Chapter Text
December 1st 2006, United Kingdom
Kimi is lazily resting on his couch. He’s watching tv, but nothing good seems to be on. After zapping through the channels for 10 minutes he turns off the tv and throws the remote on the carpet. He rolls on his back and sighs heavily as he stares at the ceiling.
It’s been about five weeks since the Formula 1 season ended. After another disappointing year with McLaren, Kimi had finally made the decision to leave the team and sign with Ferrari for next season.
Normally this time of the year he’s in Finland. Spending time with his family and friends and training hard for next season. But he’s still in the UK. He told his parents he’s coming later this year, because he’s busy moving out of his apartment. But that’s not the real reason.
You see, during the summer break Kimi came out to his parents as bisexual. And it didn’t go so well. “Impossible. You like women” his father had said. “I think you’re just hurting because you broke up with Jenni last year” his mother added.
Of course, he likes women and of course it hurt when he and Jenni split, but he also likes men and he’s long over Jenni. He finally figured out his sexuality and all he wanted was for his parents to just accept that. But they don’t even believe he’s really bisexual.
Over the past months Kimi has been pondering on how to convince his parents of his sexuality. Technically his father had already given him the answer. “Until you marry a man I will hear no more of this nonsense”. But marrying a man for the sake of it sounds a bit radical.
Kimi sits up and grabs a magazine from the coffee table. He mindlessly flips through the pages until an ad catches his attention: ‘FFH: Fiancée for Hire’.
Kimi raises an eyebrow. He quickly reads the description. Looks like FFH is a company that rents people out to be someone’s fiancée. It kinda makes him chuckle. It is unbelievable what rich people are willing to pay for.
But then he thinks about it. Hiring someone to pose as his fiancée? That’s actually brilliant. Being engaged to a man will probably be enough to convince his parents. He won’t have to marry some poor bloke for real and there will be no broken hearts. Everybody happy! Kimi grabs his phone.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this…” he mumbles as he dials the number.
-
December 3rd 2006, Germany
“What do you mean you’ve decided not to extend our partnership? Last time we spoke you said you were almost done drawing up our contract for 2007” Sebastian says in disbelief as he paces through his parents living room, nervously biting on the nail of his left index finger.
“We’ve offered Lewis Hamilton a sponsorship deal and he called last night to tell us he accepted. We’re really sorry, Sebastian. But we can’t sponsor you both and right now we have more faith in Lewis” the voice on the other end of the line speaks.
“What am I supposed to do now? How will I finance a whole season in Formula 3.5 Renault if my head sponsor drops me at the very end of the year?” panic starts to creep up on Seb.
“You should’ve at least told me you were considering Hamilton so I could’ve started looking for a backup just in case. But all this time you made me believe you wanted to continue with me! And now it’s too late!” Seb is practically yelling at this point.
“Again, we are very sorry. We want to thank you for a pleasant collaboration and three wonderful years together and wish you all the best for the future” the woman on the phone says.
It’s like she’s not even listening to him. But he doesn’t blame her. She’s only the secretary, so she can’t negotiate with him. The boss didn’t even make the call himself. He’s probably too busy drawing up a contract for Lewis. A ‘pleasant collaboration’ indeed…
Seb takes a deep breath and composes himself.
“Right. Thank you for everything. Just a shame it has to end on such a bitter note.”
“Good luck, Sebastian” the lady says and ends the call.
Seb sits down on the couch and buries his face in his hands.
Now what?
He looks up at the clock. It’s 16:10. His mother left a while ago to pick up Fabian from school. They’ll be back any minute now. And his father will come home in an hour.
Seb grabs his jacket and leaves the house. He doesn’t want to be home when they get back. He’s not ready to tell them about what happened, so he decides to go out for a coffee. And maybe he’ll get himself a slice of cake too. It’s winter break and it doesn’t look like he’ll be driving next year anyways, so to hell with the diet.
“Einen Cappuccino und ein Stück Schokoladenkuchen bitte” he orders. (A cappuccino and a piece of chocolate cake please.)
He’s mindlessly stirring his coffee when a sudden wave of motivation hits him. He’s not gonna give up so easily. A few years back he was close to securing a sponsorship deal with some other company. They backed out because as it turned out the company he just got dumped by was a rival of theirs. But with that problem out of the way…
Seb takes his phone out and dials the number.
It turns out to be a pretty short phone call. The company refuses to settle for second best and he gets an instant ‘no’. He should’ve taken the deal two years ago, they tell him.
He’s about to order another slice of cake to eat his misery away when a woman sits down across of him.
“Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear your phone call. I understand you are in need of money?” she asks. She sounds British.
Seb is a bit taken aback by her sudden entrance and direct approach. And he’s seen enough movies to know that a stranger that offers you money in public is never to be trusted. But he’s desperate and what’s the harm in hearing her out?
“Well, yes. I am a racing driver and my main sponsor just dropped me. I can’t afford to drive next season without them” he tells the woman.
“What if I told you there is a way to make the money yourself?” the woman asks.
“I’d think you’re shady and I should probably get the hell out of here” Seb answers.
The woman lets out a chuckle.
“Fair enough. But I can assure you my business is legitimate. Just check it out” she pushes slides her business card over to Seb and walks away.
‘FFH: Fiancée for hire’ the card says.
“You’ve got to be kidding me…” Seb mumbles to himself.
By the time he gets back home dinner is ready. He joins his parents and little brother at the dining table.
He was planning on telling his parents about what happened this afternoon, but then his father started rambling about how excited he is for the upcoming season. Seb just didn’t have the heart to tell him it all fell apart.
After dinner he goes up to his room. He sits down at his desk and takes the business card out of his pocket. He turns on his computer and types in the weblink. He starts with reading the homepage and then clicks on the menu.
-> About us
-> Hiring a Dove
-> Becoming a Dove
-> Contact
He clicks on ‘Becoming a Dove’. He carefully reads the description.
Apparently, the people that get rented out as fake fiancées are called ‘doves’. That’s just ridiculous… But he can’t lie, the terms are fair and it pays shockingly well. The monthly wage is more than enough to fund his season in the Formula 3.5 Renault series. This could save his career.
Seb grabs his phone. He puts in the number but hesitates. Is he really gonna stoop this low?
He looks at the picture on his desk of him and Michael Schumacher. He’s been working his whole life to get to Formula 1 and do what Michael did. And he’s so close now. He can’t just give up.
Screw this. The end will justify the means. He presses the call button and puts the phone to his ear.
It’s a pleasant phone call. It does feel a bit strange to give out all this personal information, but FFH were very respectful. They also asked him a lot of questions about what he is and is not comfortable with. It will all be in the contract to make sure his fiancée can’t cross any lines without there being legal consequences.
“Final question: what is your ring size?” the lady on the phone asks.
“My ring size? That’s an odd question.”
“Sir, for all the public know you’ll be engaged. Your fiancée will be buying you a ring” the lady answers.
“That… makes perfect sense. Now I feel stupid” Seb chuckles.
He’s been so focused on the money that he hadn’t really stopped to think about the practicalities. He’s signing up for one hell of an acting job. He’s gonna have to fool everybody. Including his parents.
“OH! How silly of me! I have one more question that I was supposed to ask at the very beginning. Would you like to be paired with a man or a woman?” the lady asks.
“Either works for me” Seb responds.
“Alright, thank you for your time. We’ll be in touch soon!”
-
December 19th 2006, United Kingdom
Kimi is just about to dig into his lunch when the phone rings.
“Hello? Kimi Räikkönen speaking.”
“Good afternoon, sir. It’s Laura from FFH. I’m calling to inform you we’ve found you a match!”
Kimi is almost blown off his seat. This fake fiancée thing suddenly got real.
“I have to say, this is probably the best match we ever made. You share a lot of values and he also works in motorsport. It would work very well schedule wise. If you’re ready we can already fly him in as early as tomorrow.”
“I- Tomorrow? Eh, s-sure” Kimi trips over his words.
“Fantastic! I will let him know!”
“Wait! Can I have a name or a picture?”
“I’m sorry, sir. That is not possible. Because you have chosen to stay anonymous to your dove, your dove has chosen to stay anonymous to you as well. You won’t know his name or face until you meet him.”
“But how will I find him at the airport if I don’t know his name or what he looks like?”
“You already know we call our actors ‘doves’. If you write ‘dove’ on a sign, he’ll know enough. Don’t forget to stop by our office in Northampton together to sign the contract. Any further questions?”
“No, thank you.”
And the lady hangs up.
Kimi puts the phone down and blankly stares down at his lunch. His appetite has been replaced by a nervous knot in his stomach.
What the hell did he get himself into?
-
December 20th 2006, London Heathrow Airport
Kimi is parked at the airport in London. He looks down at his watch. His fiancée’s flight should be arriving right about now. It’s time for him to move.
It’s a cloudy winter day but he still puts on his sunglasses. Because if any fans recognize him picking up a fake fiancée it’s over for him. To make sure he’s even more unrecognizable he pulls up the hood of his coat. He takes a deep breath and finally steps out of the car. He has written ‘Dove’ on a sign that he tightly clutches to his chest so no one can see.
He joins the other people in the hall who are waiting for someone. He hesitantly flips the sign around. He feels ridiculous. He’s not the only one there with a sign, but nobody has such a dumb sign.
Who the hell puts up a sign with ‘Dove’ on it? Could they not have chosen a less cringey name for their employees?
This guy better arrives soon because if he has to stand here with that sign much longer he’ll die of embarrassment.
He scans the faces in the hall. And then his eyes land on a familiar one.
FUCK, that’s Sebastian Vettel!
Kimi prays to God Sebastian doesn’t recognize him in his disguise. You see, he and Seb met about three and a half years ago at the Nürburgring. That Saturday Kimi got his first pole position and Sebastian was a guest in Michael Schumacher’s garage. That’s where they met and they hit it off instantly. Now whenever they are at the same track they meet up for a game of badminton. Kimi always wins, much to Seb’s annoyance.
Seb’s eyes land on the ‘Dove’ sign and then move up to Kimi’s sunglasses. Kimi holds his breath as if that will somehow turn him invisible.
But his invisibility powers clearly don’t work because Seb is heading right towards him. He stops about a meter in front Kimi and squints his eyes as he scans his face.
“Kimi? Is that you?”
Busted.
Kimi takes off his sunglasses. Seb’s eyes widen in surprise.
It’s really Kimi. What is Kimi doing here with a sign that’s clearly meant for him?
“Seb… It’s good to see you. What brings you to the UK?” Kimi tries to act as normal as possible but his act is not very convincing.
“This…” Seb points at the sign and his cheeks go bright red.
When Kimi realizes what this means he blushes equally violent in return.
“Hold on. Are you my…” -Kimi can barely get the last word out of his mouth- “…Dove?”
“It would appear so” Seb avoids eye contact and looks down at the floor.
Kimi skittishly looks around like he’s about to conduct a drug deal before he grabs one of Seb’s suitcases and starts walking.
“Let’s talk in the car” he tells him.
Seb hurries after him with his other suitcase.
They throw Seb’s luggage in the trunk and get in the car. Kimi turns up the radio and drives off.
The first 15 minutes nobody speaks. But it’s not an uncomfortable silence. They both need some time to think.
Eventually Kimi breaks the silence.
“What are you doing here, Seb?” he asks softly and gives Seb a concerned glance.
Seb looks at his friend. He knows Kimi well enough to know that’s not what he’s really asking. What he’s actually asking is why Seb is renting himself out. Why he needs the money.
Seb sighs and averts his eyes to the road.
“Earlier this month my main sponsor dropped me. For Lewis Hamilton. Without them I can’t afford to race in Formula 3.5 Renault this year. I had to find another way to get the money and this came on my path” he explains.
“They dropped you this late in the year? No warning?”
“No warning. Everything was fine. They were drawing up our contract for next year. But one call from Lewis changed everything and I was dropped over night” Seb shrugs.
“That’s unbelievable. Fucking assholes…” Kimi grinds his teeth.
Seb can only agree.
“So why on earth does Kimi Räikkönen have to pay a man to play his fiancée? You don’t look like you’d have to” he asks.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, if I may say so, you’re quite handsome. Surely there are plenty of men and women who would want to date you.” Seb elaborates.
Kimi tries to hide a smile.
“So why hire me?” Seb asks.
“Well, this is probably gonna sound stupid but I’ll tell you.”
Kimi takes a deep breath and adjusts his grip on the steering wheel before he continues.
“When I went to visit my parents during summer break I came out as bisexual. I didn’t expect any trouble, because my parents have always been accepting. But they just didn’t believe me. My father literally said he wants to hear no more of my nonsense until I marry a man. A few weeks ago, I came across FFH. That gave me an idea and the rest is history” he explains.
Seb slowly nods.
“You think it’s stupid, don’t you? It’s radical and pathetic, I know” Kimi says.
“What? No, I don’t think it’s pathetic. Radical? A little. It’s unconventional for sure, but I know how much your parents mean to you. I think it’s kind of sweet you’re willing to go this far for their acceptance. Though you shouldn’t have to.”
“Did it take your parents long to come around?”
“No. They already had a hunch” Seb smirks.
“But the engagement definitely will come as a shock!” he adds.
Kimi chuckles.
“So we’re really doing this?” he asks.
“I’m down if you are” Seb responds.
Kimi gives him a small smile.
“Okay. Then you’re gonna need this” he opens the glove compartment and takes out a small black box. He hands it to Seb.
Seb opens the box. It’s a silver ring with two thin red lines running around it.
“Honestly, I had no idea what to get you. There’s usually a big diamond somewhere, but I wanted it to be a bit more… masculine?” Kimi explains.
“It’s pretty, I like it!” Seb slips the ring on his finger.
Kimi gives him a half smile.
The pair sits in silence for a couple of moments and then burst out into slightly awkward laughter.
There’s just something funny about the whole thing.
“You and I engaged, who would’ve thought?” Seb laughs.
“Not me” Kimi shakes his head.
-
After stopping by at FFH to sign the contract they finally arrive at Kimi’s apartment.
Seb looks around and raises an eyebrow.
With the exception of two folding chairs and two air mattresses the apartment is completely empty.
“Love what you’ve done with the place!” he says sarcastically.
Kimi chuckles.
“Sorry about that. After I leave tomorrow I won’t be coming back here so I had to empty the place. Tomorrow in Finland you’ll get a real bed.”
“It’s alright, Kimi. I really don’t mind” Seb replies and flops down in one of the folding chairs.
Kimi follows his example.
“So, I think we have some things to get straight” Kimi says.
“You mean our cover story?”
“Yes. Shouldn’t be hard to make it believable. We’ve known each other for years. That’s an advantage.”
“True. So what are we going with?” Seb asks.
“Let’s see… We’ve been hanging out at the track occasionally over the years, right? Why don’t we just tell people it slowly developed during those times? We started dating at the end of last season. And when did I propose to you?”
“Let’s just say today. My parents have last seen me this morning without the ring so they wouldn’t believe anything else.”
“Okay so I proposed to you today. I think that should do it? We stay as true to the real story as possible. The only thing we made up about it is the romance.”
“Should be convincing enough” Seb agrees.
-
That night both Seb and Kimi have a hard time falling asleep.
“Hey Kimi?” Seb whispers.
“Yeah?”
“For what it’s worth I’m glad it’s you.”
“Me too, Seb.”
-
December 21st 2006, London Heathrow Airport
It’s 9:04 in the morning. Sebastian and Kimi are waiting in the halls of London Heathrow Airport. Seb is reading a magazine while Kimi rests his eyes. They got up at 6:00 for this shit.
‘Flight 1827 to Helsinki Airport boarding now.’
Kimi creaks an eye open and stretches before he gets up. He’s sure taking his sweet time.
“Hurry up!” Seb calls.
Kimi turns around and notices that Seb is already halfway to the gate.
He rolls his eyes and jogs to catch up with his over-organized friend.
They get in line at the gate.
“Ready for this?” Kimi asks.
“No. You?” Seb replies.
“Nope.”
“Boarding passes please” the flight attendant calls.
They hand over their boarding passes and pass through the gate.
They’re doing this.