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The sun was pleasingly warming his face. It was still early in the morning, summer was just starting. Why were they out again? Suguru said he needed to tell him something, but was currently plucking the grass and forming a heap in between his crossed legs.
“Is something wrong?” Satoru asked. Suguru kept plucking the grass, did he just blush?
Things had been changing between them this last month. It wasn’t anything major, or that anybody noticed but him, but it was definitely there. How one time Suguru brought two packs of milk bread, even though Satoru knows he doesn’t like it. If he weren't charmed, he would tease him about it. Or maybe he didn’t tease him because he wasn’t sure of the intention behind it. Did he buy it because he was too embarrassed to get Satoru something for him alone? Or did he really start liking sweets?
“Nothing is wrong,” Suguru belatedly replied.
Why was he blushing now? Why couldn’t he just tease him? It had been so easy in their first year, to stir Suguru for a reaction. Maybe he was afraid of the answer, but why would be he disappointed if Suguru just bought the sweets because he liked them? Satoru did a whole powerpoint presentation a few months ago to why Suguru needed more sweetness in his life, just because he knew that if Suguru started liking sweets, he could get the caramel popcorn when they went to the cinema.
Not that they do that a lot, but Satoru sometimes daydreams about it. They would come back early from a mission, clear of classes for the rest of the day. Satoru would mention a new film that had caught his attention, it was a rom-com, had great reviews online. Suguru, the ever sober man, would complain but eventually give up at Satoru’s bribes. Maybe he would let Suguru pick the next film, no complaints. They would take the bikes, because it was nice out, a sunny warm day, perfect for leisurely biking to the cinema. Satoru would insist that he didn’t have any money, which was a lie, but that way they would share the popcorn, and maybe his powerpoint worked to some extent, because Suguru would relent and buy the caramel type. He would get a normal coke and Suguru would worry about diabetes. They would sit close, maybe their arms would sometimes touch, and in those moments —
“Hey,” Shoko interrupted his line of thought. Better that way, Satoru reflected, it was getting very dangerous.
She sat down in the grass and laid her head on top on Sugurus right leg. Why was he still plucking grass?
“Hey,” Suguru greeted her, letting some of the grass fall into her forehead. She just closed her eyes and Satoru felt something foul grow within him.
Maybe he was getting restless. Could they notice? Satoru hoped they didn’t. It felt like everything about last month was reaching boiling point. Too soon, too soon, too soon. Everything is ok. As if Shoko could read his mind, she opened her eyes.
“Did I interrupt something?” She asked, looking at him. Why was the question addressed to him?
Satoru took her in. She was with her casual clothes, it was a Sunday after all. She looked very pretty in this light, the mole under her eye resting calmly in her serene face. She didn’t know that Suguru needed to tell him something, if she was interrupting someone, it was Suguru.
“No.” Maybe he was a little harsh, but Shoko looked amused.
Satoru liked Shoko, she had helped with the powerpoint, and with the cheese prank, and with the tea incident. He didn’t like the look that she was giving him now. Like if she could tell the uneasiness that was inhabiting his mind. He doesn’t overthink, he just does, or does he? Fuck, maybe he does overthink.
“Easy Gojo, I’m not trying to get in the way of your date, I’m just waiting for — ” A loud bell rang, meaning breakfast was served. “That,” she said and got up. She had the audacity to wink at him, and Satoru realised that he didn’t like Shoko at all.
He turned to find Suguru still plucking the grass. Satoru realised he already had reached boiling point and now he just was flooding everything.
“What’s with the grass uh?” He snapped. Suguru looked up, a little sheepish. He better feel at least a fraction of the unease that Satoru was experiencing.
“Nothing, I’m sorry, I know I said it was something important.” His bangs covered his left eye. “But maybe it’s not, so don’t worry about it.”
Satoru felt like he could combust on the spot.
“No. Tell me.”
“No.”
“Tell me, Suguru, c’mon.”
“Don’t Suguru me.”
Suguru looked down to his now mountain of grass. Satoru didn’t want to make him angry, what was happening anyway? Satoru knew he was getting worked up over nothing, Suguru just said he needed to tell him something, but maybe it really wasn’t important anymore. Then why was he so angry? It felt monumental somehow.
“I miss you.”
What?
“What?”
“Forget it,” Suguru said, getting up. Satoru reacted and took his hand, forcing him down to sit again.
“It just took me by surprise, sorry,” Satoru apologized, “I mean, I feel like I have seen you so much this last month.”
“What?” If Satoru weren’t busy beating himself mentally for saying his thoughts aloud, he would laugh at Suguru’s face. He didn’t know his eyebrows were so expressive. That’s a lie, he definitely knew.
“I —, ” he couldn’t come up with any follow up answer.
“You had at least three missions a week,” Suguru explained.
That was, indeed, true. But Satoru had grown so accustomed to the autopilot in those cases that he barely remembered them. Maybe he had been away a little too much, but he swears he saw a whole lot of Suguru too! Or did he? Maybe he imagined the looks between them, the bumps of their hands when they walked a little too close to dinner after training. Only one of those left Satoru’s mind reeling for a whole hour. Shit, maybe he just spent the entire month thinking of Suguru instead of actually being with him.
“Is that why you bought the milk bread?”
“What?”
If Satoru heard what one more time.
“Don’t look at me like that, you are barely making any sense, you don’t get to be angry”.
“I’m not angry,” Satory replied defensively.
“Whatever,” Suguru said looking down.
“If you start with the grass again I swear —. ”
“But I already told you! You irritating little shit,” Suguru was getting up, again. Satoru held him down, again.
“You didn’t answer me about the milk bread!”
“What milk bread?” Well, at least now Suguru too looked about to combust.
Oh. It didn’t mean anything, he was reading too much into things. He didn’t even remember giving Satoru the milk bread, and Satoru even petted Suguru’s head afterwards. He had just gotten back from a mission, it had been three days long, he was so tired, he missed Suguru so much —.
“You miss me?” Satoru nearly screams.
Suguru lets go of his grip, he didn’t even notice that he was still grabbing his arm. He looked angry now.
“Whatever, if you are going to make fun of me do it now, I’m leaving for Kyoto in an hour and won’t be coming back in a week.”
“What?”
“Ok, I’m done.” Suguru managed to get up this time. Satoru’s mind was functioning at full speed, so he found no better way to stop him than to tackle him to the ground.
“Oy! What’s wrong with you —, ” Suguru choked on air as they landed.
Satoru would later over-analyze the way they fit perfectly together, now something else had priority.
“I miss you too!”
Suguru blushed. He hadn’t tied up his hair this morning, it was falling everywhere. The green was a nice contrast, Satoru noted. He would take a picture if he could.
“I’m sorry I don’t remember about the Kyoto thing,” even though he surely would remember right?
“It’s ok,” Suguru squirmed under him, they were too close. “I told you during the finale of Master Chef.”
Did he? Now that thinks about it, Suguru had been chatty that afternoon. He usually would read while Satoru illegally streamed the show, but he sat down on the couch and everything. He was wearing that red shirt that Shoko got him for secret santa last year, it fits him perfectly. Now that makes sense, he doesn’t even remember who won the competition.
“You gave me milk bread after the Osaka mission,” Satoru explained. “You told me you had bought two but were already full, you gave it to me so it wouldn’t go to waste.”
“Ah, yeah,” that blush again. Satoru was no longer flooding the space but drowning in it.
“It was because of that,” Suguru confirmed.
The warm that was previously on his face was now everywhere.
Everywhere they were touching, and where they weren’t touching too. Suguru must have noticed, he was wearing a timid smile between strands of his hair. They were quiet after that, Satoru felt the sun hitting his neck, he was going to start sweating soon.
“I like you,” Suguru whispered.
He didn’t look scared, or ashamed, or terrified. Satoru felt all those things at once, why was Suguru so calm?
Suguru’s laugh filled the silence. Would it be terrible if he took his phone out for a picture? Just one.
“What are you laughing about?”
“It’s just, I was suffocating before, I hadn’t realised,” Suguru looked to the side, “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but if that’s the case, I would really appreciate it if you got off of me.”
The photo could wait, maybe next week, with some flowers too. Satoru took Suguru’s jaw and moved his face so it was facing him.
Kissing was just a foreing concept, Satoru had never experienced it before. Even touching was a reach with him, but Suguru had breached that barrier a couple of months ago. Now, he thought there was no turning back, not from this. Not with how soft Suguru’s lips felt on his and the way his fingers were stroking a single spot on his hips. He had been told he was blessed so much throughout his life, but he never really understood it. The way Suguru cupped his face while lazily exploring his mouth felt like the first and the only type of blessedness he would ever feel.
He separated their lips before saying something silly like I love you.
“It’s a whole week?” Satoru asked, pouting. Suguru smirked.
“Yeah, don’t miss me too much.”
Satoru knew he was supposed to laugh and tease back, but the imminent separation was hanging over him like a wool coat soaked by the rain. Suguru must have noticed, for his expression turned so incredibly soft.
“I’ll miss you so much, you don’t even now,” he said.
What did he say about feeling blessed? He wasn’t sure now.
I’m scared of what will become of me now that I know the touch of your lips and the heat of your touch, he wanted to say. That I will never recover from the tenderness that you showed me and will always be searching for it.
“Let’s make a promise,” Satoru said instead. “Let’s spend every 21st together, every month, without exception.”
“What about missions and stuff?”
“We can work something out,” Satoru answered. “It’s just, I will just keep getting busier from now on, and —. ”
“You want something to look for,” Suguru finished. Satoru would be embarrassed, but he had felt the neediness in Suguru’s eyes. “It’s ok, me too. I can keep my end of the deal if you take yours seriously.”
Was he doubting him? Did he not see?
“Of course.” He lifted his pinky finger and held it between them. Suguru rolled his eyes but entwined his pinky with Satoru's. He even brought them to his mouth, sealing the promise with a soft kiss. Satoru felt his sanity slipping.
A beat passed and Suguru laughed. “Who would have guessed that a couple of kisses would leave you with detachment issues.” Satoru grabbed his bangs and pulled.
“Oy, I swear Satoru —. ”
Satoru pecked his lips. It required a lot of self restraint, but he couldn't stand Suguru thinking of him clingy after one kiss. It was long one though!
“Now the caramel popcorn will become a reality.” He grinned.
“Your mind is a terrifying place,” Suguru said, but his hand was holding Satoru’s neck and pulling him down.