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Today was looking to be a day like any other in the drama club.
The drama club in Hanasakigawa had reached out to ask whether Haneoka's own wished to participate in yet another joint performance with details yet to be discussed should Haneoka accept. Most likely recalling the success of their first performance, they accepted and a meeting was held. The play, this time, would be held in Haneoka's own stage. As for the play itself, Maya was told a second meeting would be held in the future due to the involved persons suggesting different kinds of plays. Some wanted epics, others wanted romance and the remaining others craved action and conflict. Maya refrained from telling them they could compromise on all three of those and hoped they'd figure that out by themselves. She was only a mere technician, after all.
The news were given out to every member in the club, and most of the students in it suggested plays they wanted to see acted out which only added more fuel to an already big fire, eventually devolving into a set amount of people being chosen to gather any suggestions and deliver them in no more than two days, which is where she came in.
Maya tasked herself with getting Kaoru's input after a few others came to her for help, saying things along the lines of the actress going on long, fleeting rants, only to stop when they went away. Of course, she didn't mind filling in for them seeing as she could probably make some sense out of her words better than the average person, though getting a simple opinion shouldn't be too complicated, right?
Right.
Maya and Kaoru were sat on chairs opposite to each other, the former holding a folder with instructions and countless lines of space for anyone to write on.
"So they decided to ask everyone from Haneoka and Hanasakigawa on what play they want to see on the stage. Everyone had different ideas, and here we are now." Maya finished, not looking up at Kaoru to confirm whether she heard what she said or not. "They'll mostly value what the actors want, so your input would be nice."
"I see." was all Kaoru replied with.
"If they see the same one suggested over and over it'll be debated so it doesn't get too filled up, or if a particular play catches one of their eyes." Maya looked up from her folder. "I've heard from others they've already gone to ask but you didn't answer them, so... do you have any suggestions, Kaoru-san?"
If it was meant to be easy, why was Kaoru so unresponsive?
Her gaze was anything but focused, staring at Maya with an unreadable expression the drummer saw only once before. And contrary to what the others had said, she wasn't rambling. Her silence was uncharacteristic and, frankly, a little nerve-wrecking, but Maya couldn't piece together why. The sunset glow only helped to sell that idea as orange reflected off the side of Kaoru's face and lit her up in such a way that Maya couldn't bring herself to look away.
Good. That way Kaoru understood someone's waiting for an answer.
Maya was breathless for reasons lost somewhere between where Kaoru's looks began and her duties ended. She forced herself to breathe in a little so she could speak.
"Kaoru-s—"
Her voice was put to a stop by something pressing against her lips.
Kaoru's face close to hers. Red orbs piercing directly through her green ones, looking into her soul and reading all her thoughts. All she'd find would be nothingness, anyway.
And then, she slowly backed away into her chair. Like that one brief second of intimate contact had never happened. Like Maya couldn't make heads or tails of what had happened and was instead weighing the pros and cons between poking a hole through the folder with her head or melting into a puddle of goo and disappearing into the cracks between the floor tiles out of embarrassment.
The drummer's composure was a house of cards ready to fall apart from the weakest of winds, her heart hammering against her ribcage similar to a good day of rehearsal and her thoughts dominated by that one second. Kaoru's gaze wasn't helping matters either. Her eyes were on the brink of closing and her expression was so calm and collected and cool and oh my god was she always this beauti—
"Kaoru-san... did you pay attention to anything I explained?"
"...no." Kaoru's expression didn't betray her surprise. "I apologize."
"It's fine. I'll... explain it again tomorrow. Yeah."
"I think that would be for the best."
The two sat in awkward silence for around a minute or two until they mutually agreed on putting away the chairs and leaving for the day, with one in a much bigger and obvious hurry than the other. Maya found it enough her chair was stashed away in an uninteresting corner in the room before bidding Kaoru goodbye in a hurry and thundering out like her life depended on it.
Kaoru had kissed her. Kaoru Seta, lead actor in the drama club, the word lesbianism given form, and one of the kindest and most understanding people Maya had ever met, had gone out of her way to reach out and kiss her square on the lips like it was nothing. Maya's head could only replay the moment time and time again as if mocking her for trying to ignore it.
It was driving her mad in more ways than one, to put it lightly. The walk home didn't help to clear her head when all she could think about was Kaoru, Kaoru, Kaoru. It was bothersome in the same way it was confusing: why had she done that? You don't just accidentally lean forward and kiss someone, right? That was a cliché better left to the mangas Moca read. Though there was no other explanation Maya could really think of, especially when blinded by her out of control emotions.
She unlocked the entrance to her house, took off her shoes and forced out an "I'm home" before making a beeline to her room to drop off her things and then the bathroom to wash her face with cold water and get a grip. It worked for the most part in calming her adrenaline spike, but not in stopping the ever present crimson adorning her cheeks. Her entire face was a red, wet mess that gave away the idea she'd seen a ghost, but even that would be less surprising than what actually happened.
Okay, calm down. Relax. There were some questions needing answering.
Figuring out why Kaoru kissed her was out of the question when her own brain couldn't even comprehend the idea of her wanting to in the first place. She flirted with almost everyone although not once had she kissed anybody as part of said flirting, and Maya recalled being told the chaos that involved a specific photoshoot with Saaya and Kaoru getting too into her role, so she used it as a standard for the most she'd done to flirt, among other examples. Though from there, what else was there to deduce? Had Kaoru been trying to flirt with her and just so happened to reach out to her in a way that made her stomach fill up with butterflies and her heart stop?
More specifically, why did she love it?
When Maya got a glimpse at Kaoru's eyes up close, she only saw a raging fire burning with determination for something. She couldn't guess what it was, but in that moment it made her head spin and her legs slack even though she was sitting down and her chest want to burst. Not to mention the disappointment felt when Kaoru pulled away, and thoughts of how she wanted to do it one more time, then one more, until she was satisfied because if each kiss would be more loving than the last then she wanted to make the most of—
...
No. She couldn't, right? It wasn't possible. These were all symptoms of a condition known all too well around the world.
She bolted out the bathroom and into her bedroom to look for her phone, fumbling with the lock screen and pressing the gallery icon and then the 'Camera' folder, scrolling down infinitely until she landed on a good enough photo.
It was a selfie she'd taken together with Kaoru in the middle of theater rehearsals, by the other's suggestion, who then asked for Maya to send it to her. Kaoru had her gaze fixed on Maya with what appeared to be a dreamy look now that she looked at it better, her arm sneaked around Maya, who took to smiling for the camera with a dopey grin and a peace sign. In a way it held some strange form of symbolism to the drummer as it had been Kaoru to reach out for a photo, combined with Maya's first seeds of doubt with her role as an idol, and it had made her happy in the way Kaoru knew she existed. But now... she couldn't help but wonder what its real implications meant.
Kaoru looked stunning, for one. Despite not looking at the camera Maya found herself able to see Kaoru perfectly and stare for what felt like hours on end, focusing on how ensnaring her eyes and her looks in general were, how she had eyes not for the camera but for Maya and once again her chest burst with a form of happiness she couldn't pinpoint. But the her from back then hadn't thought of it like that and was simply satisfied with the idea of taking a photo of Kaoru, basking in the comforting feeling of recognition.
The look in the photo was the exact same one she'd seen while explaining everything to Kaoru. Half-lidded eyes looking a thousand miles away yet focusing on one thing only, an unreadable expression brimming with too many things for her to begin picking it apart, a general disposition of being lost in thought...
Maya knew her prognosis but couldn't bring herself to give voice to what ailed her. Saying it out loud for the world to hear was too much to bear, but saying it to herself would be enough for her to deal with heart picking up pace and the butterflies in her stomach.
Holy shit. I'm in love with Kaoru.
How Maya hadn't known much sooner was beyond her.
The signs were all there. During most performances in the drama club, she'd always look at Kaoru first and for most of the play. She learned to somewhat understand most of her rants a little too well, beaten only by Chisato and perhaps most of HaroHapi. Hanging out with Kaoru whenever intermissions happened became commonplace to the point Maya never really thought anything of it until the other students began commenting on it in their spare time how they were "so close."
And the biggest offender of all: she felt jealous whenever Kaoru referred to others as "kittens" and the like. She swore it was nothing against the actress herself, though it always spawned some conflicting emotions every time she saw and heard it happen. And she also never sat on it long enough to really piece together why, but recent events seem to have given the exact answer she wasn't expecting.
My God, she was down bad.
***
Today was a Sunday. The one day of the week with no school every student looked forward to.
Never in Maya's life did she think she'd be cursing the gods for such a day.
Staring at her ceiling with sleep plaguing her eyes eventually led her mind to wander on how she left Kaoru alone with no time to explain herself, not to mention the awkward note their interaction ended on. In her own defense she was lost and confused and didn't know what to do since it wasn't everyday a pretty girl kissed you out of nowhere, but present-Maya was cussing out past-Maya for doing exactly that. What if Kaoru got the wrong idea or, at worse, was hurt? Maya didn't want their friendship to turn awry thanks to a misunderstanding (she found to be very revealing) since she cared about her, but there was no way they'd be able to stand in the same room without thinking about the kiss, which meant the best course of action would be to talk about it.
And in Maya's eyes, the sooner they addressed it the earlier they could go back to a semblance of normalcy. Debating whether things would be the same or not wasn't needed because she knew they wouldn't, and even Kaoru probably knew. Right now, the one thing Maya feared was how things would be moving forward.
Maya rose from her bed, brushed her teeth and changed into a fresh set of clothes. Lying down accomplished nothing. She needed a walk to clear her head, gather her thoughts and think about what to say when she saw Kaoru again. She made her way down to the entrance and put on some shoes, opening the door and more than ready to stroll around to—
"G-good morning, Maya."
What she wasn't ready for, although, was the woman occupying her thoughts recently showing up at her doorstep unannounced.
"Kaoru-san?!" Maya couldn't hold back her surprise. "What are you doing here?"
"It's such a great day out. I couldn't help but think of coming to pay a person as great as you a visit." Kaoru replied, closing her eyes briefly for emphasis. "Or, rather... I came to talk."
It's gotta be about what happened yesterday...
"Um, s-sure! I was just about to leave so you caught me at a good time."
"Oh?" Kaoru seemed a little surprised if not... dejected? "Would you like me to trouble you another time, then?"
"No, it's fine! We can talk now," Maya backed away from the door. "Let's go to my room. We can talk there."
They were both sat on Maya's bed soon after in tense silence, waiting for the other to speak. Maya looked like a balloon ready to burst and Kaoru wasn't faring any better, twiddling her thumbs together while looking at the ground. Maya wished she could see the look on the other's face, seeing as a nervous Kaoru was a sight to behold, but she couldn't even look her in the face right now without wanting to reenact the incident that brought them here in the first place.
Though someone needed to speak up to get the ball rolling, and eventually Kaoru did.
"I've... come to apologize. For what happened yesterday. I know what I did was tasteless and disrespectful, and you were caught off-guard by it. I... don't know what came over me, and you shouldn't have to put up with my selfishness."
"Selfishness?" asked Maya.
Kaoru continued. "I took advantage of your vulnerability, did I not? It is unbecoming of a prince. I put my feelings first without thinking of the consequences until it was too late."
Maya could only try and make sense of her words as Kaoru waited for her reply with bated breath, and it was then when it hit her.
"I... think this is all a big misunderstanding."
"How so?"
"Kaoru-san, you're one of the most selfless people I've ever met. You look out for others in your own way and do your best to make sure everyone stays happy. Even when it doesn't work, I'm sure the other person knows you meant well. And while I was surprised at what you did, I only ran out because I didn't know how else to react."
Maya discarded her embarrassment as she began to ramble about the actress beside her. "I... admire you. You have the strength to embrace every character you play on stage and make it one you can call your own and you encourage others to do the same. You try and help others accept every part of their identity so they learn to love themselves just a little more, at the very least. When I think about that, I think to myself that if you can do it, so can I. I can be the idol people tell me I am."
She looked to Kaoru, whose eyes were as wide as saucers. "I don't think I can put it any other way other than I love everything about you, Kaoru."
Kaoru didn't know where to look and now that Maya could see her face, it was amazing. Kaoru's lips couldn't decide between a wide smile or parting in genuine shock at the drummer's confession, her face was as red as her eyes momentarily and everything about her screamed of a deer caught in headlights. Although there was no time for Maya to think about whether she overdid it or not due to her looking away out of embarrassment immediately after, she knew she didn't regret it. In fact, getting to say such things out loud to the person herself felt way better than her initial idea of repeating it in her mind countless times.
If you were to ask her, this was the most alive Maya had felt outside of Pastel*Palettes' shows in a long while.
"I wasn't sure how to go about telling you how I felt."
Kaoru's words caused Maya to turn back.
"Love is a fire that burns unseen. It took me far too long to admit to myself the girl known as Maya Yamato stole my heart, only feeling satisfied when I made sure of it. But how would I tell her that? For weeks I despaired in hopes I'd find my answer and while I eventually did, reality sought to destroy my expectations. An opening revealed itself only recently and I grabbed it with my own two hands, ready to play my part on the world's stage. But life is a play with an everchanging script where every actor improvises to the best of their ability, so I panicked. Instead of declaring my love I gave into my emotions and satisfied my urges without warning."
"...what do you think now?" Maya replied, now the one looking at the floor.
"I think... love is something you should let run its course instead of burdening it with secondhand expectations." Kaoru slowly reached her hand out to place it atop Maya's.
Maya, in turn, let their hands lock and fingers intertwine as she raised her voice again. "I was pretty surprised, but I didn't dislike it. In fact, I think I realized some obvious things I should have much sooner quicker."
The once-awkward silence turned comfortable as they scooted closer and closer until their shoulders touched with their hands still locked together, enjoying the comfort from each other's warmth. The stage was practically set for Maya to want to go back to sleep, preferably with Kaoru by her side, but maybe that was better left for another time. Maya didn't have to ask Kaoru for her to know the other girl was willing to take this newfound relationship at whichever pace was needed, especially when she struggled to confess in the first place.
Though, there was something Maya wanted to do now.
"Hey, Kaoru-san... do you, um, wanna try... k-kissing again?" So much for all that courage, thought Maya. But the crimson that returned to Kaoru's face made it worth it.
"If... that's alright with you," Kaoru said.
"Of course, otherwise I wouldn't be asking!"
They laughed together briefly before the room fell to silence again, leaving only love-filled looks and dopey smiles in its wake. Maya took note on how Kaoru's eyes burned with the same determination she saw back in the drama club room, on how her eyes slowly closed in anticipation, and most important of all...
Kaoru was now her girlfriend.
This kiss was a little better than the previous one. It was amateurish and a little sloppy but it was made up for with passion, and Maya felt electricity course throughout her entire body in the form of thrill and excitement. Worrying about trivial things such as whether she was doing well or not didn't matter when she was too busy kissing the girl of her dreams while every nerve end in her body jumped consecutively in unbridled joy.
If happiness came in the form of a kiss, then Maya had found hers.