Chapter Text
You glanced around you. First one way and then another and then, because you’d spent years living with Clint and had learned from your mistakes, you looked up, just to make sure no one was hanging from the ceiling.
You were in the clear.
Stealthily, you reached into your pocket and pulled out your phone. A sudden sound had your head whipping up, and you craned your head over the edge of the couch to check it out, but you were still in the clear.
You turned back to your phone and opened up your social media. You didn’t get on it often. You weren’t like Tony, posting selfies and give-aways whenever the need arose. You weren’t like Steve either who had a personal assistant that Pepper had hired to take care of all of his social media needs. He was one of the big faces of the Avengers after all, the people needed to see him and see the good that the Avengers could do on small scales. What better way than through his social media? Steve couldn’t stand the thought of it anyway. He’d given full control to the PR rep Pepper had hired and that had been that.
You weren’t as infamous as Tony or as beloved as Steve. In fact, you were more like Clint and Natasha. Almost nothing about your life could be found online and it was rare you were present for one of the press conferences that Pepper arranged for the team. The truth was, you worked best from the shadows. Picking up on the things that people thought they were getting away with when they thought no one was looking. So, you didn’t have a use for social media personally. But that wasn’t to say you didn’t use it. A lot.
You opened up Instagram first, and started scrolling through your feed. A small smile started growing on your face as you started looking at the pictures posted there. Almost all of them were linked to Sebastian Stan fan accounts or to the man himself. What could you say? You appreciated talent.
“What are you doing?”
The voice was sudden and frighteningly familiar. If it had been anyone else, you would have brushed them off with a casual “nothing that concerns you”, but it wasn’t just anyone.
You let out a girlish squeal of terror that you prayed no one else was around to hear and jumped nearly three feet in the air. Somehow, you managed to keep a grip on your phone.
“NOTHING!” You screamed in that startled way that was a dead giveaway that you were doing something bad.
Bucky eyed you with narrowed eyes. If it had been anyone else, he would have brushed it aside with a casual shrug and moved on with his day, but it wasn’t just anyone. He loved you, he did. But you and Steve were two peas in a pod and if he’d learned anything in his hundred years of experience dealing with the two of you, “nothing” always meant “something” and usually that “something” was likely to end up with you in a hospital bed.
He crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes even further, willing to wait you out.
You swallowed hard and found yourself glancing around the room, your eyes landing on everything but Bucky. “So . . . you can go now.” You squeaked, fiddling with the phone in your hands, trying to turn the screen off without drawing attention to the action.
Bucky let out a breath and seemed to debate it for a second. He had just nodded his head and started to turn to walk away when karma for something you weren’t even sure you’d done flared into being. Somehow, with all your fiddling of your phone, you’d managed to turn your volume up to max and you’d clicked on a linked tik-tok video. “Mmm.” An absolutely pornographic moan filled the air, wrenching Bucky to a deadstop. Your face burned beet-red as you glanced down at your phone, desperately trying to turn it off. “Ain’t nobody rockin’ naked man flesh like he rocks naked man flesh. All the ladies in the house say ay-yooooooooo!”
Bucky turned, painfully slowly and sent you a look that you couldn’t possibly begin to interpret. In an act based out of pure self-preservation, your hand reached back of its own accord and you flung your cellphone across the room, smashing it to pieces against the opposite wall.
The “ay-yo’s” of all the ladies in the house, died a gurgling death in the carpet below.
For a split second, Bucky and you maintained painful amounts of eye contact as you tried to slow your fiercely pounding heart, knowing full well he could hear every rapid beat.
You didn’t know how you did it, but somehow, you stayed strong under Bucky’s penetrating gaze. Then he had to go and open his mouth. “What the he . . .”
You did a truly spectacular handstand off the back of the couch, a move you’d been trying to learn but had yet to master (never underestimate the power of panic on your ability to perform under pressure), and then you screamed at the top of your lungs. “LA-LA-LA I’M GOING THROUGH A TUNNEL AND I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” You imitated the sound of static and then, realizing you were the dumbest of idiots, you turned on your heel and sprinted from the room.
Bucky blinked once, twice, and then turned to the smashed remains of your phone. With a suspicious glare, he stomped to the broken pieces of plastic and bent down. He jabbed his fingers in the mess, sorting through it until he found the black box, the little piece of added tech Stark had started putting in all the teams phones so he wouldn’t have to constantly teach Steve and surprisingly, Clint, how to get their stuff off the cloud when they got their old phones blown up on missions.
Bucky took the black box and headed for the labs.
Tony fiddled with the tech in his hands. “You sure she wanted you to fix this for her?” He asked, glancing at Bucky with squinted eyes.
Bucky nodded. “She was busy.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest in a pose of intimidation.
Tony wasn’t exactly impressed. “Doing what?”
“Going through a tunnel . . . apparently.”
Tony shook his head. He had a bad feeling about this, but to be fair, he had a bad feeling everytime Bucky stepped foot in his labs. Call it intuition left over from the time the ex-assassin assassinated the baby cam Tony had been working on by “accidentally” crushing it under his massive meat hook.
“Alright.” Tony murmured under his breath. “Hope this doesn’t get me killed.”
Tony plugged the black box into a new phone, fresh out of the box and powered it on. As the black box interfaced with the phone, everything downloaded and rearranged itself exactly as you’d had it on your now obliterated old phone. The last apps you had open, also opened themselves and in the next second, a tik-tok was appearing on screen. “Mmm.” An absolutely pornographic moan filled the air and Tony’s jaw dropped as he watched the video. “Ain’t nobody rockin’ naked man flesh like he rocks naked man flesh. All the ladies in the house say ay-yooooooooo!”
Tony tossed the phone at Bucky who caught it instinctively just as the video started playing again. A scowl appeared on his face as he swung the phone around and pointed an angry finger at the screen. “What the hell is this?” He demanded.
Tony did his best to keep a straight face. He did. But he couldn’t help the chuckle that started bubbling up. “That is a tik-tok.”
“I’m not talking about the video, Stark.” Bucky took a threatening step forward. “Who is this man?” Bucky jabbed another finger at the screen, nearly breaking the glass with the force of his gesture and Tony coughed to hide his glee. “That’s an actor. His name is Sebastain Stan. Does fantastic work. Have you seen Hot Tub Time Machine? One of the greatest films of all time.”
Bucky’s face darkened and he spun on his heel and stormed out of the room.
You were going to die. You had just finished writing out your will, you were that certain it was going to happen. You sure hoped Steve liked Avengers merchandise because he was about to receive an unholy amount. You might have gotten a little carried away when Tony had first sold the rights. It was sitting on top of the toilet next to where you were curled up in the tub. Your arms were wrapped around your top-secret, never-to-be-pulled-out-unless-Bucky-was-out-of-the-tower-and-it-was-a-freaking-emergency body pillow that you’d paid a friend to draw an all too realistic image of Sebastian Stan as the Mad Hatter from Once Upon a Time on. “If only you could teleport me away my pretty.” You murmured, stroking a hand down the pillow.
Just then, the bathroom door burst open so hard, it was nearly ripped from its hinges. You let out a startled squeal and stuffed your pillow behind your body, doing your best to hide it from view.
“GET OUT!” You screamed. “I’M DOING DRUGS! A LITTLE PRIVACY POR FAVOR!!!”
Bucky didn’t seem phased at all by your little outburst as he stomped into the room and shoved a phone in your face. “Why is this on your phone?” He demanded.
You had to crane your head back a little, he’d pressed the phone so close to your face, but then you saw the paused tik-tok and your face went pale. Your eyes drifted up to Bucky’s stoic expression and you slowly reached up and took the phone from his hands. All while maintaining eye contact with the love of your life, the only man you’d ever love, you wrenched your arm back and flung the phone across the bathroom as if that would solve all your problems.
Bucky caught it deftly and then leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest as he waited for an explanation.
Your mind whirled as you tried to think of something, anything to get you out of this one and as you tried to figure out just how deep a hole you were in. It was possible this was the only thing he’d seen . . .
“I was scrolling through instagram. I wasn’t looking for it in particular. It just showed up and I accidentally pressed play and one thing led to another . . .” You tried to brush it aside.
Bucky turned back to your phone and fiddled with it for a second before he turned the screen back to you and then he started scrolling, and scrolling and scrolling. Everything. He’d seen everything. Everything you’d ever hearted, everything you’d ever saved . . . Dear LORD you had a lot of saved Sebastian Stan images.
You coughed awkwardly. “I ever tell you that you’re my favorite human in the whole world?” Your voice came out more high pitched than normal.
Bucky went back to his intimidating pose and you sighed, fully caught out, nowhere left to run. “Fine. I just . . . he’s attractive, okay? Not as attractive as you, obviously. And he’s such a good actor. You should see him cry. I know that sounds weird but . . . Bucky?” You trailed off as Bucky’s head bent forward. One of his hands reached up and he covered his face as his shoulders started shaking. Oh, you’d done it now.
You climbed out of the tub and reached for him. “Oh, Buck. Don’t cry. You know I love you. Just you. You . . .” You trailed off and cursed. “You son of a bitch. You’re laughing aren’t you?”
Bucky pulled his hand away from his face then, his entire face screwed up in a silent laugh.
You gaped at him in anger. “You bastard! I thought you were hurt.” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. All that worrying that you’d been doing, all those times you’d snuck your little secret obsession in between missions and when Bucky was out of the tower and the whole time, he would have just acted like this? Was it too much to ask for a little bit of jealousy? Just a tiny little bit?
Bucky shook his head, trying to get himself under control. He reached for you and took you in his arms. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”
In his arms, you grudgingly relaxed and let yourself sink into his embrace as your own arms wrapped around his back. You were just getting comfortable when Bucky tensed around you.
“Doll?” He asked, all mirth washed from him tone. “What in the hell is in the tub?”
You froze for just a second and panic was all you knew. Without a single ounce of hesitation, you sucker punched Bucky in the gut as hard as you could and uppercut him when he doubled over. “IT’S A SURPRISE SNEAK ATTACK YOU . . . BITCH!” You screamed, eyes wide.
Bucky went down, dazed. You leaned over him and grabbed your will off the toilet seat before you ran out of the room like your ass was on fire. “AND YOU’RE OUT OF THE WILL!” You screamed over your shoulder.
Bucky shook his head, clearing it, as he pushed himself off the floor. He eyed the smooshed pillow in the tub and made an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture at it. “I’m coming back for you.” He muttered and then he turned on his heel and chased after you.
As he raced out of the room, he failed to notice the slightly ajar door to the secret room you’d never shown anyone else. If he had, he might have noticed the practical shrine of funko-pops, pins, posters and knick-knacks all dedicated to your love of your favorite actor and everything he’d been in. Steve was in for a treat.