Chapter Text
"Lilac, I'm home!" Cole's voice came from the door, and I dropped the book in my hand to greet him in all his frost-reddened glory.
"Hey," I walked up to him as he shed his coat, dropping snow onto our doormat. "How's today?"
"Not much." He said as he hung the shotgun onto the peg by the door. It wasn't for hunting—there are not many things to hunt around here that wouldn't cause us a lot of trouble dealing with afterward—but for safety. There are bears and wolves around this area of the mountain, and even though Cole drives to and from work, I still feel better that he was carrying. "An old man burnt a carpet—too close to the fireplace. Nothing more serious."
"That's good news." I said as we walked into the living room. Even though with the compensation the government gives me for my "service"—curing the Psi kids—we don't really have to work, Cole doesn't like the idea of being idle, so he got himself a job as a fireman in a nearby town.
It had been seven months since we...move in together? After Cole took me from the underground bunker, we headed straight here—the house Cole rented from an old couple who decided that they were too old for commuting between this house and the town below the mountain. It was a lovely wooden building, with most of the coloring being the warm tone of oak. Stepping in this house for the first time, I immediately knew that it had history—the gloss on the floor came from years and years of swiping and cleaning, and the stone over the fireplace gleamed ever so slightly from all the touches its former owners left on it. I loved the house instantly.
But living in here, with Cole...took a while to get used to. Not that I would choose anything else—ever since I saw him in the bunker, I knew I couldn't live without him again—but that was the old me. This new me...still needs time.
He was perfectly accepting—it was him who brought it up that we should set some new boundaries, because things had changed. A part of me felt really guilty, especially every time I turned to see him shifting his eyes away, a forlorn light in his blue eyes. But I just...wasn't ready.
I loved him with all of my heart, but there had been a new addition to my heart, and that part need to love him as well before I could give him the love that he deserves.
"Oh," as we sat down on the couch, his arm not around me, he started, "I bought this from the used book shop." He pulled out a slim case of DVD from his bag, "Wanna give it a watch?"
It was a Japanese romance movie; very sweet, albeit quite sad in the end. I've watched it when I was back in Japan. It starred one of the most popular Japanese male actors at the time, and it also had one of my favorite song in it. I'm pretty sure Cole is the most far away from the target demographic of this movie that I could possibly imagine, though.
"Why did you pick this?" I asked, trying to hold in a laugh, "It's a romance movie."
"Well..." He shrugged, "I can tell from the cover," he put it down on the table, "It was the only Japanese movie they have, and I want to watch something that came from the same place as you."
I chuckled. "I have nothing against romantic movies, but this one, I have to warn you, is a tear jerker."
He grinned, "My shoulders are ready for you anytime."
"Oh, I'm not talking about me." I said, "I've seen this movie."
"You think I'm going to cry? Over a chick flick?" He asked, an eyebrow arched.
"I know you are." I chuckled.
"Oh, it's on, missy." He stood to put the slim disk into the DVD player, and turned on the TV. "Whoever cried had to do the laundry tomorrow."
+++
In the end, we both cried. Even though Cole was trying hard to pretend that he didn't, I caught him wiping his eyes with the sleeves when he thought I wasn't looking.
The movie was about a man who saved a cat when he was little, and the cat turned into a girl to come and find him. They fell in love, but the story ends with the girl vanishing—because even though she was human in form, she still only had the cat's lifespan—and the memories of her vanished with her.
"That's not fair, you know." He complained as the end credit was rolling, and the theme song of the movie, Wouldn't It Be Nice, was playing.
"How so?" I asked, smiling, though tears were still dangling on my lashes.
"I can't imagine...not remembering you." He said, solemnly all of a sudden.
My smile froze. I forgot...that was what I almost made Ruby do, wasn't it? I asked her to make him forget me, so he could live on, maybe happily, without me.
But like the ending of this movie hinted, the memory of a love so deep can't go away that easily. Liam told me as well—how he felt like he was wondering aimlessly, chasing a mirage he couldn't even see, when he lost his memory of Ruby.
"Hey," he put a hand on my wringing hands, interrupting my thoughts. "I didn't say this to guilt-trip you, you know. I understand everything you did, and I don't blame you for any of it."
I pressed my lips and gave him a wry smile. "I'm still sorry."
He returned a smile, gave me a small shake, and turned his focus back to the rolling credit. "You know, this is Ruby and Liam's song." He cocked his head sideway, changing the subject, "or at least I think it is?"
"Really?" I asked. "They have a song? That's so sweet."
Cole turned to look at me, a slight incredulous in his eyes. "We have a song, too."
"We do?" I tilted my head a little, frowning. Our time together was not at all musical, as far as I can recall.
"Yeah, we do." He snorted a bit, and started humming. The lyrics floated into my head, fitting into the music of his voice.
Imagine me and you, I do, I think about you day and night, it's only right...
"Ohhhh..." I exclaimed gently, and was rewarded with a smile of his. I can't believe I didn't remember that. That was one of the first times we were ever truly alone, and also the first time I've heard him sing. I even remember thinking that he had a great voice. "I really like our song." I smiled.
"Phew." He mocked swiping cold sweat over his forehead, "Thank God you like it, otherwise we'll have problems..."
He stood up, continued humming, and the music expanded into songs. He offered me a hand, and I took it.
If I should call you up, invest a dime
And you said you belong to me, and ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be, so very fine, so happy together...
As he pulled me into his arms, and we started swaying, him still singing the lovely song—our song—I was smiling, then laughing when he lifted my hand to spin me around, and gasped when I landed back into his arms, the vibration in his chest passing the low resonance into my body.
I can't see me loving nobody but you, for all my life...
When you're with me, baby, the sky will be blue, for all my life...
It had become apparent to me very soon after we moved here, that I wasn't the only one who changed—now that Cole no longer has the burden of saving our world on his shoulders, he became a much more relaxed person, and maybe, much happier, too.
The smile he had on his face now, suddenly made me want to kiss him. This was not the first time I got this impulse after "the merge", but it was the strongest. When I caught his eyes, I didn't know why it always surprise me so, but I never seemed to fully remember how blue they were only to be completely mesmerized again and again.
He was so beautiful. And to think that he was mine, and all it takes is for me to stand on my toes and pulled him closer, and I would've made our lives whole again.
I turned away. The impulse was still there, but something else found its way into the mix—a shadow of doubt. It was lurking in the back of my head, sending a chill down my spine, and I simply can't ignore it, even though I don't know what I was doubting. Doubting that the change in me will make it different than how I remembered it? Doubting that this—us—won't work?
It was fear. Or at least, what fear felt like. The feeling of my heart shrunk inside my ribcage, like it was trying to hide into itself. I tasted blood in my mouth, but knew that nothing was bleeding. The flash of images which followed told me what it was—I saw Cole's face, riddled with panic, a distant tree line as the backdrop. This was Eve's memory.
This was her fear.
"Uh, speaking of Liam..." Cole started, but not before I caught how the light in his eyes dimmed a little. "I was thinking about going home for Christmas, you know, spend the holidays with Mom, Liam, and Harry."
"Oh," I said; now that it was me who had to hide the disappointment. I should've expected this conversation—we are only a few days away from Christmas, after all, and of course he wants to spend the holiday with his family. Not that I'm at all excited about Christmas anyway. "When will you be back?"
"Me?" Cole frowned, "We can come back on New Year's Day." He hesitated for a second, then added, "That is...unless you don't want to spend the holiday with them? In that case, we can just stay here, and I can tell them we'll be spending the holiday just the two of us."
"No, I didn't mean that..." I said, hastily. "But Christmas is for family, isn't it? I don't want to intrude."
"Lilac, I don't know how many times I should stress this, you are my family." He replied without missing a beat. "You are the only person I must spend Christmas with."
My mouth hung open for a moment. The amount of certainty in his voice astonished me—he knew exactly what he wanted, maybe for the rest of his life, and it was just...me. It was not the first time he let me know this—far from it, in fact. I didn't know if he was purposefully doing so, but every day, there would be at least one instance where I was reassured that he loved me, with all his heart.
"In that case, yes." I nodded, when I finally found my words.
He smiled.