Work Text:
Akoya was waiting for a break. The photographer’s commands to him today had been rapid-fire, and he had gone through nearly every pose in the collection he always practiced in front of the mirror. The clothes he was wearing for this shoot were beautiful, but he really wanted to get back into his casual jeans and go for something to eat afterwards, as well as use the restroom.
At the earliest opportunity, he tried to do the latter. He was heading through the door just as a woman was coming out of the door next to it. She looked at his long pink hair and flared trousers and pointed at her own door, saying helpfully, “Oh, the bathroom is over here.”
Akoya didn’t know what to do. He smiled and nodded, waiting for her to go away. She stood there, looking a little confused—he knew she was just trying to help. She seemed to be wondering if her message had gotten across. He didn’t really want to correct her—he kind of enjoyed it—but he didn’t feel right about using the other one. If he said anything, she would know, and then she might get really embarrassed and start apologizing—people did that sometimes—or worse be upset, and he would really just prefer to avoid the whole thing.
It was so awkward that he finally just turned around and walked away. This was also awkward, since obviously he had been trying to use the restroom—what was she going to think?—but he only had to be there for another hour or two anyway. It would be a little uncomfortable, but it’d be fine.
That was what he told himself, but he failed to account for the extra time it would take for the whole crew to go out to eat afterwards, and that the people he was working with would want to buy him a drink.
“You really don’t have to,” he said, but he couldn’t figure out how to politely turn it down, and ended up accepting a glass of juice. He wasn’t even hungry anymore, but it would look strange not to drink it, so he did.
The earlier encounter made him anxious to even go near the restrooms at the restaurant. But he could tell just from the feel of the place that they’d make him uncomfortable. He hated to use public restrooms—they were usually so dirty and unfamiliar and… not beautiful. He’d rather wait until he got home; the extra discomfort was worth it to feel safe.
By the time he got home, it was taking all the energy in his body to move without letting go. He fumbled with his key in the lock, every moment it took to turn it heightening his agony and aggravation—faster faster which way is it, right or left? why don’t I remember why isn’t it working aghhhhh! He finally got the door open and gingerly stumbled into the entry hall, where Kinshirou came towards him with his arms out and smiling. “Welcome home!”
He really should have just made a run for it, but, almost automatically, Akoya reached out to return the hug.
Something about the way Akoya stretched out his arms made something break inside him. He felt his frilled underwear fill with a warm dampness, and then the warmth was pouring down his legs, coursing through the fabric of his jeans. He made some frail effort to hold it back, and his body ignored him; he gave up and let go. It happened just as he closed his arms around Kinshirou, falling against him.
He had been holding it for so long that the relief was blissful. All of the tension poured out of his body, wave after glowing wave as he stood pressed into Kinshirou’s warmth, splashing into a little golden puddle at his feet. He closed his eyes and buried his face in Kinshirou’s shoulder, feeling like it was burning. “I’m sorry.” All of his muscles had suddenly gone limp, like he could barely stand. He leaned into Kinshirou, almost shaking, letting Kinshirou hold him up.
Kinshirou didn’t realize what had happened at first. He had the vague sense that some parts of his clothing were a bit damp, and it kind of felt like he and Akoya were sticking to each other—there was a warmth between them that felt like it might turn cold if they pulled away. Akoya was leaning heavily into him, and he held on.
Then he looked down. “Why is the floor wet?”
Akoya seemed to shrink a little in his arms, cringing into himself and clutching Kinshirou’s shirt tighter. “I’m sorry,” he said in a small voice. “I didn’t get to use the restroom all day.”
“Oh—” Kinshirou didn’t know what to say. He knew Akoya would probably want to die if he made the wrong comment. “Why not? What happened?”
Akoya told him about the woman at the beginning of the day, and how it had all gotten worse from there.
“She should have let you use the restroom,” Kinshirou burst out, indignation overtaking him. “What does it matter if you use the girls’ bathroom?”
“Um, no,” Akoya said. “The problem was actually that I wasn’t trying to use the girls’ bathroom.”
“Oh, but—Why didn’t you? Why couldn’t you have just—?”
“The problem is… I don’t want to go unless I feel safe.” Akoya felt embarrassment swallow him as he tried to explain it, but a realization came over him as he nestled into Kinshirou’s arms. “I feel safe with you.”
Kinshirou felt like he needed to melt or run away, but Akoya was holding him too tightly. He felt a surge of embarrassment and pride, that Akoya trusted him that much. He suddenly desperately wanted to protect him and make sure he still felt so safe. “Are you okay now?” he managed to ask. “Do you want to go change?”
Akoya knew that he should, but something about this moment was cozy, warm—he knew that if he pulled away, it would be cold—they were stuck together, and it felt difficult to break away. But it wasn’t good to stand around in wet clothing, nor beautiful either.
“Will you still hug me after I take a shower?” he asked.
“Yes,” Kinshirou said, thinking that he kind of wanted a shower too, but all things considered Akoya deserved to go first.
“Can I sit in bed and you’ll hug me and tell me it’s okay?” Akoya asked, wanting to clarify the details of the agreement.
“Yes,” Kinshirou said, thinking that apparently this was what he was going to be doing this evening. He started to be kind of looking forward to it.
Akoya felt another relief come over him, soft and melting—the assurance that he would be cared for, that he would be received with acceptance and warmth, that he would not be left in shame and fear alone. “I’ll go take a shower,” he said, reluctantly unfolding himself from Kinshirou.
Kinshirou was left standing with his clothes slightly sticking to him in a few places, though really he wasn’t that wet. But that aside—who was going to clean it up? Really, Akoya should do it, but… it was more important that he take a shower now. And waiting until he was out of the shower would be just—disgraceful—it had to be cleaned immediately—
But Kinshirou didn’t really know how to do it, and it was Akoya’s—uh—Kinshirou was suddenly aware that the dampness in his clothing was Akoya’s as well, and—
His whole body felt completely flooded with embarrassment. Why did he feel that way, when it was Akoya who—! He couldn’t stop thinking about it, how he had been holding him, and now he kind of remembered how the feeling of warmth and wetness had seeped into his clothing, and the way Akoya had said so gently and genuinely that he felt safe with him… Whatever he had done to make Akoya feel safe, he felt a great need to keep doing it…
Akoya arrived back some time later, his face glowing pink and a halo of warmth around him from the shower, in his usual ruffled pink nightgown with lace trim. His hair was slightly darker because it was damp, lying in pink waves over his shoulders. He saw in the entryway that the puddle was gone, although some parts of the wood seemed a bit darker as well. “Is the floor going to be okay?” he asked with some embarrassment.
“It will probably look like normal after it dries,” Kinshirou said, with more hope than confidence, because in his personal opinion it would never be the same and he was blaming this on his own failure to know how to clean it properly—you blot, don’t wipe, how could he have forgotten this, not that he ever normally did this kind of thing, nevermind they would just get the whole thing replaced, maybe they could put in tile—but he tried to forget about what he’d had to do and focus on the fact that it was his turn for a shower.
“Um, thank you for cleaning it,” Akoya said awkwardly. “I’m sorry you had to—”
“Someone had to,” Kinshirou said, not looking at him as he hurried out of the room to take a shower.
It was still light out, but Akoya went to bed and waited to be hugged.
He curled up under the cushioned blanket, snuggling against the pillow, everything soft and warm and fresh and clean. He felt completely empty and glowing after the shower, his clothes light and crisp. He had on a soft bra, the lining pressing warm across his chest, the light pressure of the straps holding him securely under his nightgown. He was happy because he knew Kinshirou was going to come and hold him too.
It didn’t matter how long he had to wait, because he knew Kinshirou would be there. The thing that made him sad was not knowing if anyone would be there or not.
He didn’t know how long it was before Kinshirou appeared in his own pajamas, his face pink and carrying the scent of soap from the shower. He crawled into bed next to Akoya. Akoya promptly replaced the pillow with him, flopping onto his chest and throwing his arms around him. “Now are you going to hug me?”
“Yes,” Kinshirou said weakly. Akoya’s hair was spread all over his shirt, making his clothes wet again, but at least this time it was only water. He wrapped his arm around Akoya’s back, cradling him. Did that make him feel safe?
Kinshirou’s arm lay heavy and warm against the strap crossing Akoya’s back. Akoya felt wrapped in several layers of safety and warmth. He felt sleepy all over, like the energy had gone out of all his muscles, his body limp and relaxed from the relief of emptying itself. It was still early, but he felt he was about to slip into a haze of warmth and dreams.
There was still one more thing he wanted to hear. “Is it okay?” he asked. “What happened.”
Kinshirou had forgotten that Akoya always wanted to be told that. “It’s okay,” he said. “You’re beautiful.”
He really was, his hair rippling in a gentle pink cloud, his face still glowing from the shower and now the smile that lighted it as he closed his eyes. The softness enveloped them both, fresh and clean, and Kinshirou didn’t have to wonder if he felt safe. He knew.