Archive of Our Own

The weight of the day is heavy. It doesn’t feel like the end of filming—it feels like the end of the world. And that’s irritating. Because in his 40 years of life, acting in theatres and in front of cameras since he was a child, Levi has done this hundreds of times: filming his final scenes, saying goodbye to characters he would have immersed himself in for months and years, getting deeper and deeper into their heads and hearts with each passing day, only to let them and their world go, wrap things up and move on to the next project. And yet, parting with the captain of the Survey Corps, humanity’s strongest soldier, parting with “Attack on Titan”, feels different.

Like a funeral.

The empty space on his left, the cold sheets where there should be a warm body, enhance this feeling, making him even feel more on edge. 

Erwin’s gone.

Fucker , Levi thinks, getting out of bed before the alarm clock can force him to. His mood is even worse now. 

It’s the last day of set. They will be filming together again, like in the old days, when Erwin’s character—the 13th commander of the Survey Corps—was still alive and they worked side by side almost everyday. The unstoppable duo. The leader and his right-hand man. 

They even got to film a spin off together, and when Levi remembers “A choice with no regrets”, the first wave of nostalgia floods his tired body.

It’s when they fell in love.

Levi Ackerman, the thief of the Underground, and Erwin Smith, a high-ranked soldier and future commander of the Survey Corps.

Levi Ackerman, the well-known actor with a foul mouth, and Erwin Smith, the award-winning golden boy turned golden man with a stunning smile.

At the beginning, Levi thought it was weird that the characters all of them portrayed were actually assigned their real life names. It was a new concept. The creator of the show wanted them to “feel one” with their roles, and claimed that this would help. 

And he was right.

Captain Levi Ackerman has become an inherent part of actor Levi Ackerman. This is why having to part with him feels like Levi is about to rip a part of his soul out. This is also why he feels so… melancholic . Sad, even. Because thinking about what is to come, about his character getting the chance to see his fallen comrades again, to see Mike and Nanaba, Petra and Olou, Hange and Moblit, Gunther and Eld, to see him again— Erwin —makes him almost tear up while he’s brushing his teeth.

Get your shit together , Levi thinks, frowning at his own reflection. For now is not the time for tears. He needs to save them for later. After all, he is supposed to shed a tear during that scene. His final scene. 

The aftermath—with Levi in the wheelchair with Gabi, Falco and Onyankopon after Eren was killed and the titans became history—is already done, filmed many weeks ago. Today, they are finishing off the final battle. What is left of it. It should have all been wrapped up already, but the weather turned bad and thus, all scenes to be shot outside had to be postponed. 

Levi doesn’t mind that. In fact, he’s kind of happy about it. It gave him more time to prepare for today. And yet, he still doesn’t feel properly ready .

“Fuck,” he curses, rubbing his eyes and thus, those miniature tears away. 

It’s really not the right time to cry. It’s irritating him. For Levi takes pride in being able to cry on command. Or nearly on command. He doesn’t need those fake tears so many actors do. He can delve so deep into a character and in their tragedies that only after a few moments, the desired tears flow down his cheeks. And the character of Levi Ackerman in the world full of titans, is the most tragic he has ever played. But to be able to cry later, he cannot cry now, for fuck’s sake . But his stupid eyes just won’t stop producing that salty water.

It’s almost like on that day when they filmed the death of the commander.

Levi wasn’t supposed to fully cry, like in the spin-off after the death of Furlan and Isabel. According to the script, his eyes were merely supposed to be “filled with tears” at the moment of being informed by Hange that Erwin had just passed away.

They needed so many hours to shoot that scene. Because Levi kept fucking up. Because the death of Erwin meant the death of a huge part of his captain. And looking at the supposedly dead commander—at his real-life partner, the real Erwin Smith looking actually dead—upset him even more than intended. He just kept crying. And Erwin opening his eyes to smile at him, hug him, kiss him and tell him that everything was fine didn’t help.

“Shit,” Levi murmurs, making his morning tea, the emotional turmoil in his chest making him feel on edge. He’s holding the note Erwin left pinned to their big fridge in his hand. ‘Couldn’t sleep, went early. See you on set, captain!’ it says, and Levi sighs. 

He’s a bit disappointed by the start of this very important day. Because he was actually hoping it would be like it used to, when they moved together a few months after filming their spin-off and would always go to set together, after getting ready at home, sharing a meal, a tea and a coffee, a hug and a kiss. And God, how the media loved that: them moving together. How the show’s fans, already in love with the concept of their characters being a couple, devoured the news of their real-life romantic relationship going public, shipping them even harder. It makes Levi grin. 

It doesn’t make that feeling of melancholy go away, though.

The ride to the filming location doesn’t take long and Levi tries to think about nice things, tries to take his mind off. But when the opening song of the series suddenly blasts from the radio, and he thinks back to how the whole cast met to view the first episode together, how he and Erwin did that in private again after they got together, he can’t think of anything else but all the years of working with him and with all the other amazing people that have become family.

And he feels sad.

Taking one final deep breath, Levi gets out of his car, and when he walks past Erwin’s vehicle, he feels calm. For one second. Then, it all goes to shits. Because the first thing he sees is a staff member hectically running past him carrying a green cloak with the emblem of the Survey Corps: the wings of freedom. And it finally really hits Levi.

This is the end.

This is really the end of “Attack on Titan”, the show that has been a part of his life for so many years. The longest series he has ever participated in.

He watched Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Annie, Reiner, Berthold, Ymir, Historia and all the other brats mature—and weird, close-to parental feelings well in his chest when he thinks about the talented bunch, that has always been looking up to him, turning into talented and great actors themselves throughout the show. He got drunk with Mike and Nile so often who are like his brothers to him, he went on so many holidays with Hange and Moblit, he became the godfather of Historia’s child.

He became Erwin Smith’s lover.

His boyfriend.

His significant other.

His partner.

And he knows that ultimately, he will never be able to really let go of this cruel and yet beautiful, tragic world and its tale with all its vibrant characters and monsters. Because this is where Levi truly started living.

Because of Erwin.

Just like captain Levi did.

And this is why it’s so hard for him to separate his role from his true self. This is why every step further into the set is so strenuous. Exhausting and yet joyful.

They are all here: All the important cast members, despite their characters having been killed off in previous seasons and episodes. Nile and Pixies, Darius and Marco, Dinah, Carla and Grisha, Furlan and Isabel. They all come to hug Levi like crazy, and he can feel that all of them are experiencing the same sort of thing: nostalgia. That hurtful and yet wonderful feeling of saying goodbye to something special.

“Levi, finally, you’re late,” one of the important people complains, “get into make-up straightaway!”

Levi is not late. But he keeps his mouth shut. Because for one, everyone of the production team is nervous about the final day of shooting, about wrapping up a whole big-ass, utterly successful series, excited too, experiencing sadness nonetheless. And for two, his make-up and costume really take up a lot of time, with all his scars and the bandages that need to be applied to his face, the blood and dirt that needs to be painted on his skin, his eyes, that are supposed to look tired and all that. 

Sighing, Levi starts walking towards the trailers with the make-up artists, saying hello to everyone, exchanging handshakes, smiles, hugs on his way, with Reiner and Eren almost squeezing him to death when they put their arms around him. Seriously, when did they get this massive, he thinks, his eyes wandering over to the “battlefield”.

And that’s where he spots him.

Erwin.

He’s talking to the director who is gesturing wildly with his arms, pointing to the field of action now and then, obviously discussing scenes with his boyfriend. 

Erwin’s always been this way, like the commander he embodies: Focussed, a strategist, planning things in detail, fond of long and serious discussions, smart and calm. He looks like the commander too—for he is already in costume, wearing his uniform. The only thing that is missing is the green cloak and his gear. Everything else is there: All the straps, cutting lightly into his well-formed body, his belt, his high boots, his shirt crisp white under the light-brown, short jacket with the wings of freedom.

The bolo tie.

He’s totally in character. Because just like captain Levi has become an everlasting part of Levi the actor, the commander of the Survey Corps has become an inseparable part of Erwin Smith. And thus, Erwin’s look is stern, focussed, the mesmerising blue eyes sharp, his back straight, his whole stance powerful, aristocratic even. And when this man, this beautiful, strong man, suddenly shifts his gaze and locks eyes with Levi, the raven-haired man’s knees quiver just like they quivered on the first day of filming when he finally stood in front of the actor he had admired for so long.

And Erwin smiles. 

He smiles the most amazing gentle, vibrant smile Levi has ever seen, raising his hand to wave to Levi, and Levi wants to walk over to him right this instant, to receive the morning kiss he’d usually get but missed out on today—but someone grabs his arm.

It’s his make-up artist. 

“Honey, we need to get you ready right the hell now,” Berta says, already pulling him into the trailer, and so all Levi manages to do is to wave back to Erwin, who is still smiling that smile, nodding shortly, as if he was saying ‘we’ll talk later’.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” Berta says, tears brimming in her eyes, once she is done with transforming Levi into captain Levi and they both study his reflection in the mirror. And truth be told: He’ll miss her too. He will miss this transformation process. He’s going to fucking miss being captain Levi. 

“Thank you, Berta,” he mumbles as they hug and the big, stunning woman sniffles, “for everything.”

“We’re gonna get drunk at the closing party, aren’t we?” she mumbles as they let go of each other, smiling and wiping away her tears.

Levi smiles too. “That, we will do.”

Levi walks down the tiny steps of the trailer on shaky legs. Everybody’s tense and quiet. Filming is just about to begin, and there are just so many people on site, watching, witnessing, experiencing the director address all members on set, welcoming everyone to this very important and very emotional day with a trembling voice, some of the crew and actors already with tears in their eyes.

And Levi stands still, wanting to listen to every word spoken. But the wish to be next to Erwin right now to experience this moment together is stronger. But Erwin’s nowhere to be seen, and Levi is, once again, cursing his own height. Because it stops him from just looking over everyone’s head, scouting the area. Tutting quietly to himself, he finally gives up his search, his mobile already out of reach—and thus, his way of contacting Erwin, who has probably ditched his phone already too, considering he’s already dressed up and focussed on his part, his work, his final scene.

Their final scene.

Petra and Olou suddenly sneak over to Levi from out of freaking nowhere, and even though he’s still sulking that his partner in play and real life isn’t here right now, he’s so glad to have his friends, his former film squad members, by his side.

When the director ends his little welcoming speech, that is the beginning of his parting speech to be held later at the closing party in a fancy big location, Petra hooks arms with Levi and Olou. Taking a deep breath, serving to stop her from tearing up, her gaze fixated on the cameras in front of them, she smiles. 

“I’m so glad to be here with you today,” Petra says, finally looking each of the men to her sides in the eyes, and Levi feels weirdly touched. “I missed this.”

“Me too,” Olou agrees, smiling roo, looking first at her, then at Levi, and then off into the distance.

“I thought you missed me ,” Levi jokes, and Petra and Olou both snicker.

“Oh, sure captain ,” the woman with the strawberry blonde hair then answers playfully, and Levi grins. 

Then, everybody is quiet and the director gives his instructions. And then, it begins: The filming of the last scenes of “Attack on Titan”.

Levi watches Armin come to himself, immersed in the smoke. He watches Mikasa carry Eren’s supposed, severed head towards him. And his throat constricts when he witnesses the superb acting of the two remaining friends collapsing onto the ground, touching Eren’s remains, mourning the genocidal martyr, the protagonist, the antagonist, the hero, the villain of the tale; and there are so many conflicting emotions welling in his chest that it’s nearly suffocating him.

More awakening scenes follow, and the camera captures Reiner, Jean, Connie and Annie allegedly transforming back into their form, flooded by the memories of Eren’s visit, the words he planted into their minds later wiped, making them all break out into tears now—and those tears are real too. And seeing all of this, knowing the script and today’s shooting schedule off by heart, Levi knows that his final scene— their final scene—the final scene of the shoot altogether is coming closer. And he swallows, nervousness suddenly gripping his throat. 

Because he still hasn’t found Erwin.

“Mike,” he asks, his voice raspy, when he speaks up to the tall man, “where the fuck is my blondie?” he asks, using the ridiculous and not very groundbreaking nickname for his boyfriend, whom he suspected to be right here, with all the other veterans gathering for their final appearance in the final episode of the show. But he’s not.

Mike shrugs. “Dunno.”

“Probably taking a dump,” Hange says in a low voice, imitating captain Levi’s way of speaking, making the others all around them snicker. And Levi rolls his eyes, unable to stop himself from grinning lightly, though. For he really likes the captain’s way of brute ‘shit-talking’. It’s very close to his own nature—or maybe he adopted it from the captain over all those years of embodying him? He can’t tell.  

Levi is needed in a few other shots that need to be redone and doesn’t have any more time or possibilities to look for Erwin.

“Cut!”—the loud and clear yell echoes through the air after another shot with Mikasa and Gabi. 

And then, it’s finally time.

And out of the corner of his eyes, Levi sees the veterans starting to move towards their destined point. And there, among them, there he fucking is: Erwin.

“Levi,” the director’s voice and his hand being planted onto his shoulder startle him, “this is it,” the director says, smiling, starting to walk Levi over to the spot they want to shoot this final scene at. “It’s an honour to be shooting the final moments of ‘Attack on Titan’ with you today.” 

The rest is just usual director-talk, as Levi likes to phrase it, meant to motivate the actor, to motivate him—even though Levi doesn’t need any encouragement. 

Not for this.

Not as captain Levi Ackerman. 

This is his final moment—and one of the most important moments in his character’s arc.

It’s his reunion with the one man Levi dedicated his life to. The man Levi chose to follow amidst tragedy, because Erwin Smith saw something that the underground thug could not see, because the man gazed way beyond the walls and truly wanted to free humanity from its shackles.

Because the man taught him to make choices that he wouldn’t regret, taught him how to believe in making those choices and then to move forward.

Because Erwin Smith, the commander, gave Levi Ackerman hope .

Just like the real-life Erwin Smith, the actor, gives Levi Ackerman hope. 

A home worth returning to, too. Love. A future. Compassion. Comfort. Joy. 

All the things the commander and captain yearned for too—and couldn’t have. War, death and their duty, their obligations, preventing their path of a carefree life. 

A carefree love.

Theirs was subtle, never openly revealed and confirmed on-screen, but definitely there, palpable, hinted at in so many interviews by its creator, so many pieces of merchandise, pointed at by Levi and Erwin themselves and other cast members too. 

It was tragic just as much. 

And when Levi thinks about the scene on the rooftop in the Shiganshina arc, when captain Levi chose to let Erwin rest, to let him escape the hell they were all trapped in, he has to swallow down a huge lump in his throat. 

Because now is still not the time to cry. And he quickly manages to compose himself.

Looking into Erwin’s eyes, however, undoes this nearly straightaway. 

Erwin offers Levi a smile, already positioned next to Hange, waiting to be engulfed in smoke, as the raven-haired sinks down onto the ground, leaning with his back against a big rock, his lips mimicking Erwin’s. And the lump in his throat is back, his mind replaying Levi’s tragic life. The underground, the death of his mother, being abandoned by Kenny, the deaths of Furlan and Isabel, the death of his squad members, of his comrades, his friends, all of them currently looking at him, smiling too—the death of Erwin and the weight of his promise to his commander that took so long to fulfill. The end of the war. The end of the titans that cost so many people Levi held dear their lives. 

And the lump in his throat grows bigger.

And Levi’s skin prickles as people are shouting orders and commands, and the machines are switched on and Erwin and all the others—Hange, Moblit, Mike, Nanaba, Petra, Olou, Gunther, Eld and so many more—disappear in a thick cloud of smoke.

And then… Then it comes.

For a final time.

“...aaaand action!”

And Levi is captain Levi. Tired. Exhausted. Injured. Relieved. Hurt. Depressed. Happy. Melancholic.

And as the smoke thins out and the forms of his former comrades, of his friends, of his commander—his lover—emerge, Levi almost forgets to speak his line.

Because he is so overwhelmed, looking at them, at all of them, all dressed up in their Survey Corps uniform, looking back at him, smiling faint smiles from the afterlife, from paths, from whatever.

“...hey guys…” he murmurs, his voice weak and strained, “...did you see that?”

Levi needs to swallow again, tears already burning behind his lids, the eyes of captain Levi’s beloved people fixated on his broken form in this meaningful, this cathartic moment, the most important moment on Levi’s journey; the moment of truth, the moment of fulfilling another promise.

The moment of proving that the deaths of his comrades—that Erwin’s death—had meaning .

“Guess this is the result... of all of your devoted... hearts …” Levi finishes speaking to his dead comrades—but his gaze is focused solely on Erwin’s, as all the ghostly soldiers of the Survey Corps, along with their fallen commander, give one final salute, one final message, pressing their hand to their hearts, acknowledging Levi’s words, acknowledging Levi’s fight, his devotion, acknowledging his sacrifice, their own sacrifice; and when Levi returns the salute in this moment of their final goodbye, looking deep into Erwin’s eyes, a thick, hot tear runs down his left cheek. And his heart shatters into thousand pieces while a part of him also feels like smiling warmly.

Because this moment is bittersweet. 

Because this really is goodbye. Goodbye to so many years of being captain Levi Ackerman. Goodbye to so many wonderful people he’s seen almost on a daily basis for so long. Goodbye to his family. Goodbye to Erwin Smith, commander of the Survey Corps. Goodbye to Eldia. Goodbye to… To the most important part of his life.

“Cut! Cut! Cuuuuut! It’s a wrap, everybody...!” the director screams, and Levi starts wiping the tears from his eyes quickly, starting to clap, like everytime a series gets finished.

But he’s the only one clapping.

Instantly, he stops. 

Did he miss anything? Was the director about to say something, make another speech, and he was the only moron who didn’t get it? 

Irritated and a bit embarrassed Levi turns his head to look at the director—and that’s when he spots the piano. A fucking piano on wheels, just a few steps away from him. He was so immersed in his scene that he didn’t even see this huge-ass instrument being pushed onto set from the corner of his eyes; and immediately the guy sitting at that fucking piano, starts playing a soft tune. A familiar tune. But Levi is still so shaken, so emotional, that it takes him a few seconds to actually realise what song this. 

It’s from the “Attack on Titan” soundtrack. A slow version of 'Reluctant heroes’. And Levi feels stupid. Because obviously everybody else had already seen the piano and expected a song to be played to celebrate the final scene and that’s why everybody else didn’t clap.

But he’s wrong.

He knows the moment he sees Nanaba walking over to the piano, being handed a microphone by a crew member. 

He knows when she turns back to him, smiling at Levi. That’s the moment he realises that everybody is staring at him. Not at the piano. Not at Nanaba. Not at the director. They are all looking at him . 

Levi’s mind is still racing when Nanaba begins to sing.

“It was like a nightmare, and it’s pain for me, because nobody wants to die too fast…”

During those first lines of the song, Levi sees movement out of the corner of his eyes, and when he turns his head to look in front of him again, he is right in front of him: Erwin.

“Remember the day of grief, now it’s strange for me, I could see your face, I could hear your voice…”

He’s coming closer, smiling at Levi. And it’s that smile. That stunning, warm, gentle, tender, honest smile. A smile full of love and adoration.

“Remember the day we met, and it’s painful for me, because nobody wants to die too fast…”

Levi’s heart starts beating fast, the lump in his throat growing, as he becomes a witness of tears forming in his lover’s eyes, when Erwin stops right in front of him.

“Remember a day we dreamt, now it’s painful for me, I could see your face, I could hear your voice…”

And then, as Nanaba stops singing, and it’s only the beautiful piano sound continuing the melody, Erwin, in his Survey Corps uniform, with the green cloak bearing the wings of freedom on his broad back, sinks down onto one knee—and Levi’s heart vibrates in his chest.  Still smiling, the beautiful blond man holds up a single, broad, silver ring. And when Erwin speaks, his voice is as sweet as honey. As sweet as maple syrup. And soft. And shy too.

“Levi Ackerman… Will you marry me?”

The sob that breaks out of Levi’s mouth is earth-shattering, and he feels his whole face scrunching up in an ugly grimace, his lips quivering, his whole chest shaking, the lump trying to climb up his hurting throat, tear its way out of there, his tears instantly soaking through those shitty bandages. It’s a literal dam breaking. All of Levi’s melancholia, his sadness about the character he portrayed, the sorrow about having to part with his filming-family for good, flooding out of him in form of a salty waterfall—mixed with the almost indescribable feeling of happiness he experiences in this moment, the feeling of wonderful surprise. Of gratefulness. 

Because he is so grateful for having Erwin in his life. And this man, this beautiful, wonderful man asking him to be his husband… It’s overwhelming. In the most beautiful way. And Levi wants to answer, wants to say yes—yes, oh God, yes!—but he cannot, for he’s practically bawling his eyes out right now. And so all that he can do is nod. As hard as he can. And when he does that, everybody on set starts clapping, and screaming and cheering, and the director is yelling “Now it’s really a wraaaaap!” through his megaphone.

But Levi is fully focused on Erwin. On Erwin alone. Tearing the fake bandages off his face so he can properly look at Erwin with both of his healthy eyes, so that he can take in this ethereal sight of his boyfriend—fiancé—who is smiling at him so obviously moved, so happy, and whose hand is trembling as he slips the ring onto Levi’s finger.

Nanaba resumes singing with her angelic voice, as Erwin gets up onto his feet, towering over Levi, wrapping his arms around Levi, smiling at Levi, who is still crying, holding on to the harness of the Survey Corps uniform. Out of pure joy alone now.

“Captain crybaby…” Erwin scolds him ever so gently, only for Levi to hear, before he leans down and kisses him. Softly. Gently. Tenderly. And this moment, this very moment is everything to Levi.

Because this end… is a new beginning.

And Levi can’t wait to get to that cast party to celebrate it with all of his friends, with his family.

With Erwin.

THE END