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"No," Lucifer says.
"Absolutely not," Beelzebub says.
"Nice to see you two finally agree on something," the Helltaker informs them, voiced pitched to not wake anyone else who would talk him out of this stupid decision. The demons turn twin glares on him.
Lucifer gets the first word in. "You're not going anywhere. Not after everything you put us through last week."
'Last week' had seen the Helltaker taking an impromptu and entirely unconsensual trip to the wrong realm entirely, leaving the harem frantic. Frantic enough that Lucifer had called on Beelzebub for assistance, which brought her to where she is at this point. Standing in the middle of the carpet and giving the Helltaker an unimpressed look.
"It wasn't my fault," he protests.
Lucifer frowns.
"It wasn't your fault," she then concedes with speed that would be suspicious, if Beelzebub hadn't been stuck in the same house as those two and their cooties for five. fucking. days. She turns to Beelzebub, crossing her arms. "Bring him back in one piece."
Beelzebub raises her brows. "I haven't even said yes."
(Truth be told, Lucifer okaying it was most of the push she needed to change her mind. Not that either of them needed to know that.)
Lucifer opens her mouth to bite out a retort.
The Helltaker loops one thick arm around her and squeezes, blindsiding Lucifer before they can start a fight. Of course, Beelzebub grins brightly at her- if that's not a dead giveaway of her intentions, she doesn't know what is- but this time Lucifer doesn't rise to the bait. Shame. She's cute when she's mad.
Instead, Lucifer drags herself back on track and points at Beelzebub, jabbing her finger in her face. "I mean it," she says. "If I don't hear from either of you in twenty minutes I'm coming to find you." To make her point, she tilts her head upwards so the Helltaker can see her expression, that she's not joking.
"I don't know, I figure we'll be done in five," Beelzebub says, tone suggestive and brows waggling and Lucy's face darkens like a brewing thunderstorm. One with really fluffy clouds and a chance of waterworks. Her favourite.
"I appreciate your thoughtfulness," the Helltaker says hurriedly, and Lucifer visibly preens. (Beelzebub feels a stab of second-hand embarrassment- the other demon could stand to be less obvious!) "But I trust Beelzebub."
The sentiment was sweet. Too bad the others didn't share it.
Lucifer turns her stare from him back to Beelzebub, using two fingers to make an 'I'm watching you' gesture. It's hilariously ineffective given her last statement. "Stay safe and do not force me on another wild goose chase to hunt you down. Because I will be very displeased."
She watches silently as Lucifer opens the portal and stands back.
Beelzebub nudges the Helltaker in front of her, pausing to savour Lucifer's glare on her back before she steps in after him.
The void is dark. It's also cold. She gives the human and herself a moment, one hand on his back, anchoring them to each other as the world itself fades. It's saturated with her presence, decades in the real world translating to eons here, and the fact that she's here with him is the only thing between the Helltaker and a one-way trip to the hospital on account of disease.
It takes the fly swarm a while to find them. It feels like minutes. It feels like forever. As the bugs settle themselves on her arms, Beelzebub idly wonders how long Lucifer's twenty minutes (or her five) could stretch.
"Welcome to scenic the void," she says eventually, gesturing out at the expanse of nothing.
"Nice place," the Helltaker says, with a light frown and squint.
"You'll get used to it," Beelzebub tells him, removing her hand and walking around to where he can perceive her, snapping her fingers in front of him for good measure. "This way."
He follows, shaking the chill off easily- human willpower was such a fascinating thing!- and bravely facing the emptiness with the same steely grit that had carried him through Hell.
"Five minutes? Really?"
At his incredulous question, she only throws her head back and laughs.
The journey to the castle is a little boring. That was the biggest downside of living in the abyss, in Beelzebub's humble opinion. Absolutely nothing ever happened around here.
Except this little tour. The Helltaker is a peculiar man to want to come here of all the places.
But then again, that's what makes him interesting in the first place, the demon muses to herself. That didn't mean it had to stay boring.
Dialogue panel, go.
He barely catches sight of it before his expression turns to horrified amusement. "Which of these options," he asks carefully, "is going to get me killed?"
Beelzebub shrugs.
Faced with a choice, he plays it safe. "Come here often?" he asks, as per the prompt. Beelzebub would be lying if she said she wasn't disappointed.
"Hardly," she replies. "As much as Lucifer likes you, I can't trust that you'll change her mind once I'm out of the way. She can be stubborn." She was speaking from experience here. Demons rarely- if ever- changed their stripes. Too much work.
"There's nothing stopping her from getting rid of you," he points out, and damn him for making sense. "Lucifer knows where you sleep. If she wanted to, she would have pushed you through a portal already."
Beelzebub frowns at him, gesturing at her own face.
"Do I look like someone who's slept at all in the past week?" she snaps, and he holds up his hands, conceding.
"I'm just saying." Have more faith in her.
Beelzebub sighs, anger fizzing out. While sleep had been considered a luxury for Hell's denizens, her not-routine had been disrupted, and if she wound up a little cranky that wasn't anyone business but her own.
"I'm not taking that chance," she says, and he nods his understanding.
They're almost at the castle, a marked shift in the atmosphere an early indicator of where it stood. With all the time in the world, she figured it'd grow bigger than any castle had a right to be. No such thing as too many rooms, after all, and she was nowhere close to running out of ideas for roof tiling.
Before she can prepare the next prompt, he asks, "What would you have done, if I chose differently?"
"Did you really need to ask?" No, honest question, did he? Beelzebub turns to look at him with a dramatic sigh, before giving an overly bright smile. "I assumed my intentions were clear enough."
"In retrospect, some of your suggestions were awful."
And lethal, but he didn't need to know that.
"I wasn't going to hack your dick off followed by your head, if that's what you're asking," Beelzebub responds, a little offended by the thought. More generously, she adds, "That's still on offer." Gestures to herself. "You can have this, if you want. All you need to do is ask."
The Helltaker gives her an unimpressed look, and she wilts.
"What, can't I show my gratitude?"
"A 'thank you' would suffice." He's still frowning. A little encouragement, perhaps. Beelzebub throws effort into looking as coy as demonly possible, even batting her eyelashes at him a little. It's a little frustrating when he fails to react.
She drops the cute act and goes for a pout instead. "What if I wanted it, then?"
That has the Helltaker putting one hand on his waist and lowering his shades to give her a stern look. "No."
What, no! Beelzebub gives him an annoyed look, prodding him in the chest. (He fails to react.) "Now you're too good for me?" she asks, tone sharper than intended.
"I'll hate to take advantage of you," he says.
"Not even to resolve my debt to you and free me from the shackles of this anxiety? My, how heartless you are."
The Helltaker actually lets out a bark of laughter, bright and open. "One of the girls must have borrowed it."
"Lucky her. Who'd it be? Modeus? Lucy herself?"
"Cerberus, playing fetch with my internal organs on the lawn."
"You don't need both these kidneys, do you?" Beelzebub asks him, teasing, watching the Helltaker's hand fly to his side protectively.
"If you're going to steal one, I want an ice bath after."
"I'll bear that in mind." Not that she would actually take it, but if that ever happened... well. Who was she to deny such a simple request?
It's tempting to go through all the rooms. Beelzebub took intense pride in her work, nudging and prodding and weaving and carving a space to call her own from the fabric of unexistence. She settles for the highlights.
And the Helltaker makes a point of sitting down on all the chairs he spots.
"I don't suppose we can bring this back?" he asks, lounging in one of the irregular-shaped rooms. (A product of a phase where Beelzebub had drawn some hexagonal-shaped spaces, which didn't fit nicely with the squares, but she'd been done fussing over those for the moment. She had planned to sort those out eventually.)
Beelzebub eyes the sofa- this one was more like a long throne, really- as it goes a little lopsided under the man's weight. She frowns.
"I don't think it's stable." Certainly not intended for someone much heavier than she was.
He looks surprised, setting his hands on the seat to push himself up and it-
"Shit!"
-it folds itself into two, snapping cleanly to drop the Helltaker to the floor.
They stare down at it in silence, before he clears his throat, embarrassed. "I'm sorry about the furniture."
Another pause, and they both crack up.
She can't help it, it's just so ridiculous, and there's nobody else here to witness this, and- "I should take a picture," Beelzebub declares, reaching for her phone before her victim can wobble to his feet.
Her response is a grin and thumbs up, and she wonders if she can tempt him onto a bed next.
"You oaf," she says instead, and snaps several shots. They turn out terribly, but her human seems to approve.
"What is that smell?" The Helltaker finally asks, sniffing the front of his shirt. He hadn't mentioned it at any point during their tour. (Possibly out of sheer politeness.)
Beelzebub shrugs, putting on an insincere look of bafflement, though the twitch she can feel at the corner of her mouth ruins it.
They don't wind up having sex, but it's alright. Right before they exit, Beelzebub makes a point to hug him, arms looped around his thick midriff and face buried in his shoulder. It's nice and warm and smells like his cologne. She holds there long enough to ensure the scent really sets in. A nice little surprise.
And then they're out, the void safely behind them.
Beelzebub blows Lucifer a mocking kiss from behind the Helltaker, before retreating to the safety of her room. It's just as she's sitting down with a book that she hears the scream from downstairs.
It makes the rest of her day.