Chapter Text
Prologue
[ “Director Marude needs your help again,” Hide said, sitting cross-legged on the floor with Kaneki.
“Okay,” Kaneki paused for a moment, looking over to Ichika who was running from Ayato, Tsukiyama and Banjou in a fit of giggles, “You know you don’t have to keep helping us, right?”
“I want to,” Hide insisted and Kaneki glanced down at his open hands, fiddling with his fingers.
It took a few seconds before Kaneki spoke again while he tumbled over the words in his mind, “Hide-- Does all the talk about me bother you? I may have come to terms with what I did, but not everyone accepts my actions or even my existence… I still wonder if the world changed for the better or for the worse, but-”
“You don’t want to be helpless, right?” Hide cut him off, and winked, surely if he could, there would be a massive grin under that smiley-face mask, “How many times are you going to say that?!”
Kaneki’s eyes lit up as he held back laughter at the thought that he’s far too predictable for his best friend. Holding his chin, Kankei laughed, “I don’t say it that much.”
“I know you say it a lot when I’m not around.”
“Only like, two or three times.”
“You sure about that?”
“Okay.. maybe four times.” ]
“Hey, I know all you want to do is help, but there are things you aren’t going to be able to change, Kaneki,” There was a softness in Hide’s eyes and voice as he spoke.
“I know…”
“And I know you know, but sometimes you need someone other than yourself to say it. You work so hard, and you put so much weight on your shoulders even though you don’t have to carry that weight alone,” Hide thought for a second, resting his hand on his cheek, “There’s a lot of people out there who lost friends and family to the dragon, and yes, ultimately the dragon was not your fault, but it was your body that was being used. The Washu clan manipulated you-- hell, they had a hold on all of us. They had your hand while your eyes were blinded, but it was still your hand, and all of those people need someone they can blame the deaths on. Everyone knows what the Washu clan did, but they were largely in control of the CCG, and humans aren’t going to want to blame the people they thought they could trust. A lot of people are in denial about it, even with seven years to think it all over.
“I know it sucks, but you’ve got us by your side, and we’re not leaving. We’re all here for you, Kaneki,” Hide finished, looking Kaneki straight in the eyes.
Kaneki thought it all over, tumbling over Hide’s words in his head, “You always know just what to say. Thanks, Hide.”
“Of course I know what to say-- I’m your best friend: it’s part of the job description. I want to be there for you just as much as everyone else here. I always have been, and always will be.”
“Thanks,” Kaneki smiled, “And… Again, thank you for everything you did back then. You put everything on the line for me. Not just the night of the Owl extermination mission, but everything before and after that. Honestly sometimes I think you worked harder than I did for those four-five years.”
“I definitely risked more than just my face,” He laughed, a true, genuine laugh, “But-- don’t get me wrong-- I wanted to do all of that. It was my choice to risk my life, and it was my choice to let you eat part of me. I don’t ever want you to feel like you’re responsible for all of that,” Hide looked into Kaneki’s eyes again, showing how honest he was.
“I know,” They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments after that, watching banjou face-planting into the ground and Touka and Hinami laughing as Ichika giggled, successfully escaping the three who were chasing her.
“Oh! Speaking of-- I heard Nishio mention that your final surgery is scheduled,” Kaneki perked up, “Are you excited?”
“Yeah, for sure! It’s going to be nice to not cover my face without getting stares-- I mean, I’m still going to get stares, since there will be scars, but still. If I’m being honest, I’m still adjusting to speaking without holding that voicebox. It’ll be nice though. Plus, if all goes well, this’ll be my last surgery,” He smiled with his eyes again. Kaneki couldn’t wait to see him properly smiling again-- he still felt guilty, even though Hide told him to do it that night.
“Daddy, daddy!” A little voice exclaimed as Ichika popped up behind them, holding out her hand, in which an unusually large, green caterpillar squirmed, “What’s this?”
“That’s a caterpillar, Ichika,” Kaneki responded, smiling wide at his daughter.
“Cat-ee-pel-er…” Ichika sounded out the word as she gently poked at the bug in her hand.
“Nice find, Ichi! I bet you can’t catch a ladybug,” Hide challenged while Kaneki chuckled. Hide was always good with kids, and he had been a huge help with her over the years.
“Oh yes I can! I’ll show you,” She yelled, a frightening amount of sass, for a six-year-old. She ran off without hesitation, ready to prove Hide wrong.
“Go show mom the caterpillar, she likes that stuff!” Kaneki shouted after her as she ran off. He watched and sighed, “She’s not going to let us leave this park until she catches one. She has her mother’s competitiveness.”
“And your stubbornness,” Hide giggled, elbowing Kaneki in the side. They both watched as she ran around, intently searching through the grass, “Man, remember when we had that much energy?”
“Actually, didn’t we meet when we were around her age? Wait- no, we were a little older. Around seven or eight, right?” Kaneki said, thinking.
“Seven. That was when I got adopted and moved schools, remember?” Hide seemed content, thinking back on their first meeting.
“Oh, right! How could I forget,” Kaneki laughed, leaning slightly closer to Hide in order to nudge him.
“Well, you did spend two years as a different person with no memory of your past twenty years, so that probably has something to do with it,” Hide joked.
“Yeah, that’ll do it.”
“Which one of you told Ichika to shove a bug in my face?” Touka had appeared, hand resting on her belly with a slightly irritated look on her face.
“He did it,” Hide accused Kaneki without hesitation, laughing as he rolled onto his back.
“No- no no, what happened to having my back, traitor?” Kaneki chuckled, playing scared as Touka looked down at him with a smirk. Hide was still laughing, barely getting a breath in, “Ayato told me you love bugs! I heard all about how you would bring home buckets of worms when you were a kid!”
“I was a kid! Honestly, sometimes I think I’m taking care of three children, not one,” She was laughing along now, but Hide was already tearing up from his laughter, especially at the accusation of being childish.
“Ow, ow-- oh no- okay my core hurts so bad--” Hide wheezed in pain.
“I FOUND A LADYBUG!” Ichika jumped onto Hide before he could even react, and shoved her hands into his face, “Suck on that, Hide!”
“Ichika, that’s mean,” Kaneki teased, knowing full-well that Touka and Hide were responsible for teaching her that phrase.
“Gimme your money!” She giggled, awfully proud of herself for winning Hide’s bet.
“Okay, okay. You win. I owe you one-hundred yen. Here- I’ll even write it down,” Hide said, pulling a pen out of his hoodie pocket and jotting down ‘Give Ichi ¥100’ on the palm of his right hand, while Ichika watched, still holding onto his shoulders.
“Yay, I’m gonna be rich.”
“You sure are, sweetheart,” Touka said, setting her hand on Ichika’s head, “Are you three hungry? Hinami and Tsukiyama set out some blankets and I believe Tsukiyama said something about baskets of food in his car.”
“Are we sure he’s not planning on taking a bite out of me again? Maybe Hinami is in on it-- I mean, I hear I taste pretty good,” Kaneki smirked. There was a moment of silence and a flat stare from Touka before Kaneki gave up, “Yeah, that was a bad joke.”
“Just-- come sit and eat with us,” Touka said, but Kaneki knew she was holding back laughter, unlike Hide, who was once again rolled over on his side on the verge of tears with Ichika still holding on.
“Alright. I’ll catch up, so you can go ahead with Ichika,” Kaneki told Touka, giving her a small kiss before she walked away.
“Gross,” Hide said, the tell-tale sign of a smirk twinkling in his eyes. Kaneki hopped onto his feet, and held out a hand to help Hide up.
“Mm-hmm. Try it before you hate on it,” Kaneki grinned, mockingly.
“I- What? I’m sorry- are you implying I’ve never kissed anyone?” Hide played along, acting offended. Still holding Kaneki’s hand, he pulled the other down onto the ground with him, “I can’t believe you! You have a wife and suddenly I’m the one with no experience!”
Kaneki got back up on his feet before teasing Hide again, “I’m just saying, I’ve never seen you in an actual relationship, and I’ve known you for a long time,” He laughed before running toward the rest of the group, “You better get up, I’ll beat you there!”
“No fair! You have a head start!” He laughed before pulling himself off of the ground. He paused for a moment, “That’s because I’m in love with you , dumbass,” He muttered to himself before running after Kaneki.
Hide made it over to the group and sat down in the soft grass, next to Kaneki, who beat him over and currently had Ichika sitting on his lap. Touka had a spot right next to her husband, and Ayato was sitting on the other side of her. Hinami and Tsukiyama were sitting next to each other, both fussing over the food, and Urie was holding Yonebayashi back from eating all the food. Nishio and Banjou were making conversation, and there was a space just large enough for two people between Nishio.
“Are we expecting anyone else?” Hide asked, before turning to Tsukiyama and Hinami, who were apparently responsible for planning the whole thing.
“We invited Mado and Amon, but Mado said they’ll probably be busy. I wanted to make room for them anyway, just in case,” Hinami said, smiling. She and Mado had gotten along really well. It was heartwarming, to be honest. They were a beautiful example of how humans and ghouls could get along.
“No need to wait for us,” Mado said, walking up behind Kaneki and giving him a firm pat on the head, “Hello, son .” Mado teased.
“I called you mom once. One time, on accident,” Kaneki complained, flustered at the teasing.
“Oh, and I assume calling Arima dad was also an accident.”
“Yes!” Kaneki exclaimed, face turning red.
“Hello eyepatch,” Amon smiled at Kaneki, who was still trying to recover from Mado’s comments. Amon and Mado took a seat on the ground next to Hide.
“Hey, Nagachika,” Mado said, leaning over to give him a half-hug while Amon waved in a silent ‘hello’.
“Good to see you, Akira,” Hinami had a big smile on her face as she greeted Mado.
“Hi Hina.”
“Okay, yes hello everyone, good to see you all; however, now that we are all here, I’d like to make a toast before we all eat,” Tsukiyama stood up, looking over to Kaneki.
“Always a flare for the dramatic, Tsukiyama,” Kaneki secretly admired his unique sense of confidence.
“A toast! To seven of the most peaceful years Tokyo has had in a long, long time,” Tsukiyama cheered, holding out his glass. A small chorus of cheers followed, and everyone dug in. The feast laid out for them mainly consisted of synthetic food, but there was a separate basket saved for Mado, Hide, Ichika, Urie, and Yonebayashi.
“Mamman, can you pass the rolls?” Yonebayashi asked, still using the affectionate nickname she gave him back when he was Haise.
“Sure, Saiko,” Kaneki replied, picking up the plate of rolls that were stacked sky-high, “This is a lot of food-- even for thirteen people,” He said, looking over at Hinami.
“Well, we have Yonebayashi, who can eat for three, and Banjou, who also eats a lot. Plus, Touka is eating for two right now,” She responded, mouth half-full.
“This tastes like shit,” Nishio complained, after taking a rather large bite out of a sandwich.
“Watch your damn mouth around the kid!” Touka snapped, obviously referencing Ichika, who was not paying attention at all and instead heavily invested in finishing a cup of chocolate pudding.
“Honestly, you’re not the greatest influence on her language either, Touka,” Ayato nudged his sister’s side, teasing at her hypocrisy.
“Oh, okay, mister ‘I’m-a-cool-uncle-who-gives-a-kid-a-decorated-knife-for-her-fourth-birthday, because you’re definitely a good influence,” Touka poked at his face while everyone else paused to watch, except Ichika-- who was finally reaching the bottom of that pudding cup.
“No- that was two and a half years ago! You can’t keep using that against me! She pointed it out in a store, and it was pretty and for decoration-- decoration, not use--” Ayato desperately tried to defend himself.
“Oh, whatever. Just eat, asshole.”
“What’s an asshole?” There was a silent pause. Apparently, Ichika had finished her pudding. Touka internally slapped herself in the face, and Ayato started to laugh at her. Hide and the others quickly joined in, and soon Touka was laughing too.
“Okay, that’s one of those grown up words I talked about, remember?” Kaneki gently patted Ichika on the head and tried to remove the newly-discovered word from her vocabulary.
“So I can’t say it?”
“That’s right,” He assured, wiping some chocolate off of his daughter’s cheek.
“Oh. Okay!” And that was the end of it- she immediately reached for the bowl of fruit. Kaneki picked it up and held it out to her while she expertly picked out the blackberrys and popped them into her mouth, one by one.
“I’m honestly surprised with how good you are with kids. I figured you would be good, but… Ichika is just, so well-behaved,” Amon complimented Kaneki.
“That’s good to hear. Honestly, I don’t have any clue what I’m doing seventy percent of the time. I haven’t had experience, and I didn’t exactly have the best example growing up. My mom meant well, but it messed me up, and ‘meaning well’ isn’t an excuse for that. I just want to give my kids the childhoods they deserve,” Kaneki smiled, still holding Ichika in his lap, and placing a hand on Touka’s belly.
“Sure you had experience, Kaneki. I don’t think you quite realize how impactful you were on me after my mom was killed,” Hinami spoke up, with a genuine smile on her face.
“And you practically raised me, Mutsie, Shirazu and Urie at the chateau. Why do you think I call you ‘mamman’? None of us really had anyone else,” Yonebayashi giggled a little bit, elbowing Urie.
“How is it, that after all these years, you still constantly underestimate your value and impact in our lives?” Tsukiyama cooned, “Honestly, it’s kind of impressive.”
“I just can never fully believe it. It means a lot to me, and sometimes I tend to forget that I exist outside of my own perception. I don’t want to be useless,” Kaneki said, catching himself with that last sentence, but it was out of his mouth before he could do anything.
“Ha! Gotcha-- I called it earlier! You say that way too much. You need to accept you worth. Let yourself be loved, Ken,” Hide said, locking his eyes with Kaneki.
“I- you… You, uh, called me Ken,” Kaneki looked baffled, he didn’t mind Hide calling him by his first name, but it caught him off guard.
“Yeah? You call me Hide, so,” Hide was flushed pink, just realizing what he did.
“Right- but you’ve neve-”
“I’ve never called you Ken before, I know. No need to make a big deal out of it, people are staring.” Hide couldn’t really contain his red face, but Touka was laughing, and Kaneki was still processing what had happened.
After that, their lunch continued as usual. Conversation was still hopping from one thing to another faster than anyone could keep track, but there were few other mishaps, other than Tsukiyama taking a bite out of a roll and realizing too late that it was not, in fact, synthetic and he grabbed from the wrong plate. He regretted it almost instantly, but it was fun to watch. Banjou, Nishio, Yonebayashi, and Urie left earlier than everyone else, all being busy with something or other.
Tsukiyama and Hinami were busy packing up what was leftover of the feast, and Ichika was being chased by Ayato. Touka was leaning on Kaneki’s shoulder, and Hide was chatting with Amon and Mado about work with the TSC. A moments later, Amon and Mado pulled themselves up,
“We should probably be going now. This was really nice, I’m glad we got to catch up outside of work,” Amon smiled and offered a hand to Touka in order to help her up. He gave her a short hug, and then did the same to Kaneki.
“Yes, the food was surprisingly good for being prepared by people who can’t eat human food,” Hinami overheard that comment and started laughing, “I’m sure we’ll all get together again soon. Kaneki, we’ll be seeing you in that meeting with Director Marude tomorrow,” Mado also reached out for hugs before leaving.
“It was great to spend time together. I’m glad you both enjoyed it. I’ll see you tomorrow!” Kaneki grinned as he waved the duo goodbye.
“Nice seeing you,” That was about all Touka managed to get out; she was drained from all the earlier conversation, but she was genuine with her comment.
“Hey Nagachika, walk with us. I forgot to mention some stuff about that case,” Mado said, motioning for Hide to join them.
“Go ahead, I’ll see you tomorrow, Hide,” Kaneki smiled at him, before waving him off.
“See ya, Kaneki,” He said, jogging to catch up with Amon and Mado, “So what did you need to tell me?”
“Well, remember back when the Dragon was active, and you first showed yourself?” Amon asked.
“How could I forget,” There was a small chuckle from Hide as he said that. He knew exactly where this conversation was going.
“I asked you, ‘why go this far for Kaneki Ken?’” Amon continued as Mado walked in silence.
“I remember.”
“Is your answer still the same? I mean-- do you still love him?”