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Ten walked around in the room, he was worried sick, confused and couldn’t chewing his lip (and old but bad habit). He had tried to calm down by making the food, reheating it five times, checking his clothes, checking all of his social medias and messages but nothing calmed him down or distracted him for his feared thoughts. Where was he? He looked up at the clock and sighed when he saw the time, 10:43 pm. And yet no sign of Taeyong.
He had told himself multiple times during the day that it was okay, maybe he got stuck at the traffic, maybe there was some rush in the hospital, maybe … another hour..
Ten sighed to himself and sat down on the sofa while crossing his arms over the chest while trying not to break out into an anxiety attack. This happened many times, many times Taeyong came home late and didn’t eat with him. And many times Ten missed him when he got home, and didn’t get to spend time with him during the evening. Sure, he was happy Taeyong had a job, he was. He himself was just a choreographer, but he loved his job and wouldn’t replace it.
But he didn’t love it that much that he’d replace things with it, get home late because it takes more time than being with your own husband. Ten always put Taeyong as his first priority, would always do. Many times Taeyong had hurt himself or being in a bad state and Ten came rushing home with food and soothing words. So maybe.. Ten had the right to be ma-
No! Stop thinking that. It’s selfish. Taeyong cares about you, he wouldn’t do this if he didn't. You’re so selfish, Ten..
He dragged his hands through his hair and closed his eyes, maybe he was in the wrong. Taeyong had the right to get home late, he made sure they had food in the fridge, a roof over their head and a bed to sleep in. He made sure they both were well and didn’t have to worry about economy, yet.. all Ten did was to worry.
Because today wasn’t just a regular day were he’d accept Taeyong’s rushed apologies about how “it was too much at work and they needed me”, “i’m so sorry”, and “i’ll make it up to you”. No, today was their 2nd anniversary. It wasn’t just any day for Ten, it was a special day where 2 years ago they got married and exchanged promises for life.
Ten looked around in the livingroom, and contemplated if he should just remove the old cd’s of him and Taeyong that he had digged in different boxes to find, or the cold food on the table that was Taeyong’s favourite, or the blankets and lights littering decorating the big yet warm space. Except, it wasn’t warm anymore. The lights were shining bright but all Ten could see was blue. It didn’t give him warmth nor hope, because without him everything felt out of place and so .. cold. And being desperate to find some sort of warmth, he wrapped himself in several blankets and blew out the lights before laying down on the sofa.
“Ten?”, a familiar voice was heard near him. He opened his eyes slowly, and trying to adjust his eyes to the sudden light in the room. Had he fallen asleep waiting for Taeyong? He looked up at Taeyong, that was all drenched and had that worried look that made Ten annoyed. Why was he worried? Nothing happened, and that was the problem. Nothing had happened. If anyone should be worried and sad and angry and everything in between, it was Ten.
“Hey, why aren’t you in bed?”, he whispered calmly and stroked his cheek with such lightness and careness Ten felt like he was a fragile doll, and almost contemplated over leaving all of this behind so he could stay in the moment for just a little longer. To breath in the feeling of love, the feeling he has longed for... But then he realized what had happened before Taeyong came home, and his heart started beating faster when all of the memories came back to him.
“Ask yourself that”, Ten mumbled and slowly got up from the sofa before going to the bedroom. “I’m going to slee-”, he started but a warm touch slowly embraced his wrist, his hand.
“Sleep? Ten, it’s saturda-”
“I know damn well it’s saturday, Taeyong. That’s the thing!”, he said and now looked at Taeyong while trying to even out his breathing. See, Ten rarely got mad, but when he bottled up his feelings like this he could end up in flames of anger. And no matter what the person had done, he never… never wanted to shout at someone. But at times like this.. when he couldn’t even hold it up any longer - it felt like he would end up doing just that.
Taeyong blinked a bit, “Ten, I know that it’s our anniver-”
“Great, perfect. Kiss me goodbye with empty promises that you’ll make it up for all of this and let me sleep”, he said and swallowed down the gulp of tears. He will not cry in front of Taeyong. Not like this. Not now.
“Ten, please..” He was now begging, begging, and Taeyong rarely begs.
“You’ve done enough, Taeyong. Might as well marry your job or something”, he sighed and took his hand against his chest and looked down.
“But I’m married to you”
Ten didn’t look up.
“Ten.. I love you. I love you more than anything, but please.. when I say I’ll make it up for you I mean it. Just give me some time”
Ten still didn’t look up. It felt like any other day by now.
Taeyong leaned in and kissed his cheek tenderly, “Sleep, love. You need it”, he mumbled and went to the kitchen. But even after he left… the warm feeling of his lips lingered on his skin.
Ten shook his head at himself, like he’ll sleep any better now. He opened the door to the bedroom and went to the bed while stripping down to his underwear. The left side that was always warm looked now cold and untouched, no sign of life after Taeyong. If he didn’t sleep here he wouldn’t be surprised, he probably sleeps in his office.
He climbed into bed and put the covers over his shoulders before stretching his arm out, an old memory coming to his mind just by the touch.
“Yah, it’s my side!”, Ten whined and tried to push Taeyong off the bed. “No it’s not!”, Taeyong said while not trying to laugh at his pouty face. “Yes! I told you, when we move in together I’ll have the right side!”, he said and crossed his arms while trying glaring at Taeyong (keyword: trying).
“Aw baby you’re adorable”, Taeyong giggled and took his arm before dragging him so he was laying over Taeyong.
“Wh- Taeyo-”
Ten felt a pair of soft lips against his and he immediately got quiet. He knew Taeyong’s intentions on getting him to shut up, but he could never resist the lips that made his stomach squirm and give birth to a thousands of butterflies, no matter how many times they’ve kissed.
He hummed into the kiss and brought his hands close to Taeyong’s cheek while stroking his cheekbone, later on his jaw and then his neck. Craving to touch, touch his skin and feel it against his fingertips..
Before Ten could register it, Taeyong rolled them over and switched their positions so Ten was underneath. “It’s mine baby”, he mumbled into his neck as he left feather light kisses against the skin, mine what? Ten was confused at his choice of words before he remembered.. oh, he’s talking about the bed. “Because I want to be able to look at you in the morning and not be blinded by the sun”, he mumbled and let his hand softly stroke Ten’s waist. He looked up at Ten, who was breathing hard and looking up at him with such love in his eyes, he could melt right on spot.. “And when the sunlight casts over your face and makes your features stand out, then I truly believe you’re an angel.”
Ten didn’t even realize he was crying before tears fell against his palm. He blinked a little and tried to stop the tears from running down, god damn it! He dried his tears with the blanket and tried not to think of the memory again. It had been their first time, first time of making love in this bed. First time sharing the “I love you’s” and making it all sound so… official.
The chants of “I love you” and “I’ll never let you go baby” kept going around in his head that he felt he’d go insane if he didn’t do anything about it. Should he get up? Maybe drink some water to clear his head.. It couldn’t keep going on like this, if memories kept popping up he’d never be able to sleep peacefully, or at all. No matter how many times he tossed and turned, changed positions and threw away the blanket - nothing worked. This would keep going if he didn’t do something.
So with that in mind he got out of bed and walked carefully over the floor in order not to make noises, he’d rather not stumble into Taeyong, not after that memory.. He could still feel the light touches and kisses on his skin, and if he saw him he’d dive right into his embrace and let him take him, take all of his love and suck it out of him.
Ten tried to reach for the top shelf, but with no success after ten minutes of trying - he decided to go the hard way. He climbed up on the counter and reached for the glass, but it tipped over the shelf and fell into the floor and scattered around his foot. The pain that got caused by the glass that sank into his skin made him yelp out of pain and clutch his ankle. “Fuck!”, he tried to whisper between his teeth while he tried not to scream or make any more sounds than he had already caused. But no matter how much he clutched his ankle or tried to keep quiet, Taeyong had already heard everything and came rushing in with worry written all over his face.
“Ten!”, he said with clear panic and worry in his voice as he walked over to him and made him sit down on the chair. “When will you learn..”, he said as he started to mumble to himself while getting the first aid kit and cleaning up his wounds as well as taking out the glass with such carefulness Ten felt like his heart would burst at the sight. He knew that Taeyong was good at his job, no doubt about it, but his heart always expanded double the size when Taeyong took care of him, because it didn’t feel like he was doing his job as a doctor, but as his husband. Taking care of him like he always does, cleaning up his wounds and putting bandage around his ankles.
“Ten, I know I’ve been absent, I know we’ve had a distance in the last few weeks-”
“Months.”
“Months, in the last few months, but you deserve an explanation”, he continued and looked up at him.
“Yeah I do”, Ten mumbled and looked away. “Ten, baby..”, he started with his calm voice and tried to reach for his hand but Ten didn't let him and stretched his hand out of reach. “No, talk. Just talk.”
Taeyong nodded to himself and took a deep breath, just talk.
“I’m not asking for apology when I say this, nor do I want you to blame anyone either. Or tell me I’m stupid or whatever”, he started. “For the last few wee- months, there’s been huge projects and work, but that also meant more shifts for me to take, and more money. Now, I know you don’t want me to spoil you..”
Ten blinked at him, spoil him? What was going on, what did he work so much for if he mentioned that?
“But there are some times where I realize you deserve so fucking much Ten, you deserve more than just kisses at nights, movie dates, trips to other cities. You deserve to see the world, because that’s what you’ve always wanted to do and I- I want to give it to you”, Taeyong continued and looked at Ten with such tenderness and love, it was impossible to miss it.
“And I.. I want to make you happy, I want to walk up to you in the balcony of a hotel, and embrace you as we both watch the sun going down and colour the sky in different shades of blue, orange and purple. I want to take photos of you as you stand in silly poses in front of statues and buildings, just to run away from you so you don’t erase them”, he said and took a deep breath.
“And that’s why.. I’ve been away so much, working so much, just to earn that certain of amount so I could fulfill-”
Taeyong couldn’t continue further because Ten smashed their lips together and brought his hands to his cheeks. “You idiot”, he mumbled into the kiss and closed his eyes. Taeyong had widened his eyes but after a few seconds he responded to the kiss with the same passion as Ten and put his hands on his knees.
“Your idiot”, he whispered against his lips before sliding his hand up Ten’s neck and bringing them closer in order to deepen the kiss. Ten smiled a bit at that sentence, because fuck yeah, he was his idiot and no one else’s. All of the worry, the nights he couldn’t sleep.. and he now knew why. He couldn’t stop giggling and smiling, Taeyong had done nothing but working in order to fulfill Ten’s dream.
“Stop giggling, I’m trying to kiss you!”