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ACT I : Fragaria Lips.
Thirteenth of July, 858.
throughout his years on earth, levi was never the type to daydream.
he never saw the point. not during his sleepless nights, nor the days where the sun would beat down on his face, hange’s hand wrapped around his wrist, pulling him around to examine the different food stalls lining the streets of wall rose. never while staying up ‘til the dead of night, pre-planning for the following days expedition alongside erwin.
levi was always set in the present, focused solely on what was happening in that very moment. it was better that way, he decided, as he knew his mind would surely betray him if he didn’t. images of those damned grotesque creatures would flash horrifically behind closed eyelids, monsters of life forcing him to relive the memories he’s tried so very hard to suppress.
it’d be images of limp bodies laid in a pool of their own blood, lifeless over a then browning cape. sometimes, they’d have all their limbs. other times, it was a leg missing. it’d been just a head, a body decaying in her bed –– or caused by the hands of his own.
the voices of such replaying in his ears, for whenever he would take a moment out of a hectic day to just pause. that’s why he never dared to, it being the one thing that’d always tempted him. so he’d scrub. spend empty hours scrubbing at the floor or dusting a table, berating his brain to stay focused on the sounds of a wooden chair against the floor instead of the agonized screams of his late squad members. screams that always echoed, stashed away within the back of his mind.
levi had no business wondering where he’d be ten years from then –– though, for if he ever did, he’d simply wish six feet under.
levi had never thought that he’d be here, now.
examining the firmness of the two different apples in his hands, deciding which would suit better for the apple pie he’d been planning to bake.
the town is lively, street side vendors loud as they advertise their goods, children giggling with their families, sidewalk performers executing their talents for all to see.
the tune of a cello is audible from where he sits, and he thinks it compliments the charming nature of the current afternoon perfectly.
if levi had the chance to let his younger self know that, yes, it does get better, he’d simply laugh in his face. you’d have food to eat? you have good, genuine people around you? perhaps he’d just beat him to the ground, maybe rough him up a little with his homemade shiv, steal his coat.
“mr. levi,” a voice speaks up from the left of him, prompting the man in question to break away from his internal studies, facing the source of the sound.
“yes, falco?”
the boy stands to his side, one hand laid on the handle of his movable chair.
“i.. heard that green apples fared far better when with apple pie, if that’s what you were wondering. every time i have some myself, it’s with green apples. not red.”
a faint smile ghosts levi’s lips as he takes note of how falco stands upright, back straight. no longer stuttering over words or tumbling his sentences when in the presence of levi.
“but you can use either! i’m sure it’d be great either way, mr. levi!” gabi interjects, beaming brightly, presenting a thumbs up to the man below her.
“hm, thank you. green it is, then.” levi nods softly, placing the red one back where it belonged, before ordering ten green apples from the man running the stand.
from then on, it becomes a wordless exchange. levi raising his left hand to fully grasp the handles of the brown bag, pulling it back to rest it on his legs.
falco pulls his moveable chair backwards, continuing along the cobblestone path while examining the lively nature around them.
“do you have all the other ingredients, mr. levi?” gabi questions.
levi tilts his head upwards, squinting his eye when it lands on the sun above him, “i’m.. not entirely sure what else it calls for just yet.” he replies.
“ah. there’s a great bakery down the road, corner of the shop where they sell dresses for ladies. it’s likely she can lend you her recipe, too. right gabi?”
the girl nods.
“if it would be no problem for you to take me there, i don’t see why not?” levi speaks up.
“of course not, mr. levi.” falco smiles, turning the chair in the direction of the bakery.
--------
the scent of icing, pastries and coffee swirl together around levi’s nose as he’s guided into the bakery, eyes studying the interior and falling on the chairs that take up moderate space of the quaint store. he’d also taken note of the outside portion, more tables occupied with people of all ages –– he’s faintly surprised he’d never heard of this place previously. though, it did seem to be tucked away, tiny little café that seemed to be its own hidden gem.
“ah –– good afternoon, gabi, falco!”
levi lifts his head to the front counter. it’s almost difficult to see, but he manages.
there, he sees you. hands splayed over the counter, leaning your weight onto it, grin wide and eyes edged soft for the two children who’d just strolled it.
gabi and falco reply joyfully, “good afternoon, ___!”
levi takes note of how they greet you, devoid of any formality.
“what brings you here today? tiramisu? canelés? i’ve brought back the lemon layer cake you said you liked, gabi. just for you.” you say, winking to the girl who giggles, you laugh in reply.
it’s then, when levi wholly shuts out the theme of the cello down the road, suddenly enthralled by the melody of your laugh instead. he stays unmoving, hoping and praying that falco would say something funny, prompting another one, and so many more after from you.
“ah, where are my manners?” your eyes flit over to levi’s, and suddenly he’s really hoping falco would soon say something amusing, as he feels himself shrinking under your gaze.
his shoulders are curled into themselves, a failed attempt of a smile more of a grimace if anything, though that doesn’t stop you from granting him with twinkling eyes and raised eyebrows.
“my name is ___,” you smile, and levi takes note of your accent, though he’s left unable to fully decipher from which part it’s from, “and you are?”
“the name’s levi.” he answers after a quick beat of silence, lips then pressed into a thin line, nodding stiffly.
“good afternoon, levi. welcome to my bakery.” you proclaim, raising a hand to make some rather inferior gesture, eyes soft as they land within his.
if you’re disgusted by the scars adorning his face, or the right eye missing from it’s socket, you sure do have a great way of masking it. levi makes a cautious move to hide his right hand under the bag of apples, left one sitting over the top visibly.
he still smiles timidly, nodding under your eyes.
“so, what can i get you guys?”
“uh, well, mr. levi had been wanting to bake apple pie recently,” levi looks down at the mention of his name, “could we.. possibly.. get a recipe?” falco’s voice slightly cracks while asking, hand rubbing at the base of his neck.
you lift an eyebrow, resting a hand on your hip.
“but –– it’s fine if you don’t want to! right, mr. levi?” falco doesn’t even give the man time to nod in response, “it’s your business, we know. your secret recipe and such, it’d be no fair for you to tell us, we’ll just try experimen––!”
“falco,” you laugh –– thank you, falco –– “it’s fine, i can give you the recipe.” you voice, reaching below the counter to pull out a sheet of paper, along with a pen.
you bend down over the counter, seemingly to write down all necessary ingredients and steps the apple pie would call for.
“levi,” you speak up, eyes never leaving the glide of your pen against the sheet, “i surely do hope gabi and falco don’t give you too much trouble, huh?” you mouth, eyes blinking up fleetingly to grin in his direction.
“no, they don’t,” he answers you with nothing but a serious tone, “they’re great. they help me out a lot.”
you pause your writings, tilting your head upwards so your eyes land on levi’s.
“i… was making a joke.”
oh –– he doesn’t know what this feeling is, as he suddenly feels naked under your gaze. he puffs out his heated cheeks, feeling as if he’s being studied under an instrument called the microscope, picked apart and assessed.
“oh,” he clears his throat, “of course. my apologies.”
you return to your previous activities.
gabi and falco exchange a wordless look, one that really translates itself within each other’s eyes. levi can’t see them glancing at each other, though he does feel the hair on his neck erect uncomfortably. he’d need to purchase himself a fan, feeling sweat collect on his brow.
“here you go,” you straighten your back, handing the brown paper to gabi, tightening the apron wrapped around your waist before kissing your teeth, “i also wrote down the best places to buy all ingredients, tell them i’ve sent you. they’ll give you a discount and sell you the highest quality items.” your voice lowers into a whisper towards the end, pressing a finger up to your lips.
the gesture leads to levi’s eye landing on them. plush and smooth, they seem. plump and soft. your finger almost sinks into them, stretching into a smile once you lower it back down.
falco says something solely undecipherable to him, then something quickly after to follow up. prompting you to raise your hand, shielding your mouth as your head tilts back in amused laughter.
a crease forms between levi’s eyebrows, as he stares intensely at you. he’s hoping his gaze would be strong enough to weave it’s way inside your head, lower your hand… please?
you do not soon after. though, much to his chagrin, you’re no longer laughing.
instead, you blink over to levi’s direction, eyes trained on his. levi’s eye flits down to your lips once more, watching as they curl around letters, how your tongue swipes at your upturned cupid’s bow after a short pause.
a nudge to his shoulder has his thoughts halting, he turns to see falco’s eyes widened, hand cupped with tips of his fingers facing your direction.
“mr. levi, ___ asked you if you’re allergic to anything.”
levi’s lips separate in realization, heat sneaking up the back of his ears before settling on the tips. without thinking, he whips his left hand up to smack the base of his neck.
the sudden action of his has your eyes widening just slightly, he notices, before you manage to school it back to your kind face from just a second before.
“right,” levi brings his hand up in front of his face, raising his thumb to briskly brush at his nose, “no. no, i have no allergies.” he finishes, lips in a straight line.
you duck your head, “d'you fancy macarons, levi?”
“yes.” falco answers for him.
you make a move to grab the wooden tongs that sat previously in its bowl, sliding open the glass door on your side of the counter to reach inside.
with the brown paper bag you’d spread open with your fingers, you collect fifteen macarons. pink, white, and brown, dropping them all into the bag before folding it.
you reach over the counter, handing the bag to falco.
“here,” you grin, “tell me if you like them? strawberry, vanilla and chocolate –– and, gabi, please leave some of the chocolates for levi?”
the girl blushes bashfully, curling slightly into herself.
“no promises.”
you laugh, “levi, you better get to them first.”
he… is pretty sure that this is a joke, that you’re making. so he lets out an airy chuckle.
“will do. uhm,” he clears his throat, “..how much?”
“ah, no!” you wave your and dismissively in front of your face, sliding the glass door shut and placing the tongs back in their holding place, “my treat. go on, it’s fine.”
levi winces, “no. just tell me how much - falco, hand me that menu.”
as the boy raises a hand to pick the menu off the glass counter, you shoot him a deadly look –– one which has him retreating his hand with lightning speed, stuffing it back in his pocket.
“i’m serious. don’t sweat it.” the angelic look of yours is swiftly painted back on within a second, facing levi and placing the menus on the other side of the counter, away from their reach.
“but,” you begin, sinking fingers into your hair, “i.. i’m finally putting panna cotta up on the bakery’s menu, it took a lot of time for me to perfect. tomorrow’s the first day, and i guess i’d like you all to show up for it.” words tumble from your lips with speed, and it takes a while for levi to properly register them all.
“as long as i can pay for it.”
hands of yours are set down in front of you, “fine.”
you sigh, “so,” inhale, “uh, enjoy your macarons? please tell me your thoughts.. once you arrive, tomorrow. 8AM.”
“we always do!” gabi speaks up for falco, “mr. levi is very harsh on his opinions. he’ll let you know.”
levi doesn’t reply to that, not even with his face. falco bids a see you later! on behalf of the rest of them, pulling his moveable chair away from his spot in front of the counter and through the door.
he hears the sound of the cello, now playing a different theme. it’s a seasonal one, though he won’t act like he’s much knowledgeable when it comes to music.
it’s not nearly as enticing this time around, as he’d much rather listen to you exchange words with gabi or falco, maybe even him. possibly snap at a customer for his measly attempts at bargaining.
--------
levi sits in his chair, joined by a crowd of people gathered around a fountain. they’re awed at someone’s act that you’d call a magician. his face is painted white, a half empty sack sat down on the ground, open to receiving tips from the people.
“here, mr. levi.”
the man looks up, face to face with the open bag of macarons.
“try some of ___’s macarons. i like the chocolate, but ‘ts up to you.” gabi states, holding the bag down to his level.
“thanks.” levi reaches in, not attempting to pick out any certain color.
the one he pulls out is pink –– and the first thing that comes to his mind is your apron. it was the same shade, baby dust rose complimenting the tone of both your smooth skin, and tender eyes.
he brings it up to his lips, teeth digging down into the soft shell to bite off only half of it. he chews, doesn’t feel the eyes of both falco and gabi trained on him.
the delicate meringue melts on levi’s tongue, and he’s quickly popping the second half into his mouth.
gabi shoves the bag in front of his face not soon after.
“try the chocolate, please.” she bounces on her heels.
levi peers in, now blinking over the different colors for the brown ones.
he pulls one out, then repeating the same actions as before. the taste of this one is richer, he notes. buttercream taking it’s time melting in his mouth. he chews slowly, wanting to savour the sweet full-flavored dessert.
from the corner of his vision, he takes note of gabi standing expectantly. seemingly, awaiting his opinion on the chocolate dessert.
levi blinks over to her, bringing his left hand up. he throws her a thumbs up.
“‘s good.” he finishes.
gabi nods vigorously, “which do you like better?”
chocolate.
“strawberry.”
the girl’s eyes light up, hauling the now crumpled bag closer to her chest.
levi waves his hand in front of his face, “have the rest of the chocolates.” he mumbles.
gabi beams, “thank you, mr. levi!”
she returns to her spot directly behind levi’s moveable chair, prompting the man to return his attention to the act in front of him.
from behind his neck, he hears gabi excitedly inform falco that they could have all the chocolates they’d like –– “make sure to leave the strawberry ones for mr. levi.”
his heart warms.
he smiles.
--------
Fourteenth of July, 858.
levi gives credit where credit’s due.
he can admit to himself, he’s not afraid to take pride in that aspect of himself. for he can safely say he’s wholly impartial, unbiased for any given situation, posted in the middle and able to form his own thoughts from all it is that he’s gathered.
within the climb of the past four years, levi was, at his best, a rather tranquil person.
he’d made a living for himself, now –– though, still not quite used to the flash of a camera –– as did the rest of the people he’d known before the war had come to it’s long-awaited close.
they were a tight-knit group –– they had to be, as they were few of the only ones who had to undergo the same physical, emotional pain, and traumatic experiences as him.
to some degree, they were all each other had. excluding coworkers and neighbors, or the friends of their coworkers and neighbors.
that’s why, once the words “i won’t be able to join. i’m busy.” had tumbled out of levi’s mouth, the lot of them had been left faintly confused.
their trip down to the dock and beach would indeed be less crowded this time around. missing three of the people that would always join their usual outings together.
perhaps levi was selfish, wanting to keep the location of your bakery a secret. though, perhaps he wasn’t. you did invite him, gabi, and falco, no? not an additional eight people. it’d be rude to bring them along, if anything. so, no, he wasn’t being selfish, concealing the full truth of why he’d be occupied that morning.
the line pooling out of your bakery was somewhat long, extending past the outside portion and in front of your neighboring store, which no doubt must have been irritating that owner.
it was much louder that day, streets busier and stores more crowded. falco maneuvers levi’s moveable chair, gabi skipping along beside him while keeping her hat secured on her head with a hand.
levi chooses to ignore the multiple annoyed grumbles around him, falco apologising profusely to squeeze levi’s chair between them to get within the bakery.
once inside, levi takes note of the number of people in uniforms waiting tables. he doesn’t examine them, just acknowledges them, as truthfully, looking around for you.
“gabi!” over the crowded bustle of overlapping voices, his ears manage to pick up on one in particular.
there, you come shuffling into his vision, smile bright and hair messier than yesterday.
“hello! i’m glad you all could make it!” you gush, glancing down to levi.
he returns a tiny smile.
levi looks good enough for you to want to hold a conversation with. at least, he hopes he does. he’d spend extra time gelling his hair, maybe chose a fancier, milky white button down shirt.
when you study his frame in his chair, you realize that you’ve never taken note of his nose, the upturned nature of it keeping you drawn in to study the rest. how the curve of his lips and the round of his cheeks are almost endearing.
“___, this looks great.” falco gawks, eyeing the interior of the bakery, sweets lining the scent of the air and the occupants in their seats.
you all but squeal, shoulders rising to your ears for a smiley clap at your hands.
“thank you! i wasn’t expecting nearly this many people to show up.” you stand in place, shifting excitedly from foot to foot, hands still clasped together.
“here, here, follow me. i saved you all a table - oh, levi. here, let me get your coat for you.”
before he has time to fully process your words, you’re leaning in, pushing his overcoat down his arms so it bunches at his waist.
his breath hitches, as the scent of you fills is nostrils and swirls around his head.
you smell heavenly –– almost safe. as if droplets of the sun had melted, raining down on a secluded flower meadow off the outskirts of town. it’s soft. you smell sweet, cloudy. the smell dissipates as soon as it came, though levi’s head is still jumbled. he’s not entirely sure if what he thinks just happened actually happened.
“follow me.” you beam, hanging levi’s coat over your arm, spinning around in your spot.
and so they do, falco making his way past empty and occupied chairs, to a more secluded part towards the back of the bakery.
“here,” you pull out a chair for falco and gabi, an empty spot for levi’s moveable chair, “i’ll bring them out myself.” you giggle excitedly, draping levi’s coat over another chair across from him.
levi smiles wordlessly, watching you expertly maneuver around your bakery. it is yours, and you do come here every day. so, naturally you’d have to know your way around, marching to the front counter elegantly to return with four plates balanced over arms.
“here you go.” you grin, placing them down one by one in front of their respective seats.
finally, you slide into your seat next to him, levi’s eye focused on you as you tilt your plate to an angle, perfecting the cutlery to your side –– all with a large smile painting your face.
gabi digs in first, falco, not long after.
“i’ve aromatised it with cherries. i’m thinking of going for coffee next.”
levi picks up his tiny spoon with his left hand, slicing into the gelatin and scooping it onto the silverware.
“woah, ___––!”
“this is great..”
“please make the coffee one now. uh, tomorrow.”
“no, falco, you can’t take those things. remember what reiner said? last time you were bouncing off the walls, and you broke ___’s vase.”
you giggle from your spot next to levi, studying the exchange of the two children.
the molded dessert sits in levi’s mouth, he can pick apart the taste of the cherry, the milk, and the raspberry syrup.
it’s not overpowered, it’s just perfect. though, he’s in no business to critique. he’s not entirely sure if his opinion would hold much value to you.
you speak up, “levi––”
his breath hitches, almost choking on the dessert.
“–– do you like it?” you query, body facing him. your eyes are wide, eyebrows creased and corners of your lips twitched north.
levi digs his teeth into his tongue, right hand shifting from under his thigh.
“i do.” he says truthfully, albeit quietly.
“ah.” you reply, digging your spoon in for another bite. he would’ve missed it if he wasn’t so in tune, so he goes in for the save.
“no!” it comes out louder than anticipated, a few heads shifting to your direction.
your eyes widen a bit, and you feel heat dance on the tips of your ears.
“no,” levi repeated a bit softer, “it’s good, it’s great, i’m serious.”
“levi,” you sigh. he sees you reaching an arm out to rest on his thigh, yet you stop mid-way, awkwardly trying to pass as if you were making a move to dig your fingers in your hair, “it’s fine. not everybody can like everything.”
levi wants the earth to swallow him up. his neck is itchy, he feels sweat collecting on his back.
he’s not entirely sure why he’s feeling like this –– but he knows he wants it to end.
“stop.” he whispers, “i like it. i do. promise.”
“..promise?”
“yes.”
levi cranes his neck afterwards, heart beating against his ribs.
he never had a special way with words, and he berates himself internally for the exchange.
from the corner of his eye, he sees you raise the spoon to your mouth once more, and again after that.
“__, __, can i get more?” gabi fidgets in her seat, falco and gabi’s plates emptied –– not a trace left in sight.
“ah,” you bring a hand up to your mouth in surprise, and you giggle –– fuck –– “of course! uh, just go up to one of the waiters and ask for one, yeah? actually - just go behind the counter and fetch it yourself. however many you’d like, alright?” you wink as they rise from their seats, almost tripping over themselves on their hurried way to the entrance.
when you face levi once more, his eyes fall directly to your lips.
it’s only after, does he notice the trace of raspberry syrup sat as a streak across your bottom lip.
“you, uh.. have a little..” levi makes some gesture, motioning to the lower portion of his face.
“heh?” your thumb brushes your chin.
levi’s body makes the decision for him, lifting his hand from his lap to wipe at the corner of your lip.
your eyes widen slightly, fingernails digging into the serviette below the table.
your eyes flit down, lashes near tickling your cheek as you peer at the tip of levi’s finger brushing your lip.
it’s bandaged, and you notice you can only count three.
levi seems to catch on not long after, bringing his arm down next to him hurriedly.
“ah––!”
in the process, he sends your spoon tumbling to the floor, clanging on contact with the wooden floor.
“levi––”
“shit- i’m sorry.”
you both speak at the same time.
“sorry.” levi swiftly brings his hand down, returned and hidden from your vision under his thigh.
you try again, softer, this time, “levi––”
“sorry.” he presses.
it’s silent, the air between you. it lays heavy, pushed away to the side and refused to be acknowledged.
you bend down, fingers curling over the silverware to place it back on the table.
levi’s lips are pursed, his quarter of his panna cotta left on his plate.
your eyes suddenly feel heavy, you’re waiting for gabi and falco’s return.
“levi.”
“i can go get you another spoon.”
“it’s okay,” you lay a hand on his arm, he stiffs. you twitch, but make no move to retreat it, “i promise.”
with hesitance, levi’s eye flickers up to yours.
the streak of syrup is still painting your lips, which brings levi to, rather hesitantly, raise his other hand, to wipe it off fully.
you raise a hand, where his fingers just previously were.
“..thank you.. that’s.. that was embarrassing, of me..” you whisper.
levi nods –– tries to. it’s just one, stiff, jerk of his neck.
he faces his lap, feeling an itchy heat climb up his neck.
“happens to the best of us.” he mumbles.
you chuckle, “it does, doesn’t it?”
it’s silent for a few seconds, though levi doesn’t find himself racking his brain to scavenge for something to say. he dwells in it for a while. in you, fixing the creases of your shirtwaist dress from under your apron.
“…how’s your pie going?” you speak up.
levi’s eye lands on yours.
he ducks, studying the table to stop himself from staring.
“uhm, it’s.. going, alright.”
his words elicit an airy chuckle from you. levi’s faintly confused, as it wasn’t at all intended to be a joke. he’s not complaining, though. not at all. he lets a snicker slip through lips.
“did you manage to get all the ingredients alright? i’m hoping charles didn’t give you any trouble?” your voice is lower as you toy with the tablecloth, having leaned in, words seemingly have been reserved for levi only.
“yes.” levi clears his throat, “i mean- no, no. charles didn’t give me any trouble. in fact, he gave me the freshest eggs at a discount.”
“ah, he doesn’t do that for everyone. your charm must’ve worked on him, hm?” you tease, wagging a finger in front of his face.
levi opens his mouth for some quick-witted reply, but with gabi and falco returning to their seats, he blinks his gaze over to the dessert in front of him.
he keeps himself looking busy, that the redness dusting his cheeks –– if at all visible –– is from the sweet flavor of the panna cotta, not anything other than that. as if that’s even possible.
levi secures the spoon with his lips, chewing on the fragile gelatin taking purchase on his tongue before swallowing.
he can feel your eyes on him, trained on the side of his neck.
he swallows once more, before he sees you looking away and to the kids in front of you.
the three of you begin giggling about something wholly undecipherable to him. he continues chewing, the sound of his thoughts louder than the space around him.
--------
Seventeenth of July, 858.
you’re lining desserts along the glass counter, placing them out so people will be able to choose their order visually.
once you hear the chime of the bell, your head whips over to the entrance, eyeing as the five people stroll inside.
it sure is a gleeful surprise to you.
“onyankopon!”
“___!”
you recite each other’s names timely, arms spreading wide in joy.
the lean man rests his arm on the counter, pieck retreating from behind his back to stand in the line of your vision.
“pieck!”
the lady giggles, leaning to her left as she does so.
“we wanted to come surprise you,” she starts tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, “ran into gabi, falco and levi on the way here.” she finishes, already beginning to eye the newly presented pastries.
at the call of their names, you turn to face the three. there, levi sits facing you, tiny smile adorning his face.
he could make no more to suppress it, as it painted itself all on its own.
you nod in greeting, falco sending a lively wave your way with a “hello!” from gabi in response.
“mr. big man here was dying to try your panna cotta,” she cocks her head to the side, nudging onyankopon, “would not stop talking my ear off- my god, you should’ve heard him!”
“pieck, that’s quite enough.” the man in question brings a hand up to his face, chuckling into it with a shake of his head.
“you know you’re always welcomed here, hm?” you grin, already preparing to place them on plates.
“falco, gabi, levi,” the seated man can’t help but be stiff with your attention on him, “what d’you fancy today?”
gabi nearly screeches her reply, “chocolate macarons and panna cotta!”
“kladdkaka for me, please?” falco suggests, much softer.
your eyes blink over to levi, and it’s silent for just a beat.
it takes a while for it to truly set it –– that the attention is now on him.
“i’ll have a sponge cake.” he clears his throat.
you nod twice, “coming right up, go find yourselves a table.”
there’s only a few employees of yours bustling around the bakery, as it was still fairly early.
they find a seat, all taking their own place and waiting for the desserts.
“levi, you alright?”
levi’s thoughts are cut short –– thoughts that do not include you standing in the middle of a flower field, laughing while peering up at the stars. or you giggling at the feel of the cold ocean water on your toes, or you, and how… your lips may feel?
“..yes?”
pieck doesn’t have time to voice her doubt, a blond haired lady accompanied by a brown haired waiter shuffling up to their table to present them with their orders.
“enjoy.” he says, monotone voice and all.
levi doesn’t let his disappointment show when you’re not the one arriving at the table, when you’re not the one getting near him, so he can’t get a whiff of your shampoo.
he tries his best to hide the glow in his eye when he sees you walking towards their table. a cake in your hand on a plate, with a strawberry on the top.
you slide into your seat next to gabi, right across from him.
“___,” onyankopon calls your name, “please.. give me the recipe for this.”
his tone is so serious, face set straight, and you hear pieck’s hums of delight from the seat next to him.
“at least keep this on the menu for longer, my mother is coming down soon.. she’d absolutely love this.”
you can’t help but let an airy giggle slip, reaching over to lightly slap his shoulder.
“you know i’d give you the recipe! i’ll hand it over t’ya after, ‘kay?”
onyankopon smiles gratefully.
“levi,” your attention flitting over to him, shit, “how’re you liking your sponge cake?”
“i like it.”
you grin, teeth and all.
“i was hoping you would- actually, before you all arrived, as i was lining the desserts out in the front, y’know? i saw the sponge cake ‘n thought of you, i’d guess you’d like it.”
levi chokes. chokes on the particles that break up in his mouth. suddenly, it’s all too dry for him to chew. he chokes, coughing into his left elbow while facing downwards.
words of concern are plastered on him from the party, he doesn’t notice you spring up and jog away quickly, nor you returning with a glass of water in your hand.
“here,” you whisper, hand easing on his back while you place the glass in front of him, “drink.”
once again, the scent of you dances around his head –– as if it’s mocking him. ridiculing him –– hey, her hand is on your bac––!
her hand is on my back.
levi tenses, and you retreat it away quickly.
“i’m sorry.” you mumble, “..drink.” motioning to the water.
his eye doesn’t dare flit up, can’t meet with anyones but the white tablecloth below him. soon, you stand up straight, sinking into your chair across from him again.
slowly, the conversation picks itself up not long after, once everyone had been assured levi’s alright.
he almost wants to choke again. just so you can return to your spot next to him, pat at his back, hand him a water –– fingertips grazing yours as he grips a hold of it –– oh, he’s feeling a fever coming on. perhaps you could check for him? place a palm up to his cheek?
the loss of your smell around his nose has him deflated.
he looks up, sees everyone’s plate empty.
his eye lands on you, cheek squished against your wrist, eyes wide as you listen to pieck and onyankopon relive stories from their recent vacation.
for the first time in a long time, levi is left in the dark as to how he got himself into such a difficult situation.
and for the first time in an even longer time, he’s unsure as to why he’s not all that much opposed to it.
--------
Nineteenth of July, 858.
it’s in the late hours of the evening, when the bell above the door to your bakery rings in notification.
you’re sweeping the floors when it does, preparing to lock up for the night.
the bakery is empty, as it’s just you, dusting the wooden planks beneath you and into a corner of the room.
when the chime of the bell reaches your ears, you spin around, eyebrows pinched.
“can you read? we’re close––!”
“___.”
“levi.”
it takes a second, and after that you can only curl into yourself bashfully.
“uhm, i’m sorry. i’m very sorry. i thought you were somebody else..”
it’s quite dark, hard to see, one lamp from outside and the one on the counter being all that lights up your vision.
levi struggles to wheel himself inside, you can tell. so you set your broom down promptly, rushing over to aid him inside.
his hand retreats from yours as you reach out to help pull him in. you pretend not to notice.
once the door shuts, the bakery is left heating up again. it’s silent for a while, as you can only gaze into each other’s eyes.
“is.. everything alright?” you ask.
“oh, uh, yes. i just.. made my pie. i wanted to share it with you.”
you can’t help the skip your heart takes, eyeing the glass dish on his lap.
there’s not much your brain produces, “levi..”
fuck.
“shit, i’m sorry. i don’t know what came over me.. i shouldn’t have come so late- you had a long day, and you’re waiting to get home, i’m sor––!”
“no!” luckily, the space is empty. save the two of you.
“no, please. it’s no problem.” you shuffle in your place awkwardly, hastily pulling out the chair next to you with a loud thump against the floor.
“.. let’s eat.”
levi stares at you for a few seconds, soon guiding his moveable chair into the table you signalled at.
you take a seat next to him, as he places the dish onto the table with shaky hands. you pretend not to notice.
you whisper, “uhm, how many tries did you take?”
the town is empty, the bakery is empty. levi can’t tell why you’re whispering –– though he doesn’t want you to stop.
your words are meant for only him, is that it? his ears only?
“to bake the apple pie, i mean.” you finish.
three.
“one.” he unwraps the protective layer on the top, watching from the corner of his eye as you spring up, returning with two, tiny forks in hands.
you hum to yourself. the space between you is tiny. it’s private.
you get yourself a piece first, steam still dancing over the top of the crust.
you won’t ask why he’s up, baking pies at 8PM.
letting the dessert fall on your tongue, you’re truly left unable to name all the ingredients he’s placed in this.
levi reaches for a piece next, pulling it off with his teeth so it falls into his mouth.
he chews. you wait.
“my- god, oh, what––?” he lets the fork drop, reaching for two napkins that sit in the middle of the table. he brings one up to his mouth, presumably to spit the dessert out into it.
when he glances back up to you, surprise painting his features, he watches as you chew. you do so slowly, face devoid of any emotion, though eyes slightly wide. levi retreats just slightly, it’s almost scary.
“how can you eat this?” he asks.
you tilt your head to the side, eyebrows raised.
“levi, this is––!”
“sugary.” he finishes.
at that, you giggle. your resolve had warmed, cheeks rounding up in a smile as your eyes glow within the darkness. you take the napkin levi hands you, spitting out your own portion into it.
“this is.. very, very sweet, levi.” you pout.
“.. i’m sorry. the sugar spilled, i tried to balance it out by adding more flour, though.”
levi’s embarrassed. but it’s when you giggle, that he doesn’t mind all that much.
“that’s not.. exactly how you do it. but you’ve got the idea.” you say with a smile.
levi’s eye gazes into yours –– deep into the irises that lay under eyelashes and above deep bags. the lamp to the right of you perfectly paints your face, casting waves over the swell of your cheeks, the dip of your nose, and the plump your lips has. you’re… pretty. very, very pretty.
when your eyes flicker down to his lips, his eyes widen just slightly.
“i can teach you.” you voice up abruptly, head having turned away and to study the napkins that sit still in the middle of the table.
“huh?”
“how to bake apple pie. you did good, it’s just a mistake of you spilling the sugar. happens to the best of us, really.”
levi’s mouth opens, then closes, all to open again once more.
“i couldn’t ask for that..”
“i’m offering. no, i’m telling.” you voice, fingers toying with your fork.
“i- okay.” levi clears his throat.
“okay?”
“mhm.”
the air between you falls into silence. it’s not awkward –– far from it. yet levi hurriedly finds for something, anything to fill in the quietness.
without thinking, he cuts off a big chunk of his pie, shoving it into his mouth in one go.
it seems he’s underestimated the power of sugar, taste of it reaching every corner of his mouth as he grimaces.
“whyyyy would you––”
“shall we wash this down with some chocolate macarons?” he cuts you off, swallowing after having placed his fork down.
it takes you a second to answer, focused on the.. peculiar nature it is that levi holds himself with.
“i.. oh, of course.” you smile, once you stand from your seat, he smells it again –– fuck.
he wonders, if you smell this well whilst cooking dinner, or in the early hours in the morning –– still tucked under your duvet? if you still smell of the clouds against pearls, flowery scent and a new bouquet from the florist down the road.
you’re off, doing your thing, plating macarons with your tongs.
it’s then, when levi dares to think. maybe –– just maybe, in some twisted sense, that possibly.. this apple pie of his, was just as sweet as you.
--------
ACT II : Heaven’s Door.
--------
Twenty-first of July, 858.
levi is sweating.
the man is sweating hard. he’d blame it on the sun on his skin. he’s been trying to blame it on the sun. internal conflict battling within himself, because the beads dripping down his temple are due to the rays hitting his skin –– not finally being able to see you out of your work attire for the first time ever.
you’re adorn in a yellow wiggle dress, thin chain of your pearl necklace dancing over the folded collar. on your feet are thick heeled, porcelain white shoes, the straps of them secured over your ankles. what levi doesn’t know, is that it had taken you forty-five minutes to pick out this same outfit.
“levi.” you call his name from behind him, prompting him to tilt his head upwards.
he hums before you bend down, eyes lining with his sight.
his breath doesn’t hitch when you start to explain something about home ground cinnamon being better than store ground cinnamon, he does hear you rambling about on how to know if a cinnamon stick is good for purchase or not.
your ear grazes his hair, he can see your lips kissing the air as you speak out about god knows what.
when you turn to him, he nods at nothing.
“yeah,” he ducks his head, “cinnamon.”
you raise an eyebrow, “were you listening?” you ask, setting down the cinnamon sticks in the basket laid on levi’s lap.
“yes.” he makes some half gesture with his hand, “cinnamonnnnnnn…” he finishes.
when you squint your eyes at him, levi’s cheeks erupt in red.
you inhale to begin speaking, then exhale all at once.
“you’re a very interesting person, levi.” you laugh. placing a hand on the back of his moveable chair, your fingertips graze his back.
levi freezes. you’re touching him again. no, it’s not that big a deal. you touch people all the time, right? when handing a plate to a customer, fingers meet in the middle.
he wonders, but there was no need to place your hand there. then again, he’s in no place to presume, given that he had accidentally dropped his golden serviette on the floor in front of you yesterday. for you to pick it up, he had also, accidentally had his finger skim over yours.
perhaps your employees pull that trick too, in the guise of a brushed over accident.
“i like spending time with you.” you whisper.
it’d be hard to hear your words over the overlapping voices in the market, but levi manages just fine.
he thinks maybe he wasn’t intended to hear, when he turns in his place to face you, going by how your eyes widen just slightly.
“me too.”
“ah.. yeah.”
when he turns back around, he sinks into his chair, organizing all ingredients that are in the basket.
you eye his movements –– he’s not doing anything. they’re already organized perfectly, heaviest and flattest items on the bottom, opposites on top.
you halt his awkward shuffling when you speak up, “shall we go?”
levi sets down the nutmeg, clearing his throat. he acts as if his actions were interrupted, “sure.”
--------
no, perhaps both sides of the coin were incorrect.
he’d met admittance. the sweat collecting over his palms were, in fact, not from the sun, nor your dress (though that still played a large factor).
it was instead due to the fact that levi would be sitting in the middle of your kitchen in exactly twenty minutes. the place that’s the most undeniably you, you’d invite him in.
perhaps there’d be paintings of puppies lining your wall, as he always watches you squat down to give one love on the streets. maybe a piano, as you’d mentioned in passing you’d love to pick up a new hobby –– “perhaps music? what d’you think, levi? think i have what it takes?”
he could only nod on the outside. yes, yes, and yes. you could do anything, ___, you have no idea.
those twenty minutes have him no time to prepare, as before he knew it, he was already there.
levi doesn’t want to say it’s not what he expected, because he doesn’t want to make it seem like he doesn’t know you. though you’d let him in, right? this is step one. wait –– that’s not a creepy thing to want, right?
there is a piano, yet no paintings of puppies. instead, levi had taken note of a portrait towards the entrance. a portrait that included you, and some mystery man with his hands on your shoulders. both your smiles were big, and when you went to peel your shoes off your feet, you managed to block it from his vision.
levi decided it was best not to ask, he’d already gathered what he needed with what he had. maybe there’d be paintings of puppies further in.
your home is minimalistic. it has only what you need. there’s no knick-knacks, no decorations –– none.
it’s missing its cosy, homey feeling. if anything, your bakery feels more welcoming than this.
levi takes note of the lone, single chair sitting at your dining table.
perhaps, it’s because you’re all alone when you’re here.
levi watches silently as you whisk together the flour, sugar and salt in a bowl.
he feels awkward. looking around studying the interior of your kitchen, though at the same time, he doesn’t want to feel like a nosy person.
“levi, could you pass the butter?”
“ah- yeah.” he wheels himself to the stack of ingredients you’ve bought, fishing out the block of butter safe within the glass case.
levi doesn’t give his brain ten seconds. he doesn’t dare even think this is the least bit domestic.
“is it melted?” you ask.
he glances down to it in his hand, “no.”
“okay, could you mush the butter in with the flour and everything?” you raise your apron over your head, draping it over a chair, “i’ve got to run to the restroom, i’ll be right back!”
you don’t give levi time to answer, circling around his moveable chair and down the hallway.
he blinks when you leave the room, eye skimming over your recipe book.
okay, easy enough.
levi drops the needed amount of butter into the bowl, picking up a fork to begin mashing it.
the counter sits slightly higher, deeming the task just a bit more difficult for him.
levi reaches out, curling his left hands fingers around the bowl to pull onto his la––!
CRASH.
pieces of the bowl hit the bottom. they go breaking off into shards, spread and sliding along your tiled floor.
he freezes, eye wide and stuck on the glass below him. levi makes a move to place his hands on his wheels, veering him backwards, yet he can’t.
not twenty seconds later are you dashing into the kitchen.
“levi, are you okay––!”
your sentence cuts short when you see him. he’s fine, but your bowl, unfortunately, is not.
“what happened?” your voice is softer, stepping tentatively over the broken pieces.
“uh- i’m sorry.” levi’s voice wavers.
he wants to scream. he is so fucking irritated. he feels an explosion swirling in the pit of his stomach, heart jumping into his mouth and throat constricted.
“that’s alright,” you eye the flour and butter splattered over the floor, “really, it’s alright. but are you hurt––!” levi shoves your hand away when you reach out.
“i’m sorry,” you rush, levi feels tears forming in the corners of his eyes, “i should have asked before touching you, i’m sorry. i just wanted to make sure you’re alright.” you speak, stepping back cautiously.
“i’m fine.” his voice clips harshly around his words, curt tone spilling from behind his lips.
you nod, “alright.. how about we start on getting this cl––”
“i’m leaving.”
before you can look up, levi has his hands on his wheels. he steers himself backwards, ignoring the sound of glass shards crunching beneath him.
“huh?” when your wide eyes meet his, he resists the urge to punch himself.
“i’m going.”
you’re not sure what to say, fingers toying with your necklace –– the one you wore for him.
you stand in silence, watching as he makes his way through your house to the entrance. you can tell he gets lost along the way, grumbled words of annoyance flying through the halls and meeting your ears. you don’t go to help him, you don’t want to make him uncomfortable. before you know it, he’s out the door.
fuck, i should have covered that portrait of me and him out front. why did i tell him to mix the butter? he’s my guest. he shouldn’t have to be doing any work.
a whole five minutes had passed since your door had shut. you’ll lock it after, you promise yourself. now, you squat down, half-heartedly wiping at the spilled ingredients lining the floors tiles.
your brain laughs at you, as you begin to pick up the pieces of the broken bowl. your eyes scavenge for the bigger shards, stumbling across a few small pieces of your heart within there, as well.
--------
Twenty-fifth of July, 858.
four days since you’ve last seen levi.
that’s four days you’ve been overthinking, replaying the afternoon day in your head, desperate for some sign as to what you did wrong.
it’s in the early hours of the morning, you dust at nothing, table already having been wiped over more times than you can count.
it was the portrait, wasn’t it?
perhaps you had crossed a line, inviting him to your home.
he never asked for it, you basically made him.
dammit, it’s what you do best. driving people away.
you halt your actions, shoulders hunched as your fingers stay splayed across the table.
you sigh, eyes squeezed shut.
“fuck!” you chuck the rag onto the table, a slap echoing throughout the empty bakery as you do so.
“what did that rag ever do to you?”
when you whip your head to the source of the sound, you see levi at the entrance.
ears of yours didn’t pick up on him coming through, too engrossed in your actions to notice.
“levi?”
his lips purse, shoulders curling into themselves.
lame joke.
he clears his throat, “sorry..” he whispers quietly.
“what.. are you doing here? bakery hasn’t opened yet,” you turn back around, switching the place of the maple syrup for the icing sugar.
“i know.. i just. i wanted to apologize.”
teeth sink into your bottom lip.
levi takes your silence as a sign to continue, “first, for breaking your bowl. and for uh.. snapping at you like that.”
when you turn around, levi is closer, he’s toying with a button on his shirt. you notice the same glass dish sat over his thighs.
“i was in no place to speak to you like that. you invited me to your home, gave me free food, took me out –– regardless of it inconveniencing you.”
you open your mouth to reply, yet levi raises a finger to shush you.
“i apologize. really. i don’t expect you to accept it, either. uh.. i made the pie. stayed up until three last nigh- i mean, i made it around six.” he wheels himself to the table you’re standing over, placing the dish over the smooth tablecloth.
“enjoy it.”
when he goes to wheel himself back, your fingers curl around his wrist before you can stop yourself.
when levi’s eye meets yours, you retreat it straight away.
“sorry.” it flies past your lips gravely.
you clear your throat, “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have touched you like that. you were distressed, i should have given you your space.” you nod.
a crease forms between levi’s eyebrows.
“what? no. ___, you don’t need to apologize. not for touching me, i..” his words fall flat.
you raise an eyebrow.
he whispers, “i’m okay with it.”
eyes of yours widen, clutching the rag within tight fingers.
you open your mouth to speak.
“–– pie?”
but levi cuts you off.
“h–? uh, yes. pie.”
you fall into a routine, levi waiting at the table, you returning with two forks to eat with.
you balance your piece on the fork, same with levi.
at the same time, you taste them.
your eyes widen slightly, hand going to rest on levi’s shoulder automatically.
“levi, this is amazing!”
you lean into his side, hand covering your mouth as you continue to chew.
“..really?”
“mhm! it’s perfect!”
you take another bite, and another after that.
levi likes it, but i think i’d like it more if it was made by you.
before the both of you know it, all that’s left is crumbs.
the store’s about to open soon, you tell levi, standing up to do one last clean before you open the doors.
levi helps you, despite you telling him multiple times that it won’t be necessary.
he brushes you off, still insisting to assist you.
the bakery is still silent, only sounds being the sweep of a broom or chairs against the wooden floor.
“levi,” you speak up, the man turns to you.
“i.. i’m okay with you touching me, too.”
levi’s cheeks redden.
--------
Thirtieth of July, 858.
for the past five days, you and levi have been strolling the streets together.
levi had nothing new to see, living here for four years now. though he had to admit, it’s just… different, when in the presence of you.
gabi and falco giggled and teased him when he had let the children know he’d yet again be out with you today. down to the beach, watching the waves crash into each other.
all he could do was tighten his face and brush them away, parting his hair before going out to meet you in the centre of town.
levi’s well aware gabi and falco would soon go on and laugh to the rest about his recent afternoon adventures with you, though he doesn’t mind as much anymore.
that’s how he got here, now. seated with you on the benches, watching as the river flows by calmly.
you twiddle with his hand, fingers tracing shapes onto his palm.
“my hands are cold.” you had pressed. it’s summer.
as a pigeon waddles by, levi raises a chocolate macaron past his lips.
“levi.” you call, fixing your coat over your shoulders.
“hm?”
is my palm sweaty?
“when’s your birthday?” when you turn to him and his eyebrows are creased, you go on further to explain, “i always make a special cake for my friends when it’s their birthday. i just want to know when it is so i can start making one for you.”
“oh.” is all levi responds with at first, “well.. you don’t have to do that.” he looks away.
“hm?”
levi shrugs, “i don’t know when my birthday is.”
the query falls from your lips before you can stop it, “how?”
when levi takes a deep breath, you follow with one yourself.
“i.. was born in a not so good place,” he starts, fingers of his now running themselves over your wrist, “there were no documents for my birth. i don’t even know my real age.. but i’ve been alive for quite a while, heh.”
you don’t laugh.
levi clears his throat, “uh, yeah. the place where i grew up was shitty. it was some underground area. there were criminals running free, the worst people you could imagine. muggers, robbers, murderers, you name it. my mother was.. she did everything she could to provide for me. she… yeah.”
you don’t need levi to elaborate on that, your heart breaks for him. truly.
“i got out eventually. but.. yeah. i don’t know my age.”
“… i’m sorry for asking.” you whisper.
levi simply shrugs, “you didn’t know. you had no way of knowing.”
you simply just give his wrist a squeeze.
“but.. my.. friends would always throw me small birthday parties once i was older. in the regiment. i told you about them, right?”
hurriedly, you nod in reply.
“yeah.. it was mostly hange. erwin just.. kinda went along with what they did, heh. they set the date to the twenty-fifth of december, officially made it my birthday, i guess. miche would always get drunk out of his mind, ended up sweet talking nanaba up.” levi chuckles to himself, staring out into the water.
his throat constricts.
“i.. miss them.” it sounds more like a question than a statement.
“i miss them.” levi says once more, voice softer this time.
when levi looks at you, your lips part. his eye is slightly glossy.
“i just… wish they were here. i wish they could.. fuck.. they never got any chances to live good lives. eating seafood? erwin never got to try that.. photographs? moblit never got to find out what they were.. he would be so fascinated by one… and.. erwin.. he wanted to know. he wanted to- dammit.”
when levi brings a hand up to pinch at his nose, you rub at his back.
you’re not sure how to comfort him, or what to say in this moment.
your presence is more than enough, ___. just stay with me.
“i wish they could meet you. meet falco, onyankopon, gabi. without the war. without the hatred and killing, i just––!”
it’s when levi’s voice cracks, do you bring him into your chest.
you shush him gently, running fingers through his hair.
he makes no movements for a drawn out ten seconds. it’s after that, do you hear his light whimpers. his shoulders shake from under your arms, sniffles reaching your ears.
that’s how you spend the remainder of the afternoon. vulnerability leaking from levi’s eye. iris that anyone else who knew him before the war could only describe as stone cold. he’s curled into the heat of you, the reassurance you provide. until the sun sets, he lets his emotions run free. within the revered arms of the person that could only be you.
--------
Third of August, 858.
hues of dusty orange spill through your window, and onto the wooden floor of your bakery.
you’re sweeping, once again, having ushered out all of your employees to be left alone and close up for the night.
under your breath, you hum a distant tune. sweeping dust into the corner of the bakery, you don’t miss the ring of the bell when the door opens.
“good evening, levi.” you don’t even need to turn around to know who it is.
his voice speaks up from behind you, “what if it wasn’t me?”
“well, i guess i’d be awfully embarrassed.” when you turn in your spot, you see levi smiling at you amusedly.
adorn in a silk white shirt, black slacks, loafers and a peacoat. he looks incredibly handsome.
“you’re lucky it’s just me then, huh?” he whispers.
you lay a hand on your hip. the air stills, for just a second.
“yeah.” you reply, “i am.
when teeth sink into your bottom lip, you resist the urge to let your eyes linger on his sculpted face. so instead, they fall to his lap. which carry two containers over the top.
you clear your throat, dusting the pad of your thumb under your nose, “what’s that?” you question him.
levi looks down to his lap, picking up both containers after rolling towards you, “tea.”
you raise an eyebrow.
“i.. it’s always me trying your food. y’know? i.. i brought this tea. i made it. we just need to boil it and stuff.. well, no. not boiling water.. just heated water. if you use boiling water it destroys all the properties, and that just defeats the purpose of it all, and.. yup.” levi trails off, lips pursing once his eye lands on your face once more.
you nod softly, “okay.” setting down your broom, you untie your apron, “wanna.. come teach me?”
levi’s certain that you’re more than capable.
“yes.”
from there, he wheels himself to the back of your counter. it’s the first time he’s seen that space you’re always seated, always greeting customers with genuine, warm welcomes.
levi smiles, once he sees a painting of two puppies sitting on one of the shelves.
you begin to boil a kettle, levi pulling out two teacups he’s brought along to sit them on the counter.
as the water heats up, all you can do is stare at each other.
levi wonders if he should bring up the weather. no, that’s stupid.
you giggle, then he giggles. now you’re giggling.
wordlessly, levi points to the kettle, prompting you to snatch it away before it begins to boil.
you bashfully fill half of levi’s cup with the heated water, then repeat the same for your own cup, filling the remaining half with room temperature water.
once the tea is completed, you’re both seated at the same table, taking small sips and slipping each other not so subtle looks.
levi is the first to break the silence, “i want to say sorry.”
you hum, “..for?”
“yesterday.”
“levi, you don––!”
“no, i know,” he begins, trailing a finger over his teacup, “i just.. just let me say sorry, okay? do you forgive me?”
you lean in, hand resting on the tabletop, “of course, levi. of course i do.”
levi opens his mouth to reply, but when he closes it right after, you let your fingers brush his wrist.
“they’d be glad,” he stiffly nods, “that i’m here. and okay. and.. letting myself be happy.”
“you’re happy?”
“yes.” the black haired man answers before you even get the question out.
“i am.” he presses.
your brain lags. it’s merely a broken stereo halted in the moment that is now. dust bunnies float through the air, accentuated by the evening light that spills through the windows.
lips press to yours –– so gently. it’s a cloud meeting his lost one, reunited after the storm.
the act of intimacy sparks no fireworks in your belly. it ignites no dynamite deep within your heart.
no, the act of intimacy can only be described in one word –– home.
it’s the feeling of sinking into your plush mattress, arriving back from a long trip down south. it’s the feeling of stepping through the door of your safe haven, safe from the rain that’s left pouring from the other side.
when you pull back, eyes of yours flutter open. they gravitate to levi’s instantly.
a wordless understanding hangs in the tiny air between you.
you whisper, “levi––”
“shh.” levi cuts you off softly, “i know, i know. trust me.” he assures you.
he knows. you know.
--------
ACT III : Lance Corporal Loverman.
--------
First of September, 858.
levi’s hair blows with the pattern of the wind as he’s wheeled through the streets. the sun is beginning to set, already halfway down below the horizon.
the business of the streets begin to wind down, as you direct levi’s moveable chair back to your home. on the way there, you’d stop to admire a magician showing off his act for the children to awe at.
his sack sits half full on the ground, extended and open to receiving any donations from the onlookers.
levi purchases ice cream for the two of you –– chocolate for him, citrus ice for you.
you end up switching them not five minutes later, something about levi liking your chocolate desserts more.
you’d talked about how much life had changed in the four years it has been since the war had ended. the people levi had lost, and the people he had gained along the way.
levi had gotten teary eyed at a sense of nostalgia, missing when the cadets were young and only knew causing ruckus during the early hours of the morning. the amount of times levi would wake during the night. he’d have to scold connie, jean, a girl named sasha, armin, mikasa and a boy named eren for their not-so-secret adventures onto the top of the walls.
you could compare, heart heavy now that gabi no longer needed your help to tie her hair, or assist her with her academic projects.
all to making new memories, hm?
lightly, you nudge at levi’s shoulder.
when he turns in place, you wipe some smudged chocolate off his lip.
“let’s go?” you ask.
levi nods, “let’s go.”
--------
Nineteenth of September, 858.
the air is chilly as it flows past you and through the thin, white curtains that spill into the room.
the leaves front themselves as the sunrise, orange and yellow mirrored in both the sky and the fallen leaves.
the rim of the teacup sits between your lips as you swallow the liquid down, vacant hand playing with the wool sweater levi has on.
“i was thinking,” he begins, “we could attend this musical show later tonight? with pieck and onyankopon?” he finishes, light pink dusting the tips of his ears.
you nod when you swallow your tea, setting it down on the small saucer before facing him.
“i’d like that.”
“and after we can go to the market?” his voice rings higher, eye trained on the blue topaz necklace that sits between your collarbones.
“i’d like that as well, levi.”
the man ducks his head, “great.” he sings.
levi doesn’t twitch when you sink your fingers into his hair fleetingly.
he turns to look at you, “you had a little lint in your hair.” you giggle.
“that so?” he chuckles.
“hm.. no.” you shake your head, necklace swinging as you do so.
when he reaches out to it, you still. his finger grazes the delicate jewel. suddenly, he has an overpowering feeling. levi has the urge to keep this jewel safe, protected from all the horrors it is that he’d experienced throughout his horrid years, that are now only buried under memories.
levi wants nothing but to keep the jewel safe in his own revered arms, bless her to sleep with the hums of a seasonal tune.
“it looks nice on you. i knew it.” he whispers.
“oh, hm? yeah. it does, doesn’t it? thank you for it once more, levi.”
levi raises a hand dismissively, kissing his teeth, “it was nothing.”
you raise a hand to interlock your fingers with his, “you’re a great friend.” you voice.
levi smiles when your lips brush the pads of his fingers.
“as are you, ____.”
after a long night, and many wine glasses later, you and levi had returned to your house.
it was a laid back night, seated in your seat for the majority of it, hand in levi’s watching as the actors showed out their play for all attendees to see.
after it had ended, the four of you went to dine outside of an elegant restaurant. it was a chilly evening, scarf wrapped around levi’s neck for the majority of it.
your hands had been wrapped in the gloves levi had wordlessly handed to you (much to your hesitancy to accept, but he saw right through you –– he could also see the constant shaking of your bare hands). your palms enclosed his, keeping his own reddening fingers safe from the harsh bite of the cold.
after bidding your goodbyes to pieck and onyankopon, you invited him to your home. he said it’s no problem, but you insisted. it’s gotten darker, and in turn colder.
“that’s what friends are for, levi.”
friends don’t exactly lay on each others’ chest, hands wrapped around each other, safe in the warmth over top of silk sheets.
you both focus on the draft of the air flowing into the room.
neither of you make a move to shut it –– as then it’ll be too hot, and how are you meant to lay in each other’s arms if it’s too hot?
levi stays listening on the patter of your heart, head sunk onto your chest. eye of his stuck on the painting of puppies hung on the wall. when you raise a hand to run through his hair, levi let’s out a sigh. he finally feels content. he’s been waiting for this, for you.
--------
First of October, 858.
Dear Erwin, Hange.
I’m writing you both this letter from my spot on a balcony, the air is rather chilly tonight. Fall has recently begun, and I’m excited to go out to see all the different colored leaves soon. It’s not my first fall here, far from it, you know that, though I’m still looking forward to it. My therapist had told me years ago to look forward to the little things that may seem minuscule to others, but bigger to me. So, that’s what I stay doing.
I hope all is well with you, I hope the afterlife is treating you well. Erwin, I hope you’re enjoying your unlimited beef briskets. Hange, I hope you’re enjoying your forever salted peas, no matter how disgusting they were. Hange, please be sure to continue annoying the shit out of Erwin up there for me. I highly appreciate it.
I want to apologize for not writing to you in a long while. I’m sure you’ll understand, right? Surely you’ve been watching me, too?
Recently, I’ve met a woman. She’s just her. She still has me on edge, yet it’s a good kind. I fear of fucking up around her. All I want to bring her is happiness, just as she brings me.
It almost seems a sin, to engage myself with someone as sickly sweet as her, knowing what you have all gone through. Though I know, you’d want me to go and be happy, right? I am happy. I’ve been so, very happy lately.
Her smile sets sparks in my stomach, her laugh makes me want to scream from the top of the hills. Her touch against mine is fire from stone. I’m hooked on her - and Gelgar, I’m sure you’d be too (though if you were here, I’m afraid I would have to punch you if you were to try anything on her).
She had encouraged me to open a tea shop not long ago. I’m thinking of doing so. I’m not completely sure what to name it yet, but I know I want it to include you guys. I want your legacy to live on with me, I want people to know your names. You never got the chance to live this life, so I will bring this life to you. She had asked if we could join them together, she has a bakery (Petra, you’d love it), and I was ecstatic at the idea.
I’m going to go for it. I’m going to open my tea shop with her, customers will come up to the counter and ask for a Herbal Hange - okay, that sounds quite stupid. As I said, names are in progress, so I apologise.
My letters to you may be on a decline from here. It’s been years, and never have any of you left the place in my heart. I’ll need to move on, I will send all my letters in the ocean, as I’ll know you’d like to keep them with you up there (Miche, don’t you dare sniff them). I won’t be writing to you as often, maybe I’ll give it up as a whole. Just know I love you. I love you all.
I dream of a life with her. I stay up during the nights, I daze away while on my way to work. Armin, Mikasa, Jean and Connie tease me about it, those little shits. They’re all happy now, so I don’t mind one bit.
I dream of a perfect life with her. I’ll never want her to experience what I have gone through. I know you’d all adore her, just maybe not as much as me.
Humanity’s strongest soldier will have to retire now. So I want to say thank you for your blessings. Thank you for your understanding. Thank you all for everything.
I’ll tell her you said hello.
From me, to you.
With half my love, farewell my all, Captain Levi Ackerman.