Chapter Text
Catra had lost count of the nights she'd spent like this.
Curled up in a ball, sobbing quietly into a pillow, holding onto it for dear life.
(It was Adora's old pillow, it hardly smelled like her anymore, but that didn't stop Catra from clinging to it. Not that she would ever tell anyone that.)
She tried her best to keep the hiccuping cries to a minimum, but it was impossible to fight off every shaky breath. She could hardly breathe into the pillow anyway.
Luckily for her, the force captain quarters were far from the cadets and Hordak, but she still had neighbors to deceive into thinking she was sleeping peacefully.
After all, she was so weak right now, she'd been weak so many nights, wishing for Adora, longing for the comfort that the blonde would bring her. Her grip tightened on the white pillowcase, she was sure it had tear stains on the side she'd been crying into.
Whenever Catra thought the sobs had settled, a new memory would appear, the whispers and tender words her and Adora snuck each other when they could. The stolen moments they had together as innocent kids. The promises they couldn't keep...
She tried to not think about that last one too much.
And with every one of these thoughts came a new wave of sadness, regret, and agony. The cries were too hard to contain, and on nights like these, Catra truly considered leaving the Horde.
Adora had left her. Catra had always known the atrocities of the Horde, the cruelties, but... Adora was with her, and so long as she had Adora, she'd find a way to push through.
But now, Adora was gone. Off in the rebellion, with her new friends that Catra was certain Adora liked better than she'd ever liked Catra.
She'd seen the smiles the three shared together after a battle they'd one, huddled in each other's arms.
And every time, without fail, Catra would wish it was her. Longing to be loved by Adora again, like when they were kids.
Once Adora left the Horde, there was no reason for Catra to stay, not logically, she knew that.
But the betrayal, god it stung.
Adora left her for some strangers, nothing could change that.
Catra wasn't good enough, she felt her body tighten to the pillow, more tears soaking into it. It didn't matter now, and it didn't matter then. Adora left her, plain and simple.
But a girl could dream.