Chapter Text
YOU WERE ON THE VERGE OF SLEEP WHEN YOU FELT HIM CREEP INTO YOUR MIND. Usually his presence would go undetected but this time it was heavy and coarse against your brain. You slowly opened your eyes and looked up at the glowing red digits on the clock on the wall of your bunk room. 2:11AM. You should have been asleep 3 hours ago, and he should have been as well.
You couldn't hear the soft snores of your fellow officers in the cots next to you because you were too focused on your mind invasion. He didn't say a word but you could feel his fear and panic. Why is he scared? Is the Resistance attacking us? No, you and your bunk mates would have been awaken and brought to your stations. If not that, then why?
You waited for an answer for 3 minutes before you decided to get up. It was not like him to creep into your mind for nothing. You tried to be as quiet as possible so not to wake anyone else. You stepped onto the cold metal floor and gently put on your work clothes over your sleeping gown. You grew more panicked as time without an answer from him went on. You fasten your official teal trousers and quickly put on your jackets. When your uniform was on you quickly left the buck house and went straight to his quarters.
His looming presence in your mind grew more bulky then the nightwear under your uniform as you got closer. You nodded at the troopers on duty that lined the halls on the ship. One might have been suspicious but they were certainly too tired to follow up on your after hours journey.
You had befriended the cruel commander months prior. You should have been scared of him. The monster with a mask that choked and killed your fellow officers when he felt like it. You should have cowered in fear when he screamed in your face when you had delivered a bad report. But you stood completely still, and that may have angered him even more because he grabbed your arms and slammed you into the wall. He asked you what you were thinking. This troubled you. Leiutenants aren't advised to have thought or opinions, only orders to fufill. You held your ground and thought of an acceptable answer. You went with your thought on an attack plan for the stormtroopers. After you spoke out his grip on your arm softened but did not disappear as he considered your strategy. However you could tell that he was disappointed with your answer.
The next week Kylo Ren had requested that you be present in the war rooms when strategies were being thought up. It became clear that the ruthless Sith Lord Kylo Ren valued your opinion.
It was the start of a very unlikely friendship. The two of you spent more and more time together. You grew to know the monster behind the mask and the man behind the monster.
He told you his name. Ben. You thought that his name didn't match with the turmoil in his eyes.
As you approached the door to his quarters you hesitated over the keypad. Would you be welcomed? No, he called out to you. He wanted you to come. But you still stopped yourself.
This is widly inappropriate.
You punched in the key code and the door slid open revealing the large pitch black room. You slowly stepped inside the bedroom. It was stuffy and smelled distantly of dried blood, so nothing out of the ordinary there.
He was asleep. You approached his cot cautiously, the pressure on your mind seemed unbearable now. His skin was shiny with sweat and he was twitching violently. He was having a nightmare. You placed your hand on his exposed chest and gave him a small shake, he did not wake. The more you shook him the more he groaned and shivered. Tears threatened to fall down his cheeks.
"Kylo?"
No answer. You've had enough of the pressure on your mind.
"Ben!", you screamed. The pressure on your mind ceased. His dark eyes came to attention and he lets out a cry when he launches up. He was disoriented and was grabbing around for something while trying to shield himself with his arms. He was muttering incoherently so you grabbed at his arm that hit you in the shoulder. "Hey, you're okay. Just breathe," you tried to calm him.
Only when he met your worried eyes did he stop moving, his hands moved to the back of your head and the centre of your back as he desperately pulled you close to him. He let out an exhausted sigh. He fell back into the bed, bringing you with him. He moved his arms tightly around you and layed on the bed, breathing loudly.
It was highly inappropriate. A commander should not act this way towards his lieutenant. On the other hand you should have never dared to enter his quarters in the first place or even moreso not became a somewhat of a friend to him so formality was out of the window. You had to remember your friendship with him as well as your humanity for a moment, this was not an inforcer, right now he was not Kylo Ren. Right now he was the scared and vulnerable Ben, what he was before. Your heart ached for him. You slowly wrapped your arms around him aswell.
You had relaxed into his arms and You held each other for an uncertain amount of time. You were happy that his breathing returned to normal and you could hear and feel his steady heartbeat against your face which was smushed against his chest.
Suddenly he shot up and your head fell unto the warm bed. He stared at you and your uniform. You stared back. He had been brought back to reality, to your displeasure.
"Wha- what are you doing here?", He croaked out. He wasn't angry, just confused and raw from the nightmare. You sat up and his face was dangerously close to yours. Was his lips always so pink?
"You called out to me." You tried to explain. Suddenly you remembered were you were, laying with your commander in his bed in the middle of night hours. You've gone to far now. You felt your face flush and redden. "Oh. Um- ye- yeah. I better go," you scramble off the bed and headed for the door. You hear Kylo get up as well.
"No. Wait," Kylo stoped you from leaving by grabbing your arm and turning you towards him. His looked frantic again. You stood there in silence for a while, staring at each other, unsure of what to do next. His face was no longer pale with fear but it was as pink as yours.
"I'll stay if you want me to," you broke the silence.
"Yes. Please stay."
He slipped his hands into yours and pulled you back to his bed. He spared a glance at you before climbing in. He covered himself with the blankets and held them up providing you space to slip in. You refused to look in his eyes as you carefully took off your boots.
It was completely silent save for the unzipping of your uniform jacket. You slid it off your shoulders and it fell to the ground with a thud. You slowly unfastened the buttons on your trousers. You could feel Kylo's eyes burning through you as you undressed. You removed the last of your uniform and discarded it on the ground. Your military white nightdress shone in the darkness of the room.
You slipped under the blanket Kylo held out for you. You both snuggled up against one another. You laid your head against his chest and draped your arm across his ribs. He responded by cradling your head in his arms. It felt so warm and right. You moved your head to look up at him.
"Do you want to talk about the nightmare? It looked like a really bad one."
He shifted slightly, "It doesn't matter anymore, you're safe with me now."
His words confused you but you let the meaning slide and you were blushing at the sentiment. In kylo's arms you felt completely safe and relaxed. Positive emotions were filling your brain making you smile lazily. You wondered if it was another one of Kylo's Jedi mind tricks.
You lightly traced circles on his chest with your middle finger. His eyes were still wide open when you looked up at him for the second time.
"Kylo? Aren't you going to get some sleep?" It was barely a whisper. He looked down at you.
There was a slight pain in his voice that would have gone unnoticed by anyone else, "I think I'm past sleep tonight."
You thought back at the times were you couldn't sleep and what you would do to calm yourself enough to get a couple hours at least. The song. The only scratchy memory of your past life before the order had wiped your memory away.
You cleared your throat a little and focused on draw circles on his chest as you sang your lullaby.
"Close your eyes,
I know what you see.
The darkness is high,
and you're in ten feet deep.
But we've survived more terrible monsters than sleep
And you know that I will be right here to tell you to breathe."
You could feel kylo's arm tighten around you while he absorbed every single word.
The next verse was in a different language, your home tongue. The meaning of the words were lost on you, you only remembered how to pronounce them. The language was smooth and pleasing to listen to. You wondered if Kylo knew the meaning of the words you because you could feel his hot tears on your scalp were his face was hidden by your hair. You continue on with your song.
"Stumbling lost,
the last choice of all that you meet.
It's the cost of ruling those 'neath your feet.
Paths you've crossed,
and trust you're trying to keep.
You're exhausted,
listening for a voice that can't speak."
You pressed more circles into the skin on his chest while you sang another verse in your forgotten language. You felt him kiss the top of your head.
"So you run,
through shadows you roam.
seams undone by the love you thought you could own.
But he's just one of many that you might call home.
And maybe someday the bitter will fade from your bones.
Fade from your bones."
The final verse you sang was again words you couldn't understand but remember deeply. The words were soft and sweet. You ended the song by wrenching away kylo's left hand from your shoulder and leaving a delicate kiss in the palm of his hand leaving it to rest on your face.
You were both completely content in that moment. You melted into his heavy hug. At some point during the lullaby your legs were intertwined with his. The only noise you could hear was the syncing of your breaths.
The paradise lasted for a long time before kylo said something, his voice was lulled by sleep. You asked what he had said to which he cleared his throat a bit causing his chest to vibrate under you.
"Hey, Starlight?" He said more clearly. You smiled manically at his pet name for you. He had only called you this twice before, on the outdoor decks of the ship. you'd both spent the sleepless nights watching the stars zoom by and telling stories of what could be.
You respond with your own name for him, "Yes, Princess?"
He chuckled lightly, "I love you."
You considered this for a moment. Love? Completely ridiculous. Waste of energy. Useless in battle. Unheard of between Commanders and Generals. Complicated and callous. And absolutely and utterly beautiful. Safe and sound. Burning and bright. You thought of all the times you've spent with Kylo Ren and all the moments he allowed himself to be Ben around you. Deep down you knew.
"I know," you said softly, "I love you too."
You met his teary eyes and gently wiped away the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. He leaned down and locked his lips unto yours. You kissed him with all the love and desire that had been building up for months. He moved against you so delicately as if you would break.
It felt so right, his body moving up againist yours.
When you broke away for air, your foreheads were still pushing against each other. His eyes remained closed as he smiled widely. He let out a breathless laugh which made you laugh out as well.
You liked this feeling.
Only two things were certain. You and Ben were wholly and unconditionally in love with each other and that despite your best efforts before you two would not be getting any more sleep tonight.