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Death.
A concept you feared greatly
But now you are sure you are dead
After all, what human can survive a fall like that?
Maybe you’re dead, this horrid flesh piloting your corpse
Or maybe you were never human
Your greying skin and the static electricity that runs along your fingertips makes this answer even more likely
You remember how to spent your first days in The Signal Tower
Although your first days may have been months
Or years
You just remember, for as long as you can, repeating the same steps with the same mind numbing boredom that it’s been burned into your memory and blurred together at the same time
You refused to believe that she would have just left you behind.
That she dropped you with the purpose of abandonment
Surely, at any second, she would burst through the door
Like you had done for her
Maybe she was lost?
After all it is a city
She’ll find her way
You know she will.
Where is she?
Surely, by now, she would have found her way?
Maybe she fighting
The city is full of horrors after all
But you know she’ll be able to do it
She’s tough!
She won’t die
Right?
She
She can’t die
Right?
She
If she’s dead
Then
No.
She’s not dead.
She’s out there, making her way to you.
You can’t remember when you started
But you started banging on the walls and doors
Begging.
Please
Please you need to leave
What if she’s hurt?
What if she’s bleeding out in the cold, cold rain and needs your help?
She would have gotten here by now
You hit the concrete walls
You punch the thick, wooden door
It hurts.
You don’t care
You need to be free
You need to get out
You need your friend.
You spent so long like that
Sorrow.
Anger.
Grief.
Loneliness.
An endless cycle that no child should ever have to suffer through
Those cold walls felt like ice
Despite the claustrophobia you felt
Feeling as if The Tower would collapse at any moment
It still felt as if everything was miles away, uncaring at your torment
Uncaring eyes observing you as if you were a animal in a cage
You decided one day that you weren’t going to continue that cycle
So
You started to act calm
As in you were indifferent to your situation
You do not allow yourself to put on a show for them
Those eyes can mind their own business
Of course
Sometimes your mask of indifferent slipped
You’d allow yourself to no longer focus on the present
You’d think of her again
You knew she was never coming back
She dropped you for a reason
You wanted to freedom
Not to be her friend again, but so you can ask her why
What could you have possibly done for her to drop you to your death?
You can’t even think of an answer
It torments you
It makes you angry.
Sometimes
You daydream.
For a better life
For freedom
For a sunny day
For a grassy hill
For a sandy beach
For a warm ocean
For a breezy forest
For a wooden swing
For a night filled with stars
You can’t remember what it was like before
But these concepts, you believe are memories, play in your head
They are happy memories
You wish to recreate them
You wish to be happy.
You close your eyes.
Your daydream is almost solid
Almost real, in your mind
A gentle breeze, a cloudless sky
You can feel the grass on your back and between your fingers
You sit up, looking at the town below
It seems so far away from this hill
This place feels like your own secret area
Away from the troubles of the world.
You turn your head
It’s Six.
You both giggle, sharing a silent joke
She picks grass and places it on your legs
You do the same
You unintentionally begin a war, fueled by grass and typical child silliness
Eventually the war is stopped by you leaning too far after dodging some grass, causing you to roll down the hill
She does the same, on purpose.
The sun starts to set, both of you lay on the hill, watching the sky
Clouds start to gather
You both find shapes in them, creating stories for what you see
Eventually you both have to return home
You realize you spent the day here
You don’t regret it
You’ll never regret a day of happiness.
As you walk down, the clouds continue to gather
Dark, stormy clouds that now encircle you
A pillar of clouds that trap you
That traps only you
As you look to your side for Six, you realize she’s gone
You’re alone.
You look up.
In the middle, the eye of the storm
There is a bright, blinding light
You know that light
Because it always haunts you
When you can sleep, you usually have nightmares
You remember standing there with Six
On the rooftop, staring at The Signal Tower
You can’t remember if she said something
You can’t remember any of the noises from that time
You only hear The Tower
It seems to call to you
It wants you to go to it
And, in that nightmare
You gladly accept
You can feel yourself in your mind screaming to stop
But your body is not your own
It always ends the same
You enter and wake up
This time is no different
The clouds get closer until they pushing you towards the light
You open your eyes as it turns violet.
You open your eyes
Now, you are in your chair
Old as time
You still don’t feel human
Maybe you never were
The indifference you feel towards those that are say so
After all, to be human is to care for fellow humans
And you don’t
You don’t want to
You’re tired of caring for others.
The child that cared died a long time ago.