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“I’m sorry. Do I know you?”
Atsumu stops in his tracks, his hands freezing in midair. Shouyou looks at him, head tilted, and eyes conflicted. Atsumu can’t find his voice, his throat drying like a green leaf during autumn.
Behind Shouyou, the leaves of the maple tree continue to fall. Fall and fall and fall until they litter the ground and get stomped on. Atsumu blinks a few times and lowers his hand.
“I’m sorry.” Atsumu clears his throat. “You just look like someone else I know.”
Shouyou smiles, kindness swimming in his eyes. Atsumu doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand why Shouyou always remains as he is. Remains as the person he used to know. “I’m sorry.”
Shouyou says it with such genuineness, and Astumu can hear his heart cracking.
“Why?” he asks. The words almost refuse to come out of his throat. They’re like fishbones stuck in there, not wanting to move. It’s painful, it’s irritating. Atsumu purses his lips and looks away. “Why are you saying sorry?”
Then Shouyou laughs. That beautiful laughter of his making his eyes crinkle. It’s full and it’s loud—carefree laughter that sounds like music to Atsumu’s ears. It goes straight to Atsumu’s heart, wrapping around it and gripping it, and Atsumu forgets how to breathe. Shouyou scratches the back of his neck.
“I don’t really know. But I just feel like I should say sorry to you.” Shouyou looks at him wanly. “This person must be important to you, no?”
Atsumu almost laughs. “What makes you say that?”
“You look sad,” Shouyou says, looking straight into his eyes. Atsumu feels like he’s being watched, he’s being seen but truthfully, he doesn’t mind it. If it’s the same eyes that he’s fallen in love with a thousand times, he doesn’t mind at all. “Your eyes. They’re bright but they’re also full of sadness. They actually remind me of something but I don’t know what. They’re like a painting, you know? So full of emotion yet I can’t still decipher it.”
Shouyou catches himself. He stops, mouth hanging open. There’s a slight tinge of pink on his ears and cheeks. “Oh, god. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to talk so much about your eyes. You must think that I’m so weird.”
“It’s alright,” Atsumu says with a smile. “The person that reminds me of you, they—they also used to say that about my eyes. He says that I speak loudly with them. Even until now, I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”
“I think it’s a great thing.” And there Shouyou goes again, giving him another smile. Atsumu fights the urge to clutch his heart, to turn back around, and let his tears fall. “I like them. I like your eyes. I think I’ll always remember them.”
Atsumu can’t stop the words rolling off his lips. He has to know. “Are you happy?”
Shouyou doesn’t find it odd because he’s like that. He has too big of a heart and he wears it on his sleeves. His smile gets bigger, reaching those bright eyes of his. Atsumu remembers being the one behind those bright, vibrant eyes. Though that was a long time ago.
“I am!” Shouyou says. He puts up his hand and for a moment, Atsumu’s world stops.
Because there, sitting prettily on Shouyou’s finger is a silver ring.
“I got married recently…”
Astumu doesn’t hear the rest. Maybe he’s refusing to, blocking everything out. He hears nothing but crashes and waves, and it’s all drowning him on the spot. It’s stingingly cold, like tiny needles prickling his skin. His lungs feel full, his ears are aching. But he still sees Shouyou clearly. He sees how he rambles on and on and on with glee written all over his face.
“—are you okay?”
Atsumu blinks. “I am,” he forces out.
“I’m sorry,” Shouyou says with a laugh. “I got carried away. You probably don’t care about all of that.”
“I do. I care.” I always care. “I’m glad that you’re happy. I hope they always make you happy.”
Shouyou giggles. “Thank you! You’re so kind. I wish all people were like you.” He sighs and it’s that kind that tells you that he’s really, genuinely happy. “And he does. He does make me happy. I believe he’s my one true love and marrying him still feels like a fever dream.”
“I see.”
“How about you?” Shouyou suddenly asks. He’s wiggling his eyebrows as if they’re friends from long ago. “Have you found your one true love?”
Atsumu smiles though he’s not sure if it reaches his eyes. “I have. I always have.”
“Oh,” Shouyou says. “I’m sorry. I should’ve never asked. That was so insensitive of me.”
“You don’t need to say sorry. It’s not your fault.”
A ringtone goes off, startling Shouyou. He fishes out his phone from his pocket and Atsumu sees. He sees how Shouyou’s eyes brighten even more, how it widens, how the color saturates like the flowers on a good day of spring.
Shouyou answers the call and Atsumu blocks it all off.
Atsumu should’ve been used to it by now. Meeting Shouyou, that is. But no matter how hard he tries, it always ends up like this: Shouyou living happily, and Atsumu watching from the side.
Is it a curse? Maybe.
They’ve loved a thousand lives. Maybe it’s more than that. Atsumu can’t really count.
Though sometimes the universe or whatever it is that plays games with them is not kind to him.
Atsumu always tries to find Shouyou because it’s always him. It’s always going to be him.
Then again, it’s like a curse. Because sometimes, it’s not going to be Atsumu. Shouyou finds somebody else and he’s happy. Sometimes he’s too happy. Of course, Shouyou doesn’t remember anything. He never does. His mind is always a new canvas, a new painting, a new life.
Shouyou ends the call. His cheeks are red and the smile he gives is almost blinding. “I’m sorry but I need to go. It’s nice meeting you! See you again, stranger!”
Atsumu can’t help but laugh. Shouyou probably means tomorrow or the next week or the next month.
“See you again,” Atsumu says.
But not in this lifetime.