Work Text:
dear ancom,
i love you. i do. really. i don't deserve you, you know that? you're far too good for me. no matter how many times i breakdown, or lie, or accidently hurt you, you stay with me. you forgive someone who deserves no forgiveness.
maybe it's pity. i wouldn't doubt that. i mean, really, look at me, i'm a mess. i crumble, i fall away so easily. my personality changes like the wind. im inconsistent, about my wants, my needs. i take and take, but i find it difficult to give. but you're still here.
and i hate you for it. i hate that you won't find someone better, that you won't find someone good for you. or, maybe you do. i'm too restrictive to allow it, aren't i? sorry.
maybe you should leave me. maybe you really should. leave me be, live your life, be happy. because i find it hard to believe you can achieve any sense of happiness if i am just weighing you down.
i love you. so much. i would do absolutely anything to protect you. if you died… i don't know what left i would have. you're everything to me. nothing else matters to me anymore. it's you, it's always you.
you're on my mind a lot. by that, i mean almost always. morning, night, and day. i rarely even have a dream - or nightmare for that matter - that isn't about you. everything you do… it's perfect. you're perfect. even your flaws are perfect. you're the most important person here.
i know others want you. and others have you. and it makes me want to break down and throw my life away sometimes, i mean, if i can't be good enough for you, what use am i? i want to be yours, and for you to be mine. realistically it will never happen again. but… a man can dream right?
maybe i should leave, actually. leave my life behind, start a new one. make myself forget. forget you, the source of my concerns. all of my emotions, really. i know it is bad for one to depend on another for emotional stability. but, i can't help it now. so maybe i should run, and learn how to.
but i can't, can i? you're essentially the only thing to me at this point. leaving wouldn't do anything, it would just drive me to death. being away from you isn't possible anymore. i hate that. i wish i didn't love you sometimes, really. it hurts. but, here we are, so i will need to deal with it.
i love you. so much. and i am hoping you feel the same. you say you do, but it can be hard to believe. how can someone so perfect love someone as sad as me? i wish to hold you forever, and let the world melt away. would you let me do that? would you let me keep you safe? let you know i love you every moment i can? i sure hope so.
from the one who loves you most,
commie