Work Text:
Gakuhou: raise your kids spoil your grandkids am i right
Gakushuu: fuck you
Gakuhou loves kids. He does!
That’s why he chose to have one. That’s why he became a teacher in the first place!
He was disappointed - but he knew it was his fault - when his son told him, in no uncertain terms, that he was never going to become a father.
Yes, he wanted grandchildren.
Yes, he only had himself to blame for putting his son through so much childhood trauma that he never wanted to become a parent.
Yes, he missed his son terribly when he went off to the states.
And yes, he fully expected Gakushuu to pack up and never returned - it hurt him to admit that, but he still drove him to the airport and watched him go through the gates and maybe he went home and cried a little, who’s to say?
So yes, Gakuhou was very very surprised when Gakushuu - at the end of four years - called and said he was coming home.
Gakuhou was elated! He was heartwarmingly pleased. He was extremely excited.
“Oh, yeah, by the way,” Gakushuu says. “I adopted a kid. See you.”
“Wait, what?”
In the weeks preceding his flight, Gakushuu emails him a shopping list.
Gakuhou panics, and refurbishes one of the old guest rooms to what he imagines a five year old girl’s room would look like. (Spoiler alert: it’s very pink.)
Then he panics some more and buys everything on Gakushuu’s shopping list twice over.
Gakushuu emails him two days later, “I can feel you being dramatic all the way over in the states. I already have one child to take care of, I don’t need two.”
Gakuhou is offended.
There’s an attachment?
It’s a picture!
His son is holding a little girl - small puffy cheeks, fluffy hair, bright eyes.
She’s adorable!
Gakuhou buys a cake.
tbh i didn't think of any possible appearances so that's up to you!
He’s way too early at the airport, but can you blame him?
“My son is flying over with my granddaughter,” he says excitedly to a drunk man who is falling over, half-asleep.
“That’s great, man.”
It is!
But also, what?!
let's face it with the way Gakushuu is raised, he'll never convince himself to have a kid unless he falls headfirst into parenting by accident
“It was… unexpected,” Gakushuu was saying to him in a phone call, voice soft because she was sleeping in another room.
“How so?” Gakuhou had asked, giddy with excitement.
“I found her in an alley,” Gakushuu says, his tone of voice still bitter. “Who leaves a three year old in an alleyway in another city in the winter?! It took me three weeks to track those motherfuckers down and they had the audacity to say they left her there on purpose? What kind of-”
Gakuhou nods along (not carrying that Gakushuu can’t see or feel him nod) and listens to him curse up a whispered storm for fifteen minutes.
“-and by that time she was crying and holding onto me and begging me not to throw her away again, so I guess I’m a father now. This is your fault, by the way - kids with shitty parents are my weakness.”
“Oh,” Gakuhou says.
Gakushuu hangs up on him.
It’s a hilarious sight to be greeted with - Gakushuu lugging two huge suitcases and a comically large carry-on with him (the perils of travelling with a child). Gakuhou sees him fumble around from the end of the hallway.
Oh, behind him! A little girl tottling alongside, bouncing with a tiny backpack along!
When it’s clear they’re headed in the direction of a stranger, she shuffles her step and hides behind Gakushuu’s legs. How adorable!
“Mina-ko,” Gakushuu says softly to the girl clutching at his pant leg. “This is your grandpa. We’re going to be staying with him from now.”
Mina peeks out. “Hi.”
“Hello,” Gakuhou says to her, smiling a smile he doesn’t think he can hide even if he wants to.
Gakushuu kicks him in the shin. “Take a bag.”
Minako is Gakushuu's nickname for her and it means (according to google) "beautiful child"
There’s a child seat in the car already (Gakushuu gives him a look).
Mina falls asleep, clutching a toy that she pulls out of her carry-on, and Gakuhou turns down the radio.
Gakushuu says, “apologies for springing this on you, Father. I know it must be sudden.”
“No problem at all,” Gakuhou says, vibrating with excitement.
“This certainly isn’t what I planned for my post-graduation endeavors,” Gakushuu sighs, and Gakuhou watches in the rearview mirror as his son tenderly brushes her hair away from her eyes and kisses her on the forehead.
“How long since you’ve had her with you?”
“Since third year of college.”
“A little bit over a year then?”
“Almost two.”
“No girlfriend?”
Gakushuu shoots him a look in the mirror.
“Boyfriend?” Gakuhou adds.
Gakushuu sighs. “None, neither.”
“Is this why you’re back in Japan?” Gakuhou says. “No one else can be her babysitter so you’re going to make me do it?”
Gakushuu looks appalled. “I’m not putting her in the American school system!”
this fic is sponsored by Kunugigaoka (TM) and Asano Education (TM)
Gakushuu: watches the news
Gakushuu: i cannot believe there is a world where the path of least harm involves moving closer to my father instead of away from him
She’s awake by the time they reach home.
“Wow!” Mina gasps. “Big house!’
She speaks rudimentary Japanese, more befitting of a four year old, but Gakuhou’s sure a little bit more practice can make her fluent enough.
A little more unrestrained and awake from her nap, she runs up and down the length of the front yard as Gakushuu unloads the car.
“Papa!” She’s bouncing on her toes. “Is this where we’re going to live? Really?”
“This is your grandpa’s house,” Gakushuu says. “Yes, this is where we’re going to stay.”
She starts clambering onto the patio.
(“Father!” Gakushuu complains, struggling with the luggage.
“Are you really going to make an old man like me do heavy lifting?” Gakuhou retorts.)
Once she’s in the house, though, her demeanor switches and she’s more subdued again, carefully watching everything as if she’s afraid it’d break.
Gakuhou watches as she gazes at everything in silent awe.
Gakushuu finally drags everything up the driveway and into the sitting room, exhausted. He glares at Gakuhou.
Gakuhou blissfully ignores him. “Do you want to see your room?”
“Yes, please!”
She’s still carefully behaved as they make their way up to the second floor.
Gakuhou walks over to the once-guest room next to Gakushuu’s, and pushes the door open.
“Wow!" Mina steps in, vibrating with glee. "Is this my room?!”
“Yeah, I bought all this stuff for you,” Gakuhou beams.
She looks uncertain, and excited, and she takes two steps into the soft carpet before she’s climbing onto the bed and digging around the corners.
Gakushuu peers into the room, and his jaw drops. He switches to mandarin, “Father! This is hideous!”
“Well,” Gakuhou says. “She likes it.”
Mina squeals, as she throws open a drawer, and soft toys come tumbling down on her.
Gakushuu says, aghast, “it’s so pink!”
Mina pokes her head out from under the mountain of blankets. “Papa! This room is the best!”
Gakushuu straightens up. (Gakuhou snickers at him.) “Will you thank your grandpa for putting this together for you?”
“Yes!” Mina throws her hands up. “Grandpa, this is the best! Thank you!”
Gakuhou sniffles, emotional. “You’re welcome.”
Gakushuu rolls his eyes, but he's smiling.
Gakushuu (rightfully) takes precautions
“Father,” Gakushuu says pleasantly.
Gakuhou looks at him. “Yes?”
“I say this in the nicest way possible,” Gakushuu says, smiling at him. “If you try any, and I mean a single little bit of manipulative teaching principles you tried on with me, I will break both your legs and put you in the shittiest retirement home that I can find.”
Gakuhou looks at Gakushuu, and then he thinks he sees himself - the protective fury of a father, who just wants nothing but to protect their kid from the world.
And he knows Gakushuu, which is why he knows his son means everything he says.
“Of course,” Gakuhou says.
Gakushuu studies him for a brief moment, then, satisfied, steps away. “Mina!” He calls. “Time for dinner!”
“Y-you’re going to w-work?”
Gakushuu kneels down and gives Mina a kiss on the forehead. “Yes. It’s just like when I go to school, okay baby? Grandpa is here with you.”
“O-okay…” Mina clutches her toy.
“Papa will be home soon, okay?” He ruffles her hair, waves, and heads off.
Mina turns her large watery eyes to Gakuhou.
“Want to play a game?” Gakuhou asks.
Mina deliberates for a moment. “Okay, let me get my toys.”
Mina: I would like to order an iced chai tea latte almond milk one shot cinnamon powder please
Gakuhou: tea parties these days are so confusing
Mina: ahem
Gakuhou: can I get a name please?
Mina: bob
Gakuhou gets permission to teach Mina all the things that a five year old should know.
So in the first work day that Gakushuu has, Gakuhou teaches Mina all the essential life skills that everyone should know, in his opinion - how to take the bus, use the microwave, play the piano, do math, and kick someone’s knee out from under them.
Mina rats him out.
“Papa! Papa!” She - the little traitor - goes running up to Gakushuu. “Grandpa taught me so many cool things today!”
“Oh, yeah?” Gakushuu picks her up, smiling. “What did Grandpa teach you?”
“The heart is between the fourth and fifth rib,” she parrots from his teachings. What a wonderful learner!
Gakushuu looks at him, murder in his eyes.
Gakushuu: i'm going to kill you
Mina: you can do it with a knife between the fourth and fifth rib
“Wo-ow, you and Papa both played basketball?”
Mina is on his lap as Gakuhou flips through the photo album. Her eyes are shining. “I want to play, too!”
From across the room, Gakushuu looks over.
Gakuhou looks at him. Blinks. Looks down at Mina.
“Sure,” Gakuhou says, gently. “Grandpa will teach you how to play, okay?”
“Really?” Mina looks at him.
“Yes,” Gakuhou pats her on the head. “Really.”
“Papa always says you’re old and you’re going to break a hip if you try to jump,” Mina says serenely, and then goes back to flipping the pages.
Gakuhou is offended. He looks up to shoot a glare at his son for daring to spread such- such slander!.
But Gakushuu is looking down at his work again, typing away. There’s a quirk of a smile on his lips.
"What about this?"
"Wo-ow," Mina says, reaching for the toy to join the one she's already lugging around.
The last time Gakuhou went on a shopping trip with her, he'd spent too much money and then Gakushuu scolded him for spoiling her.
"Papa says only one toy every time we go shopping," Mina says, frowning between her selection.
"I won't tell if you don't," Gakuhou jokes, and she giggles.
Then, "P-P-principal?!"
Gakuhou whirls around.
It's Maehara and Isogai!
"I haven't been your principal in seven years," Gakuhou says.
Hearing Gakuhou speak, Mina looks up from the careful decision making. She turns to Maehara and Isogai and smiles a little (she is getting less shy!) and then turns to Gakuhou. "Grandpa?"
"G-grandpa!" Maehara looks faint. Isogai looks like he's halfway between smiling and crying.
Gakuhou can see it now - his broken legs and the retirement home pamphlet. Gakushuu is not going to let him walk away from this… so it might as well make this situation worth his while, so he has something to laugh at when his son murders him in cold blood.
Gakuhou pats her on the head. "They're your Papa's old friends."
"Wo-ow," she says. "Hello!"
Maehara stares, shell-shocked.
Isogai recovers quicker. He bends down on a knee. "Hi! I'm Isogai."
"I am Mina!"
Isogai smiles. "Hello Mina! How old are you?"
Wait, shit.
Mina holds out a palm proudly. "Five!"
Isogai's smile freezes on his face. "That's very nice!"
Maehara is making a choking sound in the background.
Gakushuu is going to kill him.
"Look at the time!" Isogai bounces up, and he gives Gakuhou a panicked and strained smile. "Sorry Mina, we're a little late to one of our, uh, meetings."
Mina nods wisely. "Papa has a lot of meetings."
"Yeah. Uh, see you, Principal Asano, Mina!" Isogai turns tail and drags Maehara off.
Oops, Gakuhou thinks, belatedly.
"Grandpa?" Mina says. "Should I get the green one or the blue one?"
Maehara: b-but, b-b-but
Isogai:
Maehara: he would have been 17 when...???
Isogai: do you think Karma knows?
Maehara:
Isogai:
Maehara: (pulling out his phone)
"Why?!"
Gakushuu practically kicks the front door off his hinges.
Mina perks up. "Hi, papa!"
Gakushuu briefly glances at her. "Hey, Mina-ko." Then he turns to Gakuhou, distressed. "Why?!?!"
Gakuhou takes a calm sip of his tea. "Why what?"
"Why did Karma call me in the middle of a meeting and accuse me of cheating on him back when we were dating?!"
"Um," Gakuhou says.
Gakushuu wails, "What did you do?!?"
Mina looks between them, eyes wide. She is unphased by Gakushuu's dramatics - of course she isn't. She's his daughter, after all. Is she going to inherit that? "I met your friends today when shopping with Grandpa!"
Gakushuu freezes, and turns to her. "What?"
"I only got one toy this time!" She chirps.
"Who did you meet?" Gakushuu says, eye twitching.
"I dunno," Mina says. "They called Grandpa Principal."
"Oh my god," Gakushuu says.
"Gakushuu Asano!" Karma Akabane kicks down Gakuhou's front door. (Gakuhou mourns it, a little. It was a good door that did it's job of keeping out intruders. Except for this one time, apparently.)
Pauses.
Mina puts down the block she's holding and gasps, pointing at Akabane. "You're the man Papa has a picture of in his phone!"
"Mina-ko!!!" Gakushuu shrieks from the upper floor.
Akabane gapes for a moment. Closes his mouth, points at Mina, mirroring her position. "Who's your mom?"
"My birth mom?" Mina asks. She scrunches up her face, sticks out her tongue, and then yells with all her might. "She is a MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!"
Gakuhou does a spit take.
Gakushuu comes storming down, a comb still stuck in his hair. "Who taught you that word?!?!"
Gakuhou: (stubs his toe)
Gakuhou: Motherfuckign bitch !!!
Mina: (gasp)
Gakuhou: please don't tell
“I’m sorry,” Akabane says, scuffing his feet against the mat as Gakushuu stares him down. “I’ll replace your door.”
“Why,” Gakushuu groans.
“You hung up on me!” Akabane whines . “I panicked. I’m sorry - I knew you will never-”
Gakushuu shushes him, and they scurry to the corner of the room to start speaking at whispered voices. Mina, bored, clambers up onto the chair next to Gakuhou.
Gakuhou turns to her. “Tell me about the picture your Papa has of that man.”
“Okay. It’s in his phone. Sometimes he looks at it. Papa says he likes boys and girls and he used to like that man.”
“Yes,” Gakuhou nods. “They used to be together.”
Mina’s eyes light up. “Like mar-ried?”
Gakuhou laughs. Imagine that. “No, one step lower. Boyfriends.”
“Ah,” Mina nods, wisely. “So like, almost married.”
“Mina-ko!” Gakushuu calls her. “I want to introduce someone to you, is that okay?”
“Kay,” Mina says. She hops off the chair and Gakuhou watches her trot to Akabane. “Hi!”
Akabane bends down on a knee. “Hi, Mina,” Akabane says, smiling softly. Gakuhou still remembers the rowdy delinquent he is - who knew he could be so gentle with kids?
“I hope I didn’t give you a scare earlier.”
Mina shakes her head. “Nuh-uh. I’m big.”
“Yes, and you’re very brave too, huh?” Akabane grins at her.
“Mhm,” Mina nods. “So when are you and Papa getting married?”
Gakuhou watches Akabane’s face turn to the shade of his hair, and chokes on his laughter.
“Mina-ko!” Gakushuu yells, appalled. “Father, what have you been telling her!”
“Mina-ko, I have great news!” Gakushuu says.
“Mm? What is it?”
“Uncle Ren is coming to visit!”
“Wo-ow! Re-ally!” Mina squeals. “Yay!”
Gakuhou looks over curiously. “Sakakibara is coming back to Japan?”
“Mhm,” Gakushuu says. “He graduated around the same time I did, but he stayed for a while to wrap up his loose ends.”
“Looks like the four are still following you around,” Gakuhou snickers.
Gakushuu shoots him a look, but sighs, and doesn’t dispute it. “He was there when I adopted Mina-ko.”
“Where are the others?” Gakuhou asks.
“Araki and Koyama are in Japan now,” Gakushuu says, “but Seo is still in the states.”
“Ah,” Gakuhou nods. “And they’re all alive?”
Gakushuu shoots him a look.
Gakushuu: tbh idk how they survived this long either
“Oh my god,” Gakushuu jolts in his seat one morning.
Mina, unconcerned, continues shoveling cereal into her mouth.
Gakuhou looks up for his newspaper, wondering if he should bother humoring his son, but the look on Gakushuu’s face is too comical to pass up. “What?”
Gakushuu looks at him in horror. “I have to enroll her in elementary school.”
Gakuhou nods slowly at him. “Yep.”
Gakushuu: did you make a kunugigaoka elementary school
Gakuhou: do you WANT me to make a kunugigaoka elementary school
Gakushuu: no
“Mina-chan!” Sakakibara whoops and picks her up. “You’ve grown so big!”
“Uncle Ren!” Mina giggles. “I am five!”
“Soon you’ll be as old as your papa!” Ren teases.
“I am not old ,” Gakushuu mumbles from where he is face-down on the couch. “I’m just 23 with a 5 year old daughter.”
Pause.
Gakushuu looks up, eyes wide. “Ren, I’m old !”
“Papa is having what Grandpa calls a mid-life crisis,” Mina informs Sakakibara.
“I am nowhere near my mid life!” Gakushuu wails. “This is quarter life, at best!”
Mina asks, “Isn’t a quarter 25 cents?”
“Let’s go shopping,” Sakakibara says. “We can buy a walking stick for your Papa to remind him how old he is.”
“See you later, Papa and Grandpa!” Mina waves.
“Buy the brat some dentures, too,” Gakuhou calls out.
Sakakibara gives him a salute. “Yes, sir!”
Mina stares at him for a beat, then clumsily copies it. “Ye-es, sir!’
mina is my spiritual successor to aguri asano
(refer to the natural progression of things and the adventures of aguri asano)