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it was odd. after all those years youngjae and mark had known each other, seeing him like that was— yeah, odd. (it was the best word youngjae could think of in his current state of being dumbfounded and speechless.)
youngjae had collected a lot of different impressions of mark, but none of those would ever fit the mark he saw right then, right there.
mark had always been all over dogs and mark couldn’t shut up about how much he loved the beach. back in high school mark had been in the swimming team, forcing youngjae to come and watch every competition. mark also had a very excotic taste in food and would drag youngjae to all kind of weird restaurants and he would do a bunch of flips and tricks to impress his blonde boyfriend— well, ex-boyfriend , as far as he remembered.
maybe that’s what made youngjae feel so strange about the image of mark with a child— mark tuan, the same mark tuan who was barely able to talk proper korean during high school days and the same mark tuan who couldn’t cook a single meal that wasn’t instant noodles. the same mark tuan that had always bugged about not wanting to settle like this ever, that children just weren’t his lifestyle, that he much rather travelled and lived his life as freely as possible.
that very same mark tuan held the door open for a tiny little male— a black haired baby boy, hair messy and eyes big and excited— and stopped right in front of the counter top, locking eyes with youngjae.
he didn’t even seem surprised, smiling as if it hasn’t been years out of touch.
“hi,” mark said, casual as if this was their usual . but it wasn’t, mark wasn’t a customer there, youngjae would know his usual, just as well as he knew the usuals of the cute lady with her heels just a bit too high who loved to drink strawberry latte and always took some plain coffee for her boyfriend. or that dancer guy, tall and lanky and always in company with a thai boy; they’d order today’s cake and matcha latte and take a peach ice tea for — and that’s who they swear he is — the boy with the nicest peach . (it has been youngjae’s TMI for the day and yet it kept lingering in his head— he wondered whether that nice peach guy would ever join them so he could meet him.)
so youngjae would know that mark loved his iced americano with an extra shot and just a little bit of caramel— but youngjae of course didn’t remember details as such, that was bullshit.
hi , youngjae thought. hi? what was that supposed to mean?
“how have you been?” the male continued with the same annoying american accent that youngjae remembered from a decade ago. but youngjae stayed silent, couldn’t muster up the courage to answer, or maybe he just forgot how korean worked for a moment too long.
god, this was killing him. his heart dropped at the sound of mark’s delicate voice, low and dark and raspy and dripping with the sweetness of honeysuckle just as it had been back at high school. the same low and raspy voice, sharp at the edge that youngjae knew from all kinds of occasions— more of them naughty than not.
youngjae was staring at this point, not yet able to comprehend and answer whatever mark had asked him moments ago. how has he been? god, that was another story.
the older male cocked his head to the side and gave the blonde a slightly confused look — he apparently couldn’t understand why youngjae was that dumbfounded. even though it was obvious. it was, wasn’t it? it was only a decade that had passed, that wasn’t nearly enough time to get over a guy like mark tuan.
youngjae swore he’d need at least a second lifetime to get over someone like mark tuan.
it was crazy, that it has been almost 14 years since they had met; back in his junior year at high school when this annoyingly handsome transfer student started sitting next to him, talking to him with his terrible american accent and wouldn’t stop getting on youngjae’s nerves. that was mark tuan .
mark tuan, the boy who seemed untouchable from the very first day, the boy who confessed to youngjae hidden in the shelter of shallow light after PE. the same boy who had stolen his first kiss and first time and who was a reason for him to ditch his family and everything to be with him until— well, until high school ended.
university was… different.
first of all, mark had moved to busan for university which was a four hour train ride from mokpo and unaffordable for little unemployed youngjae at that time.
while mark was living his best life going back and forth between busan and seoul youngjae was busy studying each and every day to make it through somehow. and that’s probably where everything started to get messed up.
jealousy and anger and feeling neglected all added up and one fight led to another and to screaming over the phone up to the words fine, let’s just break up then .
and that was it — ten years of no talking to each other. no messages. no calls.
their almost two years long lasting relationship of trust and passion and secret meet-ups shattered with one call, with one slip of tongue. easy as that.
youngjae had dropped out of university and moved to seoul, away from his family and friends and anyone who could bring up anything related to high school and the boy with the sharp canines (not like anyone had ever known about them anyways) starting to work part time at different occasions; flower shops, supermarkets, restaurants, cafés — and that’s how he ended up where he was.
they had been falling for him the moment he stepped through the door and applied for the job, a smile as bright as the sun and voice loudly echoing off the walls. the enthusiasm he had despite being in such a poor situation stunned every single one of them.
by now it wasn’t just some part time job anymore, those days were long gone, he had worked his way up to being some sort of deputy manager. they were currently planning to open a new café in hongdae and youngjae was number one on their list of who to choose as the manager there.
but right then when mark had opened that goddamn door youngjae had forgotten how his job worked, or speaking. or anything else than staring really.
and for the glimpse of a moment youngjae’s heart and head did a one eighty, thinking that mark was looking for him, that he had never been able to forget about the time they had shared and the memories they had collected. and youngjae thought that mark kept the old shabby hoodie that youngjae had lend him on the very first date locked away in a box in the back of his drawer too, but then that kid pulled on mark’s hand and said, “ appa , i want my strawberry milk, please.”
a very sharp and painful reminder of the fact that mark was even more untouchable now than he was back in high school. he had a pretty wife at his side, probably a breath-taking korean beauty, judging from the little guy next to mark.
“jaebeom-ah,” mark looked down to the mob of hair, fumbling with a few strands and tucking them behind the boy’s ear. “ appa just met an old friend, can you give him just a teeny tiny moment to talk to him?” he asked with such a sweet voice, pointed out how little time he’ll need in an exaggerated gesture that it broke youngjae in a way that he wanted to fall to his knees and cry and ask mark for a hug but— god, even thinking about this was pathetic.
jaebeom, which was apparently the boy’s— mark’s son’s— name somehow seemed to hate the waiting and made impatient grabby hands towards his father until the redhead lifted him on his arms.
the blonde couldn’t help but look at the tiny figure and the pout on his puffy lips and the way he clinged to mark’s frame. but as their eyes locked, the boy’s face seemed to light up and he shot up just to point at youngjae and say, “ appa , appa , i know your friend!”
maybe it wasn’t the fact that mark had entered the café youngjae worked at, neither the presence of the little guy with him that made this whole situation so odd and awkward. maybe it was the way jaebeom screamed appa is carrying your photo around, he is your very best friend at the top of his lungs and his father’s cheeks tinting in a very dark shade of red.
after all, maybe it wasn’t that much bullshit when youngjae felt a glimpse of hope spreading through his chest, warmth, excitement. mark. a glimpse of his past.
“you could say that,” youngjae finally managed to say. he stayed quiet for another brief moment or two, just enough time to consider his next words before he added, “how about i’ll get you a strawberry milk and your dad an iced americano and i take you two out as soon as i finished my shift, does that sound ok?”
youngjae wasn't too sure if that sounded okay. what had gotten into him? acting all friends with mark, the same mark breaking his heart but also the same mark that still had him feel so much at once. “and i’ll be answering your question of how i’ve been as well, sounds fair?”
the little boy smiled with an excited nod while his father locked eyes with youngjae again. “indeed,” he nodded with the same toothy grin he knew youngjae had loved all along, “i’d like to have—”
“an extra shot and a bit of caramel, i know.” that had the smile spread across mark’s pink lips only grow, exposing the sharp canines.
(god, youngjae could literally feel them buried in his neck and leaving hickeys—)
“how much will it be?” mark asked then, having jaebeom tuck his wallet from his hands. “i’ll pay,” the black haired stated with a proud expression, fumbling with a few thousand won notes. there it was— youngjae thought as he caught a glimpse of their picture.
one of their very first ones, taken with an old polaroid camera on their trip to the capital. hands intertwined, not really realising what they’ve gotten themselves into when they’ve been falling in love. but that was okay, back then it was okay.
they have been underaged back then, not yet feeling the pressure of the world. they’ve got to learn it with time.
university had them barely legal in such a hostile environment, everyone focused on finding their place, having fun, fitting in. those two never really did. youngjae never being good enough, mark not normal enough— both of them openly gay.
it was a progress of learning how to deal with the intolerance of the whole country, only ever having a few who’d support.
mark grew out of it, mark stopped being not normal and made sure to live a decent life. youngjae would just shut his mouth whenever people were talking about relationships and sex and everything related to this. he stayed mute up to the day mark walked inside the café, basically forcing him out of his comfort zone and back into the unbearable beauty of mark tuan.
youngjae was falling again, after doing so well for a decade.
“it’s on me, i can’t have such a pretty little boy pay me, can i?” the barista replied and locked eyes with the very young customer, both giggling as he nodded. “thank you very much,” he muttered out as politely as he could, having youngjae’s heart melt at the sound of it.
delicate, beautiful— he was everything that youngjae would use to describe mark with as well.
the blonde turned around to get both of the beverages ready— except he turned to look at the two males again, making sure it wasn’t a dream. just once and that time he met eyes with mark, with the boy giving him a stare so intense and sincere that his knees got wobbly and soft like putty.
best friend
, youngjae thought as he turned back,
cute
.