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Constantly surrounded by people and popular as can be, yet there’s a loneliness that follows this person everywhere.
That’s how you would describe Sir Kaeya Alberich.
Just like a star scattered among the many other freckles in the night sky, he will captivate onlookers who wander into its vicinity by chance. Smooth talk, gentle teasing, and a molded personality that coaxes people into lending him the key to their heart, Kaeya is an entity with countless layers that you can’t even begin to understand whom you meet on your first day in Mondstadt.
And similar to the North Star, as the guide of the vast universe, he only allows you to indulge in his light from a distance that places you worlds apart. Not once, even by a mere accident, has Kaeya ever come close to you alone. If he ever did approach you, it was business disguised under the cloak of a friendly banter. Everytime you would gravitate towards him, he would repel you with excuses that had to do with unfinished work or much needed rest or the silliest and most trivial things, even though you know that it’s the least of his problems. It makes you think that perhaps he just doesn’t like you. Perhaps he just doesn’t want to spend time with you, to get to know you. The mere thought of being nothing more than a job to him, just for the sake of his reputation makes your heart ache unmistakingly.
It would explain why you’re only able to learn more about Kaeya through other people. All your conversations with him have only ever been about any assistance you needed should you ever feel lost or your time here at Mondstadt. He’s the type of person who can talk all day and still not reveal anything about himself. Sometimes, it feels like he’s making you out to be his enemy. Or at the very least, you’re someone who he’s unwilling to open his heart to.
(Kaeya reminds you of a cat almost.)
You don’t like how he’s constantly shining the way to a misdirection, away from himself, and it frustrates you. Still, you follow after him like a lost puppy, desiring the attention that he simply won’t give you.
That’s why when fate gifts you the opportunity to greedily drink every last drop of Kaeya’s appearance, you do. He’s ethereal, impossibly so, even though he’s the spitting image of the deepest depths of precariousness and suspicion. You don’t even mean to stare at him for so long, but for some reason, somehow, there’s something about the way the moonlight graces his skin, bouncing off of high cheekbones and leaving you breathlessly gasping for more. Your eyes trail the edge of his curved nose, then to lips that tantalize you in your dreams.
But no matter how ridiculously attractive and tempting the man in front of you is, that’s not why you’re watching him in the first place, no—it’s because of that unfamiliar expression he has upon his features that draws you in dangerously like a moth to burning flames. An expression that bleeds years of betrayal and loneliness into the palm of his hands, threatening to overflow with a push or pull.
(And what tugs at your heartstrings, you think, is how this expression of Kaeya’s can even come to him in a dream as you gaze upon him sleeping at the table with a hand propped underneath his chin.)
Still, you suppose as you walk closer to him, this is a sight you’ve had the privilege of seeing before.
It’s rare, but there are times when you catch Sir Kaeya Alberich alone and completely off guard. You’d notice that he’s gazing out into the far distance again with the faintest hint of pain seeping through the edges of his worn-out facade of a smile. Then, he’ll turn around to joke and tease and fool around with the unaware bystanders, not knowing that he’s completely vulnerable and open for your eyes only.
(And vaguely, just vaguely, you wonder if pining for a man you can’t even begin to understand will ever be a good idea.)
“Oh, MC…” Kaeya says out of nowhere, unmoving and eye still shut. (His tone makes your heart jolt a few beats.) “Did you get to enjoy the view?” He sounds a bit amused, despite the slight edge to his voice, but you can’t say you blame him because you would be the same way if someone interrupted your rest while you were trying to squeeze in a few minutes of shuteye. After a long day, no less.
(Though, if you didn’t know any better, you’d say it was because of your presence.)
“Ho… How did you...” You stammer out, flushing. “I thought I was quiet...”
There’s a gentle expression on his face when he meets your gaze. “Now what kind of Calvary Captain would I be if I wasn’t aware of my surroundings at all times?”
“Oh.” You offer dumbly, flushing.
Well, you weren’t aware of it before, but now that Kaeya is moving away from the table, your heart is racing — what with the million scenarios flashing through your mind at the idea of being alone in this big room with the one man who could melt your entire being with a simple touch. (Ironically, considering he was a cryo vision welder.) It frightens you, only slightly though, how okay you would be if his fingers were to graze the side of your arm, freezing over goosebumps that stay like spring’s stubborn snow to the nooks and crannies of Mother Earth.
And in the background, you can hear faint music coming from the town plaza mixing into the silence between you two. It’s not the uncomfortable kind though until he crosses his arms and walks to the other end of the room, nearing the doors that lead out to the main room, pretending to browse the books to appear nonchalant, almost as if being near you is too suffocating. Your heart sinks a bit with the action as you watch his hand travel up and stops at the area right above his heart, palm massaging into the spot. You want to, so badly, ask him why he makes so much effort to get as far away from you as possible, why he’s so intent to hide his true self from you.
No matter how friendly and open he seems in front of you, it’s impossible to close the distance that he continuously increases with every breath.
Sometimes, it feels like looking at a ghost of a shell he’s left behind through a one-way mirror. A very, very lonely image that you’re unable to reach, no matter how far you extend your hand out.
“It sounds fun outside, huh.” Kaeya says with a soft chuckle, shoulders tense up a little, a visible weight of stress piling on his back. “It makes me wonder why we’re both cooped up inside on a beautiful night such as tonight.”
He’s still smiling, even though you can detect the tiniest bit of trembling that happens when your cheeks hurt from faking for so long. There’s an eternity of secrets hidden underneath his front. You just want to steal a glance at his interior, and you begin to do so by shuffling towards him, holding your hands out.
“Well then, Sir Kaeya.” You start, voice low yet not a whisper. “We don’t have to necessarily go outside to also join in on the fun.”
Kaeya almost flinches, startled from your sudden movement. He tilts his head, staring at you.
Just so you can quell your starving curiosity of his entire being, you’ll invite him to a dance like a fool. And by the expression on his face, you can tell that he knows what you’re hinting at, though he still shows no sign of taking your hand.
Cheeks turning as red as the sky when the sun sets in summertime, you step closer to him. “Sir Kaeya.”
He doesn’t respond and only stares at you, switching back and forth from the twinkle in your eyes to your outstretched hand. “Dance with me.” You softly ask.
Kaeya moves to speak, and there’s a tremble within his voice that you would’ve missed if you weren’t listening so intently. “How rude of me.” Then, as if under a spell, he reluctantly slides his hand into yours and clasps it weakly, shivering ever so slightly. Despite your size differences, he holds you like the first bloom of spring, gently but preciously. He’s looking at you with such an incredulous expression on his face that you realize that this is truly the first time you’ve ever seen him speechless.
You, a mere citizen of Teyvat, have successfully caused the great Kaeya Alberich to falter.
With the tilt of your chin, you laugh, feeling a surge of confidence from how helpless Kaeya looks right now, lips parted and everything. “What’s wrong? Haven’t you heard of dancing your troubles away?”
Slowly, you begin to lead Kaeya like he used to lead you, but you bring him in closer and closer until your ear is up against his chest. At first, the rhythm of music is what you both sway to; it’s steady with jumps that happen every few seconds, and you let that show in your footsteps. When you let your fingers intertwine with his, his breath hitches, heart picking up speed only slightly. Then, your movements begin to shift in his favor. Suddenly, the power is in his hands again, and now Kaeya is the one guiding you. You’re twirling and whirling and swirling so quickly that it feels like you’re dancing on high heels, precariously and carelessly—a perfect way to describe the love you’ve harbored for him all this time.
You don’t want this dance to end. You know you’ll be craving his touch once you leave, so you try to cherish every second of this; you don’t care even if it drags on for too long. You can hear the music outside slowly come to an end, and it’s slowly replaced with the sound of two breaths intangling with one another.
He seems to be back to his usual self, you note, because you can sense the air of elegance and charm return when the both of you come to a stop. Still, you don’t budge from your spot, pressing yourself up against his chest. “You’re not at all like the big bad wolf the others think you are,” you find yourself saying after a while. “I like you better like this. When you let me embrace you, I mean.”
With your words, Kaeya stiffens, turning into ice under your fingertips. “What do you mean by that?” He asks carefully.
You answer by lifting your head to look at him, certain that he’ll be able to read the flurry of emotions on your face for the world to see. When your gazes meet, he turns away quickly, removing himself from your hold. That’s how you force him literally and metaphorically into a corner, to deal with the feelings you have for him. Kaeya doesn’t have his signature smirk on anymore; you can tell by the way his eyebrows scrunch up and how his arms wrap around himself in a poor attempt to comfort himself how this has been the realest he’s been all day.
“I tried so hard.” There’s a tremble in his voice that strikes you foreign, a lowness to his voice that sounds like he’s trying to restrain something. “I’ve tried so hard not to get close to you, for the sake of your wellbeing.”
“My wellbeing?” You find yourself echoing after him.
Instead of crossing his arms like how he always does, Kaeya brings up a hand to cover the bottom half of his crumpled face, still refusing his eye to wander near you. All you can hear in the few seconds that pass is the sound of your ragged breathing and what seems like two hearts skipping around each other, tangling up in red threads of fate. You keep watching him though, even if he refuses to return your gaze.
“You… You...” His voice is muffled underneath his glove, yet you can hear its broken bits trying to piece back together. “You make me act so… unlike myself. You can’t just walk into my life and give me something that I’ve stopped myself from craving since long ago.”
You frown.
“When did I let you in?” Kaeya starts after a while, voice so strained that it makes you hold your breath silently. “How I ever allowed another person to cause these feelings to rile up inside of me… To sway me.” He hesitates, tongue running across the edges of his teeth. “Please”—He drops his voice down to a whisper, so painfully low that it blurs the world sitting right in front of your eyes a little—“don’t make me wish for more.”
Your frown grows even deeper, and you drop your volume to his level. By the way his body tenses up when you speak, you know he hears the desperation dripping off of your words. “You don’t need to wish for anything more, Kaeya.” You say, dropping the formalities. “Just accept me.”
Finally, his eyes flicker up, peering into the ocean of feelings swimming around in the air. He’s smiling again, but this time… this time, his smile is real. “I prayed every night.” It’s blinding and unwavering but real. “And finally, finally, the Gods answered in the form of you. I’ve known this since long ago.”
You stare at him, not knowing what to say, how to say.
There’s a mixture of pain and amusement that paints Kaeya’s face, eyebrows furrowed and his eye melting at your presence more and more. “Did you really think I wouldn’t notice my little admirer watching me from afar? Seeing you look at me like that. Well,” He seems exhausted, but it’s not in a bad way. “It’s enough to make a man cave.” Then, with a chuckle, he turns back to meet your gaze, it’s so tender and intense, enough that it makes your body tremble. “Really. Has no one ever told you that your face is like an open diary for all to see?”
Your voice is quiet when you speak. You’re scratching distractedly at the back of your knuckles that it turns red and raw, just so it’ll be easier to ignore how crazy your heart is beating. “Then… did it tell you that the only person I want… is you?”
Kaeya sighs, and it’s so shaky that you think he’s about to cry. The thought of that surprisingly turns your own eyes wet. “You make it so hard, so hard for me sometimes.”
Your emotions flourish at his confession. The butterflies fluttering around in your stomach causes you to feel so conscious of your surroundings from how close you both are to each other to how heavy the atmosphere has become then to things like how taller he is than you to how ticklish the sensation at the bottom of your stomach is. Something clicks in your brain when he exhales deeply out through his nose.
That’s right. It can be no one else. The only person you would ever love in the many worlds that plague this universe is Kaeya. It can only be Kaeya.
Kaeya. The one and only name that can make you shake in anticipation.
Kaeya Alberich.
As if on cue, you rush into him and ease your arms around his torso, hands running along his back that arches upon contact. And as much as you want to submerge yourself in his entrancing fragrance, you feel more elated at his response, how he clutches you so tightly that you forget to breathe for a little. The intensity of his hug makes you wonder if anyone else has ever held him the way you are right now. It makes you a bit jealous, really, to think if there were ever someone else before you.
Nuzzling your cheek fondly against his neck as he bends down, you finally let yourself melt away. You know that he has the tendency to bottle things up within him, the tendency to shut himself away from the world as a punishment for the past, the tendency to watch from a distance and be content with that, the tendency to shift the spotlight away from him, the tendency to shoulder the world’s entire burden onto himself, the tendency to smile when he’s in pain… but even so…
You’ll take your time with him. You’ll be by his side no matter what, even if the sharp edges of his past accidentally graze you. If Kaeya needs all the time in the world to comfortably uncover his secrets written on paper planes to you, you’ll give it. Breaking him out of a shell he’s encased himself into since childhood isn’t going to be easy—you know that. You don’t even want to start thinking about what’ll happen when the time comes that forces you two to seperate. Still, for now, you refuse to let him escape your grasp.
“It makes me happy, too happy, to know that you reciprocate my feelings.” Kaeya breathes into the crook of your neck, breaking you out of your thoughts and stringing you back down from cloud nine. It sounds lighter and has a relaxed tone to it that wasn’t there before. “I don’t know how I’ve lived through all these years without you.”
“Oh yeah?” You burrow deeper into his touch, relishing in his warmth and how ticklish his hair feels against your skin. “How would you like to prove that?” You ask, teasingly.
You hear Kaeya laugh often, but this time, it’s real. It’s beautiful, so beautiful—just like him. If given the choice, you wouldn’t mind hearing it for the rest of your life. You would give up any of your possessions in the world just to hear the best kind of music to your ears. Kaeya pulls away from you, but this time, he doesn’t pull away completely, lingering in your embrace. “Then, how about this?”
When he leans towards you again, you beam and close your eyes, humming happily as you meet him halfway for a kiss that’s been long overdue since the day you’ve met him.