Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandom:
Relationship:
Characters:
Language:
English
Stats:
Published:
2014-12-31
Updated:
2015-01-24
Words:
6,500
Chapters:
9/?
Comments:
12
Kudos:
51
Bookmarks:
10
Hits:
454

Apple Juice and Nic Cage

Summary:

Dave has been questioning a lot of things lately, and right in the middle of it all is his best bro.

Chapter 1: Dave: Pester John.

Chapter Text

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 11:35 -- 

TG: yo, egghead
TG: you there
TG: i know youre probably fuck deep in all kinds of busy but please lend me a moment of your precious time and spare me the questions
TG: i want to talk to you
TG: egbert oh my god if you dont answer this in like five seconds i am going to time jump my way over to your exact location and beat the nic cage out of you
TG: dont make me do it
TG: i will
TG: three seconds left egdork
TG: two
TG: one
TG: ...
TG: well fuck you too

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 12:05 -- 


-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist[TT] at 12:06 -- 

TG: hey lalonde you got any info on where the egderp is?
TG: not that im concerned or something i just want to know if hes fucked something up
TG: like i said though, not concerned for him
TG: just wondering
TT: You know, Dave, John is more than capable in handling himself without your constant pestering. It is very probable that he has busied himself with something concerning the welfare of our session, don't you think?
TG: uh
TG: are you trying to imply that eggderp could actually be doing something legitimately helpful instead of getting himself stabbed by every enemy known, and unknown, to mankind?
TG: because that's why i feel like youre hinting at
TG: and if youre hinting at that then im pretty sure you just admitted to feeling confident in johns abilities
TT: Well, perhaps I do. Perhaps I have faith in our leader's capabilities in handling situations on his own, without an overly protective knightly boyfriend biting at his neck whenever he does something wrong.
TG: rose no
TG: i dont care about your sick fantasies about john and i sticking our dicks up one another in a "brotherly fashion" whilst dressed up like harry potter and ronald weasley
TG: i just want to know where my bro is
TT: Fine. If that is all you want to know, then I will confess that he is currently exploring his land. He'll most likely be unavailable for a while.
TT: Why is it that you find yourself in such a desperate cling to the hope of finding him? Is there something you would like to say to him?
TG: yeah i want to confess my wizardly love to him after years of jerking off together to pictures of voldemort
TG: the time has come rose
TG: today is the day john finds out that im totally fucking wizard-homo for him
TT: I can't tell if this is a dose of your irony or if you are actually being completely serious about this proposition.
TG: what would ever give you the idea i was being ironic?
TG: psh
TT: I have come to the conclusion that you do not mean to confess to John today, is that correct?
TG: yup
TG: no wait theres just one thing wrong
TT: Pray, tell me what it is I misjudged.
TG: im not gay
TG: dont swing that way
TG: i am like motherfucking tarzan up in this bitch, dodging all the trees that have gay written all over them
TG: im fucking indiana jones and im running the fuck away like a god damn hero from the giant boulder that is the biggest fucking metaphor of homosexuality there ever was
TG: there was never a more straight dude
TG: im straight enough that the guy who invented the word straight and its multiple meanings is questioning his sexuality
TT: Dave.
TG: im so fucking straight that the moment i looked at the leaning tower of pisa it fixed itself
TT: Dave.
TG: im so straight that people started thinking the world was flat because of my amazing hetero sexuality
TT: DAVE.
TG: yeah?

TT: Denial is the first stage of eventual acceptance.
TG: ...
TT: Admit it.
TG: no
TT: Dave, just -
TG: fuck off rose
TG: i didnt come here for a fucking intervention
TG: i just wanted to see if my bro was ok
TT: Dave, I apologize. I did not intend to pressure you into any acceptance they may already be threatening your mental thoughts currently.
TG: just...
TG: leave me alone
TT: Dave...
TG: no, i dont need this shit right now
TG: if you talk to john tell him ive been looking for him
TT: Dave, one last thing, I -

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 12:19 -- 

TT: ...
TT: I'm sorry.