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“Harry?” He was waiting for the lift to come to the fourth floor when he heard his name being called. It took him a moment to realize it was Neville, running to catch up with him.
“Hey Nev.” He couldn’t work up the energy to smile in greeting.
“Visiting Professor Lupin?” Neville poked at the button on the wall, and Harry realized he’d never actually pushed it. No wonder the lift was taking so long to arrive.
“Yeah. I just wanted to be sure…” He shrugged, not sure how to say just what he was checking without using more words than he could summon the energy for. He wanted to see if anything had changed, of course. He wanted to know if anyone was finally willing to give him answers about when Remus could be expected to awaken. And he wanted to make sure they were doing everything they could for him, despite his ‘blood status’ as a werewolf. He’d spent long enough battling blood purity crap. He wasn’t going to lose Remus because someone was anti-werewolf. “Yeah.”
“I was seeing my mum and dad. I know they can’t really understand but I wanted them to know that Bellatrix is dead.” Harry had rarely ever seen Neville anything other than kind to people. The hate when he said Bella’s name wasn’t undeserved but it still surprised him.
“How are they?”
“Same as alway.” It was Neville’s turn to shrug. “Mum tried to give me her pillow. Maybe she thinks I look like I need a rest.”
“We all need a rest, don’t we?” Neville walked onto the lift when the door opened and held his arm in front of the door when Harry didn’t step in immediately. “Sometimes it’s hard to close my eyes to sleep, though.”
“Sometimes I wake up thinking I’m still in the tent and I have to find more horcruxes.”
“I’m glad you’re back. It was strange, being at Hogwarts without you. I mean everything about this year was strange but you’ve always been there, you know? And Ron and Hermione, of course.” When Harry finally stepped onto the lift Neville stepped back, giving him space. “Are you staying with Ron?”
Harry shook his head.
“They asked. Hermione’s with them.” Molly had tried to insist, but Charlie, Percy, and George were all there, as well as Ron and Hermione. And Ginny, of course. There were a lot of things he wasn’t clear on, and Ginny was one of them. He would have stayed, if Ron had needed him, but he and Hermione were surprisingly good at taking care of each other. When the battle had ended he’d taken it upon himself to tell Andromeda Tonks what had happened. Somehow he hadn’t left. “I’m staying with Teddy and his gran.”
“Remus would like that, I think. I mean he will like it, when he wakes up. He will, you know.” Neville looked at him with a fierceness that Harry might not have expected once, but he was finally understanding just how strong Neville was. “He will.”
“I hope so.” It occurred to him, in a way that it never really had before, that Neville had been orphaned in the last war just as much as he had. Teddy had already lost a mum. Harry really hoped he didn’t lose a dad too. War had created enough orphans and widows already. “Where are you staying?”
“Back with my gran. She said I reminded her of my dad, she did.” Neville grinned. “I don’t think we understood each other very well, before, but we’re learning now. She came and fought in the battle.”
“That’s great.” Harry thought of the only relatives he had, and almost smiled himself imagining aunt Petunia in battle. But the image quickly faded, replaced with Molly and Remus. His family had fought, and the cost was high.
“Yeah.” They headed for the exit and as they stepped past reception the ground floor of St mungo’s vanished, replaced by a dilapidated department store.
“I should go. I told Teddy’s gran that I’d be there for tea.” It felt too strange to call her Andromeda yet, but Mrs. Tonks was too hard to say so mostly harry had been calling her Teddy’s gran or not saying anything.
“Alright. Well have a good night Harry.”
“You too Neville.” The moment before he apparated Harry thought to himself how normal it had felt, for a few minutes. It was the most normal he could remember feeling in a long time.
II
“I brought you tea.” Three days later he was sitting next to Remus’ bed when Neville came in, two paper cups in hand. He carried a paper bag as well.
“Visiting your parents?”
Neville shrugged and handed him a doughnut. “I thought I’d see how you were.”
“To be honest I don’t have a clue how to answer that.” Tomorrow would be the one-week anniversary of the battle. One week since Tonks and Fred and so many others had died. Since he’d died, though he didn’t like thinking about that too much. The only good thing about dying, other than figuring out how to destroy Voldemort, was getting to see his parents and Sirius
“I think a lot of people feel like that. The war’s over and that’s good, of course, but it means there’s time to think now. Time to remember everything that happened and what we lost.” Neville sat in the other chair, directly across from him. “How’s Remus?”
“He seems the same.” He wasn’t the only one still in St Mungo’s. Lavender Brown would need at least another week to recover from her attack. There was a seventh-year Ravenclaw a few beds over that still needed a few days. But as far as he knew Remus was the only one in a coma. He breathed on his own but that was all that Harry could see that was positive.
“Same means not getting worse, right?” Neville pointed out.
“I hope so.” It was only three days to the full moon. The healers had no idea what would happen to Remus if he went through that in his current state.
“I was thinking last night about that lesson he taught with the boggart. Do you remember?”
“I remember Snape in your gran’s clothes.” it was weird to think of Snape being dead. Harry wasn’t sure how he felt about that yet, but for the moment all he could picture was Snape in that hat and he found himself laughing. Really laughing, for the first time he could remember in months. “That dead bird on his head.”
“My gran still has that hat, you know. I can’t look at it without laughing.” Neville smiled at him from the other side of the bed. “He’s the best Defense teacher we ever had. I wish it could have been for more than a year.”
“Maybe the curse is broken now that Voldemort is gone.” Remus had been brilliant as a teacher. Harry had no idea how that would work; he didn’t know of any other teachers having kids. But Remus loved Hogwarts and he deserved to have something he loved. “Hermione is talking about going back next year. To Hogwarts.”
“I’m sure she’s dead set on getting her NEWTS. Are you going to go?”
“I don’t know.” It might be too strange, to go back to being a student. Then again it would make a change to get to the end of a school year without anyone trying to kill him. “Maybe.”
“Maybe I will too. It’s not like anything we did this year prepared us for exams.” Neville shrugged. “It would be nice if the worst thing we had to worry about was potions.”
They talked a little longer before he excused himself. Teddy was fussy if he was gone too long.
II
“Remus is awake.” A day and a half later it was Harry’s turn to show up with tea, though he didn’t remember to bring pastries. He found Neville alone at his gran’s house.
“That’s brilliant.” Neville had a smear of dirt on one cheek and a pair of gloves sticking out of his pockets.
“I’m sorry, I interrupted you.” It hadn’t occurred to him that Neville might be doing something. Other than visiting his parents Harry honestly didn’t have much of an idea what Neville did outside of school.
“I was just working in the garden. Gran was on the run for months so it’s a bit of a mess. Would you like to see it?” When Neville gestured towards the back of the house Harry nodded. He walked through a house that was a strange blend of Grimmauld Place, Mrs. Figg’s, and the Tonks’ home. All the colours seemed slightly muted and he could feel the weight of a home that had been lived in for decades, but at least there weren’t any cats.
Everything changed when they went out the back door. Neville might call it a bit of a mess but to Harry it was better than any of the greenhouses at school. The walls were hidden under thick vines, dozens of fruit trees were in bloom, and to say there was a rainbow of flowers in bloom would be a vast under-judgment of how many colours he could see. It was as if most of the color from the house had seeped into the garden.
There was some sort of pink flower near him that looked almost like a miniature pygmy puff, the petals thin and spiky. When he touched it they were softer than they looked. “Tonk’s would love…”
He covered his mouth to try and stop the words but a sob escaped and somehow all the tears he’d been unable to shed for a week found their way free. Tears for Tonks and for Fred. For Teddy, who wouldn’t remember his mother any more than Harry did. For the last year running and seeking and worrying that at any turn he might fail and all would be lost. For months of listening to the wireless and wondering whose name was next. For Sirius, for his parents, and maybe even for a little boy who used to live in a closet under the stairs.
“Your tea’s gone cold.” Neville used his wand to heat it up again, and for the first time Harry realized that he was still holding it. He must look a sight in his muggle clothes, holding tea in a paper cup and crying in a magical garden.
“I’m sorry.” He wondered if there was a spell to remove tear stains and puffy eyes, but could only think of spells to hex and curse other people.
“Why?” Neville’s head was tilted to the side, genuinely looking at him curiously.
“I’m not supposed to…” Harry was surprised when Neville pressed his fingertips to Harry’s mouth, stopping him from speaking.
“The war’s over. Whatever the prophecy might have meant, whatever Dumbledore thought you had to do, the Horcruxes and all that, it’s all done with now. There’s nothing you’re supposed to do except just be Harry.” Neville pulled away, but only a little. They no longer touched but they could, if Harry reached out a little.
“I’m not sure what it means, just to be Harry.” He tried to remember when he last felt like he was just a boy, not someone with the weight of a war and a prophecy on his back. Before Dumbledore died, at least. Before the battle at the ministry and the loss of Sirius.
“It means being a wicked Quidditch player, for starters. And a good friend. And you’re really good at teaching. Maybe you could do something like the DA again. Not as a secret, but more like a regular club or something? You taught us as much about Defense as Professor Lupin and he’s the best DADA teacher we had. Maybe you’ll be a teacher at Hogwarts someday.”
“I think I’d rather figure out what I’m doing next week first.” He couldn’t just keep crashing in Andromeda’s guest room. Teddy, thankfully, would have his father back soon and Harry’s godfather duties could be more relaxed.
“Ginny might have some ideas.” An odd look flickered across Neville’s face, a sort of wistfulness Harry had only seen before when Neville talked about his parents.
“I think maybe we’re better off as just friends.” It didn’t feel the same as what he saw when Ron and Hermione were together. He wanted Ginny in his life but he wasn’t sure dating her was actually what either of them needed.
“Really?” Neville’s expression brightened. “Crap. Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like I was glad that you and Ginny weren’t together.” Neville looked away. “Did you want to see the greenhouse? There’s some orchids from South America that I traded for…”
“Neville do you like Ginny?” He knew that Ginny had dated before, of course. Neville had never shown much interest in anyone. He and Ginny had gone to Yule ball but that was years ago. Then again he’d been gone a year and who knew what had happened to his classmates since then.
“What?” Neville looked honestly surprised at the question. “No. Not like that. Do you think Professor Lupin would like some flowers? You could take them when you visit next. I’m not allowed to leave any with my mum but the rules are different for the different wards I’m sure.”
“I don’t know that he’s a flower sort of person, but he’d like knowing you asked.” Or maybe he loved flowers. What did he really know about Remus, outside of school and war? Most of the questions he’d asked were about his parents, not about Remus himself. He should do better about that. “But if you don’t like Ginny…”
“I like Ginny, I just don’t like her like you do. Did. Like boys like girls. Some boys. I like boys.” Neville bit his lower lip, but he held his head up and looked at Harry without wavering. “The truth is I like you.”
“Me?” Harry wished there was somewhere just behind him to sit. He was feeling a little light headed. Maybe it was the adrenaline wearing off, after the burst of energy he’d gotten realizing Remus was awake and going to survive. Maybe it was something else entirely.
“Yeah. It doesn’t have to change anything. We’re friends and we can just be friends. But there’s been so many secrets and I didn’t want this to be another one.”
“I think a lot of things are going to be changing.” He wasn’t sure how he felt about Neville. About boys in general, or girls. But there was time to sort that all out. Time to figure out who he was and what he wanted. He knew it felt right, standing in Neville’s garden. It felt like things were finally beginning. And when Neville nervously held out his hand he knew it felt right to take it.