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Everything was a blur as your eyes filled with tears and your head began to spin. It felt like at any minute you could pass out, you sort of wanted it to happen so you wouldn’t have to deal with this horrible feeling any longer.
Somehow your anxiety always leads to this kind of scenario, breaking out into cold sweats, struggling for breath and hardly being able to move your hands.
In the two and a half hours you were given for your exam you only managed to write a page, missing four out of six questions. Never in your life had you felt like you had done so badly on a test, your constant nervousness had gotten the better of you this time.
As much as you wanted to waltz into club and exchange happy glances, today, you just couldn’t keep up that facade. All you wanted to do was sleep, forever if possible.
The club room was empty for now, you enjoyed the peace and quiet whilst it lasted knowing Noya and Tanaka would be due in at any moment. Usually you didn’t mind their antics, but today you were just too overwhelmed to deal with them. Everything was so loud, especially in the exam. The tapping of fingers on keyboards which was usually so quiet was deafening, there was a moment where you had to cover your ears just to ground yourself.
Right now you could feel that same thing, but the only thing triggering it was the static in the room. You felt so weak and useless, just as you were getting yourself back together everything just seemed to fall apart again. All you wanted to do was live a happy, simple life without this constant feeling of insecurity.
“Hey.” A voice called out, it was Kageyama.
Usually you would greet him with a smile and a wave, but today you just couldn’t respond. You remained at the table, head pressed against the cool desk.
“Are you okay?” Suddenly the rustling of his bags and clothes stopped. Silence filled the room as he anticipated a response.
You nodded.
Although Kageyama wasn’t an idiot, and you knew that. He made his way over to you, carefully placing two hands on your shoulders.
“What’s up?”
He laid his head on the table to meet your tired eyes, giving you small smile which you couldn’t return.
“Tired.” Was all you could wager.
The black haired male leant you another sympathetic smile before lifting your head up off the desk. He took both your hands in his, enclosing them in a soft grasp. It did feel slightly embarrassing, knowing how clammy your hands were.
“You wanna talk about anything? Anything at all?”
For a moment you pondered over this offer, of course you didn’t want to be a burden, but you also didn’t want to bottle up your feelings. Again you found yourself conflicted with the bickering of your own thoughts.
Just then you felt a hand on you cheek, slowly a thumb brushed against your face and the outlines of your features. It was such a comforting touch.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I want you to know I’m always here to listen. Whether it’s one am or right now I’ll always help you. I don’t want you to bottle up your feelings, it will only hurt you in the end.”
Was this boy a mind reader? You thought.
“Exams.” You coughed, your voice hoarse from the time you had remained silent. “I did pretty badly this time, I kinda just wanna disappear.” You lowered your head and allowed your heavy eyelids to close.
Two strong arms enveloped you and pulled you into a soft embrace. Kageyama’s fingers traced you upper and lower back gently as you leant against his chest. His heartbeat was so slow and steady, it made you feel small in a good way.
“Exams don’t mean everything you know. I don’t know how much this helps, but you’ll be okay, I promise. Maybe right now everything feels so shitty, I get it. As corny as it sounds just wait a little longer and something good will come, something worth sticking around for.”
You hoped so, you really did. It had been a while since you felt any value in your existence. Sometimes, if you weren’t worrying about unnecessary things, it felt as if you were just breathing. Literally just breathing, whilst everyone else found themselves you got left behind, again.
“You’re shaking, you okay?” When you didn’t respond Kageyama made another suggestion. “We can get some air if you want?”
That was more of a rhetorical question, because before you knew it you were standing on the balcony outside of the club room wrapped up in Kageyama’s arms. You refused to let go of him, and he refused to let go of you.
“I don’t see the point of me staying here if it’s just gonna be like this.” You finally spoke into the silence, Kageyama’s grasp tightening around you.
“Well, I think I know what you’re implying, but I’m sorry if I misinterpret it. Think of something small okay. Something you like, anything.”
He placed a hand on the crown of your head, running it through your hair, his other hand cradled the middle of you back.
“Anime.” Of course that’s what you would say given your need to escape, that was your only way out. Sometimes binging anime would become worryingly time consuming and you would often forget about assignments, although you tried your best.
“Anime’s cool, what’s your favourite one?”
You thought for a second, so many to choose from.
“Attack on Titan.” You mumbled into his jacket. He smiled, that was a show the both of you had bonded over back when you first started high school.
“The last season of Attack on Titan is due next year right?”
You nodded, the manga had recently finished and you couldn’t wait to see the new season animated.
“Well isn’t that something worth sticking around for? I know it’s small, but if you aren’t here you won’t get to see it in action.”
Kageyama rested his forehead on top of you hair, his warm breath heating up your neck ever so slightly.
“Yeah, guess so.”
You smiled, only slightly. Somehow, this idiot always knew exactly what to say.
“You have other things to stay for too right? Summer, that Yungblud concert, your seventeenth, the anime convention you keep going on about, Halloween because I know you like that season, just October in general I guess.” He paused, only to chuckle.
“We can do that dumb ghost photoshoot again, and of course there’s your little sister, and me. I’d very much like you to be around. Know your worth Y/N you have so much to live for, even if you don’t see it yet. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”
With that you parted from the hug and looked directly into each other’s eyes.
“You’re beautiful Y/N.”
Kageyama smiled as he planted a small, warm kiss on your lips before pulling you back into his safe, cozy arms.
“So stick around, because I love you.”