Chapter Text
"I can't do this anymore, Mei."
Mei doesn't even look at his 'lover'. His eyes were fixed on the baseball magazine, flipping it once, twice, crossing his legs while leaning on a sofa in their shared apartment living room.
"Mei, listen to me."
Mei sighed. It's that time of the month again. He put his magazine away to look at his lover. His brows were scrunched together in irritation and his fist clenched. Even when he's angry, Miyuki Kazuya still looks handsome. Maybe Mei even liked it more when he's angry.
"We had the talk last month and I'm not going to argue with you again," Mei said, not amused.
Kazuya looks tired, but Mei didn't notice.
He never tries to notice.
"I'm sorry, Mei." Kazuya said after a long sigh, which surprised Mei. Kazuya rarely apologizes sincerely like this. The same goes for Mei, though. That's why their fights are always long. It's always hard for either of them to give in and apologize.
Before Mei even get to ask why, Kazuya continued.
"It's for real this time. We're breaking up."
"Kazuya that jerk! The nerve!" Mei slammed down the magazine to the floor, minutes after Kazuya left the apartment.
Kazuya had said "You can take the apartment. I listed the monthly bills on the desk and made dinner. I paid deposit for a year but you should check it monthly so you don't run out. Goodbye, Mei," and then turned around and left before Mei even replied.
Mei was still for five minutes even as Kazuya dragged his baseball equipment and a suitcase away with him, apparently all of his stuff. He took a few more hours and a lonely dinner before finally snapping, throwing things everywhere on the floor.
… He'll be back tomorrow after he finishes getting angry.
Mei sighed.
He flopped into the queen-sized bed stomach down, pressing his finger into his phone's fingerprint, unlocking it.
Whenever his lover throws a tantrum, Mei made it a habit to immediately rant to his best friend, Sawamura Eijun.
Mei : Ei-chaan, Kazuya's at it again!
Not long after, Eijun replies.
Eijun : What happened, Mei?
Mei : Dunno, he said it's for real this time, bet tomorrow he'd go home and act like nothin happened like usual.
Five minutes passed, but there's no reply. Huh. Eijun always replies almost instantly.
Ever since Mei's third year of high school, Eijun became his best friend. They got even closer after going pro, getting into the same team and all. Being the sunshine boy he is, he tolerated Mei's tantrums and being fellow southpaw made it easier for them to talk about… southpaw things. Whenever Eijun wanted to rant about their catcher, Kazuya, Mei would be his first place to go just like how Mei went to Eijun to rant about his lover.
(Also, Eijun is one of the few who replies. The others just couldn't handle Mei.)
Mei scrolled his contacts. His frequent contact was Sawamura Eijun, Harada Masatoshi, Tadano Itsuki, Kamiya Carlos…
That's all. Miyuki Kazuya wasn't even in the list.
When Mei's about to text Eijun again, a notification pops up.
Eijun : Mei, I think you should talk to Miyuki. He doesn't look so good
Mei : Doesn't look so good? Are you with him?
Eijun : I was at Kuramochi-senpai's place with Harucchi and Furuya when he decided to come with this luggage
Mei's brow twitched. So that's how he wanted to play this game.
Mei : Let him be
With that, Mei locked his phone before flinging it beside him. He sprawled himself on the bed. Mei loves big beds. Kazuya knows, that's why on their 3rd anniversary, he bought that bed for Mei.
But without Kazuya, it's too big.
"He'll be back tomorrow," Mei muttered, before letting himself fall into slumber.
Kazuya doesn't come back.
Even after three days. Even after a week. Mei's patience is starting to run thin, now, if he even has any.
Being alone made him notice some things. How the apartment doesn't really change, because really, Kazuya had little stuff, most of the furniture belonging to Mei. Kazuya only has that little suitcase which probably contains his clothes and baseball notes, a bag of his baseball equipment, two set of shoes, a toothbrush and some towels ; that's all.
Mei frowned. He had sent Kazuya a message, putting his pride aside on the third day, but he doesn't even reply.
(It reads : "Are you done with your little stunt?")
It was off baseball season and Mei is bored. If Kazuya was here Mei was sure he'd bring Mei to a trip or something. Kazuya always knows how to kill Mei's boredom.
"Agh! Stupid head, stop thinking about that jerk!" Mei shouted in frustration. "Geez, come back already, Kazuya!"
He ended up killing his boredom by splurging on dinner and watching a drama series.
Mei thought Kazuya would come back but he doesn't. Instead Kazuya's social media, which he hardly updates, updated that night and it made the news go crazy.
Miyuki Kazuya.
Relationship status : single.
Finally after a month of Kazuya's declaration on their apartment, Mei is in front of Kuramochi Youichi's apartment. But instead of Kazuya, there stood Kuramochi Youichi himself, crossing his arms in front of his apartment, looking like he's guarding whatever's behind that door.
"Let me in. I need to talk to Kazuya." Mei said, crossing his arms, too.
Youichi knitted his brows. "Is that how you ask to be let inside someone's home?"
Mei raised his voice. "Kuramochi, I have no time for this!"
"What kind of thing took your time, then, your highness?!" Youichi shouted back, "That it took a whole month until finally you decide to see Miyuki?!"
"I was--"
Mei tried to say, but really, he couldn't think of an answer.
"Look, I don't know what made him mad in the first place, okay?!"
Youichi looked like he popped a vein. "You little--"
"Mochi, that's enough," Kazuya said, opening the door, "It's okay. I'll talk with Mei."
Mei stumbled back when he saw Kazuya. Eijun was right. He doesn't look so good. He looked tired. His eyebags was a clear sign, and did he get thinner? We're pro baseball players, why the Hell are you not taking care of yourself?!
But instead Mei asked, "Kazuya. Care to tell me what do you mean by all this?"
"…I mean it, Mei. It's over. We're done." Kazuya said, tone firm despite the tired look in his eyes. Youichi had stepped back into his apartment, giving them privacy.
"Why are you suddenly like this?!" Mei asked, irritation in his voice.
"It's not sudden, Mei!" Kazuya raised his voice, making Mei flinch. He continued, "This has been going on for months, if not years. I had enough, Mei."
"What--"
Kazuya cut him, "Do you even love me, Mei?"
A silence. Mei didn't immediately reply, but when he did, he avoided the question, "Why are you suddenly asking me that?"
"I loved you, Mei."
Past tense.
"But now that all my love has evaporated, there's nothing else, Mei. So please… don't look for me anymore."
And with that, Kazuya closed the door.
Mei was shocked for a moment, but he then clenched his fists, turning around, running back to their... his own apartment.
Miyuki Kazuya.
Relationship status: single.
Mei looked at his own social media profile.
Narumiya Mei.
Relationship status: in a relationship.
But there was nobody tagged. It was Kazuya before.
"Geez, this looks like I cheated or something."
Mei updated his relationship status to single and then closed the application.
He sighed, flopping down to the bed.
"I wonder where did we go wrong?" Mei asked Kazuya's shadow, waving towards it.
Probably it was wrong ever since the beginning.
One day when they were hanging out together after a Seido-Inashiro practice game, Kazuya sighed exasperatedly as he buried his face on his hands.
"What's up?" Mei asked.
"Made 'nother one cry." Kazuya replied, still with his hands on his face. "Wish they'd stop confessing."
"I seriously don't see what they're seeing in you!" Mei faked a gasp, slapping Kazuya's back playfully. "I never thought you're nice enough to think about someone else's feelings."
"Well, excuse me!" Kazuya winced. "Even I will be affected if someone keep breaking down and crying in front of me at least once every single week!"
"I get what you mean though," Mei said, slurping into his jelly-drink, "how about publicly announcing you have a lover or something? It worked for me."
Kazuya's brow twitched, finally removing his hands from his face to look at Mei. "You're saying you and Harada Masatoshi aren't actually dating."
Mei laughed. "We're not!"
Kazuya thought about it for a while, but he sighed once again. "Well, you have Harada, but I don't know who to ask. It'd be super awkward."
"How about your fellow first year Kuramochi?"
"He's looking for a girlfriend so no."
"How about me, then?"
"Huh?"
Mei stood up, stretching his arms. "I feel bad for taking away Harada-senpai's chances of getting a girlfriend so I was about to call it quits anyways."
Kazuya looked at him with disbelief in his face.
"So, how about it, Kazuya?" Mei asked again, grinning towards Kazuya.
Kazuya nodded. "... That sounds really bad, but bearable. Sure."
Mei kicked Kazuya. "Jerk!"
Kazuya laughed.
That was the beginning of their relationship. It was fake. They don't even confess.
They purposely act like boyfriends, holding hands and all, and they got physically closer, hugging more frequently whenever they meet.
But that was all. There were no 'I love you's, no kisses, no promises.
At least until their third year in high school, where Mei injured his pitching arm due to a pitching machine going haywire. The injury worsened when he forced himself to pitch to the point of it needing lengthy rehab. Mei thought his life was over. Baseball was his only passion, his everything. He quickly fell into depression, being unable to play the games he wanted to play, being unable to stand in Koshien to exact revenge on Hongou Masamune--
"Snap out of it, Mei," Kazuya forcefully barged into his room, hugging Mei softly like he's actually really in love with Mei.
Maybe he was.
"You can rely on me." Kazuya had said, "We're boyfriends, right?"
So Mei cried his heart out, and ever since then, his relationship with Kazuya changed. Kazuya had been very, very sweet to him like a loving boyfriend, had treated Mei like a princess, had even won Koshien, defeating Masamune for Mei. He also introduced Mei into his small circle of friends, and he brought Eijun, his battery partner, to lift Mei's spirit.
Eijun is really good at lifting people's spirit. Saying things that Kazuya couldn't ever say, jokes about things that makes Mei laugh, encouraging Mei to rehabilitate, and most importantly, he lit a fire in Mei's eyes with his pitching.
If there's anyone Mei loved after Miyuki Kazuya it would be Sawamura Eijun.
Mei shook his head. I love Ei-chan better than that jerk, Mei said to himself.
Afterwards, he let Kazuya take care of him.
He'd ask for anything and Kazuya would do it for him.
He'd laze around and tell Kazuya to do things for him and Kazuya would oblige.
And that habit continued even after Mei healed, even after they joined the pros, even after Kazuya got angry at Mei for that.
Ah. We had argued about this many times, hadn't we.
"Take care of things yourself for once!" Kazuya had snapped, and Mei simply pouted and ignored Kazuya.
In the end, Kazuya took care of it, although with a sigh.
"If he really loved me, he'd do those things for me without protesting!" Mei said again to Kazuya's shadow. "Wouldn't you?"
No answer, obviously.
He thought deeply. Maybe he should have washed the dishes for once. Maybe he should have cooked, or maybe cleaned when Kazuya was tired or sick. Maybe he should have taken care of Kazuya like how Kazuya took care of him. Spoil him or something. Maybe buy him flowers although Kazuya would probably laugh at him. Maybe actually apologize instead of waiting for Kazuya to come back, because Mei was too cocky to think that Kazuya loves him enough to come back every single time. Maybe tell him that he loves him, for once.
But now it has ended, he can't fix this anymore.
Before Mei knew it, tears were spilling on his cheeks.
"Huh? What's this..." Mei was surprised at the dampness on his pillow. He quickly wiped the tears on his face, but it keeps falling.
It was only a relationship started on a whim. I don't really love him.
...So why does it hurt so much?
"Goddammit," Mei cursed as he sobs into the bed that's too big for one, fists clenching at the sheets, looking for Kazuya's nonexistent warmth on the other side of the bed.
"Goddammit, Miyuki Kazuya. Of course I love you--" he choked between sobs, "I love you, Goddammit!"
Narumiya Mei had taken Miyuki Kazuya for granted.
And now he had lost him forever.
It's off-season, but soon Mei would have to face Kazuya again because he's the main catcher.
Mei had no idea how should he face Kazuya. He slumped into the bed he hadn't cleaned for weeks, because Kazuya always does it for him. He had spent the week drinking alone, ignoring his phone until the battery died.
He doesn't want to reply to messages asking for interviews, about how his and Kazuya's relationship ended, and he ultimately doesn't want to see Kazuya's status updated from single to being in a relationship with someone else that's not him.
It's dumb, Mei knows, to admit that he's in love with his ex after taking him for granted for so many years.
A knock on the door. Mei's head is groggy because of a hangover, but he scrambled up, running towards his front door, opening it before shouting, "Kazuya?!"
In front of him was instead, Sawamura Eijun. Upon looking at Mei, his surprised expression turned sad.
"Oh..." Mei said, turning his eyes away. "Welcome, Ei-chan... Sorry. The apartment's a bit messy now."
Eijun looked inside and winced. A bit messy is an understatement. Mei knows.
"You didn't reply my messages..." Eijun had said, but looking at the phone, face down on the floor already answered his about-to-be-asked question.
"Yeah." Mei said, "Things happened."
Eijun hugged Mei. "Yeah."
And then Mei broke down, crying hard.