Work Text:
Ten minutes
Hongjoong didn’t know whether he was anxious or excited but in ten minutes his first ever group cover was going to be released
He held his breath as he saw the video pop up in his recommended almost instantly after refreshing the page as he sat and watched the video play.
Fuck
Hongjoong threw his head back as he stopped the video halfway.
fuck fuck fuck why.
Weeks ago when they were filming the cover Hongjoong had accidentally slipped and made a mistake, not too noticeable so he had thought, but you could see it loud and clear right there, his first cover and he managed it fuck it up. Let alone as he continued to watch the cover he noticed how his face looked completely blank clearly showing “stress” written all over his face and god he felt so disappointed with himself.
He had worked so hard for this and this was the outcome??
He couldn’t even recall the amount of times he had practised his facial expressions in the bathroom mirror late at night.
Hongjoong finished watching the cover hardly focusing on anyone else because of the thoughts that clouded in his mind of his own performance.
Without thinking he immediately scrolled down to the comments anxiously, there were multiple comments that started to accumulate praising the other dancers, especially one of the other newer ones “Jung Wooyoung” people complimenting how well he did, how he performed like a professional. As Hongjoong scrolled deeper he started feeling the guilt and hurt build in his chest, he and Wooyoung were the only new ones who had joined the cover group and yet there were majority comments praising Wooyoung, nothing at all said about Hongjoong, well not until he saw a comment of a frowning emoji with a timestamp next to it. Hongjoong feeling panic build as he clicked on the time stamp eager to see what the commenter was frowning upon. And of course it had to be the exact moment he messed up.
Hongjoong immediately felt the tightening of his chest, closing his laptop he opened his phone seeing two missed calls from his best friend, clearing his throat he pressed on the notification waiting for San to pick up.
“Joong!”
“Hey san” he tried to lift his voice
“I saw your cover, god you did so well, even better then when I was watching you guys perform it”
Hongjoong didn’t think so, well at least he didn’t think he did well.
“Thanks”
“Hey, everything alright? You don’t seem that excited about it then earlier?” San questioned with a concerning tone, which Hongjoong hated so much. Great now he’s made his best friend worry.
“Im just tried san, lack of sleep” he lied forcing an airy laugh.
“Joong you sure? Are you sure its not anything else”
Hongjoong sighed.
“Fuck I don’t know san, I'm disappointed, its not even just that,, but I know I can do so much better than that”
“Hey hey hey, don’t beat yourself up about something you can’t change huh? God don’t make me come over and slap the living shit out of you, literally my heart was pounding watching it, i’m so fucking proud of you, you finally made it! And even so there’s going to be so many more performances, so many more chances for you to show them the talent that you hold”
Hongjoong felt the ache one again return in his chest as well as the burning behind his eyes
“Yea I guess, I just wish that my first one would be kinda decent, you know? Agh san it just sucks that i’m sitting here knowing I could have done better”
“Joong like I said, its all in the past now, you can’t change what’s already happened bub, and even if you know you could have done better you still have so many other opportunities to prove how good you really are, like you’re still so new to all this, no one shoves a camera in your face and a huge group of people around you for the first time and expects you to act like you’ve been doing this for years, ok? You did so well for your first time and i’m always going to be supporting you, you know that? Hm?”
“Yea I know” Hongjoong fiddled with the hem of his shirt.
“Okay Joongie I have to get to Yeosang’s, he’s been feeling unwell with a cold these past few days, get some rest bub, you’ve been working so hard these couple of past days rest up”
“I will don’t worry”
“I love you”
“Love you too”
And with that San hung up as Hongjoong threw his phone across the couch resting back into the head of the couch as he let out a loud sigh.
He looked at the heap of uni work that was left on the table in front of him glaring at him, but right now Hongjoong had a glaring headache from the ache that was still in his chest and unshed tears that he pushed back.
Instead he resulted to drowning out whatever disappointment he felt with the sound of music hoping he would just forget and fall asleep.
And that’s exactly what happened.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Hongjoong woke up that morning sleeping through both his alarms checking his phone which had left two missed calls from San that morning and a thread of messages reminding him that he’s going to be late to class.
San rang for a third time and Hongjoong answered letting him know that he’ll be late and to go on without him.
Hongjoong rested his phone back down, thoughts from the previous night flooded his head again, thinking about the performance and that one comment making the ache in his chest feel all familiar again.
With curiosity Hongjoong searched for the video again shocked at the amount of views it had accumulated from only the past few hours, as well as the multiple messages sent from their group chat congratulating everyone and the success of their video.
He scrolled down in the comments looking for any new ones curious if anyone else noticed his mistake, thankfully no one had commented anything else about it but there were also no new comments about him at all, all just praising Wooyoung again.
Great.