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James Potter woke up angry.
He'd never experienced that before. He hated it. It felt like his blood itched and he couldn't find anything to soothe it. He'd tried everything the day before. He'd flown for hours after the…incident by the lake, pushing himself past the point of exhaustion and skipping dinner entirely. It hadn't helped.
He'd dragged his aching body back inside, shuffling to the kitchens almost on reflex. James had hoped for more time to himself but he'd found Remus waiting for him instead. In the end, he'd spent another hour ranting to Moony in between bites of roast chicken and potatoes. Moony had tried, exhausting the limits of his patience to help him through it. It hadn’t mattered.
Eating had been the perfect kindling for the embers of his anger. He'd spent the rest of night ranting to the Marauders in their dorm but their patience had all worn eventually. Sirius had been the last to give up, launching a pillow directly at his face and yelling at him to go to sleep.
Instead he’d spent who knows how long staring at the ceiling.
Frowning pink lips spitting words as though they were spells and glittering green eyes that stared at him, into him, a swirl of disappointment, fury and hurt in their depths, played on repeat in his head.
You're as bad as he is…
You're as bad as he is…
You're as bad as he is…
At some point exhaustion had finally taken hold and he’d fallen asleep. That had only lasted a few short hours. He’d woken fully alert, the unrest in his soul demanding his consciousness. He’d tossed, he’d turned, he’d tried putting a pillow between his legs and then tried again without. Nothing worked.
James didn’t know how to calm the ire that had seeped into his bones. He had a temper but he always flashed hot and burnt out just as fast. Sirius was the one who held grudges, not him. What the hell was he supposed to do to fix this?
Fucking Snivellus. Fucking Evans. What did she know anyway? What did it matter if she thought that. She was wrong.
James threw the covers off of himself and sat up. The sun shined bright through the windows but it was still too early for the rest of his friends. James supposed he might as well get up.
After using the bathroom and changing into his uniform, he stepped slowly out of the room, not wanting to wake anyone as he left. The least he could do was let his friends sleep after keeping them up with his problems.
As James stepped into the common room, he could’ve sworn he saw a flash of red hair disappearing up the opposite staircase. If Evans was up then she’d be back down soon enough for breakfast, he could wait in the common room in the meantime and they could properly hash this out.
He flopped into his favorite armchair, running his hand through his hair in frustration. James couldn’t stop thinking about the pain he’d seen in her eyes. He wasn’t sure how someone could seem so sure of his character and yet so betrayed they’d been proven right but Evans had managed it.
They’d had their fights before, even gotten to the point of dueling once or twice but he couldn’t remember her ever looking at him like that. James groaned and mussed his hair more staring at the staircase Lily had disappeared into, he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say to her.
“I hope you’re not out here waiting for Lily.”
James startled, swiveling his head to the common room entrance taking in Mary MacDonald. She had one eyebrow arched in question, her frown deepening the longer he went without answering.
James met her eyes, tamping down on his urge to snap at her. He would be just as protective of his friends if the situations were reversed.
“And if I am?” James bit out.
Mary’s nostrils flared, her blue eyes hardening. It was unsettling seeing the normally cheerful brunette do her best McGonagall impression.
“Then I’ll have to hex you until you leave,” Mary responded, her grip on her wand tightening.
James scoffed, “Come on Mac, we both know that wouldn’t work.”
Mary’s eyes roved over James’ wand lying on the table in front him just out of arm’s reach and smirked at James, “I think it’ll work better than you expect.”
James swallowed a groan and ran his hand through his hair. He really needed to stop leaving his wand about.
He hazarded a smile, hoping to disarm with charm instead, “Look, I just want to talk to her. Clear up what happened.”
Mary stared back at him unimpressed, “I believe the words you’re looking for are ‘I just want to apologize and then fuck off until next year’.”
James was out of his chair in an instant, arms splayed out at his waist and half shouting, “What the hell do I have to apologize for?”
He hadn’t meant to raise his voice. It always raised in volume anytime he got excited and he still hadn’t figured out how to stop the reflex.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell.”
Mary just stared at James as if he hadn’t said anything. He could almost feel the clock ticking as she stared at him in silence. James didn’t do well with silence, especially when he couldn’t tell what it meant. He could feel his anxiety building the longer Mary went without speaking.
He opened his mouth just to say something to break the silence but he was interrupted by Mary shaking her head and sighing.
The disappointment in her eyes, aimed directly at him, felt like a bludger to the gut. “You know I even spent part of last night defending you. What a bloody waste that was. You two really are more similar than you realize.”
“Me and Evans?” James asked, surprise clear in his voice. Perhaps, they would be able to end the term in good standing after all.
“You and Snape.”
“So you’re on team Snivellus too then?” James sneered, he couldn’t help himself. The shame he’d felt from Mary’s disappointment and the hope he’d had for reconciliation were quickly squashed by his blooming indignation at the comparison.
She glared back at him, “You know I’m not.”
James ran his hand back and forth through his hair in agitation. “Then why do you both keep saying that!? I am nothing like him! You know that Mac! I’ve never gone after anyone for their blood. You know I’d never call anyone a...you know. ”
“Do you really want to know?”
“That is why I’m asking”
“I mean it James, you’re not going to like what I have to say. I’m not Lily. I don’t get off on going 10 rounds with you. You start acting like a defensive berk and I’m leaving.”
James perked up at that. “Wait she likes-” but he cut himself off at the fierceness of her glare. He would circle back to that later.
He nodded at her, “Alright Mac.”
Mary sighed and sat down in a chair across from him motioning for him to sit too. James joined her following her gaze to the fireplace. He waited for her to speak, his eyes flicking back to her face after a minute of silence. She was frowning at the dying fire, chewing on her lip as she drummed her fingers on the arm of the chair.
“Mac-”
“Do you remember when Mulciber and his lot went after the muggleborns?”
James frowned in confusion, “Yea…”
“And two days after when they were all put in the hospital wing under mysterious circumstances?” Mary was looking at him now, eyes roaming over his face like she was searching for something.
James raised an eyebrow at her. It hadn’t been a secret that the Marauders had retaliated even if they’d never claimed it. McGonagall had certainly gone ahead with their detentions without needing a confession.
“Yea that was us.”
Mary nodded and turned back to the fireplace. “When we found out at breakfast, it felt good you know? I was happy that they’d gotten a taste of their own medicine. Even Lily appreciated it. But…”
The bitterness in her voice took James by surprise. They’d been proud of themselves for striking back at the Slytherins. He wasn’t going to apologize for it either, they had deserved it. He was going to say so but Mary’s face stopped him.
She was looking directly at him, unshed tears in her eyes, gripping the arm of her chair tightly. James was used to Mary’s tears. He’d seen her get teary-eyed over how cute an erumpent had been in some Daily Prophet ad. This was different; she looked at him with such naked vulnerability that he almost had to look away.
“But it didn’t change how I was still scared to walk the hallways by myself. It didn’t change people constantly expecting me to do worse on my OWLs. It didn’t change the fact that no matter what Dumbledore says we know how much we’re really welcome here.” Mary’s voice grew in intensity with each sentence.
She looked at him fiercely, daring him to disagree. James almost smiled, this was more like the Mary he knew. Though he wasn’t sure he was comfortable with her looking at him like his head was a bludger and her wand her beater’s bat.
“So, we shouldn’t have gone after them?” James wasn’t sure he could agree if she said yes.
Mary shook her head in frustration. “No that’s not what I’m saying. I’m-” she stopped, closing her eyes and exhaling out of her nose. When she opened her eyes she asked, “Do you think Snape is actually friends with the rest of them?”
James gaped at the change in tack. “What? I don’t spend much time worrying about whether the junior Death Eaters get along”
“He doesn’t. Thinks most of them are dolts and beneath him,” Mary laughed humorlessly. “But he’s still on their side isn’t he? He can still be on their side even when he hates them.”
James shook his head, trying to work through her words. The shift in conversation felt like a 90 degree turn on his broom at top speed.
“Mac I’m not following. What are you getting at?”
Mary’s hand disappeared into her robes and she pulled out a rolled up paper. James could just barely make out the Daily Prophet masthead.
“Did you see Crouch’s new bill?”
James looked back at Mary in confusion. “Mary, where are you-” her glare forced him to relent.
He sighed, “No, I haven’t.”
Mary looked like she expected the answer and tossed the paper to him. James fell out of his chair trying to catch it, the paper unrolling just enough to change trajectory and instead divebomb the floor.
He rolled his eyes at the snort from Mary and sat back in the armchair flattening the paper on his lap. Bartemius Crouch Sr.’s face looked back at him grim and unmoving. James would’ve sworn it was a muggle photograph if not for the occasional blink.
“The front page article?”
“Should be the third column.”
James skimmed the article, glancing over the praise for the Deputy Head of DMLE’s hard stance against dark magic and his promise to restore order. He reached the part that Mary had mentioned. At least, he thought he did. James frowned and read it over again to be sure.
“Find it?”
James looked back up at Mary whose attention was on the fire. “Yea, I got the gist I think. Something about new standards for employment contracts? People can change jobs when they want?”
Mary scoffed, “Yea, that’s what it’s for. It means, Potter, that employers can fire people at any time for any reason. Can you guess what criteria they’ll start using going forward?”
She turned and glared at him as though he’d authored the bill himself.
“Well that can’t be legal can it? Wasn’t that one of the responses to Grindelwald?”
Mary shook her head muttering something that sounded very much like “bloody purebloods”.
“Of course the bill says they can’t explicitly ask but it’s not bloody hard to tell when you all have books tracking who is and isn’t.” The derision in her voice raised his hackles.
“Well I’m sorry about that, you’re right and it’s not fair but it’s not like I bloody wrote the thing now did I?” James snapped back.
He hadn’t even thought to look into it. He wondered if Remus had come to the same conclusion when he’d mentioned the bill last morning. Sirius had asked why Moony cared but they were interrupted by some Ravenclaw students getting into a fight on the way to the DADA O.W.L. Remus had never gotten a chance to answer.
“Well of course you didn’t write it, but you don’t have to care now do you? You get to be neutral” Mary spat the last word in disgust. “What’s it matter if a few muggleborns lose their jobs, not like it will stop you from playing for Puddlemere now will it?”
“Of course it matters! It’s not right!” James cried out.
Mary nodded, “Good. So what are you going to do about it?”
James opened his mouth to respond before closing it quickly. What could he do about it? He wasn’t exactly familiar with the legislative process. He wasn’t even sure if there was something he could even do to stop it at this point.
Mary rolled her eyes at James’ enactment of a goldfish and shook her head.
“Figures. You know the worst part about this James? It’s that Crouch will get celebrated as a good guy. Because he is one isn’t he? He’s going to be head of the DMLE one day and he hates dark magic.” Mary’s voice changed at the end mimicking someone but James couldn’t place who.
“Never mind that no one asks if he only cares about who that dark magic is used on. Never mind that he’s happy to protect Muggleborns as long as we understand our place.”
Mary’s face was flushed, the tears that had lain unshed, now streaked down her cheeks. But she continued on, ignoring the wetness on her face and pinned him to his chair with her fierceness of her stare.
“You could stand on the Gryffindor tables tomorrow and tell Mulciber to go fuck himself. Tell all the Slytherins to go to hell. You could scream that you don’t believe in pureblood supremacy while you’re at it. You’d get applause and pats on the back and get labeled the good pureblood. And then you’ll go on about your life as if you’ve done something but guess what James? That doesn’t do a damn thing for us.”
Mary kept her eyes on James as the silence festered before giving him a reprieve, turning back to the fireplace wiping absently at her cheeks. He was grateful for the break. James turned her words over in his mind, trying to trace the different paths and figure out how they connected, or if they did at all.
James swallowed but it did nothing to dislodge the lump that had grown in his throat as he experienced the depths of Mary’s pain. He wanted to say something, anything really, but couldn’t summon the words. Instead, he watched her stare at the fire. Her nose flared with each uneven breath, blue eyes glistening with more tears.
James said the only thing that was on his mind, “I don’t know what to do.”
Mary rolled her eyes and turned back to him. “You have power Potter. Bloody use it! If all of you “good” purebloods actually cared about us, the other side wouldn’t even exist! You would’ve passed laws that protect us the same as you! You want to help Potter? Start by asking your parents why they voted yes!”
“My parents wouldn’t have voted for that Mac! Give us a little bloody credit,” James retorted, struggling to contain his temper.
Mary looked at him unimpressed, the derision in her gaze only made him want to defend his parents more but she interrupted him again.
“The votes are public,” Mary spit out, “Page 10.”
James gritted his teeth and opened the newspaper flipping to the page. He hadn’t known The Prophet published the voting records. He skimmed the list of names, unsurprised to see the likes of Arcturus Black and Abraxas Malfoy voting for the bill.
He froze when saw his parents’ names.
They’d voted yes.
“Fuck. No, it’s got to be some sort of mistake, are you sure this is for the same bill?” James flipped through the other pages but none had the answer he desperately sought.
Mary rolled her eyes and shook her head, “It’s not a mistake Potter. They voted yes, just like all the other purebloods.”
“I’ll talk to them Mac, I swear. They must not have realized, I’ll talk to them! They have a lot of friends in the Wizengamot, we can fix this.”
James didn’t recognize his own voice, the desperate pleading as he practically begged Mary to believe him, to believe that this wasn’t who he was. He felt like the lump in his throat had tripled in size.
Mary didn’t look at him, instead shrugging and replying with a halfhearted “Sure.”
James opened his mouth to say more but thought better of it. He didn’t know how to reconcile the parents who always taught him that blood didn’t matter with the people who had voted yes on this bill. Mary didn’t need his foolish declarations that his parents weren’t like other purebloods when the evidence to the contrary stared him in the face.
They sat in silence after that. Both of them staring at the fireplace until the sounds of their house waking up shook them from their thoughts.
Mary got up from her chair stretching her arms over her head briefly before turning towards him. She sighed and padded to his chair placing a hand on his shoulder. She smiled at him but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“You’re not a bad guy James. Even Lily knows that deep down. But hating them? That doesn’t make you a good guy either. Leave Lily alone until next year. She needs the space. If you want to prove Lily wrong, show her next year that you can spend more time loving us than hating them. Show her that you’re willing to fight for us in every way, not just hexing that creep when he deserves it.”
James nodded and looked down at the paper again, his eyes drawn almost immediately to the yes votes by his parents’ names.
“I really do think you two would work well together, provided you get your head out of your ass.”
James looked up, startled. He met her eyes and this time saw the laughter in them. He nodded again and croaked a rough “thanks”, the lump in his throat preventing a longer response.
She nodded back at him and clapped him once more on the shoulder before heading toward her staircase, calling out, “Have a good summer Potter.”
James had turned back to the fireplace watching the last embers flicker and die. He stayed in his chair for a few more minutes before pushing himself out of the chair. He wasn’t sure how he was going to fix this but he was a Marauder and Marauders never backed down from a challenge.