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Songhwa couldn’t really pinpoint when her feelings for him became this strong.
The earliest memory she could recollect was their first date, if you could even call it that – though for some silly reason, Ikjun had always frowned upon the idea of labelling that day as their first official date as a couple. He had gotten up at 5am to drive all the way to Sokcho on a Saturday morning, just to pick her up and drive her back to Seoul, where she had been called in to do a craniotomy on a VIP patient. Songhwa had initially disagreed to this as she wanted him to get rest when he could, given his perpetually busy schedule, but he cheekily told her that she was worth the extra effort as well as his time, so he appeared on her door that morning to fetch her anyway.
She remembers his hand lightly brushing against hers as they both got off the car and into the Yulje elevator, both too shy to actually make the first move, but she could tell that he was just as nervous as her. He tells her he’d head for the cafeteria to check the lunch menu as she changes into her hospital attire, and she agrees to that. She recalls shaking as she walked all the way to her office. She couldn’t explain it very well, but everything she was experiencing up to that point felt new to her, – it was overwhelming to say the very least. 20 years of having to stay friends and all of a sudden they’re here, officially a couple. Her mind couldn’t seem to comprehend it.
When her surgery wraps up and she returns to her office to call it a night, she was surprised to find him there waiting for her. He had done this so many times before, but there was obviously something different in the air that day.
She saw his eyes light up as she entered the room, getting up from his seat and saying, “Oh, you’re done,” before walking up to her and pulling her into a hug. Naturally, she reciprocates by clasping her arms around his body.
They stayed together like that for a bit, partially because Songhwa had no idea how to react – her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest. Ah, so this is what it’s like to be held by him. To hold him in my arms, she remembers thinking. She blinks innocently at him when he pulls away from her, one hand still on her waist while the other came up to caress her right cheek. She bashfully leans into his touch, although she could feel all the heat in her body rise up to her face.
Ikjun offers her a sweet smile and whispers, “You did well today,” before leaving the room to give her some privacy. That sent a usually well put together Songhwa into a frenzy – she had so many feelings but no time to process all of them. She then changes into her casual wear as quickly as she could before meeting him in the lobby. They spent the night driving around the city for a bit before coming back to his apartment, where she would spend the remainder of her weekend.
———
Perhaps it was the little love notes she would find around her office, and in her bags, occasionally even in the pockets of her clothing every time they had to be apart for an extended period of time. Sometimes he would have slipped them in the lunchbox he packed for her. Or it could have been the way he would always kiss her goodbye whenever he would get called in to the hospital late at night, despite the fact that she had been, or at least pretending to have been, asleep. Maybe it was all the times he had asked for her hand and held onto it as they mindlessly drove around Seoul, usually in the dead of night.
Songhwa genuinely doesn’t know and she finds herself not being able to put her finger on a specific moment in time where she fell for him. All she knows is that she was now in this relationship waist deep – and here she was, in his living room, tears uncontrollably streaming down the rounds of her cheeks at the mere thought of him. She had already been overcome with guilt for getting upset with him that morning, and all her mind could do at the moment was remind her of how much Ikjun loves her. She looks back at all his little gestures, the small words of appreciation he would always say to her at the end of every day, hell, even his chaste kisses during the mornings they would spend together, and she knows (that he loved her with all his heart). Was it okay to feel this loved?
The minute he walks through the door that night, Songhwa doesn’t wait one bit to run up to him, clinging onto his waist as she engulfs him in an affectionate hug. When he teasingly questions what had gotten into her, she’s unable to control her emotions and the floodgates come undone. Worried out of his mind, he frantically asks if he had done something to cross her, but all she could manage to do was shake her head weakly as she burrows into his hold. You had done nothing of that sort, Ikjun-ah.
When she withdraws from the hug, her eyes look up to meet Ikjun’s deeply concerned ones.
“Songhwa-ya, what’s happened?” He asks carefully.
“I-I just, I love you so much, Ikjun-ah. I’m not sure if you know that, because I’ve never said it out loud, but I just wanted you to know,” She rambles, anxiously holding his gaze.
His eyes visibly soften at her words and he draws her into another hug, this time wrapping both his arms around her neck. He presses a long kiss into her temple before pulling away.
“I know, Songhwa-ya,” Ikjun replies tenderly. She sniffs as stares back at him with puffy eyes, breathing still uneven. He brushes away her tears and chuckles at her, finding her little pout unbelievably adorable.
“And I love you too. Very much so.” He tells her, before leaning in to give her a soft kiss on her now swollen lip. When they’re forced to break the kiss, Songhwa realises that he was staring so lovingly at her. She grows shy under his gaze, and gives him a small smile before taking his hand and leading him to the living room. The two of them would spend the rest of their night falling asleep in each other’s warm embrace – each wondering what on earth they ever did to deserve the other.