.

“C’mon Toko! What do you have to lose?” Komaru pouted and batted her eyes at Toko. “Please, at least humor me?”

“Jeez, fine, I guess it couldn’t hurt to try.” Toko bit her lip, giving into Komaru.

“That’s the spirit Toko! Now tell me all the juicy details about this story you’ve been working on. What genre is it?”

“....R-Romantic fantasy novel.” Toko gulped, averting her eyes from Komaru in embarrassment.

Y’know, it sounds a lot goofier when Toko has to say it out loud. She loves writing her romance stories, but by god is there this little voice in the back of her head always judging her. Don’t get her wrong, she absolutely adores writing the stories, but Toko can’t help but feel embarrassed by the fact that it deviates from the standards of a prodigy to be writing the usual informative or deep-in-thought pieces. Toko enjoys the occasional fun, lighthearted story just like everybody else, but it feels like she shouldn’t because of that standard image of being the sophisticated, smartass writer.

Komaru, on the other hand, seemed quite amazed by Toko.

“Wow! That’s amazing, fantasy world building is super hard I hear! No wonder working on it is keeping you up so late. Everybody knows you have to spend at least four hours planning the sexual relationships of the elves.” Komaru lightly chuckled at her own joke.

“You say that like a joke, b-but what if I was writing about the sexual relationships and marriage constructs of elves tonight?” Toko asked somewhat sarcastically.

“Wait— you actually wrote about that?!” Komaru exclaimed.

“No, god Komaru. That’s only what horny anime geeks do.”

“Ouch. I feel attacked now for coming up with it.”

Toko burst into another fit of giggles, leaning her head down onto Komaru’s shoulder.

“Komaru, I appreciate you so much, you're the best, and only, friend I have ever had. Please know that,” Toko managed to say between laughing.

“Nice to know you keep me around for the laughs,” Komaru said, pretending to be upset but gave herself away with the mischievous glint in her eyes.

“No, I also keep you around to make myself feel better.”

“What!”

“For your cuddles, they make me feel better.” Toko clarified with a small smile.

“Well, I am good at cuddling.”

Now it was Komaru’s turn to join in on the laughing. The two laughed so hard that Toko ended up falling forward onto Komaru, pushing them both back down onto the couch. Neither of them cared, they just enjoyed the moment, forgetting their surroundings or the fact that they were not the only two in the house. It didn’t matter at the time, it felt like they were the only ones home at that moment. 

After a few minutes of laughing, the two calmed down and began to cuddle a bit more. Komaru removed her hands from Toko and slithered them around Toko’s waist, nuzzling her head against Toko. In response, Toko wrapped her arms around Komaru’s neck and gave her a small, breathy chuckle as the two stared into each other’s eyes. Warmth resonated inside of them both as they adored one another. 

God, the moment was perfect. Toko almost wished they could stay like this forever.

Sadly, dreams don’t always come true and the reality of the situation is that they both needed to head back to bed soon. So with a small smile, Komaru decided to break the comfortable silence.

“So, Toko, what’s it about?”

“What is what about?” Toko asked with her eyes closed, still sinking into Komaru’s cuddles.

“Your story. Tell me about it,” Komaru explained.

“Oh, well it’s a bit silly…”

“Toko, I’m sure it’s lovely.”

Toko wanted to argue that Komaru was what’s lovely, but she bit back her lip and contemplated whether or not she should explain her story instead.

It’s Komaru, how bad could this go? Surely it beats staring at a blank ceiling. Besides, Toko would do whatever if it meant continuing to cuddle Komaru like this.

“Promise you won’t laugh?” Toko asked with pleading eyes, scared of what Komaru might think of her.

Komaru then moved one of her hands slowly up Toko until it gently pushed aside some hair strands out of Toko’s cheek, replacing its spot and gently stroking Toko’s cheek.

“I would never,” Komaru promised.

Toko was ready to swoon at the care and seriousness Komaru presented right now. Toko wasn’t naive, she knows Komaru isn’t like this with just anyone. So to have Komaru here like this, Toko felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

So with an unsteady nod, Toko began to explain her story. She nervously described each character, from personality to design, and then she moved into the world itself. Slowly as the longer she was in Komaru’s arms and the more Komaru showered her in affection, Toko came to relax as she depicted the whole story. 

It was around two to three hours that Toko was staring at that ceiling earlier, caffeine rushing through her body and stimulating her mind to be restless. Two to three hours of torture.

In just twelve minutes, however, Toko managed to tire herself out talking about her own story. It was as if the second Toko laid in Komaru’s arms, the caffeine had disappeared from her body. Toko couldn’t believe it, yet her body and mind became fatigued and a wave of lethargy washed over her. Suddenly her limbs felt heavy, and she rested them against Komaru. Slowly as she neared the end of her explanation, the desire to sleep overwhelmed her and Toko laid her head down against Komaru, nuzzling into the crook of her neck. With a soft sigh, Toko closed her eyes one last time and allowed the sweet bliss of sleep to encompass her.

It was by far the most relaxing time Toko had drifted off to sleep in months.

It took Komaru a few minutes to register what had happened. One minute she was just happily listening to Toko ramble, the next she realized Toko was all snuggled up onto her, drifting off to sleep.

Maybe it was because of how captivating Toko’s beauty was. With wild, exuberant locks framing her face, Komaru couldn’t help but admire how lovely Toko looked when she was peacefully asleep. It made time stand still for Komaru as she was entranced by the softness of Toko’s expression, the warmth that radiated from Toko’s cuddles, the fluffy feeling that was brought by being next to Toko.

When Komaru realized Toko had fallen asleep on her, she couldn’t help but smile. Not only was it adorable, but she was relieved that she was able to help Toko.

Nights like these, Komaru couldn’t help but worry about Toko. Toko was beautiful, but also one of the dumbest smart people she has ever met. Komaru adored her for it, but it also pained her each time she saw Toko in the morning. Toko would always look so miserable, so dead after nights like these. So Komaru is happy she woke up from that weird dream early, if it meant she helped relieve Toko from even a minuscule amount of stress and pain, then staying up this late would have all been worth it.

After a few minutes of admiring Toko, Komaru sighed as she acknowledged that they couldn’t stay like this forever. God only knows how the other ultimates would react to finding her and Toko passed out on the couch in each other’s arms. She could already hear the pesky comments Hina would make to tease her, or picture the warning glare Kyoko would give her. Komaru shivered just imagining the scene.

In the end, Komaru decided it would be best not to poke a sleeping bear. With great caution, she slowly moved around until she was able to sit up without waking Toko. Then, she carefully wrapped her arms around the sleeping Toko and picked her up, carrying her bridal style once again as Komaru made her way through the halls to Toko’s room.

Komaru couldn’t help but think Toko looked like a princess when Komaru carried her bridal style. Toko was young, beautiful, vulnerable, peaceful, graceful, and held a hidden strength of power that most would overlook. All in all, she looked like the epitome of one of those girls in stories who deserved to become a princess. Toko was, and would always be, a princess, at least she was in Komaru’s admiring eyes.

When Komaru entered Toko’s room, she turned on the light and took a careful look around. She couldn’t help but sigh at the poor sight.

The place was an absolute mess. What was once an alphabetically organized bookshelf now had looked as if the shelf had fallen over and someone had randomly shoved the books back onto it in a rush. Toko’s desk that was once her clean and consistent work station, the place of her pride and joy, was now a disarray of crumpled and torn papers and broken pens and ink blobs, all scattered across the front. What was most disturbing of all were the empty caffeinated drink containers, both monster cans and coffee cups were in eye view no matter where you looked around the room. 

Komaru could see why Toko was having issues sleeping, she had overworked herself, burnt herself out, and destroyed herself in the process of trying to survive in what had surrounded her life.

Although she wore a small frown, Komaru pushed this concern to the back of her mind. She was not here to judge Toko, she was here to take care of her. Komaru can talk to Toko about this in the morning, but right now her priority was tucking Toko in bed. 

Carefully, Komaru maneuvered around the messy heap of Toko’s room, trying her best not to stumble until she made it to Toko’s bed. When she finally reached her destination, Komaru had to quietly sweep the bed with one hand, pushing some energy drink cans and pens off the bed. Then, she gently placed Toko down and pulled the covers over her. 

Komaru sighed in relief at her mini success of not waking Toko up. God knows how guilty she would feel if she had accidentally awakened Toko when she had just finally managed to fall asleep.

Although she was no longer needed, Komaru stayed at Toko’s bed side for a few minutes. She was down on her knees, leaning over and using one of her own arms as a pillow, and the other hand to gently draw little circles onto Toko’s bed frame. Komaru’s eyes stayed glued to Toko’s tranquil sleeping face. Komaru couldn’t help but feel joyously accomplished when she gazed at Toko lovingly. She just cared so much for Toko, so much so that all Komaru wanted in life were serene moments like these.

After a few seconds, Komaru got up and pushed the strands of hair away from Toko’s face, thus exposing Toko’s forehead that was hidden under the adorable bedhead. Komaru then leaned forward and gently pressed a kiss onto Toko’s forehead before getting up and moving towards the door. She stopped in her tracks by the exit of the room, however, and turned around once more to get one last good look at the resting beauty before her.

A small smile graced Komaru’s lips at the sight.

“Good night and the sweetest of dreams, my not-so-sleeping beauty,” Komaru softly whispered.

And with that, Komaru turned off the light and quietly left the room pleased with the turn out of the night.

The next morning she would wake up and see Toko, the happiest and most well-rested she had been in months. Komaru wore the biggest smile that morning, and it would only grow bigger when she heard Toko decline a cup of coffee, explaining that she was taking a break from caffeine.

Yup, last night was definitely worth it.