Work Text:
The first time Mingyu noticed it, he brushed it off. It was when they were singing their rendition of Katy Perry’s The One That Got Away. It’s just a joke, he thought to himself, he’s just trying to rile him up . But then it happened again, with a different song this time. Granted, they brought it onto themselves when someone from the crowd requested Breakeven by The Script. Mingyu would noticed Wonwoo, his boyfriend and the lead singer of the band, point to the audience during certain parts of the song.
Scratch that, point to his ex who happens to be in the audience all the time. Wonwoo’s ex, who happens to be Jihoon’s, their drummer, current boyfriend.
I saw what you did, Mingyu said after their set, I don’t think Jihoon was too happy about it .
And you?, Wonwoo countered, How do you feel about it?
Should I be worried?, Mingyu replied, Because I honestly don’t know if I should.
I’m with you, aren’t I? Isn’t that enough of an answer?
Mingyu dropped it after that.
It was all for fun.
It was just for the performance.
It was, right?
It wasn’t.
Because it happened again. And again. And again. Then Mingyu stopped keeping track.
The next time it happened ironically Wonwoo chose the song. Still Into You by Paramore. It would be fun , he said, Imagine the crowd jamming and jumping along.
For the fans, Mingyu told himself, All for the fans.
Or was it for him .
You could sense the tension in the room before the performance. Wonwoo, who was on his phone, was calm. Mingyu, on the other hand, repeatedly tuned his bass, strumming here and there, trying to hide his nervousness. Jihoon, who was also nervous knowing his boyfriend would be watching, knowing what song they would perform, kept playing with his drumsticks.
Then it was time.
Jihoon started the song, Mingyu joined in with his bass, their guitarist joined in, then finally, Wonwoo began singing.
And after all this time, i’m still into you , Wonwoo sang. The crowd yelling, as Wonwoo winked and pointed at them. Little did they know he was pointing to his ex. Little did they know that was why Mingyu began playing the guitar louder, stronger, harsher. You could sense his anger in it. Jihoon picked up the pace as well, banging onto the drums louder. Wonwoo smirked, knowing that what he did caused that to happen.
The crowd screamed at the smirk, jumping and screaming louder along with the bass and drums.
I’m into you, not a day goes by when i’m not into you , Wonwoo sang with emotion in his voice. It was then it sank in.
He really is still into him, Mingyu thought as he played for Wonwoo. Mingyu toned down the aggression in his playing, letting the Jihoon’s drums and Wonwoo’s voice tide over the sound of the guitar. After all, the bass is just in the background right? It isn’t as important as the drums or the guitar or even the vocals.
He wasn't as important as the others , Mingyu realized. He wasn’t as important to Wonwoo, not as important as Soonyoung .
“You still are, aren't you?” Mingyu asked.
They were back in the dressing room, changed out of their performance clothes. Jihoon left to seek out his boyfriend, leaving Mingyu and Wonwoo behind. They were tired, they always were after a show. That didn’t stop Mingyu though, he had to know.
“What do you mean?” Wonwoo replied, eyes focused on his phone.
“You still are into him ”
He looked up, startled. Before he could say anything, Mingyu continued.
“I could tell, even Jihoon did”, Mingyu said, head down, fingers twiddling, “I realized that for me to notice, it must have been pretty obvious. Thinking about it, I don’t know why it took me this long to bring it up. It’s in the way you keep seeking him out in the crowd, the way you make song choices. But it’s also in the things you do daily, like how you make certain comments about things, how you randomly bring him up in conversations. I could be asking you about dinner, and you’d bring him up. I could be asking you about a book you read, and you’d mention him. He doesn’t even read books.”
“Mingyu, I-” Wonwoo started, “Let me explain. Look at me. Please. ”
Mingyu said nothing.
“I’m with you, aren’t I?” Wonwoo began. That’s what he would always say. “I’m not with him . He’s with someone else too.”
“But are you really? Are you fully, completely here with me? Are we even on the same page?” Mingyu countered. “I understand, I do. 4 years isn’t easy to compete with. And i know you said it isn’t a competition, but it honestly feels like one to me...”
“...One that I am losing,” Mingyu whispered. There was something in his voice, Wonwoo noticed, but he couldn’t figure out what it was
“Mingyu, no-. I- ”, Wonwoo started, struggling to come up with words to tell him he was wrong.
Or was he? How does Wonwoo feel? What does he feel for Soonyoung? Soonyoung who has been with him for his entire life, as a friend first, then as a lover, then back as friends. Friends . Is that all Wonwoo really felt?
“Wonwoo-”, Mingyu started. Singing, he looked at Wonwoo, tears in his eyes.
“Mingyu, wait-”, Wonwoo said. Panic rising up within him. Wonwoo reached out to Mingyu, hand stopping halfway.
“Maybe-”, Mingyu began, “I know he’s your friend, your best friend , but I honestly don’t know where I stand with you.”
He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, not wanting to break down in front of Wonwoo. “I know I told you I’d wait. It’s so hard to see you flirt with him in shows, but it’s even harder when you bring him up so casually, like you’re just supposed to, like he’s meant to be in every conversation.”
“Mingyu, I swear . I am over him,” Wonwoo said, trembling in his voice. “I prom-”
“Please-,” Mingyu cut him off, “Please don’t promise on things you’re not sure about. Please. ”
Desperation , Wonwoo realized, that’s what was, what is, in Mingyu’s voice.
“ Please don’t lie to me, don’t lie to yourself, ” Mingyu said. “Please don’t lie to yourself.”
“I-”, That, that , was what stopped Wonwoo from continuing. He looked down at his hands, avoiding Mingyu’s eyes.
“You told me once that you couldn’t express yourself with words, which is why you sing, why you love to sing , because you said even though it’s the words of others, it explains what I’m feeling more than I could ever explain myself .” Mingyu stopped, taking a deep breath.
They both knew this conversation, what Wonwoo said after, or he did , rather.
They both remembered how Wonwoo picked up Mingyu’s acoustic guitar and started strumming, singing the words
Pay attention, i hope that you’re listening
‘Cause I let my guard down
Right now I'm completely defenseless
That was how they got together, Wonwoo putting his defenses down after Mingyu spent the past two years proving to the man how much he cared for him, he much he loved, loves , him.
Mingyu took another deep breath, “I can’t make you love me, Wonwoo, but I can help you realize what, who you truly want.”
Wonwoo just sat there, thinking about all he’s done these past few months. From flirting to the crowd, to Soonyoung , to talking about him all the time.
Mingyu was right , Wonwoo thought to himself, I do think about Soonyoung a lot .
“Mingyu, I’m sorry,” Wonwoo said, tears welling in his eyes as he feels his heart hurt at the pain he’s put Mingyu in. “I am so so so sorry. ”
Mingyu, oh so kind and patient and gentle Mingyu, made his way to Wonwoo. He brought Wonwoo in his arms, comforting the older man. This , Wonwoo thought to himself, this is what makes Mingyu different. I don’t feel this way in Soonyoung’s arms.
“I think we need some time apart, Wonwoo.” Mingyu said softly, heart crushing at hearing Wonwoo’s breath hitch. “I think you came into your decision too quickly.”
Wonwoo could feel his tears running down his face. He made Mingyu wait for two years, two years , and said the boy tells him he came too his decision too quickly. Mingyu is good, too good .
“Let yourself feel, let yourself heal, Wonwoo.” Mingyu said, running his hands through Wonwoo’s hair. “And when you’re ready, truly ready , then we can try again. If you still want to.”
“Mingyu, I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry,” Wonwoo said, choking on his tears, “For everything .”
“You’re only human, you only want to love and be loved,” Mingyu said softly, running his hands up and down Wonwoo’s back in an attempt to calm him down. “You are so loved, Wonwoo. By the fans, by your friends, by your family, by me . Allow yourself to feel that love, then forgive yourself, and allow yourself to love as freely as you feel that love. You deserve it.”
A knock on the door startles them both. They pull away from the hug. Mingyu softly rubs Wonwoo’s tears off his face.
“Wonwoo? Mingyu?” Soonyoung . “Are you guys in here?”
“Yeah, one sec, Soon!” Mingyu says back.
He looks back at Wonwoo, and smiles.
Soft . Wonwoo thought. Filled with love. Loved, that’s how Mingyu makes me feel.
“Take your time, Wonwoo. Talk to him. Clear your mind and heart. Then when you’re ready, if you still want this, want us , then we’ll talk about it again. But never forget, I’m always always here for you. So is he, and so is Jihoon.”
Mingyu kissed his forehead, letting his lips linger. Wonwoo closed his eyes at the contact, relishing at the feelings, at the emotions Mingyu made him feel, at the thoughts Mingyu brought to the forefront of his mind because God knows how long Wonwoo’s been trying to keep these thoughts away.
“Keep your eyes closed, Wonwoo.” Mingyu said. This made Wonwoo cry even more. He once told Mingyu he hated seeing people walk away from him, a sight he’s seen way too many times. “I love you, Wonwoo. Always .”
The warmth was now gone. Then a door opens, and closes softly. Wonwoo keeps his eyes closed as he sobs. He feels another set of arms around him. It’s different , Wonwoo thought to himself. This isn’t the warmth I want. This isn’t Mingyu’s warmth.