Chapter Text
“Why is it so cold” Donghyun mumbled, reaching out to his side seeking out body heat.
But his fingers grasped at empty air and fell upon cold sheets.
Wait.
He blearily opened his eyes and saw nothing. Joochan wasn’t even there.
“Did he even come home last night?” Donghyun asked himself, even if the answer to that was obvious. He didn’t. He stared at the ceiling as he tried to recall the last time he woke up to Joochan by his side.
Or even the last time they had a proper conversation -- One that wasn’t ‘hi-bye-I’ll see you later-love you’ before someone had to rush out the door.
The last time he actually held Joochan in his arms… but his mind drew a blank.
He tiredly rubbed a hand over his face, before reaching over to grab his phone from the bedside table.
0633AM.
0 messages. 0 missed calls.
Donghyun smiled grimly to himself, sighed, and rolled out of bed. He pulled on a hoodie before padding into the kitchen. The kitchen was dark and empty, like it has been the past few weeks – regardless of the time of day.
He reminisces the time of when the kitchen used to be much livelier, mostly in the months after he and Joochan had moved in together.
The kitchen was always warm and smelled of food as Joochan loved to cook and experiment with new recipes. Loud music would be blasting out of the Bluetooth speakers, and Joochan would be singing and dancing along while wearing that horrendous pink frilly apron he loved so much.
Donghyun would sit on the kitchen counter and just enjoy watching Joochan’s performance, while sneaking some food into his mouth while Joochan wasn’t looking. Sometimes, Joochan would pull him down and dance him around the kitchen.
He pretended to be annoyed, but secretly he loved every moment of it. No matter how much he complained, he looked forward to it every time.
But all Donghyun heard now was silence.
He found himself in front of the fridge. There were pictures messily arranged on it. Pictures Joochan took over the course of their relationship. ‘Our best memories’ you would proudly tell me. Selfies of the two of them, pictures of Donghyun, of their friends, the sceneries of the places they visited while on one of their ‘adventures’.
Donghyun reached out, and absently traced his smile in one of the pictures. It was a very bright smile, directed at Joochan as they both stood on the beach. He remembered the memory vividly. Both of them had been trying to push each other in the ocean, even though the water was freezing cold.
“We looked so happy”, Donghyun mused. He was so happy back then.
But right now, he felt nothing.
Realisation dawned on Donghyun.
I can’t do this anymore.
Why was he desperately trying to hold together the broken parts of their relationship?
Could it even be saved, at this point?
They were entirely different people then they were when they first fell in love all those years ago.
The spark of their love that had once burned bright had started to fade, and Donghyun had been the only one to notice it. He had been trying to salvage it, but it was a near-impossible task when he was the only one in the relationship doing so, and no one meeting him halfway.
Donghyun made himself a cup of tea, sat down at their kitchen table. He drummed his fingers against the tabletop, feeling restless, before finally unlocking his phone.
He scrolled through the drafts of the messages he never sent to Joochan, messages he just couldn’t bring himself to send.
When are you coming home?
I miss you.
I hate you don’t you dare show your face to me.
Have you eaten?
Ya Hong Joochan. Where are you?
I haven’t seen you in so long.
I love you. Ok? I just need you to know that.
Don’t bother coming back.
Where are you?
I miss you so much it hurts.
Do you even still love me?
And the most recent, what he typed before he went to bed two nights ago;
… I think I don’t love you anymore.
And I’m scared. Please tell me it’s not true.
Donghyun softly traced that message with the pad of finger, before biting his lip and starting a new message to Joochan.
I don’t think I can do this anymore.
I’m sorry.
His thumb hesitated over the send button, when he heard the notification of a new message coming in.
His eyes widened when he saw who it was from.
Hey babe. Gonna drop by our fave café later.
Want me to pick up our usual?
Donghyun stared at message for a few seconds, before making up his mind. He erased the previous message he had previously typed. Taking a deep breath, he typed a new message and quickly sent it to Joochan before he changed his mind again.
There, sent.
Gripping his mug of his tea that has long gone cold, Donghyun stared out the window where the sun was starting rise over the city, his lips quirking up into a half-smile.
Hey babe. Gonna drop by our fave café later.
Want me to pick up our usual?
No.
I think we should talk.