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“Why did you let him get past!?” Sam yelled, a fist hitting the countertop making the whiskey glasses shake under the strain. “What the hell Bucky!”
Bucky had to admit he had seen this argument coming.
The pair had made it back to Zemo’s flat after the whole incident in the square with John Walker without being stopped or spotted, and Bucky had been waiting for Sam to implode.
“You where in the way of the door, you said, you wouldn’t let him past.” Sam said striding around the counter now to stand in front of Bucky blocking his view of the TV which was looping the image of John Walker and a blood stained shield. “Answer me.” Sam demanded at him stepping ever closer to the super solider in front of him.
“He said you could get hurt.” Bucky said slowly his eyes not meeting Sam’s but he could sure as hell imagine the face Sam was pulling at him now.
“What… What do you mean?” Sam said slowly.
“He said, he wouldn’t leave his partner in there with a super solider, that you could get hurt.” Bucky shuck his head, “I know you’re a capable guy, I knew you’d be okay but it got in my head okay… He said you don’t want his blood on your hands and damn Sam I can’t go through that again I just can’t-“
“Woah, woah, okay.” Sam said holding his hands up and kneeling down in front of the man before him. “I get it. He got in your head, it’s okay we’ve been there.”
“But if I had held him off then maybe that man wouldn’t have…” Bucky broke off looking down at his hands again.
“I don’t know a lot about Super Soldiers okay, but I do know that a serum like that builds on what you’ve already got.” Sam said slowly understanding that he was now entering personal territory for Bucky. “So, Steve got the serum and it just built up the good inside of him, John Walker got the serum and it built the bad up inside of him.”
“Doesn’t say much for me then, does it?” Bucky said with a dry laugh, it wasn’t a question really more a sad statement but Sam shuck his head at once.
“But, this is where I disagree with Zemo, see, ‘cause the world isn’t split into good and bad people.” Sam said slowly and Bucky looked up at him. “The world is full of good people who make bad choices, and bad people who make good choices. But as for you Bucky, you didn’t get the good or bad choice; I can’t imagine HYDRA saying excuse me Mr Barnes would you mind being injected with this serum?”
Bucky let out a snort of a laugh that made Sam smile.
“You’re a good man Bucky, who got dealt a shit hand and made the most of it.” Sam said slumping on the sofa next to him, Bucky gave a nod of his head and leaned back into the cushions.
“And what are we going to do about Zemo?” Bucky asked after a long pause, Sam sighed loudly and ran a hand down his face.
“Find him out.” Sam said slowly, “I’ll get in touch with Sharon and see if she can pull some strings but for now I think we have bigger fish to fry.” Sam said nodding to the TV.
Bucky groaned and tugged at his hair slightly before standing up and making his way to the counter, he took the glass stopper from the whiskey glass and gestured to it with his head, Sam gave a nod and Bucky poured the amber liquid into two glasses and made his way over to the man handing it to him.
“I think I get it.” Bucky said taking a sip from the crystal glass.
“Sorry?” Sam said taking a gulp of his own and looking at Bucky a little confused.
“The shield.” Bucky said slowly and Sam inwardly groaned, “I think I get why you gave it up now…”
“It’s a lot of pressure Buck.” Sam said sighing and putting down the glass. “I don’t think America was ready for me, a young Black man being an icon for the nation, but it’s all of it Bucky. I’d be carrying Steve’s legacy, what he brought to the table, but I have things I want to bring to the table, things I want to change but I don’t think the world is ready for that.”
“Maybe, maybe not.” Bucky said shrugging, “but you’ll never know unless you try.”
“That’s easier said than done.” Sam said sighing. “Can I ask you a question now?”
“Sure.” Bucky said downing the rest of the amber liquid in his glass, Sam cocked an eyebrow.
“Alright two questions, do super solider not get drunk or something? But, how did you find adjusting to everything, the new rules and technology?”
“It takes a lot to get me drunk now.” Bucky said laughing, “back in the day I could hold my drink pretty well compared to Steve; but now it’s just impossible.” Bucky smiled a little and twisted the crystal glass between his flesh fingers.
“Honestly… Some things are really good.” Bucky said slowly, “gay marriage, that’s new, the amount of times I almost got arrested down at the docks for almost getting caught - that’s a new one, a good thing though.” He smiled and Sam watched him closely. “Technology is still my enemy, but it’s amazing how you can keep in contact with people now at the press of a button, but honestly, it’s not I don’t care for politics, I just find it all so confusing, I barely have myself figured out let alone what the man on the stand is telling me.”
Sam nodded at him.
“They don’t tell you that in a museum.”
“What?”
“You getting arrested down the docks.” Sam said downing the rest of the liquid.
“I’m not sure if Steve even knew.” Sam choked. “I think he just thought I enjoyed company, which I did, but I always enjoyed male company a little more than female company; I just think he was oblivious.”
“And Steve?”
“He was way too awkward with both sexes.” Bucky laughed, “well until the serum then women fawned all over him and I lost my touch, well, then I lost it for sure with Hydra.”
“As much of a shit day it’s been, I’ve learnt more about you in this past hour than I have in the months we’ve been working together.”
“Funny how it happens.” Bucky said watching the man next to him.
“It’s getting late.” Sam said getting to his feet stretching a little, “we have a long journey ahead of us Buck. Try to get some rest.”
“Hey Sam.” Bucky said quickly as Sam made his way to the door, he stopped and turned to look back at the man on the sofa. “Sorry”
“What for?” Sam said cocking an eyebrow at the man.
“For not listening to you back then, not respecting your opinion…” Bucky said slowly, Sam waved a hand at him.
“Listen man you got your own things going on in that head of yours, I get how hard it must be, I understand.” He smiled, “no hard feelings man. Now get some rest.”
Bucky smiled a little watching Sam leave, he turned his gaze back to the TV screen showing John Walker, yet again, with that damn shield.
“What do you think Steve?” Bucky asked to no one in particular, “A huge fucking mess right?”
He sighed not really taking in the news report but not turning it off either, could he have prevented another innocent man dying? Was his blood yet again on his hands? He sighed, reaching for the remote he switched the TV off and stomped behind Sam.
“Hey Sam.” Bucky said leaning in the doorway, the man looked up at him from the bed. “Can I sleep on your floor?”
“Sure man.” Sam said with a chuckle, “grab your pillows.”
Bucky appreciated it, the not asking why the floor? Bucky appreciated how open and honest Sam was, how kind he was to everyone; even if sometimes it was his downfall.
So as Bucky settled into the blankets on the floor under the window, he was listening to the steady breathing of Sam from somewhere above him and watching the flickering of lights from the street outside, Bucky had the best nights sleep he’d had in months even if he awoke to Sam shaking his shoulder and shouting about John Walker.
“It’s time to go Buck.” Sam said urgently.
“Alright… Let’s get moving.”