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Hanji was dead.
The rain came down from her gravestone and blurred her name.
Levi leaned against the cold stone, holding an armband in his hand, on which the wings of freedom were depicted. The sky was colorless, the green cloak covering his face and erasing his name.
The last person who had been calling his name was finally buried to the ground, together with their former comrades.
He became the oldest soldier in the Investigation Corps alone. Even the cadets who he had taught were now the most experienced seniors in the Corps.
The light blue wildflowers at his feet were blooming against the rain, which reminded him of the not-so-far-away past. He was not a sentimental person at all, and he didn’t feel like crying. Yet, he did feel worse than that.
Slowly, he stood up and looked back at the gravestone of Hanji Zoe, the 14th commander of the Investigation Corps.
The rain was heavy as he walked through the lines of gravestones. He passed by many strange names, but there were also names that were way too familiar.
He tried to quicken his pace, but Petra and the others’ tarnished eyes still followed him, and the death scenes of Isabel and Fran haunted him all over again, exactly as it was in the nightmare he would not stop having.
All he could do was to pull down the brim of his hat, walking forward. Finally, he stopped in front of a tombstone that was neither new nor too old. Levi was on his knees, as he had been when he met him for the first time.
The rainstorm blurred his vision. The story of him and the 13th head of the Investigation Corps seemed to be far forgotten.
Many times Erwin had called his name, conveying his decisions and sending out orders, but only once, he had been telling the story of Erwin Smith only.They were in the battlefield full of corpses, but peace filled his eyes. It wasn’t long before he became a handful of soil beneath the grass.
Levi seldom came here to see him, but he still lived in the room they used to share and often thought of him. It is because of him that there were stories of Captain Levi and the legend of "humanity’s strongest" was being told. However, he still preferred the times when Erwin called him "Levi”. They were when he did not have to be the sharp-minded captain, nor humanity’s strongest. He was just Levi, the name given by his mother who didn't have much time to call it herself.
Although Levi may refuse to admit it, he missed Erwin a lot. He missed someone calling his name casually without awe. He missed someone guiding him like a beam of light.
He may still refuse to admit that the shitty four-eyes, who always screamed excitedly "Levi!!", had guided him side by side after Erwin left.
Now, darkness surrounded him. There was no one around to lead him. No one would call him "Levi” again.
A cold hand was placed on the shoulder of the Captain from behind.
"Need to go."
Mikasa Ackerman had no extra emotion as usual.
Levi may have so much more to say, but he didn’t know what they were, so he stood up.
Near the exit, they passed by a still quite new gravestone, where Sasha Blouse laid in peace.
What he wanted to say came straight out.
If he had the chance, he would have told Sasha:
"It has been a great honor to have you in the Levi Squad."
Levi sat by the window. A flash of lightning briefly lit up the empty room. His wet bangs fell down, covering the light in his eyes. He had never felt so old or so lonely. He didn't even have the desire to make a cup of tea for himself while being alone.
The roar of thunder almost muffled the gentle knock on the door. Levi’s keenness as a soldier made him turn his head to the heavy wooden door.
"Captain Levi?" 19-year-old Armin possessed the same pure voice as the 15-year-old him. But levy knew that everything had changed.
He remained silent.
It was raining outside the window. Levi looked back at the rain, thinking that the knock on the door would disappear, but the sound of opening the wooden door was out of expectation.
"Captain--"
"Not now."
He still sounded cold and heartless that he almost hated himself for it. But he didn't want to be the Captain. Not tonight.
It was the door closing. The kid must have been scared away by him. Yet, soft footsteps came behind him. Armin Arlert put the papers down on his desk. Then he came to the window and stood beside him.
Armin didn't look at him, only stretching out his hands from the inside of the window and let the raindrop wet his warm, tiny palms. He slightly lifted the corner of his mouth, as if seeing the rain for the very first time.
"Do you like raining, Captain?" The child turned to look at him with his pair of sea-blue eyes, in which the bright moonlight was flashing. Strange. How come the moon could be seen when it was raining?
Through those large, beautiful eyes, Levi seemed to see another man. Sometimes he didn’t know whether he had chosen this person or this pair of eyes.
Levi dodged his eyes and didn’t answer his question.
"I'm no longer your superior. You don't have to call me ‘Captain’ anymore."
The blue eyes trembled. A trace of pain flashed through.
For quite a while, neither of them spoke again.
"I know you miss Hanji more than I do."
Armin didn’t refer to any of her respectful titles. He just looked at the rain and whispered out her name, as if she was no longer the exhausted commander of the Investigation Corps, only the fanatical scientist who was curious about the nature of the world, the shitty four-eyes who wanted to catch the titans alive but had Levi covered her ass.
"Ah." Levi leaned back in his chair and closed his slightly sour eyes. "I'm just a little tired."
In the past, he had never thought about the meaning of living in such a messy world. He just wanted to live. That simple. It wasn’t until all his former companions reunited in another world, leaving him alone in hell, he seemed to suddenly understand what Erwin had felt back at that time. He finally felt tired as Erwin did.
If felt as though silence had eaten everything. Finally, the sound of footsteps approached the door, and then gradually drifted away with the door closing. Levi opened his eyes and turned to look at the closed door. He dropped his eyes, not exactly knowing why.
As the heavy rain turned into drizzle, the sound of door opening once again startled Levi, who had never been this absent-minded and unkeen.
Armin came in with a white teacup in his hands. The heat from the cup kept rising in the cold air.
Levi was so surprised that he barely could hide it.
Armin gave him a light smile, handing him the cup, after which he came to the table and lit a candle.
"I also have people that I want to bring back to life. There are hundreds of them. Ever since joining the Investigation Corps, I’ve been tortured by separation. I'm not a sentimental person, but it's still hard to accept. I know it's painful. Even so, we have to look forward. "
Familiar words in his ears, Levi only stared.
"These were the last words I heard before everything turned into white. It was Hanji-san’s voice. "
Levi’s grip on the cup tightened, lowering his head.
"Try the tea or it’ll become cold soon."
Levi looked at the cup of black tea for a moment, then he raised his hand and took a sip of the warm feeling.
The taste never changed much.
"I need you. The Investigation Corps needs you. "
Armin seemed different from the moment he first appeared by the door. The calmness and peace in his eyes made Levi think of him again, him the first to found the glimmer of hope in the child.
He suddenly began to feel sorry somehow. He chose to save Erwin from hell. At the same time, he pushed the innocent child into hell, to the thorny road Elvin had gone through.
If Erwin was still here, he would guide the child himself. What a shame that he was dead. It would leave Levi to finish his job.
"Tch." Captain Levi let out his representative sound of disdain. Yet, Armin knew that the captain’s smile was no different.
Levi took another gulp of black tea. Outside the window, a sharp lightning lit up the room. The following thunder made the 15th commander of the Investigation Corps jump. Levi could not help exposing a little smile that did not occur commonly.
"If someone is afraid to be alone, there is a bed." He tilted his head to the direction of the bed with the usual cold face the next second.
Armin’s eyes widened slightly, though the fact the captain never slept in bed was well known in the corps.
"It used to belong to Erwin. After he died, Hanji would come sometimes to snore. Fucking four- eyes." He narrowed his eyes and swore, but all he could hear was the symbolic high-pitched laughter: "Levi!"
Armin hesitated for a moment before he took off his coat and threw it on the table. He sat down on the bed and let himself fall on it gently. He felt that the commander rolled his eyes and obviously couldn't accept that he was in bed with the clothes he wore during the day, but he could imagine Hanji-san done such things very often, which was probably why the Captain silently picked up his coat and hung it on the hanger by the door.
The Captain blew out the candle and sat back in his chair. They closed their eyes and listened to the rain quietly.
"I think I blamed you for a moment for dragging me back to this cruel world."
The voice was as soft as though water was sinking into dry lands.
"But then I realized that I had seen the sea, and that was enough. Sometimes I feel that I was born into this world only to run under the sun with Mikasa and Eren. Even though we have to turn against each other now, Eren and I had once enlightened each other's whole world. That’s enough. Right now, I am with you, listening to the sound of raindrops falling slowly onto the ground, flowing into lakes, rivers, and finally back to the sea, turning into rain again. That’s enough. This is all the meaning I need for being in this cruel, but amazing world. "
Levi noticed that he was not using honorific speeches anymore. His tone was full of peace and tranquility, as if they were born in an era without wars.
"Armin."
"Hmm?"
"Do me a favor."
"Captain?"
"No, not that...It’s just…"
Liville opened his eyes and sat up straight. He found the boy on the bed was looking at him, too.
"Call me Levi."
Armin opened his eyes wide. "But..."
"Just ‘Levi’. "
Armin sat up from his bed.
"You know I'm not Commander Erwin."
"I know."
"You also know that it doesn't make you feel like getting the dead comrades back by your side."
"Of course."
Armin sighed and went back to bed.
"Armin, please --"
"Levi." He interrupted, a gentle smile on his face.
Instantly, there seemed to be a strong flow of power surging into his body. Levi knew that he did not lose everything. He still had this group of kids as well as new missions to accomplish.
"Any more questions?"
It was the first time that Armin Arlert sat in the largest and heaviest seat in front of the table. With no objection, the new commander dismissed the meeting.
"Those from the former Levi class, could you all stay?"
When Jean and Connie got up to leave, Armin’s voice stopped their steps. Mikasa’s silver eyes looked at Armin. Levi, who was sitting next to his new commander, didn’t quite catch the meaning as everyone else.
Soon there were only the five of them left in the conference room. Armin said gently, "I have a proposal for us all. We have gone through so much together as comrades, and now we are all seniors of the Corps, maybe…you know, we could all call each other by first names? What do you think, Levi? "
Levi looked at him in surprise, forgetting to make any sound for a moment.
"Ha? But Captain Levi is so much older than us -- "
Connie’s words were cut off by the sharp gaze of Levi. He definitely didn’t need to be reminded of how old he was compared to the kids. Not now.
Mikasa first stood up from the conference table, "Levi." She tilted her head to nod at him.
Jean held his arm and looked at their new leader insead, as if saying "do you really want to do this?" After Armin gave him a positive look, he shrugged.
"Levi, I guess."
He gripped Connie's shoulder. Connie, who froze for a moment, finally said, "Okay, well…Levi?”
The feelings of the name were entangling on his tongue, and Connie who was never known for wisdom felt bewildered.
Levi didn't know how long he was stunned. Then he chuckled and dropped his eyes.
"Thank you."
"Don’t mention it, dwarf." Mikasa also said with an almost unrecognizable smile before leaving the conference room with Jean and Coney.
Levi turned around from the view of their backs to see Armin standing in front of the window. The sunlight poured in like gold onto his hair.
"I think Historia would love to call you by your name. As for Eren and Sasha, I’ll say they're likely to be scared. "
"Hah?" Levi came up to him. Wild flowers bloomed outside the window, and the purple petals were still wet from last night's rain.
"In Sasha's case, a meal will do."
They could almost imagine Sasha crying with a piece of meat in her mouth, trying to speak at the same time, "Levi, thank you so much."
"As for Eren… Has the kid ever feared anything? "
"Well, he was afraid of your frowns when you were not satisfied with our cleaning." Armin laughed and seemed to retrieve some wonderful piece of memories, "He was afraid of your punches and kicks, even when he had the strength to fight against you, because you have always been the most trusted and adored idol in his heart. "
"Is it."
Levi thought of the stubborn, almost monstrous look in Eren’s eyes. He did not realize how much he cared for the child before, for that every time he saw his hesitation and frustration, it was like seeing a younger self.
However, they were standing in different places and holding different swords now. Even if he had to cut off the kid’s head by himself, he would do it, but no one knew how much he hoped that the child would have an ordinary but happy life.
"But he wouldn’t care now."
Armin turned his head, making Levi unable to see the emotions in his eyes.
The breeze outside the window came in and stroked their hair. Looking at Armin’s much slimmer back as to Erwin, Levi suddenly realized that he had chosen Armin not for a brighter future for mankind, nor did he expect him to become the leader of the Investigation Corps. He did not grant him the mission of "dedicating his heart", nor did he want to force him to be fearless and selfless. He never wanted Armin to replace Erwin, because he knew that no one could replace Erwin, not even Hanji.
He simply wanted the child to live, because there was no fire from hell within the child's flashing blue eyes. He simply wanted to see him reaching out his hand to hold the raindrops, looking up to the sun and being warmed by its shine, and genuinely feeling happy about something, something small. That’s it.
"Levi?"
The blue eyes gazed at Levi. Levi realized they were not like Erwin’s at all. No one would be like Erwin ever again.
"Promise me one thing."
Levi looked at him. At this time, no one was a child, and no one was a senior. They were like old friends who had known each other for many years.
"After my death, you will be here with the 16th commander of the Investigation Corps. You will ALWAYS be here. "
Levi’s eyes wide open, his heart seemed to be held firmly by someone's tiny fingers that he could barely move nor breathe.
"You're still very youn--"
"Promise me."
Levi fell silent. It was a while before he raised his head again. The sun ahead was too bright for him to open his eyes.
"I promise you."
Armin chuckled and held out his tiny white finger to cover the strong sunlight. His sight fell on somewhere far, far away.
"Well, Captain, what would you do for living when the war is over?"
Levi was about to leave when he heard the strange question that stopped him, "Huh?"
"Maybe own a teahouse."
Levi ignored his weird, little thoughts and kept walking.
"And! By ‘always’, I mean stand by the 17th and 18th commander, too. I mean, even if the Investigation Corps is no longer -- "
"Don't ask for too much, kid."
He cut him off. Yet, the corner of his mouth was rising before he could realize it.
His eyes grew firmer.
He had never forgotten and never would. Not anyone of them. Never.
But he would keep going.
Always keep going.