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Darling, you’re my best friend.
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Bokuto Koutarou was fucked. Royally fucked.
He’d come to that conclusion the moment he stepped inside Kuroo’s house, but he was even more certain now that he was sitting alone in Kuroo’s room, listening to the ravenette argue with his mother.
Bokuto didn’t know how it happened, but he knew that he loved Kuroo with all his heart.
Kuroo, captain of Nekoma, sly asshole, horribly mannered, beautiful, can get any girl in the world, Kuroo.
And how was Bokuto supposed to compare? If Kuroo was hot, Bokuto was cold. If Kuroo was charismatic, Bokuto was a bumbling idiot. He hated it.
Bitterness held strong.
Kuroo was still arguing with mom.
Before Bokuto could stop himself, he found himself in front of Kuroo’s laundry basket. It was stuffed full of Kuroo’s clothes that he had just ran through the wash.
Bokuto eased out one of Kuroo’s jerseys, red with a white number one painted across the front. He buried his face in it, inhaling deeply. It smelled like Kuroo’s laundry detergent, and Bokuto loved it.
It was calming, the right amount of clean soapy scent to the right amount of a citrusy scent.
Bokuto held the shirt to chest, and before he could think too much, launched back over to his bag, stuffing the jersey to the bottom of the bag.
Kuroo wouldn’t miss it, right?
Bokuto had successfully hidden the shirt just as the door flung open.
Kuroo looked more disheveled than normal.
“Sorry about that,” Kuroo said, allowing a slight smile to appear on his face.
Bokuto beamed back at him.
“No problem, bro.”
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But there’s a few things that you don’t know of.
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Bokuto was hopeless.
He curled up in his bed, hoping for sleep to overtake him, but his thoughts ran wild.
The day had gone poorly. He missed three spikes back to back, and his teammates had even gotten snippy with him.
No amount of pouting had fixed the energy of the team that day. The actions that his team typically found adorably Bokuto like were met with harsh resistance and frustrated responses.
Bokuto let out a helpless sob. His body shuddered, hands reaching for something, anything.
His thoughts wandered before he scrambled out of bed, stumbling and tripping to his bag.
He rooted through his bag, pulling out the item he had stolen almost a week ago now.
He pressed his face into the rough fabric, inhaling the scent that was so distinctly Kuroo’s.
Bokuto clutched the jersey to his chest before crawling back into his bed. He wrapped himself around the shirt in a tight ball.
The tension from earlier seeping out of him. If he couldn’t have Kuroo, this was the next best thing.
So, Bokuto slept.
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I’m using your shirt as a pillow case.
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Ding.
The sound of the microwave finishing startled Bokuto out of his thoughts. He jumped up to fling the door open, retrieving the popcorn from inside.
He pulled open the cupboards to get bowls. Kuroo had come over to his house to watch a movie.
Bokuto reached up to grab two bowls before hesitating and grabbing one big bowl inside. That would make it easier for Bokuto to have an excuse to sit close to Kuroo.
They were just sharing popcorn. No big deal.
Bokuto dropped down besides Kuroo, keeping the bowl on his lap.
“Aww, come on you have to share.”
“Nuh ah. I don’t have to do anything,” Bokuto responded with ease, sliding away from Kuroo, just for the ravenette to slide after him, getting closer.
Kuroo leaned into Bokuto’s space, taking his breath away. Kuroo kept scooting impossibly closer.
It would be so easy to close the distance between them and slot their lips together.
Bokuto stuttered out, “w-what are you doing?”
Kuroo hummed, leaning closer still, before all of the sudden he launched, snatching the bowl out of Bokuto’s hands.
Bokuto was off seated, dazed and confused, and Kuroo slid away from him quickly, retreating with the popcorn bowl, a smirk plastered across his face.
“Thanks for the popcorn. You should make a new bag... if you want any.” Kuroo secured the popcorn bowl between his legs, and Bokuto stared at him in defeat.
Bokuto stood up to go make another bag of popcorn.
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I wanna ruin our friendship. We should be lovers instead.
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Kuroo was pissing Bokuto off. Fukurodani’s practice match with Nekoma was going very poorly.
Bokuto kept missing his serves; earlier, he had even served a ball into the back of Akaashi’s head. His friend had come to chew him out before catching sight of Bokuto's face.
The captain of Fukurodani was clearly not present; his mind was somewhere else. Likely on the image of Kuroo giving Nekoma’s new manager a piggyback ride.
Bokuto had watched them interact throughout the day, and he was convinced that they were dating. Not that Bokuto was surprised. Kuroo was much too attractive to be single.
After losing three sets to Nekoma, Bokuto finally approached Kuroo.
“Hey hey hey,” Kuroo called, imitating Bokuto’s normal greeting, expecting the other captain to jump to attention, happily calling back the same. Instead, Bokuto approached him subdued and quiet.
“Aww, is this about losing to us? Don’t worry everyone has an off day,” Kuroo commented, sounding much too mirthful to actually be concerned.
Bokuto opened his mouth to answer when the bubbly cute manager from Nekoma bounded up.
Bokuto had noticed throughout the day she was giddy and excitable like him. Why couldn’t Kuroo like him? Not her.
But he was Bokuto, not a pretty girl, and he could never compare.
“Aren’t you going to introduce us,” the girl simpered, flashing a smile at Bokuto. He attempted to smile back at her, but he was certain it came out as more of a grimace.
“Ah, yeah, this is Bokuto… one of my best friends. Captain of Fukurodani.”
Friend. That’s all he was.
Bokuto zoned out the rest of the conversation. He caught her last name: Sato.
Finally, she left.
“How long have you guys been dating,” Bokuto asked quietly, not wanting an answer.
Kuroo startled before responding, “We aren’t?… wait do you think she likes me?” Bokuto blinked in surprise.
He didn’t want to answer that question, but Kuroo looked so excited, and Bokuto knew Kuroo would never think about him like that.
“Ah... yeah. I think so.” Kuroo’s face looked like it was going to split, he was smiling so hard.
“Maybe, I’ll ask her out then.” Bokuto nodded, looking dazed. Kuroo bounced away, leaving Bokuto to his thoughts.
What had he done?
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I don’t know how to say this ‘cause you’re really my dearest friend.
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Bokuto couldn’t help the jealous feeling bubbling up in him.
Sato was perfect, and Kuroo was happy. Bokuto was not.
He’d brought them together, and now, he wanted nothing more than to tear them apart.
Bokuto had been scrolling through her instagram, combing through any information he could find about her, and generally seething when he couldn’t find anything bad.
It was clear that Sato was great until she wasn’t.
Bokuto noticed a few odd comments here and there; the lingering conversations with other guys, the subtle flirting. All he needed was proof.
He was doing it for Kuroo anyways, so that made it okay, right?
It was easy to make a fake profile.
It was easy to get Sato to follow him on her private instagram account, marketing himself as one of Bokuto’s friends rather than Bokuto himself.
It was easy to get Sato to flirt with him. It was easy to catch her cheating.
It was easy to break the news to Kuroo, claiming that an old friend had tipped him off because he knew how close they were.
It wasn’t easy to console Kuroo. He had really liked her and was devastated to hear that she was unfaithful.
Bokuto blamed himself. He’d set them up somehow, and he’d broken them up. All the pride and pleasure he felt when telling Kuroo what he’d found out was quickly demolished to shame and distress.
He hated them together, but this isn’t what he wanted.
He made Kuroo cry, and he’d never do it again, even if that meant letting the other go.
Bokuto resolved to never mess with another one of Kuroo’s relationships.
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I’ve been doing bad things that you don’t know about.
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It was a party. There were tons of people around, but Bokuto had his attention focused on one.
Kuroo moved to the beat of each song with ease. He looked in his element. He was confident, assured in what he was doing, and Bokuto drank it up.
He wasn’t much of a dancer himself, but he’d come to every party if it meant seeing Kuroo like that.
Bokuto was so caught in watching him that he hardly reacted when Kuroo turned, meeting his gaze.
Bokuto blushed, embarrassed that he had been caught watching him, but Kuroo merely lit up, making his way over.
He grabbed Bokuto around the waist, dragging his fellow captain into the mess of people dancing.
“I don’t dance,” Bokuto gasped out, trying to get away from Kuroo.
Kuroo merely laughed before lacing his arms around Bokuto’s waist, dragging flush against him, burying his face in the crook between Bokuto’s shoulder and neck.
“Now you do,” Kuroo mumbled, the breath that washed over Bokuto’s neck had him shivering.
Bokuto draped his arms around Kuroo’s shoulders unsure what else to do.
This was certainly an interesting situation.
Bokuto let Kuroo guide him, content to stay in Kuroo’s arms.
They swayed gently to the music, Bokuto basking in Kuroo’s presence.
Eventually Kuroo straightened up, eyes meeting Bokuto’s. The two of them remained with their arms around each other, swaying to the music in no particular rhythm.
“Kuroo…” Bokuto’s small noise of questioning, startled the ravenette. He jumped back, detangling himself, and Bokuto grieved the loss.
“Ahh haha. I guess I gave you your dancing experience…. Okay well, see you later, bro.”
With that Kuroo was gone, and Bokuto was left cursing himself for speaking.
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Take my hand ‘cause we are more than friends.
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The door slammed shut behind him. Pressure filled Bokuto’s head. He felt like he was going to explode.
He needed Akaashi. Right now.
Bokuto stumbled out of the party and onto the lawn outside. Tears poured relentlessly down his face.
He grabbed his phone and dialed Akaashi’s number.
The phone rang and rang and rang before finally Akaashi picked up.
“It’s two in the morning, you idiot. What do you want?” Akaashi’s voice was laced with agitation and a hint of concern.
Bokuto sobbed hysterically, unable to answer Akaashi.
“Okay, okay, okay. Bokuto, where are you? I’ll come get you.” Bokuto just kept crying. He just wanted someone to hold him.
He just wanted to forget everything.
The night had started so well. Kuroo had danced with him. Kuroo had given him attention.
And then Bokuto had found Kuroo with his tongue down another guy’s throat, and came to a very startling and upsetting conclusion.
Kuroo liked men. He just didn’t like Bokuto.
The pain had been easier when he thought Kuroo was straight.
“Okay, put your location on. Now Bokuto. ” Akaashi’s demand had Bokuto snapping back to the present.
He shakily managed to squint through blurry tears to turn on his location.
“Okay, I’m coming for you. Hold on,” Akaashi assured him.
“We can get ice cream on the way home and cuddle and watch that stupid movie, you wanted me to watch so badly.”
Bokuto laughed through his tears because it was all he could do.
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I cannot pretend why I do not like your new boyfriends.
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The next Kuroo saw Bokuto after the party was a week or so later.
The image of Kuroo on top of that other guy was still ingrained in Bokuto’s head, and he had trouble making eye contact with Kuroo.
Bokuto wondered why Kuroo hadn’t told Bokuto that he liked guys. Maybe, it was because he realized that Bokuto liked him, and he didn’t want to deal with Bokuto confessing.
Yeah, that had to be it, right?
Then it occurred to Bokuto that he wasn’t even sure if he’d told Kuroo he was gay.
He’d just assumed that everyone knew based on how he talked about men.
Maybe Kuroo worried that he was homophobic, and there is nothing wrong with assuring that Kuroo knew that Bokuto wasn’t going to be upset if Kuroo like boys. Even if he wished that he was the only one on Kuroo’s mind.
Bokuto decided to casually mention it; although, that didn’t happen.
Instead, Kuroo was in the middle of some rant about Lev and his potential when Bokuto blurted out, “I like guys.”
Kuroo blinked at him, startled and confused.
“You what?” Bokuto shuffled his feet.
“I’m gay.”
Kuroo’s eyes widened and a look of horror overtook his face.
“You w-what?”
Terror flashed through Bokuto. Maybe he hallucinated Kuroo making out with that guy? No that couldn’t be it. He was certain it happened.
Maybe, Kuroo figured out that he didn’t like guys after that.
“I-i-i nevermind,” Bokuto managed to get out before he took off running. Kuroo hated him for certain.
“BOKUTO!”
But Bokuto was already gone.
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I wanna ruin our friendship. We should be lovers instead.
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Bokuto had ignored every message from Kuroo he’d gotten in the past week.
The messages ranged from are you okay to hey can we talk?
Nothing Kuroo texted though would get Bokuto to respond. He refused. He wouldn’t let his heart be broken again.
Unfortunately, Kuroo didn’t hold his sentiments.
“Hey, Bokuto, look who's here,” Akaashi whispered to Bokuto one day during practice.
Bokuto’s eyes widened, and he whirled around to see Kuroo standing on the sidelines.
He gave a sheepish wave, and Akaashi pushed Bokuto towards him.
“You should talk to him. Go on,” Akaashi said in a soft voice, a knowing smile on his face.
“I-i don’t want to,” Bokuto argued, shrugging Akaashi off.
“But I want you too, please, for me if no one else.” Bokuto studied Akaashi before finally agreeing.
Bokuto headed over to Kuroo, and Kuroo gave him a small smile.
“Hey, Bokuto.” The two of them studied each other, unsure of what to say. Bokuto was super tense, and he couldn’t meet Kuroo’s eyes.
Bokuto wondered if Kuroo came to tell him in person that he didn’t want to be his friend anymore.
Just as Bokuto thought he was going to pass out or break out into a full sprint out of the gym Kuroo mumbled something.
“Oya.”
It took Bokuto a moment to process it, and then without hesitation he responded, “Oya oya.”
Kuroo finished, his face lighting up, “Oya oya oya.”
Bokuto finally met his gaze.
“Hey, I want you to know first that I don’t care that you like guys. I mean I do… but god I messed up.”
Bokuto looked at him in confusion, and Kuroo gently took his elbow, guiding him out of the gym.
They found themselves down a little hall, alone.
“Bokuto, please let me talk and don’t interrupt me.” Kuroo paused, waiting for Bokuto to respond.
Bokuto nodded.
“I thought that you were straight this whole time. I never expected that you were gay, and well… Iadmittedlyhaveabitofacrushonyou… ormaybealotofacrush.”
Bokuto’s mouth opened and closed.
“Uhh what? I didn’t catch a word of that.”
Kuroo took a deep breath before cupping Bokuto’s chin.
“Punch me if you want me to stop.” Kuroo leaned in and tilted Bokuto’s head.
Bokuto’s brain turned to mush. This couldn’t be happening.
But then he felt Kuroo’s lips brush his, and all his panic and thoughts that maybe this could be a hallucination flew out of his brain.
The kiss lasted only a few seconds before Kuroo started to pull back but before he could get too far, Bokuto pulled him back in, lacing his arms around Kuroo’s neck.
Finally, they separated.
“We’re idiots, huh,” Kuroo muttered.
Bokuto laughed.
“Yeah, but hey we have time to make up for it.”
Kuroo beamed, diving in for another kiss, and one thought went through Bokuto’s mind.
Maybe, he was good enough for Kuroo.
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‘Cause you really are my dearest friend.
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