Work Text:
In his bedroom at BLU base, Spy was gripping one of the novels he owned in his hands. It was worn and dogeared, but it used to be one of his favourites. A love story punctuated by tragedy.
He fell to his knees, the ache in his chest suffocating him. With shaky movements, he removed the lighter from his disguise kit, and flicked at the safety violently to set the book on fire.
It wasn’t pleasant to be burning a book, one that had been his solace in the past, but he couldn’t bear to think about the story after everything that had happened. He wanted to be rid of it.
To his complete annoyance, the book wasn’t even burning. The cover was half gone, along with the corners of a few pages, but all and all, it was still intact.
“Why? Why?!” the Spy cried, anguished. He threw the book onto the ground, and the lighter clattered down next to it.
“Why...?” he whispered softly, sobbing to himself.
The Spy found himself, again and again, in the medical office of his best friend. Not seeking reassurance in words, but just to soak himself in the familiarity of the life he so enjoyed prior to it being fractured permanently.
He was hardly listening. Medic was talking about the RED Spy. Respawn issues. Mistakes that couldn’t be fixed, Spy had been told. RED Spy, who didn’t know that Spy had loved his enemy, the RED’s teammate. RED Spy, who’d given up on respawn completely after the mishap with Sniper. He said it couldn’t be fixed...
“He’s been researching it for veeks, you know,” Medic said as he slid papers into a manila folder.
“What? Why?” Spy asked, rubbing his temples.
“Respawn, vhat else? Und isn’t it obvious? Ve have been vorking together for a while now. He seems to have developed a sense of caring for you,” Medic replied, watching his friend in his peripheral vision as he worked.
“He did not care enough to research the issue earlier and to fix it,” Spy muttered.
Medic shook his head. “It took him time, Xavier, to realize...” he began before pausing to rephrase his words. “It took a vhile for him to learn to trust you. Und now he does, even zhough you never trusted him.”
“We have no reason to trust each other anymore,” Spy said, thinking about his reveal to the BLU Scout.
“Und yet, he does. Don’t you see?”
“Why, why, Isaak? Why did he have to... why?”
Medic stopped his sorting of Scout’s files, looking up to see his friend glaring at his gloved fists, tears dripping down his covered face.
“Xavier...”
“Stop. I do not want to hear it. Just let me be.”
“Xavier.”
“Leave me alone.”
“Xavier,” Medic repeated, insistently.
“What?” Spy asked through gritted teeth.
“He just, ah, sent me a message,” Medic said, peering at the device in his hands that had just vibrated to notify him. It didn’t send out a flare of light.
“What did he say?” Spy asked, frowning.
“He told me he vants to see you. Und he added a series of symbols after zhe vords. Is zhis some kind of code? Nevermind zhat. You should go visit zhe RED base,” Medic said, slipping the phone back into his coat pocket.
“I am only going because I also have some things to pick up,” Spy grumbled, getting up from the chair. He didn’t really, but he did kind of want to visit.
“Have fun,” Medic called.
“Do not count on it,” Spy said under his breath, remembering when he’d replied with those very words the last time Medic had told him to ‘have fun’ - at the showers. Happier times.
Drive. Cloak. Knock, knock, knock.
“You came. I didn’t think you would,” RED Spy said upon letting his opposite into the meeting room.
“Well here I am,” BLU Spy replied flatly. “What did you want?”
“First, there are some things I figured you might want to pick up,” RED Spy said slowly, eyes somewhat narrowed as he gauged BLU’s response carefully.
The only response he got was an unimpressed eyebrow raise.
“Here,” RED Spy said.
He searched the wall for the ‘hidden’ closet, and BLU Spy winced. He remembered where the door was, where the fingerholds were. And he remembered how it felt to be in there with his Sniper. Of course he did.
“I thought you might want this back. I was... I was told it belonged to you. The things inside, at least,” the RED Spy said, presenting a hatbox of oddities.
BLU Spy took it from him, and as soon as he glanced inside, he paled.
The familiar long strip of cloth that Sniper had used as a makeshift gag, lube and condoms conspicuously but not surprisingly absent from its side. An old-looking, scratched-up key for Mann Co.’s Supply Crates. A small envelope. A few bullets. And, taking up most of the hatbox, another hatbox.
He set the box down on the table delicately, as if it could detonate, and took the envelope as he sat down. His hands were shaking. He needed to see what was inside. It was Sniper’s. It had to be from Sniper. There was a messily folded scrap of TF Industries stationary inside, written upon with a black pen losing its ink, then continued in pencil.
Sunday
Hey. I wanted to write this because Spy (Adrien-Louis... remember him?) said he was going to have a meeting tomorrow after work, even though we have an extended day, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make it. But I wanted to let you know... thank you for tonight. I don’t want you to think I’m avoiding you, so I’m going to leave this letter and some other things with him in case I can’t speak to you out of battle.
I wish I could. I want to see you again. And again, and again. I mean it. I know I don’t say these things out loud, but it’s a lot easier to write it down. It helps me feel better, anyway. Maybe what I think will make more sense written down, too.
I guess this sounds kind of silly, but I’ve never felt this way before. There’s no use denying it now. I love you, Xavier. I really do, and I’m going to tell you if you visit me in battle tomorrow. I’ll even say it in French, because I think I have that one phrase memorized and I don’t know how, but something tells me that you’d like it if I did.
Yours truly, Lawrence Michael Mundy
Spy was tearing up before he even finished reading it.
RED Spy poured him some wine, and set the glass in front of him wordlessly.
After a serious, genuine bout of sobbing, BLU Spy looked back up. His opposite was sitting, staring at the papers on the wall.
“What... what are you looking at?” BLU Spy asked, wiping his face with a handkerchief.
“That map,” RED began, lifting his hand to point at the map he was talking about, “is the only thing on any of these walls that he contributed to our team meetings.”
BLU Spy followed the path of his opposite’s finger, and his gaze landed on a sheet of somewhat crumpled lined paper. As the RED had said, a map was indeed drawn on it.
Hard pencil strokes formed a startlingly accurate image of the battlefield. It wasn’t very artistic, but it was technically correct, for the most part. Spy would know; he’d been all over the battlefield and knew it by heart.
There were some words on it, too. Gold Rush, underlined, for the title. Same handwriting as in the letter. There were also small notes on certain locations on the map that Spy realized were Sniper’s various perches. Most of the notes simply stated ‘mine’ beside each perch.
“It is very well done,” BLU Spy murmured.
“I agree. A shame he never did much more. He was always quiet, and let the rest of us make decisions. Then again, most of our meetings hardly concerned him,” RED Spy replied.
It reminded Spy, as the Sniper often did, of the Australian on his own team, one of the most vocal members of team meetings and one of the least vocal mercs any instance otherwise. And then BLU Sniper reminded Spy of the RED.
“Why did you ask me to come here?” BLU Spy asked suddenly.
The RED looked like he wanted to elaborate and at great length, but he pursed his lips instead.
“Just to give you Lawrence’s box. He’d asked me to leave it with you last week, but after what happened and everything that has happened since, it’s slipped my mind until now.”
BLU Spy scrutinized him, trying not to look like he was suspicious of anything. His opposite had to know that it had been him to tell the BLU Scout who his father was. All in all, Spy wasn’t surprised that the little box had been kept from him.
“I appreciate it,” he replied quietly.
RED Spy nodded.
Without saying anything, BLU Spy stood, and downed the wine. RED Spy opened the door, and he cloaked and left.
“He left me a box! A box! And there’s... there is a hat in here. A very expensive one. And I think somebody set it on fire because there’s a cloud of smoke coming out the top. But more importantly, the letter...” Spy said, head in hands.
Medic was hardly perturbed by the uncharacteristic show of emotion, though he was concerned. At least his friend had come back in one piece, even if his mental state was in shambles.
“So zhe RED Spy invited you over just to give you Sniper’s box?” Medic asked.
“That is actually something that struck me as odd, Isaak. That is what he said, but I feel there was something more to it. He did not tell me.”
“Zhat’s peculiar. But I zhink I know vhat it was.”
“Really?”
“Earlier today. I don’t know vhen exactly, but he only told me during your visit at RED base, or perhaps after you left. He confessed to zhe Engineers everyzhing he knew about respawn, und about his technological inclinations.”
“Wait... what?! Why? He specifically said the reason he did not tell them, nor anyone, was because he knew that if they knew, his entire job in RED as a Spy would change. Or... something.”
“Because, Xavier, he vanted to offer his services to help zhem fix zhis for good.”
“Do you mean he is going to try to... to...” Spy stammered, unable to continue.
“Ja. Zhat is exactly vhat I zhink. Nobody felt zhe loss of Lawrence as badly as you, Xavier. He was bound to notice.”
“He said it was not possible. He said that it could not be fixed.”
“Eizher he zhinks ozhervise now, or he lied to you.”
“I do not think he lied.”
“Zhen perhaps you changed his mind,” Medic said.
“How could I?” Spy asked, feeling the stupid urge to cry again.
“Vell, maybe it vasn’t just you,” Medic told him, trying to make his voice gentle as possible. “Maybe it vas... you und him combined. Zhe RED Spy isn’t zhat oblivious, Xavier. He may very vell have figured out zhe relationship you und Lawrence had.”
“So he is willing to throw himself into this possibly fruitless endeavour, just because I...” Spy said, biting down on his knuckle to stop himself from sobbing again. He shook his head.
“Zhat is vhat I am saying, ja. But don’t be so pessimistic. He knows more about zhe situation zhan eizher of us, und frankly, I believe in his and zhe Engineers’ abilities.”
“Do you really think it could work? That he can be brought back somehow?”
“Ja. Zhe very concept of respawn is a miracle in and of itself. Zhe fact it works, more so.”
Spy couldn’t deny that respawn was something impressive, along with teleporters and cloaking. All of it was a reality. Why not fixing respawn be a reality, too?
He really only had just one more thing nagging at the back of his mind.
“Why should I trust him to make it work? When he can make things worse? For our whole team, even. He has the power to kill us all off. Why should I trust him?” Spy demanded.
“Because he trusts you.”
BLU Spy had no more than a small amount of knowledge about technology, but moping in his base bedroom mourning the loss of his love all weekend didn’t exactly sit well with him. He had to get up and do something. Anything. No work on the weekend meant nothing to lose himself in. He wound up in RED base.
The Engineers had been working on respawn’s many codes for the whole night, surprisingly compliant with each other when presented with a technological challenge of such grandeur, and each had retired to their rooms. They had entrusted the system to the RED Spy (though not before backing it up multiple times because he, after all, was a Spy).
BLU Spy found himself listening to his opposite tell a quiet story.
“You know, last Sunday, I’d been planning to carry out my experiment on my son. I was desperate. And because of that, I was careless. I want you to know I never went through with it.
“I thought about what you said and I... I worked at finding another way, even after I said there was no other way. But how could I live with myself, how could I think of myself as a problem solver if I didn’t try to solve the problem? Not just the one about my son’s personal respawn issues, but about thinking that I could do such a thing to him.
“Not even when I was forced to teach myself about various types of technology have I worked so hard. An interesting though taxing mental exercise, I suppose, to put it lightly. During nearly every moment of downtime I’ve had over the past few weeks, I’ve been pushing myself to learn the ins and outs of the many codes of respawn. To scrutinize every last line and input. I don’t want to bore you, but I just want you to know it was a lot of work. And more than that, I have hope in the work I’ve done, and hope in what the Engineers have helped me with.”
The RED Spy took a deep breath and opened his eyes.
Although BLU Spy had been listening, he was equally fascinated by the words as he was with a smaller detail: the fact that the RED Spy had had his eyes shut throughout his entire bout of speaking.
Trust, he thought to himself quietly, his inner voice feeling very small all of a sudden. Trust is a fragile thing. Hope, even more so, and yet...
The BLU Spy stood from his seat, walked around the table, his footsteps light. He didn’t know if his opposite was as paranoid as him and carried several knives on his person. He did know, however, that at the moment, he was only carrying one, and it was strapped around his thigh. Too late to grab it as he approached the RED Spy and embraced him tightly.
A nervous, fluttery part of him was expecting a knife in his back. The rest of him was happy to show his gratefulness.
Because if the RED Spy could show trust in him, to admit to having hope despite the situation laid out before them, then the BLU Spy could do the same.
“Why did you-?” RED Spy asked quietly.
“Because to love is to instill hope in the future. No matter who it is you are loving. And the future cannot fail you. The present may, and the past might have, but as long as you persevere, the pain will not catch up with you to the point that it overcomes you,” BLU Spy interrupted.
RED Spy chuckled and shook his head ruefully. “And here I was thinking that you couldn’t trust me not to put a knife in your back.”
“I will trust you,” BLU Spy replied firmly. In the silence, lingered the words he did not elaborate upon.
You know I loved him, will always love him. But you have shown me to it is not unthinkable to trust, even to trust somebody who has the power to do more than put a knife my back, but rather my heart and soul.
“I’ll find a way to bring him back. For you,” RED Spy said, studying his counterpart carefully.
“Thank you,” BLU Spy said, voice impossibly soft. He shut his eyes, mentally drowning in the memories. He felt arms wrap around him, and with the hug, warmth.
No, it would not be the same as his Sniper, but the Spy was glad for the companionship nonetheless, and caught himself thinking of the Sniper’s smile, warm as his body, and how he smelled so much like gunpowder.