Work Text:
The loud music of your alarm shot your eyes open, followed by you groaning loudly. Rolling over, you shut off the alarm on your phone and took a deep breath, not wanting to get up but knowing that you needed to be responsible. You reached over to wake your boyfriend but were met with an empty bed. Not needing to wonder, you got out of bed and walked into the living room, still in your pajamas.
Bucky was still asleep on the floor with the pillow off the chair and two of the extra blankets. The TV was quietly playing the morning news as you stood in the doorway with your arms crossed. "Buck," You called just loud enough to wake him up.
"I'm up," He responded as soon as he heard you as you pulled him out of his sleep. He didn't move besides bringing his right hand to his face to rub his eyes.
You moved to sit on the chair next to him, but he was still facing away from you. "I thought you said your nightmares were getting better."
"They are," He said, and you were unsure if this was a lie or not.
"Then why are you out here and not in bed?" You asked, knowing he was either going to give you a bullshit answer or tell you that he lied to you about the nightmares.
Bucky sat up but didn't look at you. "Habit, I guess," He shrugged.
You were going to fight it, but you let him get away with it. He had a meeting with his therapist today, so he'd get to talk about it then, and every once in a while, you throw him a bone of letting him lie. He knows you know he's lying, but neither of you mentioned it.
"Alright, then," You said and stood up to head back to your room to get dressed. "I've got a long day at work today, just reminding you," You yelled to him.
Bucky walked into the room a few seconds behind you. "I know, I'll be fine. Have to see Dr. Raynor today, and then I'll probably just come back here after taking care of some things," He told you as he sat on the bed while you got ready in the adjoining bathroom.
"Sounds like a good day. And will you please text Sam back? I talked to him earlier this week, and he was asking how you're doing," You reminded Bucky.
Bucky took a long sigh. "We'll see."
"You haven't talked to him since Steve left the shield. Reconnect with him; maybe it'll make things feel normal again," You advised. "Now that Steve's gone, it's you and me and Sam. If the world needs saving again, who's going to be the ones to save it? Spider-Man? Clint? No, it'll be us," You rambled, and Bucky was only half-listening. It had been six months since everyone came back, including Bucky and you, and he was still adjusting to losing his best friend and moving on with you by his side.
"I'm hoping we don't have to save the world again. Don't you think the Blip was enough for a while?" He asked.
You walked out of the bathroom and over to the closet to get dressed. "I do, but there will always be someone else trying to take over the world. Someone's got to save it, and we've lost a lot of friends. So it'll be up to us, you know that," You told him. Bucky didn't say anything; he knew you were right. "Just do me a favor and at least let Sam know you're alive."
"Can't you tell him?" Bucky groaned.
"I have; he wants to hear it from you. One quick text to him, please, babe," You walked back over to him and kissed his forehead. "I'll be busy today; I've got a few interviews for my next few articles, so I may not see my phone. But I'll call when I'm coming home, okay?"
Bucky nodded. "Be safe."
"Always am!" You smiled wide as you walked out of the bedroom again to grab a quick snack from the kitchen, then straight out the door for work. Not too much longer, and you were walking into the Threats and Menaces building to meet with J. Jonah Jameson for him to brief you about a few interviews and for you to get feedback on what you already have for your articles. It had been a rough few years of working with him since you were a part-time Avenger, part-time reporter, but he got to know you and got over it—mostly.
As you sat down across from Jonah, Bucky started to get ready for his day. He didn't have too much to do today; just meet with Dr. Raynor, cross a name off his list, and eventually eat something. Maybe, if he was in a good mood, maybe he'd text Sam. But no promises.
Bucky took his time getting ready, but he made sure he would leave on time to walk to Dr. Raynor's office. He wasn't entirely sure how he felt about therapy, he knew he needed it, but he never wanted to talk. His nightmare memories have lessened, thanks to you helping him through it, but they still occur. He's working through his list and trying to follow the rules of his pardon, which is mostly going smoothly. And he's living life with you like he had been for a year before the Blip.
He knew she'd bring up all three of those topics, and he really tried to stay away from talking about the nightmare memories and focus it on his list and on you. Dr. Raynor seemed fine with that; she was just happy to get Bucky to talk to her. Some days were easier than others, and he could talk about you for hours if he didn't think too hard about why he was talking about you.
"How has your week been, James?" Dr. Raynor asked, pulling Bucky out of his mind. The session just started, and he was already zoning out and wanting nothing to do with this.
He slightly shrugged. "Same as always."
"Well, your girlfriend reported to me she caught you sleeping in the living room this morning. Is it the nightmares again?" She pressured.
He should have known, but he thought that since you let him get away with his lie this morning, you would have let this one slide, too. You want to help Bucky with his therapy, and every so often, you'd send messages to Dr. Raynor if you were worried. You did tell her you weren't overly concerned, but it was the first time he was back in the living room in two weeks.
"No. Couldn't sleep, so I went to watch TV and fell asleep," Bucky said. It wasn't entirely a lie; the nightmare memory did make it hard for him to sleep after it jolted him awake, so he went to try the method that had worked. He turned on the late-night TV and was able to fall back asleep, but he did have another memory before you woke him up.
"Right," Dr. Raynor nodded. She wasn't sure she believed him either but decided to move on for the time being. "How have you two been? It's been six months since you guys came back."
"We're fine, still adjusting. She's still going to work and loving it, while I..." He didn't finish the sentence. "We always try to eat dinner together and make time for dates. But it's weird not having our friends around."
Dr. Raynor flipped through her notebook to look at her notes. "You two have been together for a few years, correct?" She asked as she continued to look for specific dates.
"Yeah," Bucky said. "We fully met when Steve found me, and we had to go on the run. She was with him. My brain was a mess back then, but when Shuri helped me, she let Steve and the team know when I was better, and she came to visit and ended up staying. It was about a year before the Blip," He remembered. He's had a rocky time with friendships, let alone relationships, but you were always by Steve's side to help save Bucky. You, Steve, Natasha, and Sam went looking for him (without even realizing it was him) when he was still under HYDRA's control, and then you and Sam managed to find him a few years later.
"That's right; I remember you telling me that. She's been helpful with your recovery and moving on since the Blip, yes?" Dr. Raynor questioned.
"I don't know what I'd do without her," Bucky said, not intending to sound so vulnerable. He liked to keep up a wall, but when it came to you, things were different. "She's been there for me for a long time, and I love her for everything she's done," Bucky admitted.
Dr. Raynor sat back as she looked at him. She had never seen him so open to talking about you in this way, talking about his feelings. "Does she know that?" She asked.
Bucky cocked his head as he looked at her and thought about the question. "I...I think so?" He said, but it sounded like a question. "I tell her I love her, always make sure she's safe, and we spend time together. I don't know what more I could do," Bucky said.
Dr. Raynor hummed and wrote a few words. "It's just something to keep in mind, James," She said with a small smile appearing on her face. "You mentioned that it's weird without your friends around. Have you spoken to Sam since our last appointment when I saw you'd been ignoring his texts?"
Bucky rolled his eyes and leaned back into the couch. "Not this again."
---
As you bounced from interview to interview, Bucky finished his appointment and grabbed lunch with his new friend Yori. Yori asked Bucky about his relationship with you, and he reassured Yori that everything was fine between you two. Yori keeps asking him to bring you to one of their lunches, but Bucky has yet to do so.
Yori, though he couldn't have truly known, seemed to know what was talked about with Dr. Raynor earlier. He asked about your relationship and if Bucky was doing enough to show his love. Though Yori doesn't know Bucky's story, he knows he struggles with emotions sometimes, and he knows that you make Bucky happy. He just wants to make sure that Bucky shows his appreciation.
Some people would say there's a line to relationship advice, especially when it's unsolicited. But he didn't care; Yori was right. Bucky should show his love and appreciation more.
Yori said he had some errands to run, and Bucky decided he would head home. After meeting with Dr. Raynor, it usually makes him pretty tired, and he needs to have a break. Sometimes after having lunch with Yori, he's pretty burnt out, but he enjoys it, and it gives him an excuse to go out, even if he does still feel guilty.
On his walk home, Bucky enjoyed the cool air and dodged people on the street. He listened to all the vendors trying to get every person who walked by to buy something and continued to ignore them. News stories that are two days old, hot dogs that are overloaded on mustard, or people trying to sell handmade goods. He tended to ignore the vendors, but one caught his eye.
He stopped and stared at the woman making her pitch to a passerby. It was strange, like she was trying to sell children's jewelry. Bucky looked at what she had lying on her cart. There were some really lovely necklaces and bracelets, and mixed in were some plastic rings. "How much for the rings?" Bucky interrupted her pitch.
"Oh, dear, those are just decorations. The necklaces and bracelets are-"
"I like the rings; my girlfriend would love it. How much for two of them?" He asked again.
The woman looked very confused but went along with it. "Uh, fifty cents? They're just plastic from my granddaughter," She told him.
Bucky pulled out a pouch from his pocket, handed her two quarters, and took two of the rings, both shaped like a star, one yellow and one blue. It was perfect. "Can I interest you in any of the actual jewelry? It's made with love, and I'm sure it would look beautiful on your girlfriend," She offered.
"Nope, just the rings, thanks," Bucky said and stuck the two rings in his pocket, then continued walking before he got caught in a conversation. He texted you when he got home just to let you know, even if you wouldn't see it for a while. He kept the rings in his pocket and turned on the TV to listen to the news when a story about the Avengers came on. He nearly turned it off but then got sidetracked when he remembered what you asked him to do this morning.
Groaning to himself, he pulled his phone out again and clicked on one of his few contacts to text Sam.
Bucky: I'm alive. Just wanted to let you know.
As soon as he went to put it back in his pocket, the phone buzzed.
Sam: Great! Been such radio silence I thought you disappeared.
Bucky: No.
Sam: Always a pleasure, Bucky.
Maybe now both you and Dr. Raynor would be pleased with him finally reaching out to Sam. Sure, it wasn't much, but it was more than he wanted to do. Honestly, he was still getting used to having a phone. Even though he was in Wakanda with so much different technology, he never really used it, now he's stuck trying to figure it all out.
Bucky decided to keep his mind busy, and since he wasn't going to cross any names off his list today, he picked up around the apartment. It never got too dirty, but it didn't hurt to straighten things, which helped pass the time. You called him a few hours after he got home, but earlier than expected, to ask what he wanted for dinner.
You picked something up and entered the apartment soon after, and Bucky had set the table already. Even though you told him he didn't need to go to all that trouble for take-out, he insisted; and he liked the tradition. "How was your day?" You asked as you guys sat down to eat.
Bucky shrugged. "Fine, normal. Had thrilling conversations with Dr. Raynor, ate lunch with Yori, and came back here to clean," He told you. "Your interviews go well?"
"Oh yeah, Jameson is happy with them. Now just to write the rest of the articles!" You laughed. "Did you text Sam by any chance?"
"I did. But only because you asked," He said, not making a big deal out of it.
"Thank you, Buck."
It wasn't unusual not to have too much conversation when eating. Both of you enjoyed each other's company, even if it was just quiet; it didn't have to be filled with random topics. Sometimes the silence was nice, a good break for both of you to enjoy the end of the day.
After a few minutes, Bucky started to talk again. "I know I'm not great at showing it, but I love you," He said.
You cocked your head in confusion. "I love you, too, Bucky. Why would you say you're not great at showing it?"
"Both Dr. Raynor and Yori told me I should show it more. I appreciate everything you do, and I don't know what I'd do without you here," He said. "I just," He paused. "I love you."
"Aw, Bucky. I know you do, and I think you show it great. I know your little mannerisms and the little ways you show love. Like how you insist on having a table set even if it's just take-out where we don't need it. Or the little gifts, or just cleaning up the messes I make," You reminded him. To the outside, people may not understand, but Bucky has his ways of showing his love, and it's nothing something you've ever been worried about.
Bucky slowly stood up out of his chair and walked over to the small coat closet. "Uh, going somewhere?" You asked as you watched from the table.
"No. You said something about little gifts, and I bought you something," He grabbed the plastic rings out of his pocket and walked back over to you. He opened his hand, and you giggled a bit when you saw what it was.
"Rings?" You asked.
"Yeah. There's a shop down the street where they sell plastic rings for a quarter a piece, I swear it," Bucky told you. "Yeah, I know that it's cheap, not like gold in your dreams, but I hope that you'll still wear it," He explained.
You picked out the blue one with a satisfied smile. "I don't need gold; I love this little star all the same. Maybe not out to interviews, but I will definitely wear it, Bucky. You're so sweet for thinking of me," You complimented, and he sat back down. As you slid it on your finger, Bucky slid his on as well, and you looked back up at him. "A quarter a piece, really?"
Bucky shrugged. "Some vendor was selling jewelry, and I liked these most. A good price," He said, then took another deep breath. "I'm not perfect, but I swear I'm perfect for you," He reached out with his right hand to grab yours.
"Seriously, where is all this coming from? Did something happen?" You asked a bit hesitantly.
"No," He shook his head, "I know you said the thing about little acts of love, but I want to show it in other ways. I know the rings are a bit weird, but-"
"They're not. I love it," You promised him. "There was no guarantee that this would be easy. It's not a miracle you need, believe me."
With a nod, Bucky smirked at you. "Maybe just an angel, then."
You pulled your hand back and quickly denied that. "Yeah, I'm no angel; I'm just me!"
"But I will love you endlessly," He finished.
"Aw, Bucky," You stood up quickly and walked over to kiss him. Right after you pulled back, your phone started blaring. You intended to ignore it, but it was Jameson; he'd kill you if you didn't answer. "One second, I promise."
"Hello," You answered.
There was no pause from Jameson; he quickly started talking loudly. "Hey! I've got an urgent assignment for you! Because of your past, you are in charge of writing and interviewing the new Captain America!" Jameson said, but it only confused you more.
"What are you talking about? New Captain America?" You asked.
"Are you living under a rock?" Jameson yelled. "Look at the TV! We'll talk tomorrow!" He said and hung up.
Bucky could tell you were worried, but you didn't say anything and immediately went to find the remote to turn the TV on. Bucky was watching the news earlier, so the channel was already on the right one, and both you and Bucky stood in front of the TV slack-jawed, staring at it.
There he was. A new, random man, wearing a costume much like Steve's and holding the shield Sam surrendered just a few days ago.
"Oh no," You said in a hushed voice. "This is not going to end well."