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Sarah just laughs when Sam first brings it up. Bucky crushes a cup and chases Sam around the house arguing with him on why they should not, in any circumstances buy a minivan.
Sam just pats him on the back and says worst case scenario the bad guys won’t even know it’s us because how many hero’s do you see driving minivans?! Bucky discovers that 8 hours of meditation is the best way to deal with the news that your boyfriend has lost his mind and may be trying to suburbanize you.
Bucky goes with Sam to the dealership as a last ditch effort to stop Sam from derailing their lives. If Bucky stared threateningly at the people to give Sam a better deal, even though he was 100% against this, no one has to know.
Sam loves the minivan. Tells everyone how great it is and carpools Cass and AJ’s friends. Bucky did not know two kids could have this many responsibilities.
He does find out that the minivan is a great make out spot, when Sam drags him away from soccer practice and pushes him into the backseats. Bucky blacks out for a while and just lets Sam sit on top of him and suck on his tongue. He does complain extensively when Sam laughs at his disgruntled face when Sam’s timer goes off. He does get one last peck on the lips before Sam elbows his ribs and digs his knee into Bucky’s thigh as he tries to get off.
Yes, the minivan is embarrassing and goes against everything inside of Bucky, but it makes Sam happy and fine, yes there are some good things about it. Shut up Sam.